Office farting etiquette.

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  • Office farting etiquette.
  • Premier Icon wwaswas
    Subscriber

    no one likes an eggy drifter in the workplace.

    No, allegedly girls do go to the toilet to fart. Strange but true.

    That said, any kind of airbiscuit-floating is utterly frowned-upon in our office workplace.

    Premier Icon sandwicheater
    Subscriber

    Your allowed to test the water. If minimal offence guff away.

    Premier Icon binners
    Subscriber

    It depends what the nature of the bottom-burp is really. Normally I’ll surreptitiously release a quack as I wander across the studio. Sometimes in small quickfire fashion – smuggling ducks. But sometimes, when you’ve a massive build up, and you know your arse is going to go off like an H bomb, then you want to enjoy the moment to the full

    I felt obliged to nip to the toilet to let one go the other day, to really do it justice. Sweet Jesus!!! It was like someone tearing a thick velvet curtain. I thought they probably heard it in the office anyway, due to absolutely massive decibel level. But alas on returning… no round of applause πŸ™

    Premier Icon glenh
    Subscriber

    I have my own office, so let rip whenever is required.

    However, you can guarantee that someone will knock on my door within seconds, every time.

    zokes
    Member

    The only problem with farting in my office is that every man, woman, and their dog seems to want to stick their head in precisely five seconds later. And I can assure you, the guffage isn’t always a pleasant smell…

    parkesie
    Member

    In the work shop it’s considered good form to air drop in the vicinity or indeed as close as you can to some one who is n a particularly awkward stress position fitting the worlds most nadgery bolt.

    Premier Icon scaredypants
    Subscriber

    I think that anything goes, as long as you remember to hold up your clenched fists to the sky in triumph if it’s a big one

    Loud and proud.
    Thats why I don’t work in an office.

    Tom B
    Member

    I was chatting to a couple of teenagers that I teach the other day….the conclusion drawn was that farting is always funny no matter how old you get πŸ™‚

    samuri
    Member

    I’d agree with the ladies. If you’re in a busy office then farting is simply not on. Now it might be worth a tiny squeak to determine if your farts are smelly today but one observation I might make is that most people don’t think their own farts smell.

    At home I’ll be slightly more relaxed about it, we do after all have a dog I can blame it on but I’ll still try and avoid doing it a room with other people in.

    One thing I’ve noticed, is that some people simply can’t hold their farts in. When they need to fart, they fart which is bizarre. What kind of weak pelvic muscles do they have?

    Premier Icon thepurist
    Subscriber

    Do ladies lock themselves in a cubicle to drop the f bomb or just let rip by the sinks? In one office I worked in it was good form to drop an SBD then call a colleague over to check some pointless detail, just waiting for their expression to change.

    Premier Icon portlyone
    Subscriber

    In the office, no. The lift… 😈

    PJM1974
    Member

    The OP is clearly in error.

    Everyone knows that girls don’t fart…

    What TomB said

    boxfish
    Member

    Normally I’ll surreptitiously release a quack as I wander across the studio

    Ah, the old “stinky drift” technique. My particular favourite. You have to judge your walking pace and carefully throttle the release to achieve maximum dispersal.

    z1ppy
    Member

    πŸ˜€ @ Darth, was smuggling ducks a STW creation? (well the guys daughter)
    As I do thinks it brilliant.

    nbt
    Member

    Cropdusting FTW.

    n3olp
    Member

    I work in a office of only males. Farting holds the majority of the daily humor. If anything it is frowned upon if you do not fart. It is commonly said that farting is funny no matter how old you are. At the end of the day, the only difference between a child and a adult is the size of toys, right?

    At the end of the day, the only difference between a child and a adult is the size of toys, right?

    Well, that and an increased risk of ‘following through’ with advancing years!

    Premier Icon StefMcDef
    Subscriber

    I work from home, in a small office, on my own 99% of the time. Thus, my farting etiquette consists of parting my cheeks at precisely the right aperture setting for maximum parp potential, then summoning the resultant reek to my nostrils with an ostentatious wave of the hand like Paul Hollywood does when he’s just pulled a freshly baked cob out of the oven.

    I fear for me and any future colleagues if I am ever released back into the wild.

    legend
    Member

    nbt – Member
    Crop-circles FTW.
    POSTED 12 MINUTES AGO # REPORT-POST

    FTFY

    Premier Icon coolhandluke
    Subscriber

    I work from home, in a small office, on my own 99% of the time. Thus, my farting etiquette consists of parting my cheeks at precisely the right aperture setting for maximum parp potential, then summoning the resultant reek to my nostrils with an ostentatious wave of the hand like Paul Hollywood does when he’s just pulled a freshly baked cob out of the oven.

    me too!

