What do you say to someone who's driving you and gets their phone out?

I tend to subscribe to the view that commenting on someone’s driving is unlikely to get a positive response – not least because we all think we’re above average drivers.

In particular, if someone’s giving you a lift somewhere, the response will be along the lines of ‘get out and walk if you don’t like my driving’, especially with breaking the law when driving being so ingrained as normal behaviour these days…

On the other hand, using mobile phones when driving is illegal and does cause harm, even death, usually not to the person fiddling with the phone…

In this particular case, the driver in question was fiddling with her phone at traffic lights, and did put it down when she started off again. But it was a grim night, chucking it down, visibility was poor and there were quite a few pedestrians and cyclists about. She knows my feelings as a cyclist about road safety…

But she also complains about speed limits, lets her alcoholic ex-boyfriend drive her car uninsured and is ok to drive herself (albeit only a short distance) after a bottle of wine… so I’m not sure I’m going to get anywhere by expressing my feelings about mobile phone use…

Discretion being the better part of valour?

Neck a bottle of wine, let it take effect, then tell her exactly what you think about her driving, and then claim you’re fine to have a friendly chat after a bottle of wine.

And then find a random alcoholic and let them have a go at her.

is ok to drive herself (albeit only a short distance) after a bottle of wine.

And you worry about her using her mobile whilst stopped at lights!

Probably ask if they would like me to call / text someone for them as they should be concentrating on driving ?

If you think their driving is dangerous ask them to pull over and let you out. Agree there’s no point getting into a discussion but doing nothing isn’t very responsible.

Did she pull off from the lights with her phone in her hand. Did she apply the handbrake, pick up the phone and then put it down before releasing the handbrake?

The former is illegal, the latter i dont think is illegal (but i am willing to be corrected).

In this particular case, the driver in question was fiddling with her phone at traffic lights, and did put it down when she started off again

Can’t say that’d bother me.

But, if they were texting or calling someone whilst actually driving i’d ask them not to, if they said “bugger off and walk if you don’t like my driving”. I’d walk!

Is she a good friend? Do you care if she wraps herself round a telegraph pole?

If the answer is ‘yes’, then maybe you should tell her. It won’t be an easy conversation to have, but you’ll be coming from a position of care and concern, so hopefully she’ll take it in that vein.

If she doesn’t alter her behaviour, then you really shouldn’t accept a lift from her again. The behaviour you describe is extremely reckless — dangerous to her, you and others.

That may come across as sanctimonious and patronising, but if what you’ve written is correct, it’s the truth.

Find someone else to get a lift from in the future?

The former is illegal, the latter i dont think is illegal (but i am willing to be corrected).

Yes, it’s illegal if the engine is running, even if stationary with the handbrake on.

Its ok if she kills someone whilst pissed up if she hits them 5 metres down the road then eh?

She sounds a dick and I wouldnt get in the car with them

In this particular case, the driver in question was fiddling with her phone at traffic lights, and did put it down when she started off again

Can’t say that’d bother me.

She’s still missing out on observation of what’s going around her while waiting at the lights, while fiddling with her phone she won’t have cloked the motorcyclist/cyclist that filtered along beside her, or the pedestrians who might be about to cross, or any other relevant traffic movements, sure she can look around and try and take it all in when the light turns green, but that’s difficult to do that quickly and you can bet her mind will be going “green, crap! time to move!” not “right what’s happened while I wasn’t looking” when the lights change.

Is it just me then….?
There’s no doubt it’s illegal but would it bother me in that scenario that the OP describes?….
No.
I can’t see that it’s any more dangerous than changing stations on your radio or finding a track from a memory stick, whilst sat at the lights.

… or picking your favorite colour of jellybaby out of the bag
… or resetting your trip meter … or just wiping the dust from your eyes … whilst stationary at the lights.

They all take your attention but the risks are marginal.

[Edit] I’ve just read a thread about wearing kneepads for riding.
I consider the risk (probability x impact) of riding without pads to be a million times higher than that from looking at the phone whilst stationary at lights, but I wouldn’t take a sanctimonious line with anyone who chose not to wear pads, so it surprises me that folk get so upset about something just because it’s not permitted.
[/Edit]

well all the examples you gave are both very quick, and don’t actually require much attention. Using phone/texting etc. can actually take a lot more of your attention than you think.

It depends though, the OP said ‘fiddling’ which could be a simple as pressing a home button to see if you had a missed call, Vs posting on FB or a full on txt conversation, the two are obviously different (but no less illegal).

I think the bigger points are about the context he gave around the drinking and the letting other people drive uninsured etc. which shows that her actions are probably not limited to just fiddling at the lights occasionally.

But as usual on the internet we don’t have all the facts so have to rely on speculation and assumption 😉

I’d write a little note stating ‘You are going to maim or kill someone via negligent driving’ and date it, then leave in her glove box and wait.

I can’t disagree with any of what you’ve said amedias.

Yes, the bigger picture and context is always more important.

her actions are probably not limited to just fiddling at the lights occasionally.

But as usual on the internet we don’t have all the facts so have to rely on speculation and assumption

Well, this was just one example of a few behaviours where I would describe her and I as having different attitudes to risk/living a healthy existence… I think this was probably the deal-breaker in terms of whether I want her to be the new Mrs Brooess…

lets her alcoholic ex-boyfriend drive her car uninsured

Hold on a minute

this was probably the deal-breaker in terms of whether I want her to be the new Mrs Brooess

Does she know you’re ‘borrowing’ her car? 😉

In this case I would not get in the car with them and report her and her fella for the offences as someone may well get hurt

Cars are dangerous and their behaviour exacerbates this risk

The last time it happened you got away with it so forget that. However should the opportunity to have a lift with her again arise refuse and say why adding all the other crap driving habits she has. If this opportunity occurs with an audience so much the better.

using it at the lights is illegal and it does boil my pish (as do manythings) but I’d probably let that go, using it while driving and I’d deffo say something.

