Uncle to be – living away/got holiday booked makes me selfish?

I was around for my sister giving birth to her first but it was unusual circumstances. She was moving house and the move was 6 weeks late and the birth was 6 weeks early. I got a call at 10pm that she was in a spot of bother and drove the 70 miles to London up to discover a barely packed up house and an incapacitate sister with no other relatives in the country. I spent the night packing while she spent it pushing. I exchanged and completed for her, picked up the keys and made her a ‘nest’ in the living room of the new house (a ‘project’ purchase- the rest was uninhabitable) into which she arrived a few few hours later.

In that context I guess a brother on the scene was kind of was useful – normally not so much!

Hang on… OP Are you from the Forest of Dean?

Can I just join the long list of people reassuring you that you are the normal one in this tale!

The whole point of being an uncle is that you can swoop in unannounced whenever it suits you, encourage the kids to do all the stuff their parents tell them not to and then disappear again before the shit hits.

All this you should be nearby, but not too near for the birth is very unusual in my experience, if you’re about it’s probably polite to rock up within a day or so to say hi and pretend to think the baby is cute but as you’re away I wouldn’t worry. Also the gift list thing isn’t something I’ve every come across before. is your sister a bit odd?

muppetWrangler, uncle to 4, father to none.

It’s just on the list of events that make people go (temporarily) insane

Weddings
Firstborns

etc. etc.

Pretty sure they will be fed up with visitors after the first few hours, I know I was.

She’ll be in hospital for a few days after the c-section and pretty much immobile for a while after.

If you want to do something nice for them send them a Gousto/eat fresh box or something so they have easy to cook meals at home and don’t have to traipse to Tescos for the 73rd time that week and visit when they’re settled.

Then again, that’s advice for normal people, your lot sound WEIRD

Go on holiday and go round after, when they’re exhausted and at their lowest ebb and subject them to a two slide show of you adventures.that’ll learn ’em.

What you’ve forgotten is that some people’s first child is the most important thing to have ever happened in the world. Whereas other people understand that there’s bloody loads of them already, so let this new disaster come, it makes but one more.

Is this from the family or the sister specifically? If it’s from your sister, I predict you might be in for a few years of really annoying baby related bullshit. Sorry.

I was on holiday 3000 miles away from my brothers’ boys arrival via a planned c-section. I had an emotional phone call with him on the due date and met my (now 20 year old) nephews when they were 6 weeks old. Everybody was happy. The twins didn’t know anything about my absence until they were old enough to understand about seven years later, and they were not bothered!

As far as gifts are concerned, why not make them something, doesn’t really matter what it is. If you can’t afford the Amazon list, get something practical, like baby grows for a six month old-they will have loads of newborn stuff, but something for a bit later on went down well with both my brother and sister when they had children

Agree with much of what’s been said. I’m close to my family but have not been at the birth, or even in the same post code, for the birth of any of my 9 niece/nephew’s.

When my boy came along my fiancee didn’t want anyone about at first. We didn’t expect any gifts, let alone produce a list.

You are normal, other family members less so.

I get on great with my sister but I didn’t see my niece till she was about two. I don’t really have any kind of bond with her but I imagine that suits us both well enough, when I was a kid I had no interest in my extended family.

Same advice proffered for the “no kids at the wedding post” tell her to get on with it and you will see her a week later (take her other half a case of beer he will need it and if he doesn’t drink he will soon…

I got a text notifying me of the arrival of my first nephew while I was in a restaurant in Palma. The chef very kindly opened a bottle of champagne so we could toast the boys arrival. Worked for me. Very weird to want you actually at the hospital!

You could be missing a fried Placenta breakfast, black pud, white pud, bacon… That’s got to be worth hanging around for, Shirley?

Is your sisters name Mary?

Will she be in a stable?

Will you be coming from the east?

Is your name Balthazar, Gaspar, or Melchior?

If so then turn up with gold, frankincense or myrrh.

If not then go on your holiday and rock up when convenient to you. Bring a teddy if you feel like it.

Bring a teddy if you feel like it.

Now that is sound advice, no one can be grumpy towards a man bearing a bear.

Enjoy your holiday.

I’m an uncle a few times over. I didn’t attend any births. I didn’t want to and would not have been welcome. Muppetwrangler summed up the uncle role perfectly. You get to be the fun grownup while your sibling is a boring parent (JOKE before anyone takes offence). Turning up a day or two or three after the birth to coo over the infant always felt like the right level of involvement.

Go on holiday and enjoy it

I know the feeling that certain people think the world revolves around them

Sounds ludicrous to even expect you to be there, never mind cancel a holiday for it

And no, it’s not selfish

To be honest we just wanted left alone with our baby and for everyone else to **** off. Sounds like point scoring from your sister tbh.

Very unreasonable behaviour.

I assume she’s a bit nervous about the whole thing? Neurotic disposition in general?

