Tell Me About Your Evil Deeds……

I used to regularly approach cars parked half on the pavement in my small village and cover the inside of the doorhandles with the contents of the bags I picked up after my 3 Jack Russels.

I swiped the note, went indoors and wrote one out myself. “Hi neighbour, if you park on my lawn again, I swear to God I will bathe in your blood and dress up in your warm flesh. Many thanks, Martin”

😀
(I used to work with a girl who’d put nappies and alphabet spaghetti in the trolley of anyone she knew – I got done a couple of times. How the … do you not notice a pack of pampers in the trolley all the way round a supermarket ? 🙄 )

Hardly up to Beelzebub levels, but me and my mates took to taking off a front gate from a big house on our way home on New Years eve.

We only ever moved it into a garden three doors down due to a combination of drunkenness and laziness. We did it three NY Eves on the trot.

The owner got wise and bolted the gate on, so we took a spanner out on the next NYE and took it off, being careful to replace the bolts while giggling in the snow.

Probably not going to hell for that, but might end up as a tour guide.

When I was in 6th form, me and a few mates all had (access to) minis

There was a running joke where you’d come out of a pub, fail to start the car and then find your rotor arm balanced on the roof because somebody had come past and seen your car

One night we did it to another mate who wasn’t in on the joke. They tried to bump-start it down a hill, lost the rotor arm and were walking home when somebody saw them and told them the game – I think I remember they found the part OK 😳

If it hadn’t been him, it was probably only a matter of time before someone’s mum got stranded

I shot the sheriff and his bellend of a deputy !

On a drunken walk home to a mates house at ~4am we “acquired” 50+ car aerials, they are still in his dads attic I think.

Not me but a friend many years ago who wasn’t very good with the ladies actually pulled one night so she took him back to hers and his mate followed . when in the house his mate and her ran into the bedroom and locked the door and started going for it. As he stood outside getting more and more annoyed listening to them an idea popped into his head. He went into her bathroom and ****ed off into her mouthwash !

tymbian – Member
Makes you wonder how deeply sinister these confesions would get if these posts were totally anonymous with no mods..
POSTED 16 HOURS AGO #

There was a thread on reddit last year where users opened new user ids to post and confess

So. Much. Incest .

put stuff like condoms and lube into some middle aged womans trolley when left unattended in the supermarket.

even better now some supermarkets are carrying stuff like vibrating cock rings. Aim for the primmest lady you can.

link please grievoustim, i luurve me some incest

edit aha!

Throwaway time! What’s your secret that could literally ruin your life if it came out? from AskReddit

kimbers – Member
i luurve me some incest

😯

scaredypants – Member

it was probably only a matter of time before someone’s mum got stranded

Please god let that be a euphemism 😀

actually that reddit thread was quite harrowing, if cathartic for some.
on balance im glad this isnt an anonymous thread

also not really a fan of incest!!

Many many many years ago a friend of mine imprinted a very large swastika into the snow on a neigbours front lawn with his DMs, it wasn’t that noticeable until it all melted and it had made the grass yellow, having a 12 foot yellow swastika for several months was not the plan but it made us smile…..

First year of Uni in Halls we blew a load of talcum powder into someone’s room, under the gap under the door using a hairdryer. Ground floor room we peaked in from outside it looked like noone had been in the room for about 100 years everything coated in a thick layer of ‘dust’.

done the similar uni halls one…
cress and mustard seeds on kitchen roll, slide under door of someone who’s gone away for a few days / easter hols etc., water from the edge.
works best if the room is carpetted and the hallway is tiled 😉

When I was around 11, we discovered the joys of the aerosol / cigarette lighter flamethrower setup. We were messing around with this in a nearby footpath, and managed to set the hedge (bordering the local church) on fire. The fire brigade were called to sort it out, thankfully only the (entirety of the) hedge was burnt down but I was unable to sleep for about two months afterwards as I was certain that the police would track me down via fingerprints from the can / lighter… oops. 😳

Similar with 1st year halls and talc, put next to door, stamped on bottle, ended-up blowing back into the corridor thus setting off the smoke alarms. Queue evacuation of all 13 floors and arrival of full FRS PDA! ‘We dropped it, honestly’….

