Wife's unexpectedly pregnant. And l'm not happy….

and its a great excuse to hand down your bike stuff to the young ‘un

And have you any idea how many bikes they get through in the early years. It’s freakin awesome 🙂

Do not, I repeat do not be tempted to take a quick peek at the business end though.

+1. It’s like watching your favourite pub go up in flames.

Whilst I broadly agree with those who suggest that the OP has to let things run their course, I wish this trope that ‘every parent loves their child unequivocally the second they see it’ would die.

It’s just not true, is it? There are many, many unhappy families around where one parent or both never reconciles themselves to the new addition(s). These can lead to deeply unhappy parents and screwed up family dynamics.

I’m not saying that the OP will never love his kid but blithly stating that they definitely will strikes me as unhelpful.

Obviously I don’t have kids though…

the sooner they arrive, the sooner they leave the house.

4 years early means they will leave 4 years early too. you havent had your time nicked by them, you will get it later.

Also, the cost of stuff is going up all the time, its will be cheaper now than in 4 years time.

😀

Combination of -6 temps, unkempt beard and a camera phone

If you’re happy with that excuse I’m not gonna argue 😀

For the record, I hate everyone’s kids. And I used to be a teacher

Bullheart in an earlier life 🙂

Obviously I don’t have kids though…

You’d definitely love them immediately if you did.. 🙂

If you’re happy with that excuse I’m not gonna argue

I’d post a fairer pic but I sense nothing good can come of having the STW baying masses judge whether I’ve had a hard life or not 😛

bullheart, earlier;

I’m not saying that the OP will never love his kid but blithly stating that they definitely will strikes me as unhelpful.

I’m not sure anyone did that. What I’ve seen in a bunch of example of people who had similar feelings to the OP but were proved wrong, massively. That’s not a bad thing and miles away from implying that he is wrong and of course it will be ok. If hope can remove some of the negative anticipation of what coming then good on it

Kids are ace; And I was adamant I didn’t want ANY. First time you see him/her you will be lost forever,and completly understand the concept of unconditional love. And that is coming from somebody who’s view on having kids makes you look like a Morman fundamentalist 😀

Oh and life is not over by any stretch.

I struggle with long sentences after OP

Very few are really ready for the reality that is children

Whatever happens you will love them to be bits and if i could change one thing i would have had mine earlier – about your age rather than the age i did [ about the age you want to]

You dont wake up one day and feel ready for kids and they make your life complete.

I suspect you have to just MTFU tbh but you will love it IME

“Don’t look down the business end”

-1

Get down there and watch, seriously, its an amazing, unbelievable, wonderful sight seeing your childs head pop out. And by the time she lets you near her again you’ll have forgotten all about it!

seriously, its an amazing, unbelievable, wonderful sight seeing your childs head pop out

someone I knew video’d his wifes ceasarian. He could never understand why whe wouldn’t watch it.

I’m not sure anyone did that.

Really?

Man up. You’ll love it to bits when it arrives.

Just be grateful that you can have children and the first time you pick up your little one the pre-birth emotions will disappear

You will be very happy when it is arrives despite the current feeling.

It’ll be the best thing that will have ever happened to you.

you will love him/her no question!

You’ll be ok.

The feelings/love you have for your child can’t be beaten.

But you’ll all be fine.

and you will love the child when he or she arrives.

There’s more but I got bored…

I remember talking to our center manager about my impending fatherhood and i was stated that i didn’t feel ready her, her comment was “that why you get 9 months to prepare”

Life doesn’t have to change to the extent that some would have you believe, we still enjoy foreign holidays (In 3 years if my daughters life, she been to France 3/4 times, Italy, Australia, Lanzarote and this year we are off to Italy again followed by Kenya). We still go away at the last minute, this weekend we grabbed a cheap deal on a log cabin in the forest, booked it on the Monday. The cost of having children is exaggerated somewhat, if you insist on having everything new and shiny then it costs, but the reality is babies needs are fairly basic. All our daughters clothes are second/third hand at least. She couldn’t care less.

