Faffage time is proportional to the square of the number of people in the group.

P-Jay
MTbers are never honest about their abilities / skills even anonymously.

In addition: It’s pretty much impossible to ride exactly the same trail as another rider.

I.E. You can ride slowly down a black DH run, walk around all the features, and say “don’t know what all the fuss was about…” and vise versa, you can hit every bump, lump, iffy enduro line and lip/sender on what looks to be a fairly tame Blue trail whilst doing mach3 and say “wow, that blue line is full on” or similar!!

New wheels/frame/forks will get scratched first ride out.
If you pack warmer gear in your ‘bak it’ll be wall to wall sunshine, if you don’t it’ll drop 5degrees and rain once out of sight of the car.

It’s impossible to accurately warn someone about a particular feature on a new to them trail.

big +1

Newbies in the Lake District will always say “I thought we were going on a bike ride” when they have to shoulder or push it.

route leaders will always forget about just how much hikeabike there is.

Its extremely unlikely to be sunny in Wales. Always pack for rain, even if you other half is spending the day on the beach where you live (assuming not Wales).

Wherever there is a choice of direction on a route, the direction you need will be the one that is the most uphill.

I WILL be 20-30 mins late back from the ride and will get 10mins of pram face.

Was in Wales this weekend, no clear sun in the sky just clouds everywhere…get to the Severn bridge on the way back and it was like stepping off a plan somewhere sunny.

The tube borrowers / donees getting punctures thing definitely happens.

Losing / breaking new stuff after replacing old stuff you’ve had for years and could not destroy even if you wanted to.

There will never be too many niches

Yeah… the tube thing is weird. A few months ago at Afan I thought I’d garnered some trail karma by donating my only spare tube to a bunch of punctured neewbs who had none. About 30 mins later I suffered an un-patchable snakebite and was forced to walk the rest of the way back home.. 🙄

Never trust a mate who tells you a trail you’ve never riden before is all “rollable” !!!!

When you’ve used your spare tube(s) and inevitably get another puncture, having to resort to the patch kit that’s been lurking in the bottom of your Camelbak for years, the bastard glue has alway dried up rendering it completely useless 👿

Never listen to manufacturers hyperbole.

That you should NEVER say “one last go” or “one last run” it is a precursor to something painful each and every time

Too true! And not just biking, can be applied to almost everything. At this point, always say nah, I’ve had enough…

The day you expect that trail to dry out enough will be the day it rains.

It’s not a proper ride without cake and coffee.
If you claim to be a bike cafe and don’t have baked potatoes available, you aren’t.
You will feel like shit on the third day of a multi-day bike trip.

All expensive new bikes are the BEST thing the purchaser has ever ridden.

After watching any of the Earthed DVD’s you will think you are Sam Hill. Your next ride will be a painful experience that proves you are definitely not Sam Hill 😳 😳

Mountain biking shoes will be wet Aug to May, there is no point fighting it.

Mountain bikers will always assume that riding a mountain bike gives them some form of incredible upper body strength unavailable to any other cyclist.

Flat pedal mountain bikers will always assume that people who use SPDs or similar ‘cheat’ at bunny hops.

The mountain bike uniform is baggy shorts, ‘MTB’ helmet, Camelbak filled to the brim with useless shite, baggy T shirt and gloves. Whatever the weather…

You join a new to you group of MTBers for a ride. The fastest guy there will be on an old, but originally high spec bike, he won’t mouth off about how great he is, or ride in a showy way, but, you’ll set off, and one moment he’s in front of you, and then, he’s gone…… 😉

“It’ll go”. Many times said. Often it doesn’t

Most riders over-dress.

if you look at the tree you will hit the tree
stop
looking
at
it.
Now.
too late, you’ve hit it :facepalm:

taxi25 – Member

Never trust a mate who tells you a trail you’ve never riden before is all “rollable” !!!!

I’ve more or less stopped it now but rolling the unrollable used to be my special trick. Drop onto bashring, teeter for a bit… And bear in mind, this was back when most people still thought triple rings were a good idea. So when I said “Yeah, this all rolls, I did it last week” you really had to see the big picture 😆