Viewing 40 posts - 1 through 40 (of 65 total)
  • Universal MTB truths…
  • andeh
    Full Member

    A trail called Rollercoaster will always be disappointing

    Riders of pink bikes are always either be ludicrously fast or painfully slow

    A trail with more than 3 corners in a row will, inevitably, end up being named “Berm Baby Berm”

    What you got?

    CaptainFlashheart
    Free Member

    “WATCH THIS, EVERYONE!” or “That looks doable” = CRASH

    mikewsmith
    Free Member

    anything new will be denounced, mountain bikers are only mountain bikers if they started at least a year before they invented bikes 🙂

    Fresh Goods Friday 696: The Middling Edition

    Fresh Goods Friday 696: The Middlin...
    Latest Singletrack Videos
    stevied
    Free Member

    Gravel rash hurts when you try to wash it out.

    Ming the Merciless
    Free Member

    A flooded rut is always deeper than you think

    mjsmke
    Full Member

    Pre-planned rides that involve a long drive and/or camping will always include rain and/or lots of wet mud.

    tazzymtb
    Full Member

    mountain bikers are dicks

    thekettle
    Free Member

    The midges will always find you before you can finish changing a tube.
    Sheep poo will always find your mouth if you ride through it.

    jam-bo
    Full Member

    catastrophic mechanicals always happen at the furthest point from home.

    joshvegas
    Free Member

    CaptainFlashheart – Member
    “WATCH THIS, EVERYONE!” or “That looks doable” = CRASH

    Add to this.

    “Here, hold my beer”

    jekkyl
    Full Member

    If you don’t decide your route before setting off you will waste time at the points of decision.

    sandwicheater
    Full Member

    It’s just pishing about on bikes

    buckster
    Free Member

    You are faster/slicker/gnarlier when nobody is watching/there

    stewartc
    Free Member

    You only find your rhythm in the last kilometer
    Punctures come in threes
    Mountain bikers compare injuries like Quint and Hooper in Jaws

    whitestone
    Free Member

    A STWer will moan about the uphills.

    thepurist
    Full Member

    The last mile of a clean dry ride will take you through the farmyard from hell, knee deep in stinking slurry.

    mr-potatohead
    Free Member

    someone will always say ” it rolls ”

    maxtorque
    Full Member

    It’s impossible to accurately warn someone about a particular feature on a new to them trail. You’ll either over or under estimate that features importance, and ruin the rest of the trail for them instead!

    honourablegeorge
    Full Member

    There’s a trail called Rollercoaster in Finale that’s lots of fun.

    5thElefant
    Free Member

    The older I get the better I was.

    ndthornton
    Free Member

    Events you pay for in advance will always be sh*te weather

    onandon
    Free Member

    The go-pro footage you just uploaded is dull and boring to everyone but you.

    JoB
    Free Member

    faff

    funkmasterp
    Full Member

    You always want a newer, shinier bike

    JEngledow
    Free Member

    The best tool in your toolbox is a credit card 🙄

    mindmap3
    Free Member

    The go-pro footage you just uploaded is dull and boring to everyone but you.

    It just confirms how slow you are, even when you think you were riding really fast!

    rowallan123
    Free Member

    Riding an entry level bike is just as much fun as riding a ridiculously expensive state of the art one.

    Home trails will catch you out and have you off at least once a year.

    The time you decide to not wear your pads…is the time you wreck.

    MTB riders are overwhelmingly middle aged white men.

    Trail centre car parks have as many BMW’s and Audis as tatty vans.

    Cake is the fuel of champions!

    scuttler
    Full Member

    People who say ‘I think’ or ‘Yeah I’m sure’ when describing route finding should be ignored. As should anyone who shows no interest in looking at a map when it comes out. They will be the first to complain if there’s any back tracking or the trail turns out to be different to their unfounded expectations, or if they have to ride back up hill having missed the fork they were warned about.