    I felt sorry for my colleagues when I worked in a shared office!, ok, I didn’t really.

    arrpee
    Member

    Had a conversation with work colleagues the other week which absolutely blew my mind. A majority of my (predominantly female) colleagues stated with absolute conviction that they went to the toilet to fart when in the workplace. What’s more, they were utterly aghast when I revealed that I didn’t.

    Now, I was aware that some people did this, but always perceived it as an example of extreme behaviour by neurotic individuals who badly need to relax about life.

    I did point out that they had hitherto been completely unaware that I had been stealthily guffing away in their presence without causing auditory or olfactory offence, a fact which they reluctantly accepted.

    However, it seems that , in my office at least, I’m in the (silent) minority. Am I alone in thinking that going to the toilet to fart is absolute madness?

    stany
    Member

    The other half sent me a text a couple of weeks ago on this exact subject.
    She works in a large open plan office, predominantly occupied by females, one of whom was allowing a silent fug to encompass the surrounding area.
    Point one proven – not all women fart in a cubicle.
    The next question was should she name and shame? Of course, yes! Especially if the guilty party is trying to keep it anonimous. Something along the lines of;
    ‘ear, Trace. D’ya reckon someone’s a bit ripe today?’ aimed directly at the offender!!

    Premier Icon annebr
    Subscriber

    Large open plan office, guff straight into the chair cushion. No smell No sound.

    Going to the loo to fart WTF!!!

    Premier Icon Woody
    Subscriber

    In my office (station) some of the girls give as good as they get in both volume and odour.

    There is one young lady who is particularly revered as undisputed champ in that department but only by those who don’t have to partner her on a vehicle!

    arrpee
    Member

    I find that the employment of a little fine motor control allows one to operate undetected.

    As for toxicity, it appears that my colleagues sit far enough out of harm’s way not to be affected on the odd occasion when I inadvertently attempt to self-euthanize.

    like someone tearing a thick velvet curtain

    ^Stealing this.

    At my desk this morning’ Was that you?’ ‘Of course it was, it’s my turn, you’re next.’ My secretary can always be relied upon. I blame anti inflammatories for cracked ribs, everyone else just blames me. Which is fair. Farting is funny.

    I dropped one in the office when doing work experience aged 15. The woman on the desk nearest me swiftly grabbed a can of hairspray from her drawer and vigorously dispersed around her immediate vicinity.

    Martin B
    Member

    In my quiet Yoga class, we were in a strong position starainign to hold it. Someone let one rip (one of the Lasses)
    Stopped the class for the next couple of minutes as we all had the giggles πŸ™‚

    Double doors between the engineering office and the shop floor at my work. ‘Sealing one in the airlock’ is standard practice if someone will shortly be following you…

    Premier Icon martinhutch
    Subscriber

    I generally pop out and share the happiness with the huddle of workshy smokers out front.

    Premier Icon jamj1974
    Subscriber

    Don’t let it out. How can subjecting your colleagues to your rotten guts be considered ok…?

    eskay
    Member

    I work with a real ale drinker who sets fart traps. He will go in to a store room or cupboard, do the deed, close the door and retreat.

    A good rule of thumb is to never go into an enclosed room here if the door is shut.

    Some of his farts have a half life that is longer than uranium.

    Premier Icon bruneep
    Subscriber

    I go into my managers office to “chat” then drop n leave.

    I can have a whole morning with no visitors to my office, then post release, someone breezes in… You’d think they’d have learned by now!

    You know those special boxes that the Securicor man in the back of the van passes through the hatch to the other Securicor man who is going into the bank’s counting room to collect the money from the pretty cashier?

    Well, they’re airtight πŸ˜‰

    messiah
    Member

    Save it for the lift.

    arrpee
    Member

    Don’t let it out. How can subjecting your colleagues to your rotten guts be considered ok…?

    Yeah, I don’t think I’d get away with some of the fart terrorism described above in my office.

    However, I wouldn’t be surprised if, for many of those who scuttle off to the toilet, it’s driven less by fear of causing offence than fear of social embarassment at being labled the one who ‘dealt it’. None of which seems very healthy.

    Do they do the same at home, I wonder? No Dutch Ovens?

    djglover
    Member

    women in our office seem to spray perfume to mask it

    Bum bugle in the lift, then send it back for someone else! A joy!

    zokes
    Member

    I can’t believe I’m the first to spot that thanks to his Premier status, our OP appears very aptly named πŸ˜†

    arrpee
    Member

    Heh heh heh…

Viewing 45 posts - 1 through 45 (of 72 total)

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