Vegan's arses

Yesterday, during a very long car journey, my Labrador was getting the blame for the constant stream of eye watering all windows down farts that were causing universal distress.

This evening, during a quiet moment, our teenage daughter confessed to her mother that in fact she was the culprit, but had been too ashamed to speak up. She further confided that this had been an ongoing problem since she embraced veganism in the autumn.

Apart from chuckling at the irony of a newly converted animal rights advocate permanently smelling like they have some sort of decaying creature up their arse, what can be done about this terrible scenario?

Sort her diet out maybe?

Is she eating a lot of that vile processed substitute crap?

Is she eating a lot of that vile processed substitute crap

McRib?

I farted reading that

Nothing for me but my kids dont seem that affected

Sorry lots of meat jokes she will piss her self silly laughing at your wit and the smell of wee will cover up the smell of her farts

Well, if she wants to empathise with the animals…

Charcoal Dog Biscuits

Well I just offered to donate to her the hilarious ‘give it 10 minutes’ toilet warning cone that my 7 year old son got me for Christmas, but my generosity was not appreciated 😕

I don’t think she eats that Tofu stuff, it’s just loads of fruit and veg and brown bread and Almond milk and so on. The Mrs (a nurse) is on top of that side of things.

It’s just an unfortunate compounding of problems – the stench the diet produces, plus the physical weakness that means muscles tire so rapidly and they have no hoop control, and basically trickle out a constant 24hr long fart.

I don’t think she’s laughed at my outstanding wit for several years now JY. I don’t mind, I have two small boys for that.

Was vegan for 2 years and never had those types of problems. Was she vegetarian before or go straight from meat and dairy to being vegan?

My guess is she’s eating a lot of pulses which can be whiffy if you’re not used to eating them. They need rinsing before and after cooking, the water they’ve been stored or cooked in can cause wind. Try sprouted pulses instead especially for stuff like hummus.

IANAD but have been vegan for something like 25 years and don’t suffer from nasty smells unless I drink beer (which I guess she isn’t doing). Son is also vegan (20mths) and doesn’t smell either.

If you think vegans smell, try using a service station toilet at 9am. You think the people producing that stench are vegans?

Maybe some friendly gut flora like acidophilus may help.

Straight into it pretty much, and yes, lots of pulses. Tomaso – that rings a bell from what I overheard of their conversation.

Thanks for the tips, much appreciated. I shall find a diplomatic way of passing them on, which I suspect will have to be via my wife.

Well, being vegan doesn’t make you weak so the problem doesn’t lie with her, er, musculature. But I’m sure you knew that.

Son is also vegan (20mths)

Not casting aspersions and we all have to make choices for our kids, based on our experiences of life but that’s very, very young for a kid to be taken out of the traditional food chain.

Not casting aspersions and we all have to make choices for our kids, based on our experiences of life but that’s very, very young for a kid to be taken out of the traditional food chain.

LOL! We’re primates.

I bet his kids are far healthier than the norm.

Not casting aspersions and we all have to make choices for our kids, based on our experiences of life but that’s very, very young for a kid to be taken out of the traditional food chain.

Maybe you are not reading that as intended (he’s been vegan for 20months, not vegan at 20 months?)

^Yes, because historically young kids would have been drinking cows milk and processed meat 😉

Not casting aspersions and we all have to make choices for our kids, based on our experiences of life but that’s very, very young for a kid to be taken out of the traditional food chain.

Yes you are and whilst I deny my child the joys of mc Donalds I hope your flabby arse can forgive me 😈
Took longer than normal to reach omnivore BS bingo
PS my kids have been vegan since birth …oh the horror

More of this for my kids.

Yum Yum.

And primates never eat ants, snails or any other carnivorous forms of protein…

Come now, this is STW, is it so very different from not feeding them spaghetti sky monsters ( how I hate that derogatory phrase ).

Anyway. I’m a big fan of letting your kids make their own choices when they’re ready to do so. My wife is a committed vegetarian and I would be happy to see my son go the same way when he knows his own mind. Meantime, he’ll eat mince when appropriate.

And primates never eat ants, snails or any other carnivorous forms of protein…

Very rarely I think.

