Uncle to be – living away/got holiday booked makes me selfish?

I have a holiday booked for the same week as my sisters baby is due. I didn’t know when I booked it, and have zero chance of changing it (no more holiday days allowed until the New Year now).

The family didn’t know this and phoned to tell me I should book time off work around the “due date” so I can be there for the birth. I have now said I’ll be away and that’s caused a whole heap of sh*t which results in me being the selfish/inconsiderate one in the family (as seems usual since I moved away 10 years ago!). We are not THAT close as we live so far apart, and she rarely replies to emails or texts from me, is always going on holiday yet never visits me since I moved away (10 years ago 3 visits!).

Is this normal? They never give a day up to come and see me, so is it unreasonable for me to want to take the last of my years holiday time off for me? Should I feel more “excited” about the baby than I do (apparently I should be).

Also, what’s with the whole Amazon gift list thing? I mean, it’s not even born and I’ve got a list of stuff I can’t afford to buy. Any budget gift ideas for a newborn 🙄

It’s not a rant, I genuinely feel like I’ve been made to feel bad about this and wonder if it’s normal? Maybe they are right and I do have a problem?

Your sister wants you there for the birth?

Weird.

Chances of it arriving on the due date are fairly slim unless it’s a planned section?

Don’t think I’d be in for the actual birth, just sat in a waiting room! 😆 Yes, is planned section

Absolutely not normal expecting you to be there.

Doesn’t seem unreasonable to me – your view that is. And I’m pretty sure the last thing my sisters would have wanted with an impending birth would have been me getting under their feet!

It’s cool to be an uncle, but really you don’t need to be there until they get to be quite a bit older.

Uncles exist to teach children all about the things that their parents thought completely unsuitable.

Very odd expectations from your family if you ask me.

That’s pretty weird to be honest. I assume it’s a first child?

Just go on your holiday and then say “I told you so” when your sister gets sick of everyone being around.

Don’t think I’d be in for the actual birth, just sat in a waiting room!

Eh?

FWIW We’ve 3 kids and the last thing we’d have wanted was ANY family in the ‘waiting’ room – is this ‘cos folk have watched too many of those US TV programmes where friends/families are there for the birth/waiting?

Ignore or tell them to grow up.

even beign there on the day’s a bit not how we’d do it.

Go and visit a few days after they get home, yes, but not sooner.

Is she just doign this because she knows you can;t go, to score some ‘points’ with the rest of the family?

I wouldn’t feel bad about taking the holiday, you’re the uncle not the dad. I don’t like being railroaded into buying presents off lists esp for a birth, just send a card (stick a gift voucher in if you feel like it) 🙂

New mum and dad will think that the earth should revolve around them …. I can say this, as it was us 7 years ago … it was like no one had ever given birth before 🙂

Strangely enough the due date might not be the actual DoB.

Go on hols … if it a boy, buy the local footy kit and if it’s a girl a buy cheapo national dress, dress … or …. start practising your knitting

All seems very odd to me but families are quite different. I can imagine you being asked to help out but surely it was just as likely that you were working with no leave left. Oh and yes babies don’t fit plans very well.

Are we missing something. Does she have another child know one else can care for? Is the farther not around and your parents too old or ill to help out?

Now I hate myself or this next bit, but

Never visits me since I moved away (10 years ago 3 visits!).

rarely visits me since I moved away (10 years ago 3 visits)

That is a bit odd IMHO… a visit pretty soon after the birth would be normal I think, but not there for it (not even in the hospital unless you were super close to your sister!), so after you’re back from holiday should be totally fine. Of course your sister is in for a shock if she’s expecting babies to do ANYTHING to a predictable schedule, and you’ll probably be either not gone away yet, or be back already when baby makes an appearance.

Will she reimburse you for the holiday you have booked and she now expects you to miss?

Not at all.

What’s that gift thing? you decided to have the kids, you pay for them?
Grand parents bought a push chair or a cot, but they wanted to do that, we never asked.

Get things for 3-6 months, romper suits…always need them.

Okay, it wouldn’t be a bad idea to pop in to see the kid within the first few weeks of it being in the World, but that depends on distance between.

I don’t think you’re being selfish. Too be honest I think the last thing your sister needs is a load of visitors coming in at once for a look at the baby. What I appreciated and other friends too is turning up a couple of weeks later and having a lovely meal cooked. Go on holiday you’ll have plenty of bonding time later.

It’s cool to be an uncle, but really you don’t need to be there until they get to be quite a bit older.

That seems odder to me, how long would you wait?

Mine’s 5 months old and my siblings and parents saw the baby over a period of about 2 weeks. From day 4 to 6 you won’t really be welcome due to babyblues, and a most visits will be short with lots of notice! As they will both be knackered.

Don’t expect your sister to be rational, as her hormones will be all over the place.

Insofar as gifts… either of these things were good presents:

http://www.jojomamanbebe.co.uk/sp+bunny-hooded-towel-in-bathtime-and-healthcare+A7331?gclid=CP_pmeqVn8gCFeVz2wodmbkNCQ

http://www.jojomamanbebe.co.uk/sp+ewan-the-sheep-in-sleep-training-and-night-lights+B9830?gclid=CL6qvvSVn8gCFSGg2wodGWELag

If you want to spend less than £14, just get a some babygrows.

