So away from the sport for a minute, opening ceremony? What are we hoping for? I’m probably about to get flamed for racism or something, so this is all tongue in cheek….but I hope they saw the triumph of Danny Boyle 2012 (casual stereotyping aplenty – yokels playing cricket, Brunel destroying the planet, teenagers glued to their mobiles, fever dreams about ghostly spectres of George Osborne defunding the NHS, etc.) and just went ‘We want that – but the french version’
So we’ll have ladies in powdered wigs throwing cake at street urchins, maybe a guillotining or two, a dance piece where men in pastel draped sweaters shrug repeatedly at a bloke in a hat who is / isn’t small depending on your perspective. To a soundtrack of a reanimated Serge Gainsbourg singing filth to a girl half his age and 7 divisions above him in the punching league.
Meanwhile cyclists will endlessly circle the track with the one in French colours falling further behind each lap followed by an Intermarche strawberry throwing brightly coloured ‘sweets’ to the athletes.
Translation for the announcements, etc., will be provided by a waiter who knows exactly what you mean but will refuse to understand because the accent is about 0.2% off. And after the first couple of countries no further announcements will be made because he’s just wandered off to talk to his waiter colleagues and refuses to catch your eye.
And it’ll be in two halves, with the second bit starting who knows when, because we have to have a proper sit down lunch in between.
What have I missed?