Not sure what it is to be honest, started off the evening at work quite upbeat, raring to go, checked my bank balance and credit cards and now sat here and could actually burst into tears to be honest. Only time I’ve cried is when a loved one has died or when I was a kid and got smacked for being naughty.

Basically I’ve been feeling down in the dumps since November as my finances seem to get progressively worse, Christmas has exacerbated the situation, I’m using my credit cards just to get fuel to go to work. Pressure from missus to spend spend on the house diy etc and then having a face on when I say I can’t afford it. Eating loads of crap because I’m always hungry even after meals, drinking caffeine to stay away, drinking gallons of water because I’m always thirsty.

Feeling my eyes going at work when I’m stood up writing paperwork out, feeling knackered before bed then when I do get into bed I’m lying awake worrying about money etc. Constant headaches, constant needing to go for a wee even though it’s very little.

Losing interest in my hobbies like cycling, golf, motorbike because I can’t afford the upkeep. Smoking excessively. Snapping at my missus because she wants me to fund another house project, even though the house is 18 month old, she wants a few mates round Saturday night when all I want to do is chill, I’ve thought about just going out on my motorbike that night just to get out the way, even though I can’t actually afford the fuel.

Wondering how the hell im going to pay this years holiday off.

Just finally blew my lid and had a rant to my Mum.

Winter isn’t a brilliant time normally as I hate the cold and dreary weather, but this year I’ve got zero motivation to do anything, just want to stay in bed and sleep, but then I can’t sleep and lie there just worrying.

Missus constantly going on about her stressful day at work, but not listening to how my night has been, in my head I’m screaming to myself (shut the F up I don’t care)

Very little support offered by her when I had surgery in NDecember.

Probably just low in mood, but can’t get rid of this fed up,feeling down feelings.

Sounds like there might be a couple of things going on mate?

Depression, certainly possible from what you say and it is motivation killer for sure.

The constant feeling thirsty, eating and tiredness sound a little bit more of a physical issue though, perhaps?

Personally I’d go and see the doctor for a start. Trying to tough out all the above might work but it’s probably more likely to wear you down even further.

To get a very cursory idea about whether you might be actually depressed fill in one of the online “checklists” that get used to give health professions an idea as to whether you are suffering depression. Don’t take it as gospel though. It’s just an indicator. It’s points based and takes just a couple of minutes. Be truthful to yourself though.

In summary, go and see a doc. I’d also be thinking about a non confrontational way to have a heart to heart with your wife about how you feel and finances. Im sure (from my experience anyway) that’s much harder than chatting to your GP.

Good luck mate, you’re by no means alone in how you feel. On this forum or in the world as a whole.

I’ll be honest I did try the NHS one and got scored quite high and recommended to go to the Gp.
I’ve tried numerous times to tell my other half that I’m struggling with money but she just manages to fob it off and goes we will cope, and then ends up going on about herself and her work.

I think the urinating is probably down to the caffeine (Diet Coke) phosphoric acid but the tiredness and lying awake is not great.
I’ll be honest I had to pop two Gabapentin today just to send me to sleep, I’m not even prescribed them, I beg my Mum for them when I get hip pain or struggle with sleep.

Take the NHS test at face value then mate, see your gp. Nothing to lose and an awful lot to gain potentially.

How involved in the finances is your wife, do you tend to handle it mostly? Your wife might genuinely believe you will just get through the financial difficulties or be fooling herself. I know I’ve done that in the past myself. I’d chat to family/ friends you trust that know your wife and get their opinion on how best to approach this with her. She needs to understand that even if she thinks you both can weather this, that you don’t… and that its potentially having a detrimental effect on your health. In other words, it’s not just about the money.

As for the tablets, I’m no saint. Im on pregabalin for neuropathic pain after a neurological problem/surgery. Similar tablets and I used to be on gabapentin. Just be cautious mate. Very occasionally (though not ideal) I don’t see them doing you much harm but if you start to”need” them then you’ve created another cross for your back.

Edit: Oh, if you need the cola (I know where you are coming from here) try to switch to caffeine free. At least in the hours running up to going to bed.

Anxiety is fear of the future. Depression is fear of the past. The two are not mutually exclusive.

It sounds like you’ve been trying to please people too, which adds another burden.

A visit to the GP is one option, as is going down the pharmaceutical sticking plaster route, of which, I’m not a fan but for some short term assistance to help you deal with the real issue/s can help some people.

