Really struggling

This probably isn’t the best place, but it’s the easiest right now.

Really struggling with everything at the minute. Was off work for a couple of days, stayed in bed the last 3. Have signed myself back into work today. So much s**t going on in my head that I don’t even know where to begin. Can’t motivate myself to do anything, let alone get out on my bike. Gone from exercising 4-5 days a week to nothing. I recently went through an EAP scheme with work to some over the phone counselling. Conclusion was that I need more help, likely through CBT. Maybe some self help would be better. I am really awful at speaking to others about this and asking for help.

Some stuff on this thread may help –

PSA: Five Live discussing male depression and suicide today

Watch the Tyson Fury video, he does say some really good stuff.

You still in Manchester? Can’t offer much more than a bike ride and a chat. But if you want to play out on Monday night let me know.

https://www.bacp.co.uk/search/TherapistsDirectory BACP

Speaking to somebody face to face will help, even try an initial meeting to see if it feels right.

Please go to your GP urgently. There are lots of running help sessions and groups through the NHS and others which can be provided via your GP.

Thanks Dezb. Will have a listen.

Harry, yes still in Manchester. I hope I can try and get out soon.

I am really awful at speaking to others about this and asking for help.

You are ill, so seek help from someone qualified to make you better.
You wouldn’t try to treat yourself if you had the Bad Cats Aids, you’d see a doctor (or vet), so don’t try to treat your own mental health either.
That said, you’ve taken the first step. There is some good advice on this forum from other people who have suffered. Talking helps. You are not alone.

Gone from exercising 4-5 days a week to nothing.

In my experience, depression makes it hard to get motivated to get out, but lack of exercise just makes the depression worse. Try to summon up the will to get out. Remove obstacles and make it as easy as possible so you have no excuse to give yourself. You’ll feel (a bit) better for it.

Harry, yes still in Manchester. I hope I can try and get out soon.

Excellent. We should have a putting the world to rights moan-a-thon MNPR Special. With crisps, obviously.

Mate, you have taken a large step in posting here, clearly you recognise you are not coping, if your leg was broken, you’d be seeking medical advice now, think of it the same way, you require medical help and the best thing to do is seek it straight away, no shame in that at all.

It is hard when you are down and lose enthusiasm for things, but especially as weather improves, try and get out on bike or just for a walk, i find some fresh air and light exercise a real boost, and don’t be afraid to pull on your friends and be honest with them

In my experience, depression makes it hard to get motivated to get out, but lack of exercise just makes the depression worse. Try to summon up the will to get out. Remove obstacle and make it as easy as possible so you have no excuse to give yourself. You’ll feel (a bit) better for it.

This +1

I’ve having a bad week, very much derived from stuff happening at work and I forced myself out on the roadbike last night. It did help
When i went through counseling we did talk about how i would retreat inwardly and not seek help and why that might be.
Speak to your GP or a nurse practitioner, they will refer you to your NHS trust’s services. If you can afford it seek out a private practitioner. I spoke on the phone to a couple before i decided on seeing mine. It was worth the money IMO and has given me tools to manage things

I feel like I keep coming back to this point every couple of months. I’ve been dealing with this, badly, for nearly 20 years now. Each time I get more exhausted with it.

Work have been great, but I’m letting them down. I’m not often off because of it. Sometimes I want to pack it in and just go and do something with no responsibilty.

I just wrote a really long post detailing my anxiety, depression and lack of motivation then the forum logged me out and I lost it.

In short, go and see your doctor, they deal with this a lot and in my experience were really helpful. And don’t try and do this in your own

Hi swdan, the forum also logged me out when I was trying to reply.

I have been put off massively going to my GP. My last few visits which were about my back injury, I mentioned my anxiety and depression and both times it was dismissed. I feel that they don’t care. I ended up getting help through work.

Aye oop Col

I’ve lost my mojo bike-wise over the horrendous weather and axle-deep filth of late, but I’ve just been getting out for a walk instead. I find it really helps just getting the boots on and heading out for a stroll on’t moors or round the reservoirs.

If you fancy it, then come over and we can have a jaunt, finishing in the brewery for a pint where we can bitch and moan about everything. Or I could pop over there if thats easier

And another ****ing thing…. 😀

then the forum logged me out and I lost it.

Might still be there if you use the Back button (same thing just happened to me on another thread).

In short, go and see your doctor,

This.

Thanks binners.

