Ask holiday company for a re-booking for August? or
Ask holiday company for a re-booking for Oct half term?
I don’t know what else to suggest , having done the rushing to hospital thing its not nice
I think you need to be in the country for the next 3 months, support your mum , dealing with all the end of life neccessaties .
Please ensure you have LPA, Will all sorted by now?

No dilemma. Don’t go.

For me personally, I wouldn’t have any second thoughts on that decision.

Having been there for deaths, away for deaths (and funerals) and cancelled plans for nothing to end up happening I can understand your dilemma.

One way to see it is life cannot go on hold because something bad might happen. If you spend time up to the holiday having fun and being on good terms that will be the last memory.
If you are away and it all goes south that is not a fun time and thinking about what is happening back home can also ruin your time away.

Another way to look at it is you will need time should anything happen so if you burn all your vacation you can come unstuck.

You are insured so can wait somewhat but eventually it will all come to a head

Sorry for short reply last night.

The last few months of my Dad’s life was very tough, but I have no doubt whatsoever that using all my holiday time, and some unpaid leave, to be there for him, and more importantly my mum, near and after the end, was the right thing to do. I am sure that acting differently would have had me filled with regret for some time to come.

As it happens, cancelling an Easter break abroad now with a valid reason, before others start trying to do so with dubious excuses, would be wise. Get it done. Next month could see lots of people looking for get out clauses as regards expensive trips abroad at the start of April.

Like others have said, I doubt that you’d enjoy the holiday if you went, you’d be there in person, but possibly not in spirit. Your mum will need a lot of support when your dad does go. I know that after my dad died, the sheer amount of stuff that needs arranging and sorting after someone dies (tax form after tax form for instance), especially at an already stressful and upsetting time, can be overwhelming. I’d delay the holiday until after everything was sorted, you were settled and over the worst of the grieving process and then really push the boat out.

My mum’s elderly neighbour died yesterday. His daughters live at the other end of the country. I discovered that he’d died and had to break the news to his kids. I know from talking to them that they’re feeling guilty that they weren’t there when he died. You’ll only get the one chance to do this for your parents, you might regret going away if he does go whilst you’re away.

Thanks for the responses everyone. (Well almost everyone!). This really helps to confirm we are making the right considerations – we have discussed most of the above options and scenarios over the last day or two.
So long as further conversations with insurance go as expected we’ll be cancelling.

Appreciate this, everyone.

Anyway had a great day up with them today in the sunshine in their garden, have to make the most of these now.

Can’t believe the op is even contemplating leaving his folks to deal with those alone….

My mum was rushed into Bart’s beginning of 2017. I dropped everything and spent the last year of her life trying to make it better /bearable. Took a mauve financial hit, but I’ve only one mum.

If you’re not there when your old man takes his last breath, you’ll regret it.

Remember the time the medics have given you is very much only an informed guess. It could be a lot shorter or longer

I have seen people in this situation many times. Some have taken the holiday and some cancelled. One family delayed their holiday three months in a similar situation and still had to cancel as their parents disease progressed more slowly

There is no one right answer. Every situation is different. Be very sure that whatever you decide it’s a decision that you take for the right reasons and that you are content with it

I’m in the don’t cancel camp.

If I could cancel at minimum cost I would. Thinking what if is not nice, going away full of worry would not be fun.

Having said that when my old man was diagnosed with a brain tumour we were all booked to go to see my uncle is US, mum and dad couldnt go, we went but for a shorter time. He wasnt expected to die in that time though…and he hung on for almost year more.

To everyone who is making a judgement on me even asking the question (judge away – I don’t really care!):

Have you ever been in this situation, or a situation where a decision you make will negatively affect the welfare of people you love, whichever option you choose?

I am patently not making this decision for me, in my favour!

How much will you enjoy it if you are constantly thinking about what’s going on back home? Chances are you will need the same holiday more in six months’ time.

Yes, but who’s to say he’d get that holiday in six months time.

if the OP knew that his dad was going to die I precisely 2.5 months time then I compleyely agree that he shouldn’t go. Bit that’s not the case. His dad may well be around for many many months. And much of that time is likely to be very stressful, and you may be best going into that with a bit of peaceful holiday time under your belt

It all depends on your relationship with your parents. It sounds like you’d be best served cancelling, but only you can make that decision.

There is no one right answer. Every situation is different. Be very sure that whatever you decide it’s a decision that you take for the right reasons and that you are content with it

Totally agree with Tj. Go with your instinct not the opinions off here. Thinking back to my parents they would have been very upset if I’d cancelled such a hard earned holiday because they might or might not have died whilst I was away.

I am patently not making this decision for me, in my favour!

Maybe you should?

What makes this so hard I think is the exceptional situation where we are making a decision against our kids’ best interests and in favour of my parents. In any other situation it would always fall the other way.

we are making a decision against our kids’ best interests

. . . but you’re teaching them an important lesson on what’s really important in this life.

Cancel holiday if possible or swap to next year if not. See how things are at Easter and have some epic days out / a last minute holiday.

Yes that is true, and it helps. Thanks

That was to Esme… Ctk yea that’s how I see it going. Just going to have to wing it through other hols this year. I’m hopeful we can get abroad late summer or in the autumn half term. Before then it’s probably wishful thinking.

How many dad’s have you got?

Nice that you seem to consider his political views impact on you level of care though. Classy, but typical STW.

There’s a load of people on this thread saying “family first, don’t go”

The OP has a wife and kids to think of here. Things aren’t always that clear cut.

Zanelad. Did you read the post? The **** irony of what you wrote is **** astonishing.