Eating a healthy, balanced diet with a bit of tuna, veggies, pulses, nuts and red meat has not equated to a flabby arsed family here. I double dare you to a butt cheek photo stand off. Smellevision off. *girding loins and waking toddler in anticipation of actual standoff*

PS my kids have been vegan since birth …oh the horror

Your children = your choice, no?

JCL – don’t you watch telly? Monkeys will eat pretty much anything; beetles, snails, scorpions… Seen it first hand in the tiny piece of Malaysia which is left over to jungle. SA too. Gibbons will snap up anything that moves.

JCL – don’t you watch telly? Monkeys will eat pretty much anything; beetles, snails, scorpions… Seen it first hand in the tiny piece of Malaysia which is left over to jungle. SA too. Gibbons will snap up anything that moves.

But they hardly ever eat red meat do they? I think Chimps go hunting for Howlers or Lemurs in a ritual type thing once a while don’t they?

I don’t think red meat does us much good at all. Iron, Vit D/B12 is available elsewhere from sources that don’t rot in your bowel.

Meantime, he’ll eat mince when appropriate.

While riding a 6″ travel bike around red graded trail center trails while wearing knee pads, elbow pads and a Giro Switchblade?

But they hardly ever eat red meat do they? I think Chimps go hunting for Howlers or Lemurs in a ritual type thing once a while don’t they?

I’d suspect that the rarity of red meat in their diet is due more to the availability than anything else. The effort involved in chasing and killing is considerable. And I think we’d all eat a lot less meat if we had to butcher it ourselves…

Great thread title

There was a bit about this in an interview with Harold McGee on the Food program yesterday. The upshot was that with things like beans they need to be cooked a lot longer that you would expect to reduce trouser trumpeting

about 15:10 in http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b04ws12f

d chain.
Maybe you are not reading that as intended (he’s been vegan for 20months, not vegan at 20 months?)

Since birth, just to clear that up. Lack of b12 muddling my mind.

Thanks for the concern but he’s grand. Sooner kids are taken out of the “traditional food chain” the better imo. In Spain where he lives, 9 out of 10 kids eat too much protein. I doubt child obesity is quite what it is in the UK but it’s on the rise. Best save the concern for the children of parents who insist on feeding them “traditional” food.

Joking aside (and for the avoidance of doubt, comments re vegan weakness are very much just a joke), I’ve no objection at all to veggie or vegan diets, as long as she is getting all the nutrition she needs.

It’s good to hear that the farting problem can be addressed!

user-removed – Member
Not casting aspersions and we all have to make choices for our kids, based on our experiences of life but that’s very, very young for a kid to be taken out of the traditional food chain.

How did you think Vegan parents are bringing up their children?
Mine are 12 and 8 and have both been vegan from birth.

If only I could break my wife’s insistence on having cats 🙄

As for smelly bums, I find it pretty predictable. Eat some kind of frozen burger or nut roast or something and it can be a bit bad. Normally it’s fine.
(I’ve been vegan for 21 years).

IANAD but have been vegan for something like 25 years and don’t suffer from nasty smells unless I drink beer (which I guess she isn’t doing).

I find beer to be one of the worst things too. I’ll put up with it 🙂

Has she no shame about her methane adding to global warming?

Veganism is like the dietary version of Puritanism. As Mencken might have said:

The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be enjoying their food…

My mate was a veggie, but he also fed his dog, a Staffie, a vegetarian diet. I have never smelt anything in my life like the foul, toxic fug that that animal released. If Blair and Bush had got wind of it, it would be grounds for an invasion. Every time it guffed it felt like a chemical weapons attack. I’ve seen it literally clear a pub. People running screaming into the street like someone had thrown a CS gas canister in there!

I’m banned from discussing the matter with her Mr W. Apparently a sensitive approach is required.

The solution is simple. Never admit it, ever.

steer clear of onions

fennel seeds is sposed to be a cure isn’t it?

bacon is basically just biologically reprocessed vegetable matter, afaic

@Binners
My girlfriends two terriers got moved from a canned meat diet over to dried veg one

One of the evil little F’ers likes to look you in the eye while it silently drops an eyewatering stench (I think in protest to the new food)

Veganism is like the dietary version of Puritanism. As Mencken might have said:

The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be enjoying their food…
Religious threads loss is the vegan threads gain

As subtle and funny as you always are.

The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be enjoying their food…

I enjoy my food and I’ve been veggie over 20 years. What was your point again, caller?