Wife's unexpectedly pregnant. And l'm not happy….

5 years ago I was telling my mate how I never wanted kids as they do nothing for me and I can’t be bothered with them. 2 weeks after that my wife said she was pregnant! I didn’t want a child and felt like yourself. I was even more gutted when I found out it was going to be a girl as I couldn’t imagine having a good connection with her.
9 months later and I’m sat in hospital with my new born daughter in my arms and all of a sudden it hit me…this is why I’m here I thought, this is the reason.
The next 12 months amazed me at how intensely you can feel love for another person, its in a totally different league to anything else I’ve ever witnessed.
Skip another 12 months or so to when she was 2 1/2 and the fun was starting to get really good. She goes everywhere I go, we are a team and where ever I am she is right behind me.
Now she is 4 and we walk, climb, ride, hike, camp, fish, work (weekends), go to pubs, restaurants, bowling, racing and many other things. She is my life, my soul, my best friend, my greatest love and my reason to be here. Next year we are going to try for another.
You can still go on holiday and the rest of the things you state but you will have to do them with a child…makes it more fun in my opinion.
No body can tell you how you will feel but I would like you to put another post on here in 12 months and give us an update on how you feel. I may be wrong but I bet your feelings will have changed like mine so dramatically did.
All the best for the future and I hope all works out well for you…..by the sounds of it, it already has! 🙂

Op – if you were planning on having kids anyway i dont really see what difference it makes. Would you really go through a termination for the sake of 3 years? If you didnt want kids at all it would be different

Yep. Happened to a close relative. Can be as simple as a minor stomach upset.

Yeah – the pill is normally over 99% effective, but many people don’t realise that there’s a lot a things that can lower its effectiveness.

1) Stomach upset or vomiting (if within 3 hours of taking it)
2) Antibiotics (supposed to use additional contraception for seven days, and go straight onto the next packet of pills without a break if it’s in the last week of the current packet)
3) Supplements such as St John’s Wort (just don’t take it)
4) Taking it over 12 hours late (again seven days of contraception, going onto the next packet if it was in the last week again, etc).

My best mate got pregnant because she was on antibiotics. She loves her daughter, but it’s been hard and she admits there’s times where she wish it had never happened. Same with one of my colleagues at work – he’s said that he loves his kids, but his life was better beforehand.

And my own mother told me quite a few times when I was little that she regretted having kids, and that it was my dad who wanted to start a family, and that if she had her time over she wouldn’t have had children as she’d had to sacrifice her own happiness for ours. And she didn’t start having kids until she was 32. It’s part of the reason why I don’t want kids – I never want to tell any child that I resent them.

My dad was ace though, and he’s the reason why I sometimes think having kids wouldn’t be so bad. Walks in the woods, saying that there are trolls under bridges, learning about trees and wildlife. Playing video games, reading stories and actually having a legitimate reason to play with Transformers…

I still suspect that if I did fall pregnant, I’d be down the clinic faster than a greased whippet though…

OP – any advances on your OP yet?

MrsToast far play for you in being so honest, as a woman in the child situation people are so quick to criticize if you decide you don’t want children or state that you would have an abortion. my general response now is “why do you want to know if I’m having unprotected sex”!!!

INRAT

Basically without going into a full on tirade, what hmanchester said

Think of your wife she will be all at sea at the moment emotionally and physically . Her life is changing and her body . She will be fearing the delivery and worried every time she feels a twinge . Your concerns/fears are real and fair play for opening up about them on here , hers are going to be massively bigger she will need you to be there for her and utterly supportive . I am now 18 months in to a son I never expected to have at a less than ideal time of my life. It I’d without a shadow of a doubt the hardest thing I have ever done but it is also fantastic . Your life will be different but it will not be worse unless you make it so by your attitude . Children add an extra dimension to life activities they don’t preclude them .

Best of luck and congratulations.

I’m a bit of an emotional ‘tard, but this made me well up – I’m only at the 14 months on stage, but it read the same as my ‘story’!

In relation to the end of your life… Couldn’t be further from the truth. She comes with us for lunches out (and has done since a week old), she’s had two weeks in france, a week in italy, a week in cornwall & will we’re taking her to NZ this week…. I think I might have travelled more with her than before come to think of it.

It’s awesome, despite being permanently knackered & still getting used to broken sleep

cyclewerx
5 years ago I was telling my mate how I never wanted kids as they do nothing for me and I can’t be bothered with them. 2 weeks after that my wife said she was pregnant! I didn’t want a child and felt like yourself. I was even more gutted when I found out it was going to be a girl as I couldn’t imagine having a good connection with her.
9 months later and I’m sat in hospital with my new born daughter in my arms and all of a sudden it hit me…this is why I’m here I thought, this is the reason.
The next 12 months amazed me at how intensely you can feel love for another person, its in a totally different league to anything else I’ve ever witnessed.
Skip another 12 months or so to when she was 2 1/2 and the fun was starting to get really good. She goes everywhere I go, we are a team and where ever I am she is right behind me.
Now she is 4 and we walk, climb, ride, hike, camp, fish, work (weekends), go to pubs, restaurants, bowling, racing and many other things. She is my life, my soul, my best friend, my greatest love and my reason to be here. Next year we are going to try for another.
You can still go on holiday and the rest of the things you state but you will have to do them with a child…makes it more fun in my opinion.
No body can tell you how you will feel but I would like you to put another post on here in 12 months and give us an update on how you feel. I may be wrong but I bet your feelings will have changed like mine so dramatically did.
All the best for the future and I hope all works out well for you…..by the sounds of it, it already has!

Serious stuff aside – I bet next time you make sure you don’t catch it with your nails!

Regardless what you feel now, when this little nipper arrives you will do 2 things

1)Feel a little wet in the eyes when you first see it.

2)For the first time in your life, feel unconditional love.

They are truly a little miracle, just accept it and get on with it.

and no matter what anybody tells you, nothing can prepare you for what is about to hit you.

For a bit of balance…I was OK when I unexpectedly found my first was on the way when I was 29 and a week away from getting married.

I DID worry when Jr arrived and I didn’t receive the “lightning bolt, instant, life-changing love” thing. I just felt pleased and overwhelmingly responsible for the little guy, but I didn’t become a different person.

For me, it actually took weeks / months to properly bond with the little guy and then it was best described as that scarily vulnerable, falling in love feeling that you get at the start of a new relationship.

5 years, one more son and no. 3 on the way, I’ve never been fitter, am covering more bike miles and have been abroad every year. Its hard work. There are compromises, but life is good!