Why do so many people split up?

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  • Why do so many people split up?
  • johndoh
    Member

    I keep seeing threads on here about people who are splitting up with partners and most seem to have children too.

    And each time it seems to be the male that is at the receiving end (unless the males who do the cheating aren’t posting I guess).

    But I find it so sad that so many people seem to have been through this or are going through it. And I know my life would implode if it ever happened to me. πŸ™

    Premier Icon mikewsmith
    Subscriber

    If your taking STW as a poll of life then your going to get a male dominated perspective.

    People have and people will move along, at some points it better for people to move apart than live in unhappyness for the sake of appearances or in some mistaken belief that it’s the right thing.

    Trimix
    Member

    People change, life happens and some dont take long enough auditioning.

    jambourgie
    Member

    Not sure about it always being the male at the receiving end, but yes there is a lot of it about. I sometimes suspect it’s just not natural to have one partner for the rest of your life. I know from my own experience that it rarely gets past about three years before I’m bored/she’s had enough of me πŸ™„

    johndoh
    Member

    Also just found out that one of my best mates’ wife has been cheating on him for the last 18 months and of course he will be the last to know (if I said anything my wife would probably kill me to death then leave me).

    People who don’t split up don’t start threads about their long term happy relationships.

    IanMunro
    Member

    Also I imagine there’s a splitting up meme.
    Sorry meme is a poor word to use, but I imagine forums have common topics based on prevalence of the topic.
    So people are much more like to post about break-ups when they have seen other people post about breaks ups, and an increase in such posts doesn’t indicate an increase in break-ups just an increase in confidence to talk about them.

    johndoh
    Member

    People who don’t split up don’t start threads about their long term happy relationships.

    I know, but there really does seem to be lots of it happening.

    monkeychild
    Member

    In the words of the wise wordsmith Blu Cantrell “you gots to breaks up, to makes up”

    Premier Icon DezB
    Subscriber

    [video]http://youtu.be/ZURrLypk6bs[/video]

    (only kiddin’ πŸ™‚ )

    Premier Icon MoreCashThanDash
    Subscriber

    Because a lot of things can change as you go through life, and staying together involves a lot of hard compromises to juggle careers, families, hopes and dreams.

    How many times have I had to choose between a new bike and a divorce? πŸ™„

    Premier Icon Garry_Lager
    Subscriber

    Bloke I know slightly is married to a nightmarish individual, and understandably is not happy about it. So normally you’d say he should get divorced, be happy, and his happiness would be good for his children when he sees them at the weekend.
    What do you do, though, when divorce means leaving your kids in the hands of someone who’s certain to make a complete pig’s arse of raising them right? Seems like an awful choice – dig in until the kid’s are old enough to have some independence, and hope your misery is not contagious. Or do one, and hope two days a week or whatever it is will be enough to exert some influence.

    IanW
    Member

    Because they can.

    edward2000
    Member

    People blame lifes problems on the thing that is closest to them – their partner. Therefore a logical conclusion is to remove the thing closest to them, thus solving the problem. The reality probably is that the thing closest to them isnt the source of the problems.

    My friend did this, wasnt happy with life, dumped his gf, and still isnt happy!

    Mooly
    Member

    I`ve been in this exact situation. Two kids, Mrs that wanted space and to not be answerable to anyone and be independent. blah. blah blah.
    I spent many years supporting the family financially, doing loads of housework etc, cooking, involved in children’s development and more than my share in terms of school runs etc. Basically doing what any decent guy would and more but it seems that for a lot of women this isn’t enough.
    So we separated, her parents bought me out of the house where she still lives. (Must be nice to have parents that can buy you a house)
    I have the kids 3 days a week, she has them 4. She gets all the child tax credit, child benefit and I pay her child maintenance each month.
    Lets be honest – its not a bad deal really – why wouldn`t women want all this.
    Supposed independence (Apart from parents buying the house, government handing out money and the father paying into her monthly wine bill too).
    Life’s sweet hey.

    nealglover
    Member

    People who don’t split up don’t start threads about their long term happy relationships.

    I know, but there really does seem to be lots of it happening.

    Compared to what ?

    johndoh
    Member

    And the woman I know that is cheating on her husband – she told my wife that her new bloke cheated on both his ex-wives, has had affairs with at least three colleagues (she is a colleague of his too) but told my wife that he told her ‘she was different’. Yeah sure, so you are going to potentially ruin your marriage and upset your child you tried so hard for just for some serial cheat.

    πŸ˜•

    sbob
    Member

    Why do so many people split up?

    I don’t know, but am happy to add to your statistics.
    πŸ™

    Premier Icon weeksy
    Subscriber

    because men are weak and women are sluts ?

    hora
    Member

    For me (from what I’ve seen), for some couples its when they have multiple children. They stop being Sally and Bill but parents. Constantly weary*, tired*, stressed* and then they think they are unhappy with their lot.

    Then Kirk in Sales at work in his nice car and compliments gets his hands on Sally and BANG. She now wants her 20’s back again.

    *During this phase Sally doesn’t fancy having sex with Bill anymore.

    (The names have been changed but I’ve seen this a few times from friends).

    Premier Icon cinnamon_girl
    Subscriber

    because men are weak and women are sluts ?

