They who ride together stay together?

Have been reading this forum with interest over the last few weeks as hubby is an avid MTBer. I know that I will get direct answers from you guys so here goes. As I said the other half is an obsessive MTBer, who regularly rides and races, our house has been taken over with his bikes, clothes and bits and I have given up fighting it… If you can’t beat ’em, join ’em? So this is my question… I can ride a bike, but never off road and I am not massively fit either. I like the idea of riding with the family and spending time with him doing something he loves, but is this a recipe for marital success or an ingredient for disaster? Do you ride with your families and other halves? Or is it time to yourselves which you would rather was not ruined by kids and a wife asking you to slow down? Will he ever stop rolling his eyes at me when I ask whether that certain bike comes in a nicer colour? All advice gratefully accepted, thanks!

Get a tandem you get to ride together then and he does all the work if you are not fit.
I like my time alone and my other half wouldnt dream of coming out cycling anyway

Mrs TJ and I both always rode bike but I am much keener offroad. We actually gave up riding together because the different speeds we rode at was so frustrating to both of us.

Getting the tandem was our answer. Great fun to ride, you can chat as you ride, fantastic for touring on and off road, OK for more difficult / technical riding and the combination of teams work and competition( I won’t be the first to give up on this hill!) really brought us closer together even as well as rekindle both of our interests in riding bikes

They don’t work for everyone – some couple do not get on with riding a tandem but it works for us – so try before you buy

I’d say a little bit of mutual riding if the kids come is probably a good thing, but don’t try and go every time. You’ll just slow him down and annoy him, unless you seriously want to get into it and plan to go enough to get fit. Getting fit happens quicker than you think it will if you have a bit of determination.

(I have neither a wife nor a child but previously relationships probably could have been improved by some cycling together.)

Me and the mrs go out a lot, from local pootles to trips away, as long as I don’t make her ride a DH course she’s happy
Local pootles are very pleasant as well, had some very pleasant evenings sat in a tree with beer and cakey….
Don’t let him get you a crap bike…if its good enough for him it’s good enough for you…and have fun… 😀

Depends. Is your OH rad, sick and gnarly? If so, you know he’ll want to show you… Question is: are you someone who likes watching your OH being a MTB badass? Personally speaking, Mrs16 loves my rad, sick and gnarly moves. In fact, she tells me her life was enhanced greatly the moment she got a bike. 8)

Family rides rock!

My girlfriend is just getting in to riding on the road, shes never fancied off road at all despite having mountain bike for years.

We go out for the odd ride together but she doesnt like riding close to my back wheel, or riding side by side so I just end up wheel sucking the whole way round and not getting much of a work out 😀

So yes we ride together, no, it’s not the most amazing thing ever… Then again my girlfriends bike is the only one thats allowed to live in the house!

The fact your are interested in joining him shows you clearly want to give it a go. A lot of men drag their wives/gfs into it and just put them off. I think if you do start riding you should try and go out on your own aswell…

I would second TJs advice on the tandem. I’ve just bought one and its maiden voyage (for us) is on wednesday. I’m quite experienced but she isn’t so I’m going to have to really hold back so as to not put her off.

I/We do a bit of both.

I regularly ride on my own and/or with male friends to get my fix.

But we also ride regularly as a family at a more gentle pace.

I enjoy both but wouldnt want to mix the two together and dont think my wife would enjoy coming out with me and my mates either.

yesiamtom

You need to concentrate on your role as captain – which is to give her the best ride of here life – smooth gentle and fun – with lots of warning of what is going to happen next

My girlfriend and I love biking together, and had a great biking road trip through France to the Pyrenees last summer. I would say though it does depend whether he is the type that can enjoy more chilled riding, or if it always has to involve pushing yourself etc.

I like riding with my partner, although it tends to involve Sunday pub roasts and a potter rather than a race about the hills. I don’t mind waiting at the top of hills, and I have long learned that I shouldn’t just wait at the top but wait for my partner to recover and have some water too!

I don’t get annoyed and I make sure I don’t go too fast as the idea is that we’re both having a nice day out. If there’s a tasty downhill section I just say “see you at the bottom” but generally my “me” time is when I go at my own speeds and ride tougher terrain.