However the driving pished and letting her boy friend drive (i assume pished) and uninsured its well out of order. I’d be straight onto 101 with details.

Yes, it’s illegal if the engine is running, even if stationary with the handbrake on.

I wondered that the other day, is that true? Or is it the same as drink driving, in that you only have to be in the car and drunk to get done as people had been woken up whilst sleeping on the back seat and breathalyzed i.e. you are in control of the vehicle, even if it’s going nowhere.

I suppose there is a difference that if drunk you’re likely to wake up and make the bad decision to drive if you’re still drunk, whereas you put the phone down and the problem goes away.

I wondered that the other day, is that true? Or is it the same as drink driving, in that you only have to be in the car and drunk to get done as people had been woken up whilst sleeping on the back seat and breathalyzed i.e. you are in control of the vehicle, even if it’s going nowhere.

Can you get nicked for using a phone in a safely parked car with the engine off? No. Same as you can’t get done for eating a Ginster’s pasty while you’re parked up in Membury Services, or for climbing into the back of your camper and brewing up a cuppa in a layby. The difference with being inside the car with the keys and being pissed up is that the last bit often has a problematic influence on what you do about the first bit, and while you can spontaneously finish a pasty or a cuppa or a phone call and set off perfectly safely, you can’t just spontaneously finish being pissed and do likewise.

I’d text her to say stop arsing about with the phone whilst I’m in the car or I’ll take it off you and shove it up your arse.

slimjim78 – Member

I’d write a little note stating ‘You are going to maim or kill someone via negligent driving’ and date it, then leave in her glove box and wait.
Perhaps you might get her attention better if you text it to her?

I have never had cause to research it myself but I was told some years ago about someone being prosecuted for driving and using a phone when they had gotten out to post something, and as they were distracted the handbrake was not applied so the car rolled off and presumably into/ over something.
I think in that case ‘Driving’ was construed as the period of transport between A and B, B being the ultimate destination.
I might look it up now just in case I look a massive arse and am wrong….

Can’t find it, bugger.

In particular, if someone’s giving you a lift somewhere, the response will be along the lines of ‘get out and walk if you don’t like my driving’

Which is what my ex said to me when I questioned her for using her phone whilst driving.She stopped her car in rush hour on the Mancunian Way (it’s a short stretch of motorway flyover through central Manchester) , ,then got out of the car,came round ,opened my passenger door and tried dragging me out of her car whilst screaming “Get out of my f***ing car” at the top her voice.

I was told some years ago about someone being prosecuted for driving and using a phone when they had gotten out to post something, and as they were distracted the handbrake was not applied so the car rolled off and presumably into/ over something. I think in that case ‘Driving’ was construed as the period of transport between A and B, B being the ultimate destination.

Not aware of the details of the case, but I would imagine that “driving” was construed to include the process of completing the parking of the car, and thus if the driver had started using the phone prior to doing so (the process of parking presumably being construed to include the application of a parking brake) then that would be using the phone while driving, even if the ignition had been switched off prior to picking up the phone.

The following is a notable example of driving being considered to include the parking of the vehicle (the details differ slightly, in that in this case the handbrake was AFAIK applied but the engine was left running; the latter being an offence in itself, although not one that was prosecuted).

When Not Driving Is Driving, And When It’s Not Driving

If it’s illegal then it’s dangerous and you should hang draw and quarter your friend – say the masses on here,

Really? Who hasn’t ridden on a footpath, jumped a red light, exceeded the speed limit etc. come on folks.

If it’s dangerous have a word, if your really desperate point out it’s illegal but honestly you aren’t that bothered. If you really want to be an ass get out and walk.

Given what else you know, whyTF were you in the car in the first place?

Given what else you know, whyTF were you in the car in the first place?

Fair question – I guess if you spend your life avoiding people with whom you don’t 100% share morals, you’ll end up alone! Seeing her fiddling with her phone in the rotten poor-visibility conditions we were in was just the straw which broke the camel’s back – hence also posting it on here for STW thoughts!

tomd
If you think their driving is dangerous ask them to pull over and let you out. Agree there’s no point getting into a discussion but doing nothing isn’t very responsible.

This^^.

I have done exactly that once when a friend answered the phone, cost me a 2 hour walk home but she did apologise when I next saw her. Never seen her use the phone while driving since.

If you do nothing you’re sort of accepting their behavior as fine and they will not change.

To answer your original question “Can you not do that when i’m in the car please”tends to work.

Didn’t bother reading any of the reply posts, but just to say I think you’ve missed the point by a country mile. A bottle of wine and driving! Holy crap. That’s a lot of alcohol. And you say you’re concerned about road safety? Why are you so worried about a bit of phone use at traffic lights and seemingly far less concerned about her drink driving?
Serious chat required!

Sorry but I would tell her to put the effing phone down!

Then I would be on to the police with all the details you have shared.

If I ever got in her car in the first place.

If you don’t report her to the police please can you email me a statement so I can?

Sorry but it’s number plate to the police for drink driving, allowing the car to be driven by an uninsured, needs to be stopped in my opinion.

Call me a grass/dobber/killjoy etc but I don’t keep company like that.

texting while stationary at lights…not an issue for me as long as its down once they start off again…

Pished on a bottle of wine???…whole different ball game.You claim you are concerned with road safety yet you know someone that does this and you haven’t reported them to police?