    Have a word with yourself weeksy. 😐

    jekkyl
    Member

    kirk in sales up to his old tricks again?

    Premier Icon miketually
    Subscriber

    People who don’t split up don’t start threads about their long term happy relationships.

    Maybe we should?

    I often think about starting threads after having a particularly lovely ride to work, with no incidents with drivers; or about a washing machine not breaking; or someone recovering from cancer.

    Sadly, we tend to post about unusual events, with the result that we think they’re happening loads.

    Premier Icon DaRC_L
    Subscriber

    Nature & genetics, there are 2 types of men – good genetic material, good nuturing material i.e. having your cake and eating it.

    Some people like to have their cake and eat it.
    Plus the loosening of societal control means divorce no longer has the social stigma.
    In addition to what Moooly sez, like my Ex-:
    child support + child maintenance + no mortgage = independent lifestyle without having to work 😈

    hora
    Member

    Women aren’t sluts, they like to have compliments, be taken out and attention. Just like men do. If the sex stops or drastically lessens at home (and its not a medication reason) then WHAT is going to happen next? The slide starts after childbirth IMO. Taking your partner for granted is the start of the end.

    Countless night rides/weekend rides is just the start for us mountain bikers- so beware!

    In the noughties+ we are OBSESSED with being GOOD parents yet we neglect ourselves thinking such people would be selfish.

    People who don’t split up don’t start threads about their long term happy relationships.

    22yrs here, met my girlfriend at 18yrs old.

    Premier Icon DezB
    Subscriber

    What was it I said on that other thread?

    Generalisation is shite.

    hora
    Member

    Generalisation is shite.

    People really ARENT that complex. We like to think we are complex creatures.

    cfinnimore
    Member

    I reckon it’s because of “settlers” and ” the grass is always greener” mentality.

    But I know nothing because I’m happy.

    I thought this was quite interesting. People don’t change, it’s just the things you like about them eventually turn into the things you don’t.

    emsz
    Member

    Because we’re fed this lie about life long romantic bliss that we’re all supposed to achieve, along with the fulfilling career and house and car and kids/cats.

    It’s crap and were shallow/ optimistic to believe it

    That Kirk, he’s a one, isn’t he? πŸ™‚

    Premier Icon MoreCashThanDash
    Subscriber

    spoons list up there is a bit near the knuckle…..not showing that to MrsMC!

    mogrim
    Member

    That Kirk, he’s a one, isn’t he?

    Not you too, emsz? I’d have thought if anyone could resist his lothario charms it would be you πŸ˜₯

    emsz
    Member

    Just admiring his handiwork, Mogrim. :). He’s got all the moves…just like Jagger

    badnewz
    Member

    I’m not going to get married again. I’m just going to find a woman I don’t like and buy her a house. (Willie Nelson)

    Premier Icon BigJohn
    Subscriber

    I think women just get fed up with their blokes spending all their time on STW.

    Premier Icon DezB
    Subscriber

    People really ARENT that complex. We like to think we are complex creatures.

    Not one thing you’ve said in this thread applies to me. Maybe it’s you that’s not complex..?

    Lets imagine it’s 150 years ago…

    No internet, phones, TV or photographs, with minimal printed media, reduced levels of literacy and basic transport meant it would’ve been far harder for the average person to find other partners and more importantly, the lack of media would mean there was less reasons to be dissatisfied with your life as there was less points of reference with the outside world for comparison. There would’ve also been far less technology diverting peoples attention away from their sweetheart.

    Obviously, infidelity and the like have been going on since way back, however, the tools now available to us make it much easier to pursue and find other partners outside of a primary relationship, with a magnified sense of personal entitlement and additional pressures of envy and discontent when shown the glossy sugar coated lives of celebrities.

    So in summary, I basically blame the Beckhams.

    hora
    Member

    DezB so you are saying you don’t have any sort of routine, seek normality, seek comfort in another, like stability and someone who makes you feel good with the odd compliment and treat?

    Or are you someone who no one can seem to pin down; you don’t have a type, your an enigma, totally different from anyone else in this world, you don’t seem to hold shared interests and fascinate the opposite sex whenever you meet someone new in a social situation?

    You post on a cycling forum alot and you probably can identify with a large slice of STW’ers so sorry, I don’t believe you.

    HughStew
    Member

    hora – Member

    In the noughties+ we are OBSESSED with being GOOD parents yet we neglect ourselves thinking such people would be selfish.

    Quite agree, and its counter-productive.
    Look at the number of “put the kids first” comments on the splitting up threads. I know the sentiment is well meant, but unless you look after yourself you can’t look after your kids. Put your own well-being first and this will include having a good relationship with your kids and improving their lives. Be a parent first not a friend. Unless your child is impossibly angelic, if you haven’t had a few “I hate you” and “I didn’t ask to be born” comments from your kids then you may be being a bit “Oh come on Quentin be a good chap and let Granny out of the tumble drier”.

    Also I know several couples who are staying together for the sake of the kids – Great – so you can give them a model of a dysfunctional relationship in a miserable home.

    hora
    Member

    Agree. Plus (for me) I think a part-dose of 70’s parenting isn’t a bad thing…

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