Going out for the odd meal can be a problem, although thanks to the pre and post natal classes we have some great friends who we share babysitting duties with.

Certain things go by the wayside, i rarely watch TV these days and the garden looks like some psychedelic plastic mushroom farm with all the toys scattered about.

I found that after the second year, things settled down a lot and everything clicked. I ride more now than i did before i had my daughter, i swim a couple of times a week which i didn’t do before and i manage to go the gym three times a week. When i look back on my life before, its amazing how much time i wasted.

Then there are those little moments that make it all worth while. I was properly ill over Christmas, vomiting all night. My daughter came downstairs, placed her hand on my stomach and said “Magic hands Daddy, make tummy better” and just sat with me. There was genuine concern in her eyes. Admittedly she then did a passable impression of me being sick to anybody that would listen.

I guess most people don’t like the change babies bring, but life has to change in order to thrive i think. If all we do is maintain the status quo, life just becomes stagnant. I don’t think anyone is ever truly ready to have children, my sister did child minding for a while before having her son, yet even she wasn’t prepared for the affect it would have (both good and bad). I suspect that every expectant parent goes through a stage where they resent the impending loss of their current lifestyle, i know i did. But i talked to friends that were going or had gone through the same thing and i realized that it wasn’t me.

Only thing to add, i seem to get a lot more out of the parent/child relationship the more i put in.

Whilst I broadly agree with those who suggest that the OP has to let things run their course, I wish this trope that ‘every parent loves their child unequivocally the second they see it’ would die.

It’s just not true, is it? There are many, many unhappy families around where one parent or both never reconciles themselves to the new addition(s). These can lead to deeply unhappy parents and screwed up family dynamics.

I’m not saying that the OP will never love his kid but blithly stating that they definitely will strikes me as unhelpful.

Obviously I don’t have kids though…

I do have kids, and you’re right. It took me a few months to bond with my first born, the second was easier though.

I was (and still am) sick of the whole “it’s different when they’re your own” b*ll*cks. It may be for you, but typecasting me in your role is a bit dense when it comes to something as important as this! Didn’t have the nerve to say that to my parents though.

Similar circumstances in our house 9 years ago now (time flies!) When our first was born a few years earlier then planned. Looking back I wouldn’t change a thing.

I had difficulty in adjusting at the time. Its a huge change in a lot of ways. But it’s not the end of everything you know, more a new beginning. We have great fun doing stuff as a family. Sure it’s different, but just as good. Although some people seem to use children as an excuse to never do anything ever again.

one huge positive that I hadn’t considered before hand was that because I had less time to train/run/ride bikes I become far more organised – I had to! I became far fitter after having both kids then I ever was before. and achieved way more than I had ever imagined. Example being I only started fell running after the kids were born but did the Bob Graham and Paddy Buckley rounds (both 24 hour fell running challenges)

We are lucky now to share our house with my wife’s Mum, she loves spending time with her grandkids – so there is an in house baby sitter, who does a lot of school pick ups etc. I can’t emphasise enough the importance of having people around you who can offer support, whether family or friends, that network makes things sooooo much easier.

At the early stages of getting ‘the news’ it is easier to dwell on the negatives – the stuff you think you will lose, as you can’t really imagine all the positives ‘cos you’ve not experienced it yet. All the stuff you still have to experience are essentially abstract concepts and they are hard to understand

As many others have said…

I didn’t feel ready for the responsibility of being a parent and 13 years on I feel no different.

Your life changes for sure, but that’s not a bad thing – some things are harder to do and some new things come along.

I really didn’t want any kids at all – but my wife did and I couldn’t imagine not being with her.

