I think I can officially retire from parenting now.

When they were young my wife used to have a lie in on Saturdays and i’d get up and make pancakes with the kids. Every time without fail we’d get the recipe out, and I’d ask why they only use one egg in French pancakes and get groans, that as they got older turned into abuse, and then swearing, and then threats of violence

Daughter is at University in a mixed flat in the HoR, and almost without exception the boys are chuffing useless at cooking. She on the other hand is good, so she’s helped them to understand the difference between omelettes and scrambled eggs, how to make their own oven chips, and so on.

One of the lads was making pancakes last night, and asked her the recipe…… you can guess the rest; she’s now recycling my old dad jokes and grudgingly admitting that it’s quite good.

(next step – I used to get them to give me a big build up ‘whhhhoooooaaaaaahhhh’ followed by a cheer if I managed to flip the pancake, or ‘useless tosser’ if i didn’t. The wife stopped that though, when she found out)

You know parenting goes up to 11… right?

One of the lads was making pancakes last night, and asked her the recipe…… you can guess the rest; she’s now recycling my old dad jokes and grudgingly admitting that it’s quite good.

What have i missed ?

What have i missed ?

How many eggs do you need to make a french pancake?

Just the one, because one egg is an oeuf.

One egg is an oeuf!…. muhahahahaha! I love it. Can’t beat dad jokes. Mega points for getting your daughter to re-use them.

damn..julians beat me to it.

Cant beat a good dad joke, the cheesier the better!

Once they’re out the house, you get to retire, right? I think that’s how it works.

How many eggs do you need to make a french pancake?

Just the one, because one egg is an oeuf.

You know parenting goes up to 11… right?

I thought we had to keep them alive until they were 18?

There’s a lane/bike track near us that is known in our family as French eggs, because Mrs Tthew once hit a massive pothole in it an let out a resounding Oooeuf!

Going to use the egg gag at the weekend. Merci.

I’m at Parenting Level 6.2 where you find that your daughter has been cutting her own hair and stashing the trimmings in a bag under her bed, the logic being that if she put it in the bin she’d get caught. Also, she is too lazy to put it in the bin, especially whist she is sat on the bed and there is a bag close by.

Suddenly planning to make pancakes on Sunday just so I can use that joke. Unfortunately the 3 year old wakes up and chooses violence most days

Suddenly planning to make pancakes on Sunday just so I can use that joke. Unfortunately the 3 year old wakes up and chooses violence most days

So you’re likely to get battered?

A similar moment for me was meeting my daughters that mates.

Turns out her flat mates new all my best stories. You know driven to a police station in the back of landrover guarded by a man with an AK47 etc. we’ve all been there

I had no idea daughter had been listening. My stories generated not one flicker of interest. Turns out she knows them all off by heart and she thinks they are good enough to tell her mates

I am sorry but Parenting is like Candy Crush, there is always another level.

I believe my parenting is complete after I asked my youngest (17) an obvious question last week and his reply was “Does Stevie Wonder pi$$ on his shoes?”

I’m at parenting level 200. We’ve kept twins alive for a whole year.

What is the Boss level then?

Grandparenting without completely destroying relationships with your children?

Daughter is at University in a mixed flat in the HoR, and almost without exception the boys are chuffing useless at cooking.

Ahem.

I have three boys, two in Uni, who can all cook well. #exception

I’m at parenting level 200. We’ve kept twins alive for a whole year.

What level does that make me, my twins are nearly 5 and only half the horde.