This may sound a tad harsh but to me it sounds like you need to have a very honest, frank and full conversation with your wife. Which will require you to fully state your case, your needs, wants and desires and if she chooses to belittle or ignore what you have to say, there my man, is your answer.

Good luck.

Financial debt can seriously damage your mental health. If you are in sole charge of the finances, you need to involve your wife today. Have a open, honest talk with her about the family’s financial situation.

Your story sounds really tough, I can definitely identify with a lot of it and I’m sure a lot of people on here can as well.

The only thing I can say from my own experience is that that’s important to try and separate things you can control from those you can’t. Like you can’t fully control your wife’s demands for DIY, you can’t fully control yourself crying in a moment and you can’t fully control how much money you have for hobbies. You can control (beyond any initial emotions) how you respond to your wife’s demands, you can control what you do to stop negative thoughts lingering or spiralling and you can decide to find something else fulfilling to do with your free time.

If you tie your happiness to things you can’t control, mix it up with unreasonable expectations and you’ll end up in a mess. So you could “fix” the problem with the DIY, or get some more money, but you’ll still respond in the same way to the next problem that comes along. If you can improve your own reactions to things, slowly lots of other issues fall into place or take a new perspective.

It’s the old life is like being a dog tied to a cart. You’re going wherever the cart ends up going, all you can choose is how much to struggle and moan about it.

The brilliant thing is there are loads of tools out there to help, from modern CBT, Stoic practice, mindfulness, meditation etc. They all genuinely can work. It took me a long time to realise that actually it’s OK to need help, and the help can actually work. There’s no Haynes Manual for life that you can just refer to.

Does your work have any confidential counselling service? Lots of employers have something in place that can offer a series of free sessions. There are obviously endless books on mindfulness, but I struggled with most of them. There is a brilliant little book by Alain de Botton that gives an easy introduction to some Stoic practices that is really useful. It can be had £2.80 used on Amazon, which is frankly an absolute bargain. It’s easy to read and broken down into short sections, there are even pictures.

Depression is fear of the past.

Depression is a much more complex thing than this. Bit of an odd thing to say. The ability of your brain to produce certain chemicals plays a significant part in it.

OP – please see your GP about your feelings and also have them check for diabetes. Not my intention to worry you, but constant thirst can be an indicator.

It will be tough, but you also need a frank discussion with your wife. A marriage should be a partnership and if you’re shouldering this mall financial burden alone that isn’t right.

Best of luck to you and please keep us updated. Things will get better if you take action.

I know how your feeling, a few years ago with money issues and a child on the way everything just got to much, didn’t really feel it was bad enough to go to the GP’s but went and he referred me to a counsellor, had a few sessions and started to feel much better after talking to someone professional – she gave me some great ideas. I’ve ditched the caffeine, cycle in a club once a week which is great as it makes me get out and ride as there a pushy group and won’t take a no, passed all my finances over to my wife to worry about, my wages go into a joint account and she gives me an allowance every month (it really works!!!) if she says we need to redecorate that’s fine I’m happy to do but she is in charge of all finances.

I really hope you get through this it is absolutely horrible, and to be honest I always worry that it will come back, but try to keep my mind active. Get to the GP’s talk to a professional 👍

I don’t have any other answers, but i’ll happily fuel your motorbike for a day out for you.

A lot of what you wrote could apply to someone with Seasonal Affective Disorder, life becomes so much more challenging from around September to March.

Please go see your gp.

Go to your doctor. If you thought your leg might be broken then you would not hesitate. so if yo think your head might be broken then do not hesitate either

Some of this sounds situational to me – so the cure is to alter the situation. Share with your other half the financial worries and lay it out on the table

Usual simple things to help – get outside every day and walk / cycle.

Stress and anxiety also act as multipliers to the things that irritate you so stuff that if you were feeling fine you could brush off now feel insurmountable because of the stress. the answer is to remove the stress.

Tell your wife how you are feeling – not in a ” you do this and it upsets me” but ” I am struggling with these things, what can WE do to help me”

I was going to jump I and add something, but having read the stuff people have said above, I really don’t need to. Some excellent advice there.

Good luck, OP. Keep coming on here and venting if you need to.

It’s already been daisy, but see your GP. They can rule out any physical causes, and steer you towards dealing with the mental health issues.

I really didn’t want to go down the meds route when I had issues 4-5 years ago, but my GP was great. Prescribed me a low dose to minimise side effects but after a few weeks when they’d kicked in it gave me the mental breathing space to start working through the issues.

Being signed off from work forced them and my wife to take it seriously, and conversation was had that helped get things in a better place. It was a long haul though. I hear a lot of my issues in what you describe, some we have changed, some I have had to learn to deal with better.