I also vote for a mix. We talk about bikes to each other and we sometimes ride together if it’s a pootle-y sociable day out, but a lot of the time we do our own stuff. Particularly off road where we like different things – on road it’s more a question of speed whereas off road I won’t even attempt some of the stuff he likes which makes route planning tricky! But it is good to get home and talk about a solo ride to someone who is interested, and it means neither of us feels guilty about bike shopping 😉

Ask him, I’m currently looking for a cheap pub bike for my wife so we can go for a quiet ride to the pub on a sunny Sunday etc, but I wouldn’t drag her anywhere technical as she’d get pished off and wouldn’t enjoy it.

As everyone’s have pointed out, the two types of riding aren’t mutually exclusive.

I love going out for a blat in the hills with the lads riding silly rocky descents and general testosterone fuelled sillyness.

And then sometimes I like going for a potter with the better half. Gives me the opportunity to do stuff I don’t normally do. Like take in the scenery, instead of just blasting through it. Stop for a pub lunch half way round

Its all good

From the ‘otherside’…

I love riding my bike and was a keen mountain biker before I met my partner (we actually met out mtbing). I had almost assumed that we would ride most things together, but while we are of a similar fitness, our attitudes are very different.

I am learning that he needs time on the bike on his own so that he can push himself, race others and then come home to tell me how good / fast / gnarr he is (note here – you must ALWAYS be impressed by these reports). I prefer to ensure that there are going to be suitable cake stops enroute and that the pub at the end will be open when we get there. That said, gentle rides as a family, or big days out on the hills together as a couple are ace 😀

EDIT: looks like we are all saying the same thing 🙂 I would suggest that you go and join your local club and see if they do ‘ladies’ rides. This isn’t because we can’t ride as fast or hard as the boys, but just because its really nice to have a girlie ride while he is away playing with the boys, and its sometimes easier to learn new skills from people who aren’t as close to you!

I ride with the mrs. She’s very slow uphill but very fast down. Some rides its a no as its out with mates on a boys thing. Just arrange the rides to suit really.

Thanks for all of your replies… I have absolutely no intention of interfering with his solo/training rides for obvious reasons. I was interested to find out whether biking together enhanced your relationships or whether having separate hobbies was more beneficial. Hubby is very supportive of me riding, although a smirk did cross his face when I mentioned that a group of school mums were considering L2B next year. Another possible complication is that we have a one year old and an 11 year old so any family riding/trails would have to be child friendly.

Thanks Flowerpower, will remember the mantra “always be impressed!” 🙂

Don’t suffocate him.

Rachel, is that you? If so, the answer is no. Well kinda. You see, I enjoy getting out with my mates for one day on a weekend and coming home with stories of adventure and terror. It gives me time to think away from work/home; a bit of a breather. I do enjoy it when we go on little pootles and I’ve enjoyed our trips to Glentress etc but as for every week, probably not 🙂

Ride with him for the family bonding, but also give time for him to ride ‘his way’

I don’t ride with Mrs Weeksy. Although i ride most days with my lad who soon turns 4. His kerb jumps are legendary and if we changed the geometry i’m sure he’d be a wheelie god by now.
Sadly his 1 handed skills are lacking… hence his major crash last week.

It astounds me how quick he goes on his 12″ wheels. I rekon he’d beat most of my mates at XC racing. 🙂

I’m fine with it, primarily because as it’s not my other halfs main interest she doesn’t want to come all the time and so sometimes we get to have a leisurely ride together, sometimes we go as a big group and can enjoy the day together without riding together and sometimes I go on my own. She’d probably not go on her own I don’t think.

My questions would be why do you feel you need to, or would you just like to? And would you be willing to accept that sometimes he won’t want you around, biking is like many other sports – time away from every day stuff that lets you reset and enjoy the every day stuff more. If you’re using it as a way of always being around him, maybe you’re a bit clingy and he needs the space(though you don’t seem to come across that way)?

Mrs BigJohn & I ride together sometimes. It’s a completely different ride to my usual ones, pace, severity and length are all reduced significantly, but to me they are just as enjoyable, but in a different way.

