I was having an argument with my girlfriend today and she was getting more and more angry. She told me I was absolute in my thinking and it was really irritating.

Now, there are a handful of subjects where I am sure about what I think. Because of that, when I find myself having a conversation about one of these subjects I tend to be quite direct because I know I can back up what I’m saying. Normally I come across as a lot more thoughtful because I’m considering other view points and I’m not 100% sure what I’m saying can be backed up.

The subjects where I’m sure of what I think have taken years of study and consideration to get to the stage I’m at. The number of subjects that fall into this category can be counted on one hand.

It seems like the two methods of sounding very sure of yourself are to know almost everything about a subject or to know almost nothing about a subject.

I have to spend less time on facebook.

I was having an argument with my girlfriend today and she was getting more and more angry.

You were wrong.

I have no idea what you were arguing about, but, you were wrong.

Now, there are a handful of subjects where I am sure about what I think.

Was the argument about the right way to load a dishwasher? If so, I’m glad you stuck to your guns.

Its a good excuse to kiss and make up but only if you are very sure

It seems like the two methods of sounding very sure of yourself are to know almost everything about a subject or to know almost nothing about a subject.

I think most subjects have this phenomenon, it’s probably got a name. You get a bit educated and think you know it all, then you learn a bit more an realise there is a lot you don’t know, then if you learn those things you do actually become an expert.

Probably some variation of the Dunning Kruger effect.

Just don’t accuse your partner of being on top of Mount Stupid…

1/ Turn Public school voice up to 9.

2/ Turn Public school voice up to 11.

There are 4 ways, but you seem of too simple a mind to appreciate the other 2.

Just keep saying absolutely in every other sentence, it works for politicians.

You sound a lot like me. I have quite a fear of being called out as wrong on something publicly, especially at work where the consequences could be professionally embarassing. I am very happy to admit when I don’t know something and would never lie to try and bluff my way out of something because the truth will always come out eventually.
However, if it is something I am 100% confident about then I will argue it to the end and not give up.
Probably also why, when as soon as a thread gets in to a battle of opinions on here, I tend to stop reading it and move on. I would rather read a thread where I can learn something (and have learnt a lot of useful things on here) than read through a car crash of people who don’t know how to give up and admit that others may have different opinions.

End by saying fact. Fact.

So tell us what the “conversation” was and we can see how right or wrong you are ;). And if you are right, the clincher will be you can tell her your anonymous friends on STW back your view….

End of. Thread

The secret to always being right is to follow these two steps

1. Never reveal all you know.

The subjects where I’m sure of what I think have taken years of study and consideration to get to the stage I’m at.

It doesn’t matter how sure of something you are, don’t just insist and say ‘but look how clever I am, I know all about this’. Even if true, it makes you sound like a cock, and that is never going to end well.

Discussions aren’t about ‘winning’, especially with someone you’re close to. Otherwise they end up as rows, and that is generally a negative.

The secret to always being right is to follow these two steps

1. Never reveal all you know.

Incorrect

Act like a dummy till you finally grind her…

It doesn’t matter how sure of something you are, don’t just insist and say ‘but look how clever I am, I know all about this’. Even if true, it makes you sound like a cock, and that is never going to end well.

Discussions aren’t about ‘winning’, especially with someone you’re close to. Otherwise they end up as rows, and that is generally a negative.

I’m an expert when it comes to relationships in theory. The practical application of these theories, on the other hand…

Let’s just say I’m also an expert in explaining what I constantly do wrong 🙂

I live by the maxim ” if you can’t dazzle ’em with brilliance, baffle ’em with bullshine”

Add that to saying nonsense very confidently and you have it!

Was the subject of the central heating thermostat involved at all?

There’s a third option for sounding very sure of yourself:

1. Know almost everything about something
2. Know nothing about something

and

3. Have almost no knowledge about something but win the argument based on how it makes you feel and / or branding the other person with some kind of derogatory term or suggesting they are an extremist.

I know nothing about almost everything. I rarely win arguments

She told me I was absolute in my thinking and it was really irritating.

Was the subject absolute? Or, perhaps, subjective, albeit with the weight of evidence on one particular side?

The people I really hate are those who use verboseness to create a façade of being knowledgeable. But by the time you have worked out the simple point they were trying to get across and that it is wrong or just meaningless waffle, the conversation has moved on.

Jordan Peterson is a master at this technique.

I don’t know a lot about subjects, but I know what I think.

there are some pearls of wisdom in this thread.

edit: though with reference to the dishwasher loading, never never say that the dishes that come out dirty can just go back in. this is unacceptable.

and if your loading of the dishwasher has resulted in the top rack not being washed, do not point out that the items on the top rack are wet. this is not how dishwashers work.

how did such a vehicle of such convenience become a source of domestic pettiness?

1. Fist thumbs

2. Power stance

I was having an argument with my girlfriend today

You are wrong.

Start every sentence with “Let me be clear” then spout a lot of barely comprehensible word salad that’s only vaguely acquainted with the original subject or question.

Sounds familiar.

I’m very rarely confident and am rather fond of weasel words like “probably”.* But when I am, you’re just wrong. Sorry.

(* – and “rather”😊)

When about to break wind, stand firm. Feet slightly apart. Fold arms, chest out, chin up. Look them in the eye as it goes out. Do not apologise. Continue discussion/daily business.

quote something sounding vaguely latin

Hi Bruce……

I heard this on the radio the other day.

I found it really interesting.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/sounds/play/m000r3nx

You were wrong.

I have no idea what you were arguing about, but, you were wrong.

There was a lovely little local news story when I lived in the highlands about some couple in their late 90s who’d been childhood sweethearts and celebrating their 70-something wedding anniversary.

In the article the guy was asked what the secret of such a long and happy romance was

“Two magic words….. ‘Yes dear'”

You could also continually refer to yourself in the third person, to sound like you’ve got popular support?

It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it. – Aristotle

You need to demonstrate that you understand her point of view, and then refute it (from behind the sofa).

Being right is rarely helpful, and never helpful when arguing with a partner.

When I realse I’m wrong or arguably wrong, that’s great as I can apologise and back down with good grace, and everyone’s happy. Most frightening is when I know I’m right and am demonstrably right, and worst of all can’t conceal that I’m right. Whew. That’s what takes some getting over.

Admit it. You know I’m right. Deep down you do. (Practically guarantees a straight right to the jaw…)

1. Fist thumbs

I’m sure that was a taught trick to prevent him from pointing/waving his finger and appearing confrontational/preachy, He was almost certainly coached to make fist thumbs as a way around the habit…
Blair was an odd sort of flat hand waver, like he was doing some sort of Barrister kung-fu, again I reckon he had been coached out of pointing and/or making fists when speaking because of how it would be subconsciously interpreted by the great unwashed…

I often find the way to sound authoritative without being confrontational is to slow my cadence and keep my voice level, like what I’m saying doesn’t required me to raise my volume/speed to drive it home because it’s self evidently correct. Also allow a few interruptions/questions challenges and receive them with good grace, and finally ask questions like “does that sound sensible?”, “have I explained that properly?” or “What are your thoughts?” So that it’s clear I welcome feedback/alternative ideas, these things can defuse an “argument” and turn it into a “Discussion”.
People are more inclined to adopt your suggestions/POV/ideas if you, at least appear, to be open to their own… I do of course struggle to practice this with the missus though because I’m perhaps less inclined to try and “Manage” her, and No she can’t load a dishwasher…