Wife's unexpectedly pregnant. And l'm not happy….

Get over yourself,seriously.

Get over yourself,seriously.

you get over yourself, i’d be petrified if i found out the wife was pregnant, at least he’s had the guts to be honest about his feelings.

Is it the baby that’s freaking you out or the fact that it means you’re really commited to your missus now?

FWIW I felt like you at 29, waited a few more years, wish I hadn’t. So I envy you in a way.

Took till my son was about 3 month old till the wave of emotion hit. Life changes but your feelings are normal and they will change.

i would say MTFU but everyone else has said this to you…so i’ll put it to you this way…
you’re never ready to have kids, when they come along you just get on with it…you knew kids would come along at some point in your life and the fact that this one will arrive sooner than expected should make no difference.
i was 29 when i got hitched, then within 3 months of wifey told me she was up the duff…at first it wasnt what i expected and she sensed that…but it wasnt because i didnt want any kids, but like you it wasnt planned (i think i was in shock because it happened so quickly). the announcement of the pregnancy should have been joyous but it was marred by the death of my mum 1 week before my 30th… both of us then had to deal with a lot but we got through it and when my little boy was born i remember him come swinging out with one hand on the umbilical cord like some sort of naked little action hero!! i cried like a baby for many reasons but i was so glad he was finally here.
if anything i wish he had been born a lot sooner then at my age he would be older and we’d be able to do more fun things together. he’s 5 now so i guess i’ll have to wait a few more years before i can buy him his first proper MTB. my daughter was born last summer again we both wish we had married sooner and started our family….
you’ll see that once your child is born you’ll wish you’d done it sooner….
i’m sure everyone else will agree….your kids will be the best thing that ever happen to you and will be the making of you as a person…any fears you have of being a bad parent will disappear the moment they arrive and you’ll be left wondering what you were panicking for…
besides, you’re on limited time now before bambino arrives so get that bucket list of things you wanted to do before parenthood and get them done!! 😆

dadtobe – Member

You’ll be able to take that trip to the States while you’re both still young enough to enjoy it. Perhaps you’ll do it sooner and look at the faces of your kids as their jaws drop on seeing the Grand Canyon or Yosemite for the first time. Life is full of possibilities, even if those possibilities are different ones.

Calm down, and go home and give your wife a hug this evening

Just the thought of this makes the room go all dusty. Thankyou. I guess a little perspective’s in order

There you go !.
OP has had a little T/L followed up by some great welcome to the club advise. As only STW can deliver it.

JOB DONE !.
🙂

Congratulations!

I remember absolutely bricking it. Nothing in the world scared me as much as the thought/the responsibility heaped on my shoulders.

The love thing. You can’t know this until he or she arrives, but trust us, you will feel different. It may be different for women than men (I don’t know, I’m not a woman) but worrying whether you will feel love towards your child is also perfectly normal and actually it shows a degree of maturity and insight that you’re thinking this. It says you recognise the importance of being able to love them and you’re worried whether you will measure up.

nope, no different for women. ours wsa very much planned and wanted, it took us a year to conceive, so we were starting to look into treatment etc (I was over 35), but my first reaction on finding out was still “oh shit what have we done”. It’s an utterly terrifying thing. We had a great life, what on earth were we thinking???????

Honestly OP, it’s great. Who else would say to me “good boy mummy” when I have been for a wee? 😆

I don’t think it’s the time to get worried – it’s time to get organised – it’s time to pull up for financial socks, do the overtime, list the stuff on Ebay and basically try and give yourself some headroom for the busy period when babytobe (Toby?) turns up.

Also you can now have as much unprotected sex as you like (with your missus) – She isn’t going to get any more pregnant.

At 29 I had absolutely no desire to have children. Ever.

Our first monster arrived when I was 34. In hindsight I wish I’d had them when I was younger.

They’re bloody knackering but they’re the best thing in the world. Your life as you know it doesn’t suddenly come to an end when you have kids – it just changes. Usually for the better. (I have more bikes now, go away more often, watch more star wars/simpsons/foo fighter videos, eat more ice cream, and generally have more fun).

I do seem to hoover a lot more though so it’s not all rosey.

philconsequence – Member

Get over yourself,seriously.

you get over yourself, i’d be petrified if i found out the wife was pregnant, at least he’s had the guts to be honest about his feelings.

The OP’s post goes on about me,me ,me, me, me like some hackneyed Hollywood movie . Reality check-it ain’t about just me anymore so,get over yourself and get on with it.
You will be fine by the way 🙂

list the stuff on Ebay

Is it even legal to put babies on ebay? I knew there was a healthy market for 2nd hand kids but auction sites?

My wife never wanted kids, but ended up pregnant.