    Newbies in the Lake District will always say “I thought we were going on a bike ride” when they have to shoulder or push it.

    Totally agree with maxtorque.

    NormalMan
    Full Member

    These days the trails are alive.*

    *Presumably they were dead before.

    jekkyl
    Full Member

    Very occasionally your energy levels/fitness and the people you ride with with align and you will have a great ride, without any waiting or struggling up hills.

    johnx2
    Free Member

    the more comedy the fall, the more witnesses there will be

    matt_outandabout
    Full Member

    Dog bombs are hidden on the apex of a fast corner.
    You forget the camera on the day the light is ‘just right’.
    The trail pictures never look as good as being there.

    P-Jay
    Free Member

    MTbers are never honest about their abilities / skills even anonymously.

    Whenever I’m on an MTB forum (STW is the very best of the bunch for honesty in fairness) and someone is waxing lyrical about some trail or other…. “yeah it’s all pretty standard stuff, you know – starts with a 6ft drop to flat, then you might have to throw a few pedal strokes in to make the 20ft double cleanly, then it’s just the near vertical off-camber root and rock fest and the 8ft step-up to the 8” wide landing and then you’re on to the really tough part of Verderers”. I’m reminded of a thread on BikeRadar back when it was still MBUK, it was called “how big a drop can you do on a Hardtail”.

    Some youngster (based on their use of language) simply wanted a yard-stick of what you can get away with on a hardtrail, as we know there is no real answer to this, so many factors, most of them not bike related – but most of the posters really focused on the “can you do” part of the question.

    First poster – “I’ve been doing 2-3ft drops on mine for years, not issues yet”

    Second poster- “I’ve been dropping 3-4ft to flat for years on mine, easy”

    Third poster “6ft, no biggie”

    And so it carried, on by the end you’d expect to hear about how the poster had to fit surplus NASA heat shields to their downtube to survive re-entry, even stranger than that posters who got in early with almost believable stats must have got spooked through the day and came back with tales of 8ft drops onto jagged rocks “In Afan” that they’d forgotten about.

    I’m not a great rider, I’ve been doing it for over a decade now, but I’m pretty cautious for lots of sensible, boring grown-up reasons, in years gone by I’ve tried to read up about places before I go there only to be put off by tales of heroism and daring or worse yawning reviews of places seemingly too boring in their simplicity for the poster to bother saying if they were fun to ride or not, only to find the reality is slap bang in the middle so whenever I read someone saying how Rampage esq Willy Waver is, or how the Plenny is only really suitable for the sick or elderly and no challenge I wonder aloud how big a drop they could do on a hard tail.

    monkeysfeet
    Free Member

    Folks will l always complain that trail centres are not “real mountain biking”
    You will always have that one friend who needs to faff before the start of the ride
    Punctures always happen at the furthest point

    4130s0ul
    Free Member

    That you should NEVER say “one last go” or “one last run” it is a precursor to something painful each and every time

    spawnofyorkshire
    Full Member

    You will always have that one friend who needs to faff before the start of the ride

    WAVES

    One riding buddy now calls me Captain Faff

    andeh
    Full Member

    That one friend who never carries a tube because they “never get punctures” will get 3 punctures and borrow everyone else’s tubes.

    Tube donors will all promptly receive punctures

    andeh
    Full Member

    No matter how fast you think you are, there’s always a local on a singlespeed hardtail ready to serve you a vast portion of humble pie.

    Stevet1
    Free Member

    if you look at the tree you will hit the tree
    stop
    looking
    at
    it.
    Now.
    too late, you’ve hit it :facepalm:

    nickc
    Full Member

    If you’ve an audience you will crash, the amount of embarrassment/pain is directly proportional to the audience

    E.g. yoof with BMX you will rupture your spleen falling from a kerb drop

Viewing 40 posts - 1 through 40 (of 65 total)

The topic ‘Universal MTB truths…’ is closed to new replies.