Viewing 40 posts - 1 through 40 (of 46 total)
  • When your mates missus is…..
  • Premier Icon v7fmp
    Free Member

    Not your cup of tea, what is your course of action?

    Tell your friend that you think his missus is a bit of a prat?

    That he shouldnt marry her as he could do better/find someone who appreciates him?

    Actively avoid being in social situations with them? (but still see your buddy, just not as couples)

    Just suck it up and respect your mates choice of women?

    Not worry about your friend and worry more about yourself?

    All hypothetically of course/asking for a friend/just out of curiosity.

    Premier Icon doomanic
    Free Member

    Is it just a clash of personalities or do you believe she’s a wrong’un?

    Premier Icon twinw4ll
    Free Member

    Is she fit?

    Premier Icon soundninjauk
    Full Member

    Louise?

    Premier Icon fossy
    Full Member

    Been there. I just tolerated her for years until she started being poisonous within my wife’s family – we don’t see her anymore, nor my ‘mate’ unfortunately.

    Premier Icon tomhoward
    Full Member

    There are few people I really, truly despise in the world, for reasons I’m not going to go into here, but the woman one of my best mate was seeing is one of them. I let him know at every opportunity, he told me I was overreacting, she was lovely etc. they got engaged, I politely declined the invitation to the wedding.

    Turns out she was boffing her biggest suppliers sales director, whom she now works for. Luckily this was discovered before the wedding.

    Premier Icon theotherjonv
    Full Member

    what about the flip side – I’m sure we all have (had) mates that were a bit of a dick, for whatever reason. I did, and he had an absolutely lovely girlfriend, who frankly deserved far better. In the end he pissed her about too much, and they split up but I could have (should have) told her 2 years before and saved her time and disappointment.

    Premier Icon v7fmp
    Free Member

    @doomanic – one of those people who knows everything and has always been to the ‘best’ of places, venues, experiences etc. Very untrusting of her partner, always digging for things that dont exist.


    @twinw4ll
    – i would assume to the mate, yes.


    @soundninjauk
    – who?


    @fossy
    – tough gig!

    Premier Icon binners
    Full Member

    If your mates are anything like my mates then they won’t listen to a word you say anyway (mainly on account of doing most of their ‘thinking’ with their cocks), so just put up with it until the inevitable break up, then help him pick up the pieces when its all gone tits

    Premier Icon lunge
    Full Member

    Actively avoid being in social situations with them? (but still see your buddy, just not as couples)

    Just suck it up and respect your mates choice of women?

    Not worry about your friend and worry more about yourself?

    A combination of the above 3. I’ve got a mate who’s partner is a prat, but ultimately he likes her and is old enough to look after himself. I still see him for a beer, just don’t bring other halves.

    I do think that there is a difference between thinking someone is a idiot/not someone you like and someone who’s a genuine problem.

    Premier Icon mattyfez
    Free Member

    Depends.. As above, everyone is probably a bit of a dick on occasions, or at least percieved as being a bit of a dick..
    That’s not the same thing as them being proper ‘wrong uns’ for want of a better phrase.

    OP when you say ‘not your cup of tea’ do you mean you don’t like her taste in books/music?

    Premier Icon mert
    Free Member

    I just move them to my outer circle, treat them like people I know through work.
    Best to be polite but no point in expending any great efforts on it.

    Funnily enough one of the few I’ve actually cut out was a mate who became toxic. Unfortunately meant I lost contact with his wife and kids who were all amazing people to be around.

    Back in contact with her now though, after they got divorced she spent ages searching for all the people who had disappeared from her life over the years.

    Premier Icon fossy
    Full Member

    On the reverse side.

    Asked a mate of mine if he’d resolved their ‘differences’ about having children on his stag doo. They hadn’t (he didn’t want any, she did). Divorced within a year. He’s not re-married in 30 years.

    Premier Icon joepud
    Free Member

    Just suck it up and respect your mates choice of women?

    Unless they are really awful ie a horrible racist or say an abusive partner my vote is suck it up.

    Premier Icon v7fmp
    Free Member

    @mattyfez – directly i dont have too much of a problem, probably as i see her so infrequently, but its more the issues and problems she brings the mate. I did start writing a list of examples, but felt its a bit unfair to him (in case he finds this!), but ultimately whatever he does is never good enough, isnt appreciated or is suspected to be to ‘make up’ for a wrong doing (that hasnt happened).