We now have 2.

She hated kids, and still does – except ours whom she loves more than life itself.

We were 35 when we had our first, and loved the fact that we had travelled etc. and were “ready for it”.

If I had my time again I would change only one thing. I would have had kids earlier – about 30 would be perfect.

Seriously.

Whatever happens – good luck, and make the best of it. If you are trapped on the roller coaster it may be best just to enjoy the ride.

I went through four stages:

A few days of “Oh ****, what have we done?”

9 months of “It’s not really happening”, even when the lump was getting huge.

A few days of “What the hell do we do with this thing?”

And the rest of my life so far. Which has been different, but also a lot more fun than I thought it would be.

It’s normal to be worried – in fact it’s normal to be terrified. It’s also normal to wonder if you’ll love it. It’s also normal to mourn your carefree life before kids. But would I go back? Not a chance.

Had to laugh at this post!

Yeah I agree MTFU

But the OP is in shock – bless him

Kids are ace, you cant plan for kids, they cost a fortune, they test your patients, they tire you out but they also make you the person you are today.
When the reality kicks in you will grow to love your GFs bump…. even talk to it – yes you will!

Im sure all will be well!

I went through this – I was 33, part way through a part time degree and working full time to try and restart my career after we had relocated with a view to providing for a family at some point in the future….though I wasn’t fussed either way abput the family bit.

MrsMC fell pregnant at the start of my second year at uni. I went through all the emotions you are going through, probably worse, went through some very dark times personally and as a couple.

MCv2.1 arrived in the summer after Year 2 – fell instantly in love with him and have never (genuinely) wanted to turn the clock back and do it “my way”.

Admitedly, my grades went from a first to just missing out on a 2:1, the career never got rebuilt and there is now a MCv2.2, but being a poor and happy parent makes up for all the business success nonsense I thought would make me happy.

Mind you, if anyone wants to pop out into the gale force sleet and pick them up from school in half an hour, feel free…..

And in case you have thought about walking away from them all, a wise solicitor pointed out to me that I would still have to pay for the little one, and if I wasn’t properly part of their life I would always regret it. Best piece of “first hour free” legal advice I ever got.

IHNRAT – but at 29 you will still be young enough to do the stuff you want when the kids are older. Starting at 35 – then your life would basically be over!

– All the stuff you want to do is even better when you get to introduce kids to it too
– All the stuff you take for granted becomes special when you get to show it to your kids for the first time
– By the time you are 35 life will begin to go back to normal. You may have another in which case you’ll probably be late 30’s when they both start to become independent enough to give you freedom.
– By the time you are 40 they will be largely disinterested in you other than as a source of food and money.
– They should have moved out before you are 50… and you can do all the stuff you really want to again. If you wait till you are 35 to start then a second one comes along you might be 60 before you get the freedom…

You have 3 clear choices

Adopt, Abort, Keep

I think you already know the answer

Just fast track yourself along this now

im sorry not trying to wind you up but it always makes me laugh we people say..

” It was unplanned ”

Don’t rub it in poly!

monkey_boy – Member
im sorry not trying to wind you up but it always makes me laugh we people say..

” It was unplanned “

I agree!

you are BOTH responsible for contraception are you not!

Flipping heck – 5 pages !

Glad Ive had the snip.

I was in the same boat – ish at 29.

Had been studying hard for my professional exams for a couple of years and had a year left to go, and whilst we’d discussed children I’d always wanted to get my studying finished and we both wanted a couple of big holidays; USA / Canada and Australia first.

Then the wife starts nagging about not wanting to be too old, there’s never going to be a ‘perfect time’ etc etc, so I said ok, whatever.

Got my last professional exam done a few months before my eldest (nearly 7) was born, also have a 3yr old, still not got to USA / Canada or Australia (still plan to & as someone above said the trip will be so much better with the little ones & having them experience it all – just we will now wait until they are old enough to remember it in future) but I would never change a single day of the last 7 yrs.

Nothing beats coming home from a crap day at work to hugs & laughter.

We recently moved to the edge of the New Forest – one of the many highlights of the last year was doing the 5 mile singletrack route through Moors Valley park with my 6 yr old Son on his first proper MTB (gears & suspension forks), boardwalks and all – struggled to keep up at times 🙂

Starting at 35 – then your life would basically be over!

Tell that to my 78 year old dad! He was 40 when I was born and since he retired at 60 he’s married a woman 10 years his junior and travelled all over the world – Uzbekistan, Mongolia, Ethiopia, Jordan, etc as well as the more “normal” destinations like Sri Lanka, Egypt, Europe etc.