But it starts by seeking help from the GP. Go do it.

Please speak to your partner before going to a GP.

IMO a relationship is about being able to share problems/issues etc etc. From what you are saying OP there are issues between you that need solving.

Both of you need to get a grip of finances now while you still can. Then you both need to listen to each other’s issues, you are struggling but you admit she says she is too, and her turning a blind eye to financial spend and constantly wanting to improve the house constantly and problems at work is a sign of unhappiness too.

Work it through together and if you can’t then the bitter pill to swallow is that you may not be suited for each other.

IMO a relationship is about being able to share problems/issues etc etc. From what you are saying OP there are issues between you that need solving.

Be careful with this – your mental state makes small issues seem insurmountable. A better mental state and these issue will be easier to solve.

Talk, talk, talk

Chat to your GP, as above they can rule out any physical symptoms such as diabetes and work on your mental health symptoms

Chat to your Wife, a proper sit down chat, sounds like she’s burying her head in the sand

Chat to citizens advice about your money situation, they have specific debt advisors and can help you regain focus and start to get things in order

Chat on here, we’re all here for anyone who wants to vent

Be careful with this – your mental state makes small issues seem insurmountable. A better mental state and these issue will be easier to solve.

+1. The relationship might be an issue but there is huge potential for falling into the trap of “If I just change this then things will be better”. It almost certainly won’t wok, as it assume that the solution is external to yourself. See also “If I just try this diet then I’ll feel better”, “If i stop drinking I’ll feel better” and “If I just get X, Y or Z then it’ll be better”.

Be careful with this – your mental state makes small issues seem insurmountable.

I appreciate that, however spiralling debt is a very serious issue. Control it now will prevent a multitude of issues down the line.

The conversation only has to be along the lines of we need to control spend, we can’t afford to keep spending, listening to partner about their issues, and then OP explaining their issues and that they are looking for support to resolve (GP/Partner)

Sound advice above

I’d add, what about trying to make some small changes over things you can control?

swapping the fags for vaping: cheaper & far healthier

Do you buy lunch at work?
Last year I stopped,
set aside 10 mins night before (shouldn’t be hard but is, get into the routine) to make a nice lunch- hearty sandwich or salad or rice with some pulses, beetroot etc in there, cheap, tasty filling, saved me £20-30 quid a week & makes me feel all smug

This book was a big help for me when I was in a similar situation:

https://www.worldofbooks.com/en-gb/books/dale-carnegie/how-to-stop-worrying-and-start-living/GOR001217037?keyword=&gclid=Cj0KCQiAmsrxBRDaARIsANyiD1qm34jYtbYNIFUTclK3yQz9nzgvGGafbytfmtwdEHorygWMDpR0dDoaAjDVEALw_wcB

Happy to send you a copy if you send me your email.

Think the main downfall started last year for both of us. My partner had a second ectopic pregnancy (1st one in 2006) didn’t even realise she was pregnant untill my Mum took her to hospital whilst I was at work with agonising stomach pains.
She was in theatre within the hour.
Both took two weeks off work.

Her coping mechanisms has been to obviously try and do the house up decorating etc to keep occupied. She has changed jobs now which is more stressful, from Deputy Manager to full time manager of a CQC requiring improvement care home so that takes up alot of time. I work nights in the NHS.

I also had a spontaneous pneumothorax in July and have just recently gone back to work after 3 weeks off for a Septoplasty and Turbinate reduction to my nose.

She doesn’t struggle with money and brings home over £2500 a month me just under £2000 and all household Bill’s are paid. I just struggle with credit card debts and the feeling I need to spend to keep up.

Makes me feel quite un manly not being able afford to not buy her anything. She says she isn’t fussed in the slightest, and that aslong as I make her a brew now and again she’s happy.
She gave me £200 towards fuel costs this month and said dont worry.

Also totally lost intrest in sex because I’m always worn out or not in the mood.

Gosh. Were these pregnancies planned and obviously don’t answer if inappropriate. You both need to sit down and talk and perhaps investigate relationship counselling. Draw up an action plan with regard to finances and reach agreement on expenditure. Working together is so important as is trust and honesty. Hang in there, it can get better but you both have to put the work in.

Dont take this the wrong way, but is your wife financially savvy or not? Some people just aren’t. If it were me I’d either sit her down and show her the in/out and why ends aren’t being met, and if she doesnt understand that then I’d be frank and ignore her input on the matter. It does sound like you are taking her requests to spend more money and going along with it without believing it’s a good idea which is sure to end in resentment.