    To be fair, i do genuinely think she needs some mental health help to get rid of a few demons and hang ups.

    Premier Icon v7fmp
    Free Member

    @fossy – thats one issue they share in common with your mate. She wants them, he doesnt, but seeing as she is in her mid forties, the chances are reducing by the day (biologically). I fear she may resent him for this at a later date.

    Premier Icon robola
    Full Member

    Friendships come and go too. I had friends that I thought of like a brother and couldn’t imagine them not being in my life who I sadly no longer see. I’m sure they would have said the same about my wife and maybe that is one of the reasons we have drifted apart. Been with my wife for 20 years now, and I’m a better person for being married to her. People change.

    Premier Icon martinhutch
    Free Member

    Telling your mate that his missus is a grade A arsehole is a good way to lose a mate.

    Stay out of it, be supportive if it goes to shit.

    Premier Icon v7fmp
    Free Member

    @robola – thats a fair shout. And ultimately i wouldnt let a woman get in the way of a friendship, with this mate or any other. But as you say, people change and grow, so who knows what might happen. At 25 years strong, i do hope me and my mates are friends for another 25!!

    Premier Icon JefWachowchow
    Free Member

    My opinion, you should respect his choice and let him make his own decisions / mistakes, but support him if you value the friendship.

    My ex was toxic as hell and I never saw it, was warned but didn’t listen and lost mates over it. 20 years on she is ancient history and I have managed to rekindle my relationships with my friends.

    A friend of mine is currently is a similar situation and has fallen out with his brother over it. Horrible situation.

    Was talking to a guy the other day and he had a friend who didn’t get on with his missus. The friend bought a Tamiya Sand Scorcher RC car for their wedding present. Letting her know how he felt in nicest way I thought.

    Premier Icon sillysilly
    Full Member

    ultimately whatever he does is never good enough, isnt appreciated or is suspected to be to ‘make up’ for a wrong doing (that hasnt happened).

    Sounds like the average wife looking over my friendship groups 😂😂😂

    Premier Icon v7fmp
    Free Member

    @martinhutch – i would hope to be more diplomatic than that 😀

    But it was more curiosity as to what others would do or have done in the past.

    Bro’s before Hoe’s and all that!

    Premier Icon cheekyget
    Free Member

    I had this with my oldest mate I’ve know since I was 3…I put up with her but it ment not seeing my mate much
    Few years later he told me they split…so I told him I never liked her much blah blah….

    Turns out they are getting married next year….after 20 years together…doh!!

    Premier Icon v7fmp
    Free Member

    @cheekyget – awkward!!! 😛

    Premier Icon dovebiker
    Free Member

    You are Wayne Rooney and I claim my £10! 🤣

    Premier Icon yetidave
    Free Member

    had this with my brothers wife…she is a pain in the ar$e. however i expect she thinks similarly of me/us as now she always has an excuse up her sleeve as to why she cannot visit. Doesn’t really change my world too much so I don’t worry about it – it bothers my parents as they rarely see all of their grandchildren together.

    Premier Icon mattyfez
    Free Member

    I guess @mert put it quite well… be frank if asked directly, otherwise maybe just tactfully hint at your point of view.

    ultimately whatever he does is never good enough, isnt appreciated or is suspected to be to ‘make up’ for a wrong doing (that hasnt happened).

    Of course none of us know the relationship between you and your mate, it might be that he just needs to vent a bit. Equally it might be an indication of thunder in paradise.

    Just be supportive and honest whilst trying to employ a bit of tact where needed..or you yourself risk being labled the bad guy.

    Premier Icon madhouse
    Full Member

    My first wife was much the same. Although no-one told me she wasn’t right for me for fear of losing a mate/brother/son.

    Found out on my own, divorced inside of 10 months and instantly better off for it (shouldn’t have got wed in the first place tbh). Since met Mrs M and we’re fast heading towards our 13th wedding anniversary.

    Relationships make people do funny things and act weird. Maybe your mate’s just worried he’ll never meet anyone else and actually thinks the same as you but is also thinking there’s no other options. It’s not something many of us are any good at sitting down and talking sensibly about, especially men.