The best thing we’ve ever done is have a daughter – and I know this is hard to believe – but it can be even better than an all day ride in the peaks when the sun is shining and you’re a riding god for the day (it’s a close call but I give it kids)

To be honest it is a lot to take in. But… you’ve got nine months to get your head sorted. And once they arrive it’s amazing. It can feel overwhelming and often is. A friend of mine mused that the reason women complain about how hard it is being a mum is because they don’t want the dads to discover how rewarding it can be – he took time off work. You won’t enjoy being a dad if you only think about what you can’t do. And having kids late twenties is really ideal. To be honest I have a better career because of it.

Papa_Lazarou – Member
1. your life will not be over when the child arrives, you just need to be a bit more organised.

2. It is highly likely you will feel different towards the child when it arrives.

3. Try and be supportive to your mrs as imgine how it feels for her right new expecting her (first i assume) child

I agree with this… never felt any affection for friends and rellie’s kids but with your own it’s completely different.

With a bit of planning there is no reason why you can’t continue to do what you enjoy now, particularly with support from the wider family.

I was 37 when we had our little boy, both of us having put off starting a family for the usual reasons (work, play etc) for years – wish I’d done it years earlier. Put it this way, you’re 29 now, by the time they leave home you’ll be what 47? Still plenty of time to enjoy yourselves in your dotage.

OP should your partner have an abortion? Would that make you happy?

When I found out, I’d just comeback from a very long day in the saddle in the Lakes on a hot sunny Sunday. I was handed the test result and just sat on the floor staring at it for an hour.

Two years later…hes an absolute livewire. Wears me out. Wish I’d had him when I was 30 not almost 40 TBH.

Dad of a 4 month old.
We go to pub, little one comes, she lives it!
We go on holiday , little one comes,
I go out on my bike/run/swim then cool down run/ride with little one
I train earlier when little one sleeps so I csn spend time with her

Nothing gets worse, nothing needs to stop as people make you think, you just need to plan and improvise.

I’m fitter now with more quality over quantity.
You will wonder why you even asked this….. But it goes through everyone’s mind at some point

You know that feeling when hurtling downhill on the edge of your comfort and skill zone? That would be where you are right now. There will be more days like this and some where you look back and think “that wasn’t so bad”.
Buckle up for the wildest and best ride of your life.

You don’t want him/her now but when they start college in 19 years time you won’t want him/her to leave and there wll be such a hole. On the plus side you do get to ride more when they go but there’s no money for shiney things!

Top work sneaking an Orange 5 into this thread!

Before ours was born I made it clear to Mrs Coolhandluke that I didn’t like babies and that I’d help out but probably wouldn’t be much of a dad until the baby grew a personality and became someone I could interact with.

I thought I wouldn’t like the child until she was 2 or 3 years old. how wrong was I!

OK the first few weeks are a bit of a nightmare but after that its all good.

Just watching their progress is amazing.

It will change you as a person, as it did me, for the better might I add.

Stick with it as a few weeks after the baby is born, you will have no doubt that its the best thing ever.

Oh, don’t forget to post a “proud dad” photo on here.

You don’t know how lucky you are. For some of us it’s not possible to have kid and when it’s the one thing you want most in life threads like this are hard to take in.

Edited as my comment was a bit rash.
I agree!
I am lucky to have had kids, yes its life changing, but its great fun, whats a few years anyway jees you are only a few years younger than you ‘planned’

I struggle with long sentences past the first page, but ignore the mtfu it’s your fault brigade. Yes, it may be, but we’re not looking to hand out blame here.

It’ll work out ok. It won’t work out ok as soon as you hear your baby’s cry or see its little screwed up face for the first time, but it’ll grow on you. Babies aren’t much fun tbh, and they can be awful at times.

Life does not always go how we plan it, but we make the best of it. Look for the positives rather than the negatives. They are definitely there in this case. You might not care much about a baby, but after a while you’ll be bursting with pride and protective dad feelings and it’ll all mean a hell of a lot to you.

