The last couple of days getting to terms with having Cancer has prompted me deep into thought… When was the last time everybody actually just turned up, knocked on a friends door unannounced and said hello?

Well me… I do it often! In fact I am the only person I know that does it. If I’m passing a friends place, and I’m not in a rush, I’ll just knock and say hello… If they’re busy, it’s not an issue and I’ll leave, if they’re not, we’ll have a chat and a catch up until either of us has other pressures… Just like old times! 👍🏻

Why does nobody, and I mean NOBODY else do it…?

OK, so my day job is cold calling on people (though it’s not sales, it’s a brand ambassadorial role), where if I took the time to phone customers before visiting I know 80-90% would say they were too busy and tell me not to call… So I don’t bother and I just turn up… 10% of the time they’re not there, 20% of the time they’re too busy to chat, but 70% of the time i’ll get a chat for at least 5 or 10 mins with them, often a lot longer… Similar kinda stats I’d hazard a guess for when I’ll randomly drop in at a friends house in passing to say hello.

Not trying to sound bitter or anything here, but given my bombshell 2 days ago, I have had far more concern shown to me by acquaintances and even random people on the internet than I have any of my close friends! And I’m trying to work out why the actual **** that is!!!

Knock on my door if you’re passing… And I know many of you do… If I’m busy, I’ll be polite and rearrange a time for a catch up with you, but if I’m not I’ll invite you in and put the kettle on at least!

It’s not hard, is it…? 🤔

I used to but stopped as I got older. I will phone and say -“I’m round the corner” nowadays

Most people I know would hate it. They might not be prepared for people and their house might be a disaster. Mine is. Don’t come here unannounced, you won’t enjoy it! Give me a couple of hours’ notice though that’s cool. It’s not that I don’t want to see you, I just can’t handle the stress.

I love it (both giving and receiving 😘)I rarely do it though because I’m usually short on time. Not sure many people appreciate it.

i think the best answer is TJs. A quick text to say your round the corner and are they free first.

Most people I know would hate it.

🖐

Since moving house I’m desperate for friends to come round now that I finally have space after decades of living in a crater. But just turning up on spec, no way!

What’s wrong with a courtesy call first, “hey mate, we’re just down the road shopping, thought we might drop by for a brew in about 15 minutes if you’re free?” That way it’s a lot easier to say “sorry, it’s not convenient” without feeling like a twonk, rather than when they’re stood on your doorstep expectantly.

As above – always call first.

I still shudder at the memory of friends calling round unannounced 4 years ago; we were not long moved in and the house was a bombsite; we were packing to go away too so piles of stuff everywhere and when they knocked we were sitting down to a dirty Chinese…

“Knock knock”

“Oh, Hi Alastair… erm come in?”

“We were near by thought we’d pop in and see your new house…”

“****”

Awful, Awful Awful experience.

I live in Germany…. It’s verboten to just turn up spontaneously.

Needles to say, I’m leaving

I still shudder at the memory of friends calling round unannounced 4 years ago; we were not long moved in and the house was a bombsite; we were packing to go away too so piles of stuff everywhere and when they knocked we were sitting down to a dirty Chinese…

There’s nothing rude about leaving someone on the doorstep and explaining to them the reason it’s not convenient to pop in right now, and to rearrange another time… I’ve done it, friends have done it to me. There is no hardships!

FAR worse, nobody ever calling in on you…

What’s wrong with a courtesy call first, “hey mate, we’re just down the road shopping, thought we might drop by for a brew in about 15 minutes if you’re free?”

Because that’s PRECISELY too contrived, is one step away from just not being bothered at all, and is a result of all of the technology and social media available to us these days… What did you do before social media? Before mobile phones even…? Or can’t you remember back that far… Am I the only one that actually enjoyed my childhood, turned up randomly at mates houses whenever to see if they were able to play?

I am certain there is a direct link with the amount of pubs that have closed down in the last 2 decades and how people feel so scared that anyone (even their friends) should dare invade their personal space without significant warning these days! My house is a mess… I might not let you into the living room, but I’d at least invite you in the kitchen for a quick cuppa, or at the very worst, chat for 5 mins on the doorstep before arranging a better time for the both of us… Most importantly, I’d then stick to said plans, which nobody else ever does!

Sorry… I’m REALLY angry with modern society. 2 decades ago I’d get a million text messages wishing me a happy **** christmas on christmas day, and I hate christmas! You fall sick with Cancer, and you’re already dead to everyone?!?! **** the modern world!!! It sucks!

About an hour ago. Popped out to grab a quick Thai for us all, And just finishing up now while her daughter watches paw patrol…

Before that it was Tuesday, and Sunday.

Swedes hates me, because no one does that in Sweden.

I can’t just simply knock on their doors because they are all on the other side of the world from Borneo to NZ.

But I do drop by from time to time via WhatsApp … LOL!