In Oz when a young teen, at mates house we shot his spear gun across the garden only to hit a power line and blackout the neighbourhood. Sorry…

Used to live in a multi. There was a a couple of junkies living up stairs. One night I’d had enough of their screaming and shouting so I went up stairs to “have a word” **** me what a way to live. They had nothing. A couch, a table, that was it, no carpets, curtains, nothing. She’d locked herself out on the balcony and he was pathetically begging her to come back in. Didn’t even see me standing in his living room going “**** me, what a way to live”. With nothing to do to make his life any worse, I just left.
A couple of weeks later, myself and OH were sitting out on our balcony enjoying the sunset (one of the ony advantages of living on the 10th floor), when we heard them kicking off again. Only this time, he was on the balcony and she was sat on the pavement. Again he was begging her to come back. She was aggressive, but I’d clocked that she would shout something, then turn her back on him.
Remember water bombs? I made a few, and soon as I heard her shout, then his beggiing – BOMBS AWAY. 3 of them. I swear I heard them whistle on the way down like in the Road Runner cartoons. SPLAT SPLAT SPLAT YAH BARSTEWARD YOURETHRWOWINWATERBOMSAT ME
Nah honey, it wisnae me, it wiz…..
AHMGONNAF**KINGKILLYE

Next time I saw him outside I couldn’t resist
“weeeeeeeeeeeeeee sploosh sploosh sploosh”

18 yrs old, just returned from our 1st lads hol (week in blackpool) and a crowd of us unwittingly invited to a house party of an aquaintance who no one really cared for, and whose parents were away.

On arrival, 3 litres of kia ora orange juice poured onto kitchen floor. 6 pack of yoghurt smeared over full wall of glass partitioning in living room, peanut butter liberally applied to other walls. Numerous beverages poured down back of telly and to round of the evening, as the toilet was emgaged, took the opportunity to empty bladders into this poor souls brand new scooter helmet and decorated it with a large floater, if you catch my drift.

Never spoke to him again.
In our defence, he was an arse.

After an unastounding performance at school, I did summer school to get into Aberdeen uni. Also at summer school was a chap with monumental mental issues. You name it, he had it. Sadly for him, these problems manifested themselves in the shape of turning him into a complete dick.

One day, after an epic water fight, he went a bit too far and hit my flatmate with a pan. We filled a wheelie bin with water, leant it against his door, knocked and ran. All this, in the full knowledge that he kept his self-penned, musical manuscripts on the floor of his room. In strange piles.

Needless to say, he was devastated, dropped out and was in an institution within the year.

20 odd years ago got a chap very drunk on his birthday put him in a wheelie bin and parked him up on the edge of the platform at the station. Very fast train went past.

He cried and pooed himself.

zippykona – Member

I shot a man in Reno, just to watch him die.

pfft. I laid traps for troubadours who get killed before they reach Bombay.

I had a job in the great north woods, working as a cook for a spell.
But I never did like it all that much and one day the axe just fell.

I regularly put kitchen implements in the bags of my wife and kids. Jake went to college today with a potatoe masher and Helen’s getting a grater in her work satachel. I need therapy.

Somebody at work used to be on Plenty of fish all the time and was always showing us pictures of girls he was messaging. Whilst he was going through some pictures one day i managed to see his username

I knew where he lived etc so set up a really believable fake profile using some random girls picture from Google and started sending him some flirty messages. He fell for it and had some really cringeworthy messages back and he was telling us (had a few workmates in on it!) how he’d found this gorgeous blonde who he’d really fallen for. Kept it going for a few days then had a feeling it was heading towards him sending a picture of his knob 😯

I turned “her” into a stalker then and starting sending him messages saying he looked nice today while he was sat outside work on his break, and things like “i can see you in your car” and then quoting the number plate.

He was really freaked out in the end so had to tell him 😆

I keep pooing in the shower at work. I’m also the only one who can change the time on the CCTV recorder 😈

*this might not be true*