Don’t let it out. How can subjecting your colleagues to your rotten guts be considered ok…?

Yeah, I don’t think I’d get away with some of the fart terrorism described above in my office.

However, I wouldn’t be surprised if, for many of those who scuttle off to the toilet, it’s driven less by fear of causing offence than fear of social embarassment at being labled the one who ‘dealt it’. None of which seems very healthy.

Do they do the same at home, I wonder? No Dutch Ovens?

women in our office seem to spray perfume to mask it

Bum bugle in the lift, then send it back for someone else! A joy!

I can’t believe I’m the first to spot that thanks to his Premier status, our OP appears very aptly named 😆

Heh heh heh…

Good spot Zokes, massive lol!

I used to work with someone who was into his bodybuilding. He sat as his desk constantly masticating. Boiled chicken, boiled broccoli, brown rice. Interspersed with protein shakes and flax seed.

His arse was absolutely rancid, and like his jaw, always at work.

Luckily, he had a fan on his desk, which dispersed the worst of it downwind, over the bank of empty desks behind us. It was always amusing to watch out of town visitors pull up a seat at said bank of desks for some ‘hotdesking’.

Hotdesk? Ground Zero was more like it.

haha i also have a fan under my desk – precisely for that …. to disperse the fart to my colleagues desk sitting opposite 😀

Quite frankly, unless your colleagues eyes are watering and they’re literally chewing the air it isn’t worth it.

I mostly work outdoors so I just drop bombs wherever and whenever I feel like. But If I get put on a checkout I squeeze em out silently and y’know, if a customer pulls a funny no-likey-smell face, I just nod my head backwards at the customer behind and look concerned. It’s all about stealth . I let a particularly bad one out the bomb bay doors in a work changing room that just about fits 2 people, ie me and another bloke. so I got pulled on that one. Learn from experience.

no one likes an eggy drifter in the workplace.

lol

Grim, the lot of you!

I go into my mates office to discuss things of no importance and play him a tune.. then scarper whilst locking his office door.. he does retaliate but I’ve got him on smell every time.. we even echo test the bosses tea cup when he’s peed us all off. Farting is funny, sorry but it is.

Never has a singletrack post made me laugh so hard.. Love it..

My neighbour and I tend to have a ‘fart off’ when out about in the car…

Long periods of time in a vehicle will do that

Amateurs

In my old office there were two chaps a body building chap who ate like the guy previously mentioned and the half greek dude who ate mega hot spicy food like it was going out of fashion. Both had rotten gas traps.

Crop dusting was the initial joke with no concern of the collateral damage the rest of us received

Then the cupping started, a water cooler cup was guffed into and a hand placed over the top then they would walk up behind the other stick the cup in their face and quickly squeeze it to puff it into the others face.

Then it got worse

Getting 500ml pop bottle compressing it to expel most the air sticking it on their rusty sheriffs badge and trumping whilst releasing the sides of the bottle to suck in maximum gas and pop the lid on, this way you could have multiple rounds of ammunition in a directional accurate weapon.

Those were the days.

One of them is now my manager and he goes outside and fakes a call to drop his guts 😆

I generally tend to step out of the office, although I have noticed that some farts have a nasty habit of following me back in.

Except for the day after I ate a vindaloo by mistake. I had to go out of the building, I’m sure I saw a couple of pigeons drop out of the sky dead afterwards 😳

I tend to fart a fair bit,, I offended myself sometimes when driving my lorry, a can of deodorant is never far away for such times..

If it has been a particularly fart-tastic day there is a lingering odour upon my return after I have been for food etc, Friday is fumigation day, drive with both windows open for last half hour then a good spray of deodorant to freshen it up for the weekend.

When I used to sell cars I would often drop a silent but violent in or around the car and see how long I could keep the customer there inhaling the stench… Amazing game. As was blasting a ripper at the other end of the showroom if somebody else was trying to get a deal, we would all scarper as the laughter was blatant. Fun times.

Then there was the leisure centre I worked in… They tried to teach me a lesson balancing my food with laxatives…. No effect at all. I then returned the favour to the guilty parties and we were 2 members of staff down all afternoon as the spent it emptying their guts..

Farting is funny… Fact!

Tears are rolling down my face reading this, farts are always funny no matter what age you are 🙂

As I get older I sometimes unleash by mistake, such as when laughing or coughing. I have to be quite careful. Luckily I work from home and only leave the house to ride my bike.

My ex had an elderly aunt who was very keen on demonstrating her prowess at dance inspired keep fit exercises.

Unfortunately she was also very deaf and many is the time I had to leave the room as she was completely oblivious to the fact that Herb Alperts Tijuana Brass had an extra wind section.

I’m not sure which was funnier, the range of the accompaniment which largely depended on the severity of the dance move, or the family members struggling to keep a straight face !

I do a bit of am dram and once let one out on stage in the middle of a performance. It wasn’t entirely my fault; it was during a comedy fight scene when my assailant got me on the floor and sat on my stomach. They must have heard it in the back row.

[video]http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=Ivu5LDQeHJ4[/video]
Class trumpage

It’s all about discretion, innit. So long as you’re not sat there sounding like you’re standing on frogs, no-one ever knows who the culprit is. Own up to a few of the less evil ones and people believe you when you deny the evil airbombs.

I’m vegetarian with a taste for real ale and spicy food. Many’s the day I’ll drop into work and quietly turn the air brown. If I went to the loo every time I needed to deflate people would think I had a bladder infection.

My office chair (black leather thing with a high back) creaks, and in some sort of process only Darwin himself might understand, my farts have somehow evolved to sound just like my chair. Even the ‘slab of meat falling onto the floor’ type farts can be masked by a subtle shift of the calves.

I like to mix it up sometimes, to keep colleagues guessing – fart, chair, chair, fart. What was it? Was it me? Who knows.

[video]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3gRsu9TVEqg[/video]

Never let one out at your own desk, noisily, in a small space someone else is bound to occupy soon, or near the attractive girls.

Otherwise just wander round like the opposite of the bisto kids but in silent mode…

I once worked in an engineering office full of blokes. If someone let rip with a blaster it would prompt the entire office to rise to their feet and give a round of applause.

Office full of builders. Let it rip! The amount of veg and fruit i eat makes me king trumper and the bane of the team.
Let it all go at the end of tea break before going back to teach and leave it to rot in the office is my top tactic.
If i can’t let it go silently in class, then i occasionally leave the classroom to drop my guts rather than unleashing in front of the class.

Better out than in…PARP!

Let rip and proud. Mind you I work on a Hospital ward, so not round patients. Mainly in the sluice because it smells of crap in there anyway.

Give it a push on the way out to maximise trumping, and then declare ‘dont act like youre not impressed’

Ginger girl in the lift is insanely cute!^^^^

Farting is funny. Anyone who can’t see this needs to grow up! 🙂

If I’m currently storing up something terrible (the sort that you can’t pass without uncontrollably sniggering), I like to pop into my colleague’s consulting room to ‘get something’, whilst silently ‘opening a packet of ham’. They spend the next consultation apologising and blaming it on the previous patient.

It’s all about timing you see.

i drive a bus, so, if necessary can drive over a duck any time i need to.
only problem is, some of those ducks have bad breath.
i will say, for anyone who finds farting funny, i seriously recommend buying a copy of roger mellies profanisaurus.
EDIT: nsfw!