I would go to the Doctors and get your blood sugar checked. Excessive water consumption, mood swings, not sleeping, ravenously hungry.
Go to the GP.

Gosh sorry to read this and some good tips above. Get your b12 levels checked via a blood test too. Some signs of low b12 in your posts – lethargy, thirst.

You need some sunshine and fresh air, I was in uk for 6 weeks and the lack of light really does you in. Got back the other day and walked with my mate paddling in the sea, couldn’t stop smiling.

Maybe the night shifts are contributing, I worked alongside a night shift for a time, but in the days, and all the night guys were struggling. In fact they were banned from doing nights after 2 years service.

First one was just the usual unexpected and the second one didn’t even think it was possible after the first one. Hadn’t happened in the previous 10 years since the first pregnancy.

We pay half the bills these days after renting till 2018 where she paid the majority as it was in her name. And back then I had more disposable income, but now split bills means my disposable income had reduced dramatically. After essentials like house bills, fuel costs and food I have about £300-£395 left per month for any household stuffs, any repair costs etc.
She has about £600+ like I used to.

I will admit my old go did say I’m quite effected by Seasonal effective disorder but it seems to be getting worse and lasting longer and longer.

Got tested for diabetes about 12 months ago and didn’t throw up anything of concern. Blood sugar this evening at work is bang on 6.
Recent bloods are all normal. The urinating is more, I go for a big wee then 10 minutes later I feel like my bladder is full and it just dribbles out.

Had my prostate checked about 18 months ago, got slapped on Tamsolusin.

It’s sounds like your spending habits haven’t adjusted to your new budget. You’ve expensive hobbies and paying for them on the credit card is the road to a large debt – as you’re finding out.

Practical solutions need to be applied to remove the feeling of loss of control.
Honestly look at finances with your partner and be ruthless, sort yourselves out.
Where I come from if you are short of cash you don’t buy stuff or go on holiday as short term fixes to feel slightly better for 20 minutes only Wade you deeper in the mire.
Don’t go to your GP, they’re having their own troubled existence.

I’ll be honest I had to pop two Gabapentin today just to send me to sleep, I’m not even prescribed them, I beg my Mum for them when I get hip pain or struggle with sleep.

I can’t offer much, but only just started a thread the other day relating to my experience coming OFF gabapentin. It wasn’t pretty. I wouldn’t be messing with it, I’ve never felt more depressed and was literally lying awake at night worried about losing my 2 1/2 year old son because I couldn’t cope with work which meant I couldn’t afford to contribute to house which meant wife would leave me and take son with her etc. etc. (note none of this would actually have happened, it was just the anxiety etc. doing my thinking for me!).

I’m also embarrassingly reliant on getting out on the bike, my wife notices how my mood improves generally when I’m getting out on the bike once or twice a week. It’s not just the ‘I like bikes’ factor, but the fact that commuting on the bike is 45 minutes of something I love, rather than the standard public transport misery.

Talking about money problems might be a start, my wife always does the heavy lifting when it comes to talking about issues, even if that issue is just me being a miserable git sometimes. I felt so much better the morning after we had a big ‘talk’ about my recent low mood, although I felt slightly resentful for having to try and apologise for something which wasn’t really my ‘fault’.

Finally (more of my wife’s advice, now I think about it) it helps to compartmentalise and/or break issues down into small chunks. I was stressed about work too, but have been trying to just pick a task, focus on it, and get it done, rather than worrying about the fact that I have 20 other tasks that all need done too! I just ignore those other tasks, as worrying about them doesn’t get them done.

Also work on sleep hygiene, I’ve found alcohol and eating late both affect my sleep, so I’m having to cut back on the evening boozing (no bad thing) and trying to eat dinner earlier and lighter.

As others have said. Find someone you can talk to. Unloading will help you cope and process what you are thinking.

Friends and family are a good start. You could solve many problems talking to your OH. GP is a possible option. They will be able to direct you to counselling services etc. not just give you drugs.

You’ve identified some bad habits – if you can try and cut them out. These are things you can control.

It sounds trite but try and find something mindful to do. Easiest thing is something completely absorbing so that you aren’t distracted by unwanted thoughts. Mountain biking can be good! There is a App called headspace which you can download for free and do a limited amount of sessions. It’s something I found really helpful although it takes a bit of perseverance and an open mind (until it works).

If you think it will be of help I can send you a 14 day trial code of the full thing. PM me.