(we also cycle together sometimes too 👿 )

One of the best things is to go out really early in the car to a trail centre type place, like Llandegla, have a ride in the morning, get a pub lunch and then do some touristy crap on the way back in the afternoon. Makes a good day out together.

If he gets you a bike that’s even 1 gram heavier than his – he’s not taking your enjoyment seriously though.

Edit – As of yesterday I have a kiddie seat on the back of my Cotic Soul (it’s a make of bike, dear) for our 2yr old grandson, so that will help even out the pace.

Having considered this further I think riding together is a great idea but needs to not be the main point of the excursion (as it normally is for me)

The rides i’ve enjoyed most with my OH are the ones where we’ve gone in search of a country pub or something (with our 2 year old attached in the Hamax child seat)

My other half (no doubt she’ll pop up soon) is almost as much as a bike nut as me. However we very, very, rarely ride together (we might well start from the same place do similar loops and see each other a couple of times en route), and if we do we usually end up having a spat about it.

She likes long steady rides, will rarely stop, absolutely won’t session anything technical, and if it scares her, or even sometimes, simply is too much effort, she’ll just get off and push. Hates having me wait for her, even if I have absolutely no problem doing so.

Me, I like the hardest nastiest steepest stuff (up and down) I can find. If I can’t ride something (or not doing it as well as I think I could) I’ll session it until I can, (or end up in hospital). Like long rides too, but I’ll generally do them as quickly as I can.

Consequently our tastes, and what we get out of riding differ massively. The great thing is that we both understand what the other one gets out of it and neither of us has a major problem with moneyt being spent on bikes (hell, we’ve moved to the opposite end of the opposite end of teh country from work because of bikes, we’ve both a house based on it’s suitability for bike storage, same for the car, etc etc)

I’d love to ride with her more, but (if I’m honest, and this will no doubt get me in trouble) feel that we should meet 1/2 way. I slow down a bit, she speeds up a bit. I take it easy on the tech stuff, she pushes herself a bit outside her comfort zone. But it ain’t gonna happen, so we’re better off riding seperately and just enjoying the playback of each other experiences.

Rockitman- no am not Rachel!
Coffeeking- the main reason I have considered biking it because I would quite like to get fit while spending time with my family doing something which I know hubby enjoys and something he can teach me to do. We live close to some great countryside and I feel that my weekends are passing quickly in a haze of laziness! I will never be able to compete with him fitness and strength wise and neither would I want to. He loves his long rides out, and although I wouldn’t admit it to him (I know he will be reading this) I need my time alone also. He needs the riding alone to keep fit, be able to race and to clear his head of the day to day stresses and I would never seek to deny him of this. But it would be nice to find something we all enjoy doing as a family so we can become closer….

I used to ride tandem with my other half. Then along came kids. So I rode tandem with two kids. Then they got bigger and we discovered mountain biking.

I don’t believe in riding for fitness – fitness comes because you ride. Ride for transport, ride for fun, ride because it makes you smile. Ride to the ice-cream shop with the kids. Ride to feed the ducks, ride to the pub for lunch, ride around the forest. But not for fitness.

I ride with my oh frequently. She us a bit slower but it doesn’t really matter to either of us. One thing that we are lucky with is that we have a group of friend to ride with who are at different speeds so stopping and waiting are a given. It is good to get out on your own though and let off steam.
Definitely go for it, its great fun

As one who sometimes rides on the back of a tandem, I’d suggest you get familiar and comfortable on your own bike first. Then start on some well-known routes.

*A punch in the kidneys sometimes offends*

You don’t see where you’re going from the back, so communication is important. But mostly it’s fun, and evens out different fitness levels.

my wife, my son and I ride together every so often. Me on a fixie, with child trailer, and my wife on an MTB. never particularly far, or fast, and I’m more than happy to pootle along at a nice slow pace along the coastal cycle paths.

apart from that? No.

My wife has never learnt to ride a bike. I tried teaching her but it didn’t really work. Seems to work fine for us though – I have ‘me’ time and she takes that time to watch shit on the box that I can’t bear. Quite happy with that really.