Yep they are both family.
And to zanelad I know you are trolling however it is kind of a relevant point. I put the comment on their general personality and outlook in there for context.
There have been moments when my parents have acted like bellends in the past and it has taken all our strength not to fall out with them (they probably think the same!)
I think the strength of your relationship does of course impact on this decision. If they had been genuinely evil bastards (they are nowhere near!) Then I would be going with a clear conscious.

Can’t really see how the sides of the argument come any where near close though Mr General.

Irrespective of the points, one side of the argument is going to result in the loss of a parent and a potential collapse of the other. The other side of the fence has two kids and a wife a bit disgruntled because they postpone a holiday they can take again later.

Rather one sided I’d say.

Can understand siding (if that’s the right term) with immediate family over parents in 99% of situations, and as a dad of grown kids I’d expect nothing less but, in situations like this one it is a lot different.

Yep twonks. I don’t disagree with what you said, but my other thought is that he has no idea how long his dad will actually last. He could hopefully be there for months.

My FIL had a heart attack 3 years ago and so my wife dashed off to be with him.
She…
Sorry. Too much info

Best of luck OP

Ok here’s one selfish thing I have realised and am going to say: canceling this holiday does make it easier for us to live with ourselves if we do some shorter uk breaks should the illness drag on.
If we took a big holiday on a big risk, then I think it would be reasonable for my parents to expect us not to go away again to cause more stress.
I think it is unreasonable for my parents to expect us not to be away at all (if only a few days) until my dad passes.

Ps I would be looking to make sure other support was there in those short break circumstances

Twonks – I have helped people in this situation many times – its not nearly as clear cut as you think it is. YOu do not know how long he will be here for. so the family cancel this holiday – and the dad lives another year – can they not have a holiday in this time?

I’ll tell a tale of someone I looked after. Patient came into my care with a few days to live. Full end of life care. She instead improved, regained consciousness and stopped needed the painkillers but still terminally ill. 3 months later she was still there and one son took his holiday that he had postponed from earlier in the year when she first was admitted to us. She declined again while he was away She died the day after he came back from holiday.

As I said – there is no clear answer to this one. There is no right or wrong. There is only what the people involved feel is best. the key thing is to make the decision for the right reasons and be content with that decision.

OP – If you want to talk this thru with me then PM me. I will not be able to reply immediately tho

Sorry if my reply was a little curt earlier.
I came within hours of losing my mum to a subdural hematoma this week and seeing my family drop everything to be there for her brought home what is important. Mercifully the old dear is now staggering round LGI making inappropriate comments again, but earlier this week she was on her way out.

Thanks TJ, really appreciate the offer. I am ok, long talks with the missus, seeing my parents (on top form as it happens) this weekend, and this thread have all really helped. I’m also content for other people’s opinions /approaches to differ from my own. As you say, every situation is different.

For what its worth I’d take the holiday probably

I realise it for sure TJ, as I lost my sister to cancer at 32 (13 years ago) and my dad in an accident that nobody saw coming a couple of years ago. One was a situation I knew was happening and one very much out of the blue and a hell of a shock. Both crap 🙁

There’s clearly not a perfect answer for any of it as life and death isn’t anywhere near as predictable as time.

Still, all our thoughts and opinions are out there to hopefully help the OP with his decisions.

My Dad died last weekend and I was fortunate to be able to be there to say goodbye and support my mum.

I reckon one reason I feel ‘relatively’ ok right now is that I was there for him at the end and I now have no regrets.

If I had missed that weekend for whatever reason, I know it would play on my mind for many years to come.

TJ is correct on this and there is no right or wrong.

My dad died from cancer in his own bed in our family home – mum brother and me under the same roof. He was ill for six months from diagnosis, the last month or so bedridden. The last week or so unconscious. We knew he was going to die, just not when or how. I used to go to work everyday and then come home in the evening, have a chat etc. Eventually there was no more chat and then one day I got a call at work to say it was over. It could have happened much quicker, or much slower. There was no program. No bedside vigil. But at the same time we still tried to lead our lives as normal as possible, and carry on regardless. When he died it was a massive relief for us three, for friends and relatives a massive shock and sadness. We had been living with sadness and death for six months and now it was gone. For them it had arrived.

For my dad and us it was important to spend time together when he still had some quality of life, could go out and enjoy old haunts and fresh air. Say things that needed saying.

Ultimately it’s an awful time to go through, don’t beat yourself up thinking you could have done it better or different.

If your holiday company is run by people with empathy ask to defer the booking and explain why. There will be a re-booking fee and possibly a charge to cover any changes in currency values and accommodation rates. You will need to go on the holiday at the revised date though. (This may be a problem if your father dies a month before the revised date, cancer prognosis is not an exact science).

Good luck and may your god go with you.

There’s a lot of time in life for regrets.

So what will you regret more, not being there to support your father in his last days, and your mother after, or a missed holiday?

Which will burn the more?

I’m not going to post details of my personal life…. but me, i say go on the holiday… Enjoy it.

I’ve been at the bediside of my dying sister and then my mother shortly after. I found it pretty over-rated if I’m honest. We all had very close relationships, spoke often and shared everything. In the same circumstances, my mother would have insisted I go on holiday. Time of death is very uncertain, except for things like liver failure (two weeks). I’d be close to them before going, but still go. Your parents would want you to care for your own family. That’s what my mother told me.

You might have regrets, that would be natural. On the day my mother did die, I’d been staying with my other sister for two weeks locally. I took her boys out cycling along a river for a picnic. Then headed to see my mother. She dies whilst we were with her just after I arrived. If I had not been here it would not have worried me or her and I’d still be remembering the bike ride with fondness. Enjoy them whilst they are with you.

where we are making a decision against our kids’ best interests

It really isn’t. The disappointment over a delayed holiday will be transient, the value of you demonstrating the importance of prioritising even a sometimes fraught relationship with your dad will serve them well, and may even be repaid in full at some point down the track.