Choose leisurewear and matching luggage. Choose a three-piece suit on hire purchase in a range of flippin fabrics. Choose DIY and wondering who the flip you are on Sunday morning. Choose sitting on that couch watching mind-numbing, spirit-crushing game shows, stuffing flippin junk food into your mouth. Choose rotting away at the end of it all, peeing your last in a miserable home, nothing more than an embarrassment to the selfish, flipped up brats you spawned to replace yourselves. Choose your future. Choose life…

Can we come up with a mountain bike stw alternative to something like this ?
Choose hammering frozen sausages into your neighbors lawn etc

I thought this was gonna be a reference to the low-budget STW advert on the “Making up the numbers” podcast.

I’m pretty sure the forum could do better than that.

“Choose bickering about tyres instead of working”

It’s shite being from Leicester.

[url=https://flic.kr/p/CTicS]dictionary text[/url] by ritcheyp20, on Flickr

Not quite there, but I’ve always loved the STW dictionary text

I’l build on @chakaping

Choose bickering about tyres instead of working,

Choose to ignore the beautiful bike to pour scorn on the state of someone’s lawn,

Choose Hannah’s recital on that advert haha!

Choose Life. Choose bike. Forgo a career. Annoy your family. Choose a **** big ring, choose descending machines, 69ers, compact cranksets and electrical shifting. Choose good health, low cholesterol, and dental insurance. Choose fixed gear spinning madness. Choose a starter cx bike. Choose your friends. Choose teamwear and matching luggage. Choose a DH-rig on hire purchase in a range of **** colourways. Choose Enduro and wondering who the **** you are on a Sunday morning. Choose sitting injured on that couch watching mind-numbing, spirit-crushing game shows, stuffing **** junk food into your mouth. Choose riding away at the end of it all, pissing off in flourescent lycra, nothing more than an embarrassment to the sensible, dull brats you spawned to replace yourself.

Choose your future, choose bike.

Someone with actual skill with words will be along to do far better shortly!

Sobriety. That’s ace! No mention of frozen sausages or weeing in shoes !

Fro way back when Sorted Cycles was pimping all things America and exotic online. Apologies for the sweary language. 🙂

I wrote something similar for bikepacking a few years back. Many members of the CTC got the arse

Musings on a Spanish Coast to Coast