What I found really interesting once we go the tandem was that we both enjoyed riding it more that we thought – and for more riding

We knew the pootles round the countryside would be fun but also Julie enjoyed the occasional bit of more challenging riding and also the feeling of getting fitter/ pushing hard

First time we actually got air on it we whooped hollered and hi fived like teenagers – a funny sight I am sure when its a middleaged couple

so for me – go for it. You need a decent bike or try a tandem and he must co operate and ensure the spin is good fun for you to

When I am going out on the bike I ask Julie if she wants to join in. If she does then its fine and we ride accordingly, if not its fine as well.

gf will ride with me, but she’s rubbish at techy stuff and despite being a pretty fast roadie, she seems not be able to do mtbing. So our mtb rides tend to be a gentle ride to the pub or a picnic. If we want to go fast, we go on road, or if I want to be pushed on the mtb I go with my dad.

I am learning that he needs time on the bike on his own so that he can push himself, race others and then come home to tell me how good / fast / gnarr he is (note here – you must ALWAYS be impressed by these reports). I prefer to ensure that there are going to be suitable cake stops enroute and that the pub at the end will be open when we get there. That said, gentle rides as a family, or big days out on the hills together as a couple are ace

^ Heh heh, this pretty much. Mr Toast encouraged me to start mountain biking, and he was awesomely supportive. I’d never really ridden bikes before, and I was horribly unfit as I’d had to give up Tae Kwon Do, my one form of exercise that I enjoyed, due to persistent knee injury. So initially I started out just doing green and blue routes, pootling around fire roads, and generally learning to ride a bike. When I started doing the red route, Mr Toast would come with me and offer advice on gear selection and how to ride things, and actually physical support, such as holding me upright as I shakily rode around a berm, whilst I squeaked that I was going to fall. I still giggle about it every time I ride that section, years later.

Once I felt confident to set off on my own, we started riding separately, so I could gain confidence at my own pace, and he could go racing off at what one could consider a marginally faster pace. We’d both set off at the same time, he’d go racing off ahead, then he’d lap me near the end and we’d do the last couple of sections together. Now he can only do a lap 10-15 minutes faster than me, I’d call that progress! 😆 We still ride together, just not all of the time, which suits us both, I think. 😛

This will probably repeat the last million posts but so be it..

I ride with my gf sometimes, as she enjoys coming out and getting the same ‘out of town’ feeling that i do it for. I try not to push her to keep up or go faster as i’d much rather her stay on the bike rather than push it because she feels like she may be holding me up. End of the day i want us both to enjoy it and falling off certainly isn’t enjoyable.

At the same time she understands (this is the important bit) that sometimes i do want to let loose and go like a strava influenced maniac, usually with some other lunatics of my kind (aka the riding guys) and she is completely fine if i say i’m going riding with just them.

It’s all about finding a balance and both getting the right amount of riding in, alone, together, whatever.

The fact you’re interested really does help. Its a massive bonus for me having the girlfriend interested in riding because whenever she says ‘can we spend more time together’ or, ‘what can we do for a nice day out this weekend?’ I’m allowed to suggest riding our beloved bikes!
she’s happy, i’m enjoying being on the bike WIN/WIN. 😀

Now he can only do a lap 10-15 minutes faster than me, I’d call that progress!

🙂

We rode a 75km race (Isle of Man End 2 End) together last year. He left me on the first climb and, five and a half hours later, finished 41 seconds ahead of me. Its not all about out right speed…

I also know that he is reading this thread so I need to mention that 41 seconds is a HUGE and very impressive margin 😉

One local roadie club is notorious for providing distraction for female cyclists even if they are married to other members. No in some of those cases, then.

Even a tandem isn’t a guarantee a relationship will last, I hope that having three will improve our chances.

Don’t suffocate him.

wrong forum, TSY.

This is all very well you girls wanting to get out with your men on the weekends and so on, but how on earth are you going to find the time what with the housework, cooking, washing, etc.. Let us enjoy our hobbies and leisure activities and just make sure there’s a meal waiting for us when we get home and clean kit ready for the next time. I don’t know 🙄