Tim Vincent, we thank you.
So I rang up British Telecom and said: ‘I want to report a nuisance caller.’ He said: ‘Not you again.’
Albinos – you can’t say fairer than that.
I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah and I thought: ‘He’s trying to pull a fast one.’
So I said to this train driver: ‘I want to go to Paris.’ He said: ‘Eurostar?’ I said: ‘I’ve been on telly, but I’m no Dean Martin.’
Beware of Alphabet Grenades. If you throw them, it could spell disaster.
I was walking down the road the other day and I saw this advert in the window that said: ‘Television for sale, £1, volume stuck on full.’ I thought: ‘I can’t turn that down.’
A friend of mine always wanted to be run over by a steam train. When it happened, he was chuffed to bits!
Black beauty – he’s a dark horse.
I wanted to be a milkman – but I didn’t have the bottle
I wanted to be a milkman – but I didn’t have the bottle
I rang up my local swimming baths. I said: ‘Is that the local swimming baths?’ He said: ‘It depends where you’re calling from.’
So I said to the gym instructor: ‘Can you teach me to do the splits?’ He said: ‘How flexible are you?’ I said: ‘I can’t make Tuesdays.’
The advantage of easy origami is twofold…
This bloke says to me: ‘Can I come in your house and talk about your carpets?’ I thought: ‘That’s all I need, a Je-hoover’s witness.’
I’m against hunting. In fact, I’m a hunt saboteur. I go out the night before and shoot the fox.
My next-door neighbour worships exhaust pipes – he’s a catholic converter.
I’ve got a friend who’s fallen in love with two school bags – he’s bisatchel.