What happens when I try to plan something I want to do. I start to over analyse it, think about how it can go wrong, how I might find it really hard physically and that I’m unfit and letting myself down (if planning exercise). I then worry that if I’m with other people will they not enjoy my company, or not like something about me. Sad, but that’s what happens in my head. I always seem to find a reason to try and stop myself from going.

I struggle to get outside when I’m like this. Even into the garden where nobody can see me.

I have been put off massively going to my GP. My last few visits which were about my back injury, I mentioned my anxiety and depression and both times it was dismissed. I feel that they don’t care. I ended up getting help through work.

Change your doctors, or ask to see a different GP in the practice or the nurse practitioner.
Also specifically say ‘I feel anxious and depressed’. It’s incredibly hard to verbalise it (I know from personal experience), but it triggers the process you need

Col – I can assure you that if you’re feeling unfit then after being out with me you’ll be feeling like Mo Farah 😀

Seriously though… I know exactly how you feel. Been there myself on many occassions so I totally understand. But the weather seems to have bucked up so if you fancy it, please just gibve me a shout

Also… try and smile. I do it just to annoy people 😉

Another offer of a ride & chat here Colin, and your company has always been enjoyed when you’ve been out with me, Andy etc.

Thanks for all the replies. Trying to get some work done, which is futile. Wondering if it is worth the effort today.

Binners, I once had an mtb coaching course and I was told to smile when I was riding. I was constantly worrying about making a mistake.

Thanks Stace. Always enjoy the rides.

As I’ve written several times, I’m awful for over-planning ride routes and then get doubts because of the weather forecast, heading out or coming back to Suburbia around rush hour or school-run times etc.

Sometimes I find it’s best to simply eat something like a banana; fill my two water bottles; grab a big handful of jelly babies to put in a zipper bag; check tyre pressures; get changed into my cycling gear and head out with a single specific goal like climbing a particular cat4 hill… How I ride to it, up it and what comes after just comes down to gut feeling at the time.

Grey, overcast, but supposedly dry days like today don’t help me kick myself out of the door… Especially as I’ve had some sort of on/off mild lurgy since the weekend and I have relatively big plans for next week.

Yet I’m sat here contemplating the idea of cycling up Petersfield’s Bell Hill cat3 climb for the first time since around last October, as some sort of real world prep for next week, but that means a 3+ hour ride… Which feels quite daunting and scary, having rarely done anything longer than 1 hour on the turbo (or a very rare non-commute outdoor ride) since November.

Once out, it’s very rare I’ll come back home regretting a ride, but the anxiety/indecision beforehand can drive me mad.

As others have said if you had a physical ailment you would have little hesitation in asking for expert help ( unless it really was bad cat aids). So go and seek the expert help. Taking a couple of days off work doesn’t really change things. either take a decent chunk of time off with a plan to mead your head or stay at work. Is work the source of your troubles? More than likely something somewhere is acting as a trigger ( IMO) You need to remove that trigger whatever it is or find some way to live with it.

You have some nice offers from folk local to you there – use them. Make the date now so you cannot back out.

Counselling: The key thing with counselling is the relationship between the counsellor and you so don’t be afraid to shop around or change counsellors after a session or two if nothing is happening. Personally I am a big fan of person centred counselling but plenty of other schools exist and many skilled counsellors will use a combination of techniques.
Drugs: They really are only a treatment not a cure so you need to do something else to change things as well. Best used to give you some breathing space and / or to let you remember what a more normal state of mind is. Can have nasty side effects.

Take up those blokes on their offers, get some expert help be it from your GP, workplace or an independent, good luck and get well soon,.

What happens when I try to plan something I want to do. I start to over analyse it, think about how it can go wrong, how I might find it really hard physically and that I’m unfit and letting myself down (if planning exercise). I then worry that if I’m with other people will they not enjoy my company, or not like something about me. Sad, but that’s what happens in my head. I always seem to find a reason to try and stop myself from going.

I struggle to get outside when I’m like this. Even into the garden where nobody can see me.

this is me, for the last year.
let’s all get together somewhere (rammy, rivi, philips park, wherever) and try to do something about it?

let’s all get together somewhere (rammy, rivi, philips park, wherever) and try to do something about it?

I’m up for that. I’ve been a right miserable **** of late and I need to sort myself out.

Rammy/Turton Horseshoe ride? More of an adventure than Prestwich but without any truely massive BFO hills.

Go and see your GP, that was the very first thing I did. (I’m in the process of changing surgery).

I was surprised at the number of people on STW that are having mental health issues, so you are not alone.