Yep just plain weird.

Did she consult you on about availability before lying back and thinking of England?

Get on and enjoy the holiday!

As someone in a similar situation – sister pregnant, we live in different cities…

…she’d not care less where I was at the birth. I plan to visit soon after, but nothing solid, just whenever suits the both of us.

No particular gift planned or expected, though I’ll probably get something… but because I want to.

Definitely odd. But then families usually are.

Jeez. Weird or what. Can’t say I took any notice until the little buggers could talk in complete sentences.
Gift. Why. Sprog won’t care a s***

Are we missing something. Does she have another child know one else can care for? Is the farther not around and your parents too old or ill to help out?

Not missing anything, there are LOADS of family around her, from both sides.

Now I hate myself or this next bit, but

Never visits me since I moved away (10 years ago 3 visits!).
rarely visits me since I moved away (10 years ago 3 visits)

I’ll let you off, my bad 😛

Thanks for the rest of the replies, makes me feel a bit better about it. As a compromise I’ll offer to go down on my next day off, a week or so after the birth perhaps, and let Moonpig do the rest 😈

Shame on you, leaving your poor sister when she needs you the most!!!!!! You can have a holiday any old time…..

By the way, are you hillbillies? 😉

richc – thanks for the links. The towel looks good to me (I want one!) 😆

“By the way, are you hillbillies”

Maybe in a previous life.

If you believe in reintarnation.

igmc.

Gift. Why. Sprog won’t care a s***

Use some Empathy…. combine that with mad hormones and woman logic and that should give you your answer…

How long is your holiday? A week? 2? a month? If its a week I wouldn’t worry, if its a months I might.

i reckon you could make the holiday and still be back for the birth.. the calculations for the due dates are flawed anyway.

Unless there is some weird tradition of family photos in the birthing suite.. I have been in one before I had kids, I dont see what the rush is 🙂

They appreciate it more if you pop down at the weekend with some food and a chat. That said being an uncle is great.

I think richc suggested Ewan.

This +1000.

Other than that, tell them to **** off, you’ll visit when you’re back from holiday. Jesus, it’s only a few days.

EDIT: Oh, and if you can cook a stew or a chilli or something like that, you’ll be a God in their eyes.

Seems weird to me. I’m an uncle 4x over, I was never *there* at the birth (apart from anything else labour takes for ever for some people, like 72 hours!).

However I did go visit them in hospital once they’d got their breath back

If I’d been booked for holiday, no way would I have cancelled it. Don’t think sister having a baby qualifies for holiday insurance redemption anyways.

As for amazon shit, it’s for people who go ‘what can I get?’. If you can’t afford it, you can’t afford it. Don’t let other peoples life choices rule your world.

If this is how it’s gonna be I’d be pushing back and letting them know their expeditions were a little wide of the beam!

Don’t get me wrong nephews/nieces can be amazing (all four of mine are, obviously) and bonding with them as babies is important (I remember holding my 1 yo niece over the sink while she puked and her mum was off to Carrefoure for Calpol. We are definitely closer because of it!).

Based on the OP I’d be keeping my distance anyways, I mean, what next?

Unless you are her midwife / birth partner then go ahead and take your holiday and don’t worry about it. Your family are being deeply odd.

As above baby is unlikely to be on time and even if it is, when she’s in the throes of labour the last thing your sister needs is an Empire style entourage hanging around outside the ward door.

Best thing you can do is pop around with a takeaway and some bubbly once they are at home and offer to take sprog for a walk in the park to give the new parents a break.

The hospital won’t want you there either. Visiting will be limited to two at a time.

Go on holiday. Buy the kid a teddy at the airport.

Sounds odd to me. Especially with C section there is no way your sister is going to be in the sort of state where loads of visitors will be beneficial in the immediate aftermath. Also, hospital visiting is very restricted anyway.

The amazon gift list thing is a new one on me. Never heard of that. We received some small gifts from people after ours was born but just small nice things. Hand made stuff, a few clothes, 2nd hand toys / baby junk that folk had. Stuff like that. We certainly didn’t expect anything.

Very odd, but that’s family for you. Offer to provide the name instead as they clearly want you involved…

That is an absolutely ludicrous expectation. Don’t cancel your holiday. Buy the baby a Fisher Price rattle or something. Gift lists for babies? – **** right off.

Weird.

Someone you’ve seen three times in ten years is demanding that you cancel your holidays to bring them gifts?

I’d be telling them to foxtrot oscar and changing my number. Life’s too short to spend it with arseholes.

Seems odd to me and, although it seems odd to most/all folk on this thread, it seems like your family believe you should be there so it doesn’t matter what we think and its going to take some serious diplomacy to come out of this not looking like a sh$t in your families eyes…good luck with that! 😉

Strange indeed, I don’t even think I sent a card (just made a phone call) when I became a uncle (and I get on well with my brother). I did buy them a fancy video baby monitor but they didn’t ask for anything (I wouldn’t bother buying stuff like clothes as they grow out of the silly fast and other stuff like cribs are silly money and more of a personal taste thing).

weirdest thing I’ve read all day