Also in my part of the world if a person is “dying” or have illness, they are advised not tell others
because the beliefs is that the one with illness or dying might want to “drag” others with them. You know partners in the afterlife. Also most people who are ill or with certain sickness are advised not to visit others unless others come to them. The same belief again that a person might want to “drag” the others with him/her etc.

Personally, I only have meaningful conversation with one to two of my childhood friends while the rest are not really worth mine or their time.

No, just simply drop by is not something we do.

p/s: whatever unfinished business we have in this life, we need to complete them while we still can with our best ability. Otherwise, the regrets will drag on and there is no peace of mind.

I think its a case of know your audience isn’t it? My parents? Sure. Brother maybe. Friends without kids, yeah no problem.
Friends with kids nope, in laws nope, they like you to be booked in to a 30 second time slot etc.

The bigger thing is I’m rarely just passing, it’s not like when I was a kid and many of my friends lived on the same street, now half of them don’t even live on the same continent.

The other side of that is the nature of your relationship with people, blokes tend to be rubbish at actual friends. I might have friends who I pop and see, but that’s who they are, I don’t go to the pub with them, I don’t ride with them etc etc. The Guardian review on banshees of inesherin touches on it https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2022/oct/29/friends-are-good-for-us-so-why-do-many-men-have-none-banshees-of-inisherin and I’m no different, that’s not to say my friends and I aren’t close but we’re only close in regard to certain things and one of those things isn’t spontaneously arriving on their door.

Counter to that is I could ring a friend from uni 20 years ago (god typing that hurt!) and say “hey, do you still live in???, I’m passing through, fancy a coffee or a beer?” and the answer would not be “who are you? Why haven’t you called me since 2002,you’ve still got my straighteners” assuming it was yes for half an hour we’d pick up where we left off then disappear again with no promises to call or anything because that’s the transaction, here, now 20 minutes, done. (that sounds much worse on screen than my head)

My aunt and cousin drove an hour to drop in unannounced on my parents. They were out.

About an hour ago. Popped out to grab a quick Thai for us all, And just finishing up now while her daughter watches paw patrol…

Before that it was Tuesday, and Sunday.

Swedes hates me, because no one does that in Sweden.

Shame you’re so far away… You sound like someone I’d get on well with!

I think its a case of know your audience isn’t it? My parents? Sure. Brother maybe. Friends without kids, yeah no problem.
Friends with kids nope, in laws nope, they like you to be booked in to a 30 second time slot etc.

I do absolutely get the knowing your audience bit… I wasn’t suggesting for a minute we should create a problem just because we can. But there’s plenty of people that fall into the fair game category for a visit anytime, and most of them would be quite grateful of it at times I suggest… Why have we turned into a society that doesn’t even check in on our closest friends as and when? Society perpetuates the myth that we’re all too busy all the time to check in on each other, but the reality is that we’re just busy being bus… Finding things to do to aimlessly keep us busy, in absence of anything better to do!

I have suffered, badly, from various physical and mental ailments in the last 2 years, and have taken more than my fair share of time off work because of them during that period… A knock on the door from a friend never goes amiss!

I have suffered, badly, from various physical and mental ailments in the last 2 years, and have taken more than my fair share of time off work because of them during that period… A knock on the door from a friend never goes amiss!

I am not trying to undermine your situation but you need to find way to rely on yourself as most people can only do so much to help.

Not sure I’ve ever done it, unannounced! But would text and say, “you about?” If in area. Gives them the option of lying and saying No 😂

Lunchtime for me, it’s normal round here, but we know this is distinctly atypical generally. We’re close friends with most of the neighbours for about a dozen houses round our street and the next one. do allsorts with them, gigs, bike touring, tool sharing, vehicle sharing, holidays, split delivery costs getting a big order of something or other. Today was just a quick cuppa sorting whether I’m taking pudding or cheeseboard when we both go for Sunday dinner two doors further up.

When I knocked on Phillip Earle’s door coz we needed a goalie but his mom wouldn’t let him come down the park.
That was circa 1979

I wonder whether there’s a correlation between the OP’s view vs mine, and neurotypical vs autistic spectrum?

(also, ‘correlation’ is really hard to spell, it took me about six goes)

Am I the only one that actually enjoyed my childhood, turned up randomly at mates houses whenever to see if they were able to play?

That was different. You knocked on the door, his mum answered the door. You asked “is Chris playing out?” and she’d reply “no, he’s not allowed.” If you wanted to play indoors, you’d ring ahead first (“is Steven in?” – we still had landlines) rather than schlep halfway across town in the rain to be turned away.

I **** hate people turning up unannounced.

All depends on who it is.

Any of my 3 best mates are welcome as they are not energy vampires, the in-laws ditto.

My mother used to descend unannounced and it was probably the inspiration for The Dementor’s Kiss; lifetimes of hope and joy consumed in what the clock said was about an hour, but felt like far far more.

I live in Germany…. It’s verboten to just turn up spontaneously.

Still like that then. I remember donkeys years ago when visiting even family you had to wait for an invitation and be sure to take flowers for the hostess. It must have rubbed of on me, I’m not keen on unannounced arrivals.