Tip for being a Dad – DO NOT let your partner do all the work, even if she feels like it. Gatecrash it, make yourself useful and be a part of the kid’s life. Mumsnet is full of stories where the pragmatic mother is getting stuff done, and the Dad feels useless, goes back to doing his own thing and the relationship falls apart. Sometimes women don’t realise that fathers need help to be involved, esp if the man is working and the woman is breastfeeding – the man hardly gets a look in then.

I NEVER wanted kids, Mrs Soks wanted six – we compromised and had three. They’re all grown up, now…….except the 19yr old son and he’s just an idiot like his Dad was at that age 😉
Love ’em all. Hang on a tick and I’ll go get the photo albums, certificates…..the eldest (25) is doing a PhD……sit down, I’ll make some tea……etc, etc.

We are lucky now to share our house with my wife’s Mum,

😯

Babies are only glorified puppies. I like puppies.

Hang on a tick and I’ll go get the photo albums

My boy enjoying bath time with his Dad;

Any man who doesn’t cr@p himself when his partner tells him the news is either a robot or a feckless idiot. You are obviously neither of these things, this is good.

There is no ‘perfect’ time to have kids but there are far less perfect ones than the situation you’re in, (Jail, heroin, knocked up someone else’s wife etc)

The way your brain re-plumbs itself over the next 9 months will be interesting, the way it will re-plumb itself over the 48 hours following the birth will knock you for six and give you a fierce resolve you never knew you had in you.

Children are only as restrictive as you let them be, ours was swaddled up and asleep on the table at Nandos at less than a week old, and out for very careful rides in the Chariot at 4 months and flew to America for my Wife’s best friend’s wedding at 7 months, you just need to be organised.

It was your rumpy pumpy that got you into this mess so MTFU, you’ll laugh, you’ll cry, you’ll be fine, you certainly won’t be bored and a year from now you’ll think it’s the best thing you ever did.

you certainly won’t be bored.

although watching Jungle Book on loop for about 14 months can lead to a degree of lassitude.

Besides, OP has to get ready for the moment in 10 weeks or so when the ultrasonographer says…

“Yes, both of their heartbeats are fine…”

That was an interesting moment for me, I’ll admit.

We don’t do T.V. but Hatter Jr is rather partial to a bit of Gangnam Style.

It’s simple:

You’ve got a new mate coming into your life, it’s just that they’re a lot smaller than you and will need a lot of your help and guidance for the first few years.

It’ll be cool.

mate worry not, kids are mint, you’ll love being a Dad, the best thing in the world, it’ll likely have your face or eyes or hair and will have your name, it’s like a mini you, now go bring yourself up to be a responible adult.

I didn’t read past the first page but my thoughts:

1) Ignore all the MTFU bravado nonsense, hopefully most of it is tongue in cheek.
2) Molgrips and hatter speaketh the truth
3) Read the other thread already mentioned (any regrets)

We made a conscious decision at ~37 (me) and ~34 (her) to have kids. When she finally fell pregnant I still shat myself and questioned every aspect of my life and our relationship, wondering if it was the right thing to do. If you love each other and planned to start a family in a few years anyway then you’ll be reet.

MTFU – life won’t be over when you have a kid. Yes it’ll change but We’ve been away twice every year since the nipper was born, alright they weren’t adventure holidays but we had an awesome time.

I’m off for a nice long weekend biking at Glentress with the boys soon 😉

EDIT:

Tip for being a Dad – DO NOT let your partner do all the work, even if she feels like it. Gatecrash it, make yourself useful and be a part of the kid’s life. Mumsnet is full of stories where the pragmatic mother is getting stuff done, and the Dad feels useless, goes back to doing his own thing and the relationship falls apart. Sometimes women don’t realise that fathers need help to be involved, esp if the man is working and the woman is breastfeeding – the man hardly gets a look in then.

^^ THIS I spent a lot of time running to/from Tescos trying to be useful