I’ve missed a page out of the thread as I am need of bed, but would also like to reply to the OP.
Not sure where all the scissor rubbish came from, however I am step dad to two girls aged 21 and 17, and have been with their mum for the last 14 years.
There have been many arguments between all of us but one thing remains – whilst they are in this house and around me and their mum they show some respect.
Old values maybe but I see parents struggling with kids of many different ages because they are too scared or incapable of repremanding kids. If respect is taught and given from early enough there won’t be a problem growing up.
Don’t mean violence or smacking, just firm no’s and direct tellings off for calling parents ‘stupid’ or swearing towards us etc.
My theory is to give them enough rope but be there to pick up the pieces, then educate them enough to tell me why whatever they have done went wrong. They don’t make the same mistake again.
In the OPs case, a 14 yr old girl should not have the run of the house. Equally her mum should not be stood shouting then going off on one because daughter doesn’t answer in 15 seconds.
Both of them need to change the ways a little and meet in the middle.
Again, I’d make sure I told the daughter that if she wants to behave like a child she’ll be treat like one and sent into her room with no phone or interweb.
It is old school but it works – or it does if it is started early enough. Try starting it when kids are young teenagers will probably result in destruction 😆