Can be lighthearted or serious and philisophical.

Give us your universal truths or argue the validity of other’s suggestions.
Here’s 2 to get started.

.Everything is in decay
.Time never stops.

You can’t lick your own elbow

Youth is wasted on the young.

Love should happen naturally like a fart, if you have to force it you’ll end up in the s**t

From a recent episode of The Boys:

With great power comes the absolute certainty that you’ll turn into a right c**”.

The Universal truths that all religions are based on:
We are right
everyone else is wrong
We are better than you

“Life is wasted on the living”. (Slartibartfast)

A big dashed line on the OS map does not necessarily indicate a cycleable trail.

No good deed ever goes unpunished

Never drink in a flat roof pub.

Life is often unfair. Sometimes you can just be happier by accepting it rather than trying to change it – knowing which injustices are worth your efforts is the key to survival.

5 laws of stupidity

1. Always and inevitably each of us underestimates the number of stupid individuals in circulation.

2. The probability that a given person is stupid is independent of any other characteristic possessed by that person.

3. A person is stupid if they cause damage to another person or group of people without experiencing personal gain, or even worse causing damage to themselves in the process.

4. Non-stupid people always underestimate the harmful potential of stupid people; they constantly forget that at any time anywhere, and in any circumstance, dealing with or associating themselves with stupid individuals invariably constitutes a costly error.

5. A stupid person is the most dangerous type of person there is.

Never trust a Tory.

“Man who go to bed with itchy bum, wake up with brown fingers.”

(slightly more light hearted)

Never

Fight

A Man

With a Perm

Above these clouds the sun shines.

“Life is wasted on the living”. (Slartibartfast)

Actually, that was Zaphood Beeblebrox the fourth, Zaphod Beeblebrox’s great grandfather (there was a mix up with a contraceptive and a time machine)

Any cafe called ‘The Coffee Pot’ will be run by someone who has very little interest in selling coffee.

Rich blokes always want to get married.

northernmatt
Free Member
You can’t lick your own elbow

You need to be specific. If you have 1 or 2 fully complete elbows, one can lick their own elbow-pit. However one cannot lick their own elbow-cap.

Rich blokes always want to get married

It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of a wife.

LMFTFY 😉

Never attribute to malice what can be better explained as stupidity

“At fifty everyone has the face he deserves.”

– George Orwell

Bad shit happens to good people

Companies get the unions they deserve

You can’t polish a turd.

The Sir! Keir! Starmer! thread will continue and outlive humanity, points of principle being argued over by AI ad infinitum.

You will never be fully satisfied that you have the best tent and won’t need to buy another.

You will never be fully satisfied that you have the best tent and won’t need to buy another.

Yep!

My tents have finally outnumbered my bikes, and is only outnumbered by my backpacks and bags

You will never be fully satisfied that you have the best tent and won’t need to buy another.

You will never be fully satisfied that you have the best bike and won’t need to buy another. FTFY

You will never be fully satisfied that you have the best (insert any item) and won’t need to buy another.

LMFT

Edit- sort of beaten to it!

Eventually engaging neutral and applying the handbrake always makes the lights change.

Damm it, beaten too it!

Shall be uttered by all forumites at least once in their own existence having procrastinated over their initial response

I’ve just been informed by my work colleague smart a**e that honey doesn’t decay. So my universal truth opener is not technically correct. Will a jar of honey outlive the human race??
Apparently because of the make up of honey it doesn’t allow bacteria to flourish, there so now you know a thing.

Nobody useful to society ever got out of a Range Rover.

Actually, that was Zaphood Beeblebrox the fourth, Zaphod Beeblebrox’s great grandfather (there was a mix up with a contraceptive and a time machine)

I was that young or naive when I read HHGTTG that I asked my mother what a contraceptive was. As parent of teenagers, I can now imagine her horror, embarrassment, astonishment… And before anyone suggests it, I wasn’t 32 when I read it! 😀

Nobody useful to society ever got out of a Range Rover.

I beg to differ…the SAS did during a siege…no, wait, hang on…was that a film? I struggle to tell reality from fiction these days

Surely the SAS would use Land Rovers? Can’t get too comfortable, or they’ll go soft.

Also:

1 halfwit working with a sensible person will have the overall effect of one halfwit…

2 halfwits working together will have the overall effect of one quarterwit…

3+ halfwits working together? Run. Just run away, quite fast…

I have witnessed this phenomenon many, many times…

A favourite from Still Game:

He who hingeth aboot geteth heehaw