Lets get it in then folks? It’d be good to see you all. I’ve been virtually a recluse over the last couple of months, bike-wise. Just been wandering down to the brewery instead. In the rain. Need to sort myself out. I’m a right fat git!

I’ll warn you though: I’m in an annoyingly good mood at the moment, generally. 😀

I’m in an annoyingly good mood at the moment, generally.

Oh do **** off. 😉

doing Hit the North kicked me up the arse a little, in that I started to realise riding bikes with other folk isn’t as hard as i’ve let myself believe lately. so yeah.

This probably isn’t the best place, but it’s the easiest right now.

Based on help and information in past threads to people asking for help, I’d say it’s an excellent place and a very good first step. Good luck.

I was surprised at the number of people on STW that are having mental health issues, so you are not alone.

IIRC 1 in 3 of the population at some point in their lives?

I always found that it was easier to convince myself to go for a 5 minute ride than anything more. That was always the plan, on the bike, turn the pedals then go home. Sometimes I did just that, sometimes I went further but I never set myself any more of a target than turning the pedals.

As for GPs, go and see a different one every time until they listen. Yes they are busy and will not always pick up on something if you’re playing it down. I had it somewhat easier, just walking in and collapsing into tears unable to speak got the message across, but with hindsight I should never have waited until I got to that point (twice)

Lots of this rings true for me with one exception… Motivation.

I CAN NOT STOP.

Running, working out, DIY, doing stuff round the house, doing stuff with the kids…. whatever…. anything and everything … even work (kinda) …. trying to be everything to everyone ….all at 100mph.

But 100mph is also the inside of my head about EVERYTHING…. Everything I do and don’t… Everything I say and don’t say …. Everything I feel and don’t feel.

I can get away with it most of the time… but it’s like walking a tight rope and I’ve fallen a few times of late… constantly rowing with myself and I am aware of it but sometimes I can’t or don’t even want to stop it.

It isn’t healthy probably physically and well as mentally and I really need to get to see someone.

Well done OP and the rest of you guys …. I’ll make enquires.

Edit …sorry… a barely readable rant at myself… and it’s the tip of my iceberg.

I know how the op feels tbh. It’s rubbish.I sincerely hope you can get the help that you need.
Got through the winter without a “blackout” , the wind was a convenient excuse for me last week & I couldn’t be arsed to ride when I had a complete pass Monday/Tuesday. Just laid on the sofa with the Malta story& Jeremy Kyle ffs.

I’m aiming to give myself a stern talking to and ride on Friday.
Perhaps you can all chip in and send binners to Euston?
🙂

Mods, i asked in the other thread but is is possible to create a dedicated sticky thread to have a place to discuss these things collectively? Not to aggregate all peoples concerns in one place, but to be a permanent location for people to share help they receive and offer advice.? It seems STW has a base with a lot of experience here and seeing it front and center on the boards might be the help someone is looking for, regardless of the day they happen to log on. There’s a passion to help others and i feel it might be helpful?

to the OP, you just took a courageous step. Strength to you sir. Seek that help, its out there- here and in ‘real life’

Done it.

MNPR – 25th March – Cheer Up You Miserable ****ers Edition

I have no excuse for bailing out now.

OP you said above that you worry that you’re not fit enough to keep up with others and you get worried, i always felt like this, i have a good friend who is seriously fit (doing 10 Ironman events in 7 days!) and he invites me to go out for a ride and i always put it off as i feel like i’m slowing him down. I usually started the ride with an excuse as to why i’ll be slow and even rode my singlespeed to have a reason, but when i voiced this, he simply replied “perhaps i just like riding my bike with my mate”. I forgot that however fit he is, he simply enjoys riding bikes too and that 95% of his training is alone, so it was nice for him to have someone to chat too as well.

Once out, it’s very rare I’ll come back home regretting a ride, but the anxiety/indecision beforehand can drive me mad.

Jeeso. I though this was just me. I can have an evening ride in mind for ages without a specific plan. Come the time, the planning – and options – often drives me into an anxious heap. WHAT IF I DON’T ENJOY IT?!?! FFS. Get on the bike, start riding, see where it goes. A favourite trail. A new trail. A quiet spot. A great view. Time to think. A pint. A dog to stroke. There’ll be something. And it will be good.

You know I’m sat at home waiting for the call Jimmy.

IIRC 1 in 3 of the population at some point in their lives?

Bloody hell, thats an alarming statistic!

Its an epidemic in our society.