    Premier Icon gurnster75
    Free Member

    Hang on, thought this was a friend of a friend?

    Premier Icon nickc
    Full Member

    Is this about Wayne and Jamie?

    Premier Icon v7fmp
    Free Member

    @gurnster75 – whatever absconds me from talking about a very close friend to strangers on the internet!


    @madhouse
    – i too have been in a similar boat (many many moons ago, thankfully we never got to the married stage), maybe thats why i have such concerns for my buddy. Is it easier to identify a dysfunctional relationship if you have been in one?

    Premier Icon bigblackshed
    Full Member

    My best man, and I was his, best mates for ages, his wife was toxic. Typical only child, spoilt, red head with a fiery temper to match. Managed to poison his head within the first year of marriage. He just stopped answering the phone, would hide if I knocked on the door. Didn’t see him for 10+ years, he then blanked me in the street. Lost my best mate over nothing. Not spoken for 21 years.

    Premier Icon v7fmp
    Free Member

    @bigblackshed – thats savage! Was she toxic before the marriage? Or didnt you see it coming?

    Premier Icon misteralz
    Free Member

    To quote Phoebe from Friends when she was an owl who’d just broken up with a horse, “when you’re wearing rose tinted spectacles, all the red flags just look like flags”.

    My first ‘proper’ relationship was seriously abusive, and it was pointed out to me by friends and family who could see it for what it was. I had a bit of reparation to do with them after it ended, and now I’ve recovered I can spot an abusive relationship a mile off.

    I also know that it’s not easy to see when you’re on the inside, and the best you can do is be supportive. I’m losing one of my best mates to his alcoholic wife right now, and it hurts. He’s already admitted to me that if they didn’t have kids it’d be over…

    Premier Icon bigblackshed
    Full Member

    @v7fmp

    It wasn’t glaringly obvious before they married. The wedding day was the first big red flag. Well, it was more of a full on cavalry charge into certain death with every man and his horse waving a red flag. A charge of the light brigade doesn’t even begin to describe it.

    Shame, he was the mate who got me back into biking back in the heady carefree days of the early 1990s.

    Premier Icon sandboy
    Full Member

    I told my best mate that his new girlfriend was a bit suspect when he announced that they were getting married which put a temporary end to our friendship.
    Forward about 15 years when she left him for a more wealthy new hubby, I now have my oldest friend back in my life. Looking back, I’m still glad that I told him and he has said that he really wished that he’d listened to me. As they say, love is blind!

    Premier Icon mattyfez
    Free Member

    I told my best mate that his new girlfriend was a bit suspect when he announced that they were getting married which put a temporary end to our friendship.

    I had the opposite issue one time, my very good/best mate was being an arse to his fiance, so I didn’t go to the wedding, I just couldnt stomach it.

    They divorced a year or two after. I no longer see any of them.

    Premier Icon PJM1974
    Free Member

    It’s never an easy one, FWIW I do have a friend who’s missus is a weapons grade dickhead but she has just about enough self-awareness to avoid my friend’s mates as a general rule, so it’s a problem that has sort of mitigated itself.

    That’s the best outcome that I can think of, I know that my mate would be heartbroken to lose his partner of 25 years and TBH I wouldn’t wish that on him.

    Premier Icon Dickyboy
    Full Member

    That he shouldnt marry her as he could do better/find someone who appreciates him?

    Would have done this, but despite being his best man, she persuaded him to marry in secret… Roll on 12yrs & they’re getting divorced, so getting my mate back but biting my lip when he mentions the sharing of assets 😬

    Premier Icon sillysilly
    Full Member

    I notice cycles in my cycling group. As people get older and divorce, they rejoin the group, sometimes after years of silence. When they remarry they leave again, when they divorce again, they come back. Every time a member splits with a partner I can tell a good ride is coming up 😂😂

    Now what I’m not sure of is, if everyone had amazing functional families, would the epic rides still happen? Would the great families push their partners to enjoy rides, or are they so great that the people in question never want to leave them. Where I assume the latter, is it actually dysfunctional under the public veneer and they are being kept from riding?

Viewing 40 posts - 1 through 40 (of 46 total)

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