So the split of a few weeks ago is going ahead full steam. She has now moved bank accounts but because she wanted to put money forward for the dog (PALimony) didn’t stop the joint account.

RBS kindly moved her accounts to new address along with the joint one as it is associated to her accounts but because my account is associated to the joint one it’s gone too as have my other accounts. And yet i can’t move them back without going to my branch (colchester from edinburgh not likely) and she can’t do them because they’re not hers.

Sorry to hear about your dilemma.

Retail banking in nearly all banks is backed by ancient back office systems, which the movers and shakers are not interested in updating because it costs too much money.

Certain functions like add or remove a party mostly have to be done manually and take time. I was involved in one or two projects looking at automating situations like yours and each time the functionality was de-scoped because the cost benefit analysis didn’t stack up.

Phone them up and complain to their customer complaints area and tell them how annoyed your are.

Withdraw all but £1 and open a local account?

Just be thankful your not with santander, they want even let you have your own money, but they paid me 100 quid as compensation, for being daft and not letting me have my money.

Lodge an official complaint.