Go on holiday…you’ll be the uncle so you can do the uncle thing i.e. turn up when you want and be the cool person that has the carry on and good fun.

Remind them that you weren’t there at the making of the kid so you aren’t needed to be there for the unwrapping of the kid. They can text you when it arrives and you can phone and wish them well, etc.

I suspect the family have now gone all family-centric for the arrival so you not being there is a damper for them…but if they don’t make the effort any other time (and you don’t make a huge effort either), then go on holiday and enjoy yourself.

At the end of the day, my ‘advice’ is the same – go on holiday and enjoy yourself…it was booked before she got pregnant so not like it was planned (the holiday I mean!).

Yep op you are normal, working at a maternity hospital this week can’t seen a huge number of extra folks around mostly just pregnant ladies…

It does sound like you will be required to act like they have just solved the middle east and global warming every time it takes a dump etc. Get out now

Sorry to break this to you but you are normal your sister is mental as is anyone else who thinks you should be there for the birth ( unless you are the father too which would be illegal.)
Also who on earth does a gift list for a birth ? Mental .
I am an uncle 3 times over and a father as above an uncles job is to provide occasional babysitting a constant source of fun ideas and age inappropriate presents at approximately the anniversaries of the child’s birth and roundabout Christmas day .
Uncles should also allow children to steal their wine/beer at family dos.

I get on great with my sister but I didn’t see my niece till she was about two. I don’t really have any kind of bond with her but I imagine that suits us both well enough, when I was a kid I had no interest in my extended family.

How inexplicable.

I think your sister is possibly going a bit over the top but it’s not totally unimaginable that people might want their family around – unlike some miserable sods are suggesting here.

Also – the Amazon gift list is to stop absentee uninterested relatives buying useless crap that will go to waste. They’re doing you a favour.

I should point out at least one of my sister in laws hates me . Her kids are getting indoor fire works this Christmas.

yeah, nah.

it gets weirder too.

babies have smash cakes these days – i.e. a whole, and somewhat expensive cake to themselves – to pummel and take photos thereof.

the whole baby thing is a massive industry.

Enjoy your holiday guilt free. No reason for you not to. Take away the episodes of Friends where Phoebe/Rachel give birth.
Good present for a newborn (once you know if it’s a blue one or a pink one) clothes to suit them at about 3-6 months. Otherwise you end up with a sodding great pile of baby grows half of which go on ebay untouched.

I should point out at least one of my sister in laws hates me . Her kids are getting indoor fire works this Christmas.

Buy them a recorder or better still a violin.

Well, I’m sure she asked you first before conceiving and had a lengthy discussion about what dates might be suitable , of course you should be there. Otherwise you really don’t have to be.

thegreatape – Member

That is an absolutely ludicrous expectation. Don’t cancel your holiday. Buy the baby a Fisher Price rattle or something. Gift lists for babies? – **** right off.
+1

I get on great with my sister but I didn’t see my niece till she was about two. I don’t really have any kind of bond with her but I imagine that suits us both well enough, when I was a kid I had no interest in my extended family.

Buy them a recorder or better still a violin.

Or little tin drums. My brothers twins got given drums when they were 3 by a ‘friend’

You can’t lose the batteries on a drum

She might think so now, whether she will at the time is another matter. Making demands about cancelling a holiday is self centred baby obsession though and indicative of the mindset that everybody else should be as excited about it as she is.

The Amazon list would be fine if that was the point of it – the apparent absence of anything affordable would tend to suggest that on the contrary it’s another part of the baby obsession thing combined with an excuse to get other people to buy you stuff you want.

All of this suggests there is going to be lots of similar baby obsessive shit in the near future, so best off setting out you don’t want a part of that now IMHO!

I’m in support of making an offer to turn up in a week or three with moral support, a babygrow, and being available to do the washing up, sort the laundry or take dad to the pub, whichever need is greatest. That’s in case you needed to hear it again.

(edit) – from an out-of-town uncle and great uncle. And it sounds like Dad will need a break from the bossy hormonal females by then.

I’m disappointed that you aren’t expected to be sitting staring at your sisters widening baby hole, shouting ” Go on sis, push it out”

I wouldn’t go, it will be shit, wait a year or so, then go see the baby, at least it will be doing something interesting.

Your sister is just plain weird, no wonder you moved away.

Don’t change your plans, go and visit them a few weeks after the birth when everything has settled down.

Like the OP, i live away from family (2787 km, by google maps). When my sister had her son, I offered to fly over and meet the chap. I would’ve arrived about 3 or 4 days after the due date. Luckily, the flights were cheap. She declined as she reckoned that she’d be knackered and had enough people fussing.

The next time that i saw them, was on Christmas day when she walked into the pub carrying the kid. All the family and local villagers were there. As i plan to be a thoroughly irresponsible (fun) uncle, it seemed like a good way to first meet him!

Enjoy your holiday and when you’re back, go see the kid.

Only 4% of babies land on their due date.

Go on holiday.