I used to do this quite a bit, and frankly I miss it, I blame women. I get family’s get in the way, but then we should be honest when you open door and go ” alright nice to see you, n the middle of disciplining kids, so bad timing, will catch you later”, but we Brits don’t, we just avoid It altogether because we’re Boring miserable **** …

At Uni, our front door was basically never locked. It was always fun to see who was in the house when you came home.

My door is always open, if you turn up unannounced it’s great to see you but don’t judge me on the cleanliness or the biscuit selection. Unfortunately don’t get round to others often enough

Wow – this resonates, as I remember very clearly doing that as a kid, I don’t think I’ve EVER done it as an adult. 🙂

Often call round to local friends and they do the same, just a spur of the moment thing is fine. I’ve never worried about the house as it’s rarely tidy/clean and as they come back it obviously isn’t troubling them.

In fact I’ve has the “I’m glad you called round” line a few times, it does involve me fixing things but it makes me feel useful 😀

Last week but that’s more covered under a general take us as you find us. On the whole no but I need to do more getting in touch with people having gone very much post social.

but don’t judge me on the […] biscuit selection

The most useful thing I learnt at uni
Never complain about the brand of free beer in a friend’s fridge,feel free to moan about the temperature.

And it still holds today, crap* biscuits are fine, so long as they come with coffee.

*unless they’re pink wafers or sugar rings. We’re not 6.

I blame women

😀 is that in the same way that some men blame women cos no shags?

Don’t drop in, would always text first. Friends usually text me first too, doubt I would ever just drop in.

@mboy, so sorry to read about what you and your girlfriend are going through.

I have had far more concern shown to me by acquaintances and even random people on the internet than I have any of my close friends! And I’m trying to work out why the actual **** that is!!!

And this is why I identify people as either ‘friends’ or ‘acquaintances’ and the friends list is very small. It’s also why I have very few friends on facebook, because I get so disheartened when something major happens and so few people show any interest. I’d rather be able to count friends on one hand and know that they’re 100% there for me, especially when one of my character traits is unswerving loyalty.

If you wanted to play indoors, you’d ring ahead first (“is Steven in?” – we still had landlines) rather than schlep halfway across town in the rain to be turned away.

I had a mental list in order and would start at the top and work my way down to ‘kid in the other year at school’ just to hang out with other kids that weren’t my sister.

Nowadays there’s nobody within miles I’d knock on. However I took a different cycling commute home once this week and ended up going past a dad I knew at a skate park with his boys. I almost stopped to say hi, then 50m later I saw another dad I knew at the bmx track and stopped for a chat. That’s about as close to knocking on a door I’d be able to get.

I think last time I did it was to ask David’s mum whether David could come out to play.

Wouldn’t do it and last time someone did it to me I’d just got out of a lovely relaxing bath, bright red face, tired after work and really didn’t feel like seeing anyone but I’m not about to bar the door when they’ve just driven across town at rush hour.

Ha…my dad is definitely in the just turn up camp. He lives in Scotland and me just above London and he will simply never phone or text ahead. I’ve no issue with it but the wife gets enraged when he pops his head over the back gate unannounced.
This is something that has definitely crept in over the last 10 years with me. Obviously I’m old now (50) and don’t tend to spend much time at other people’s house as I did when younger and only ever seen to meet up for gigs or sport these days and I do genuinely miss the spontaneity of someone just calling in. Even texting ahead generally meets with an “I’m busy best do this some other time” which then often never happens.
My 14 year old would never even consider just rocking up at his mates house without texting,whatsapping or arranging over playstation chat. I used to call round my mates at 6.30am on a sat in the summer hols and chuck stones at the window till they answered?

I don’t know about anyone else but the random knock on the door has long been superseded by what I think represents the pinnacle of male, brotherly emotional outpouring and pastoral care, utilising modern communications technology

It happened to me at 4 o clock this afternoon.

The one word Whatsapp message…

“Pub?”

you had to wait for an invitation and be sure to take flowers for the hostess. It must have rubbed of on me

Well worth the flowers, then.

The one word Whatsapp message…

“Pub?”

Hah.

There was a lad at university whose name is on the tip of my brain. He used to use the Uni computer’s messaging sys (one line, 80 character limit) to round up his mates for a pub visit, suggest a venue… It got to the point where you’d get four characters: “L&P?” {Preston’s Lamb and Packet} and he’d have logged off and been halfway out the building by the time you’d gone “sure.”

Jeff. Jeff Arthur? Maybe.

I always think I’ll be intruding, or the person will be out anyway.. but a mate of mine (he’s on here) used to randomly turn up at mine when he was out on his rides, or sometimes coming back from working on a weekend… I blimmin loved it tbh. Even if he was in lycra and wearing funny stiff shoes, it was great to just have a catch up. We don’t get out riding together anymore, cos of me elf. But he’s a good bloke and I miss those days.