A long time ago, I got an unexpected call from a girl I’d been seeing, and it started out pretty alarmingly- she’d been to the doctor and had an unexpected surprise. Full on shock from me, I absolutely didn’t want to be a dad, not with anyone, and we weren’t a great couple anyway. Felt like the world falling away.

Luckily it turned out I just had to go and get tested for the clap.

Flipping heck – 5 pages !

Yeah, slow day, innit.
😉

Sorry I haven’t read it all

facts

You said you wanted children!

You clearly care

You will be a great dad

This year 4 years time it makes no odds. Sooner you start the sooner all the good bits will come

I was so scared becoming a dad. Infact planning it is in some ways harder

The dice is thrown. Dad it is!!! Go for it.

Biology will take care of feelings

Do I hear the patter of mini legend feet?

mini legend feet

aren’t all feet at a leg end?

igmc.

The dice is thrown. Dad it is!!! Go for it.

Biology will take care of feelings

End of thread.

Your OP reads like I could have written it myself when our first was conceived. And it’s all true, too, kiss those spontaneous meals out, cheap holidays in term-time (in a few years) and freedom to do what you like, when you like goodbye.

It’s bloody brilliant though, when it happens. It’s a life changer, not a life ender. Some stuff stops (see above), other stuff starts. I’m an immature bugger myself, and since kids arrived, I can legitimately go and play on a beach again. Not cool and sexy stuff like kite surfing, but the stuff you did when you were little, paddling in the sea, building sandcastles, going in the water a little bit deeper until a wave soaks you. You’ve forgotten how much fun that stuff is cos you probably haven’t done it for 20 years, but trust me, parenting brings tons of laughs, they’re just in a different form.

And if you have kids a few years earlier, they’ll be out of your hair and away a few years earlier too, so you’ll be well pleased when you’re still in your forties and you can go out on a whim, or buy a campervan and f-off round the states when you’re still young enough to enjoy it to the max.

I felt the same but at the time took comfort from knowing that as a young dad I would still be young enough to enjoy life once the kids have left home.

The other thing that really helped was eventually realising that I should not expect to live my old life anymore. For example, I used to get frustrated every weekend that I could not ride my bike. Now I don’t expect to go out and therefore regard it as a bonus when I do go. A kind of reverse psychology.

You will be fine, homestly!

I sympathise in some aspects. I am 35 now and am expecting a kid in May (or at least my wife is). I have also just built up a new mountain bike, first full suspension. Timing was not great. I am also a bit immature (not saying that the OP is though!) in that I still am holding onto a cupboard full of N64 games from a distant time. WTF am I going to use all that for, god knows, but I still find it hard to let it go…

I am slightly panicking, not due to anything in particular, although how we will manage with child are does concern me. (We both have ok jobs, but my wife travels 1hr 40 mins to work, me about 1 hr, but I travel a bit too). Stuff like this will get figured out though.

I think the biggest thing I will miss is the decent holidays away and doing outdoors type stuff, like biking or hiking etc. thing is, I think I just need to learn to do it in a different way, appreciate that I am lucky to be able to have a kid at all (ours was IVF) and be open minded. Lots of people say negative things like ‘you won’t be doing much of that with a baby’ , but on the flip side I see plenty of people going against the rule books and enjoying stuff as a family.

I know some friends who have kids make the effort to do stuff early doors – cycling for example on a Sunday morning before the nipper awakes, taking turns to do stuff individually so that the one parent can get out of the house whilst the other does the parenting bit. Compromise word does have to be used though, which will take a bit of getting used to from me.

Basically, we found out about a months ago that my wife’s expecting. It was unplanned

Ummmmm……unplanned on your side, but maybe not on hers??!

Did she accidentally on purpose forget to take her pill 🙂

In four years you will have left this world and will be enjoying your new (slightly more tiring) new world. Our first was planned, but the day I was told she was expecting I bricked it and really wondered wat the f£%# we had done. Life is so much ritcher (but less cash and occasionally rather restricted) . u just need to mtfu a bit, you will be fine, loads of folk done this before, not like its new.

(I’ve not read any of the other four pages).

Not something ill ever relate to and gut instinct was to reply with a ‘MTFU’ but ….. it probably is scary but kids aren’t the end of your life, there are worse things that could happen and although its not the adventure you originally had planned with your wife, it’s a different adventure that you will probably enjoy just as much. I’ve only ever met 1 or 2 people that regretted having their children an they have some other very serious issues. Talk to your wife, she’s probably bricking it as much as you.

This is a lesson. Always pull out and ‘machine-gun the room whilst shouting -aaaaaaaaarrrrrrrr’ as youre battle-cry.

You will be fine. I was scared when we first found out we are having a baby. Now my son is 3months old and I can’t imagine my life without him.

Is that the technique that has saved the world of many mini horas then?