I've been divorced for 5 years now after an abusive relationship with my ex-wife, and I have the main custody of my 7 year old daughter.

About 3 years ago I noticed a new mum at my daughter's school (same year) and about 6 months later tried to chat to her. At the time she "had a boyfriend".

Now she has been single for about 2 years, having split from her abusive boyfriend, and due to various social interactions (school sports day, birthday parties, after-school activities) we have been chatting a few times over the last fortnight.

Now I'm not being a typical bloke here, just want to shag her, but I'd like to entertain the possibility of a sensible grown-up relationship where both parties are nice to each other.

Obviously there is more to both our histories than that; and maybe I'm making too much of a slightly positive situation, but if anyone can help me work with what I've got so far, please do.

I'm sure you'll all take the piss now so let's get that over with.

Why don't you get the kids together during the summer holls at least it'll give you the opp to talk a bit and to see if you do have any common ground apart from the children.

Can't believe I've just done that.

What ash says, then shag her till she you can't walk

If i'm reading correctly, what you've got so far is an opportunity, and what you've got to lose is nothing.

You're gonna have to tell her your thoughts!!!!

SB

draw her a smiley face, the ladies love a smiley face!

Ask her out for low pressure coffee or something. What's the worst she can do? Say no? At least you tried. If you never ask her will you kick yourself in 6 months when she's with some other bloke nowhere near as good looking and amusing and excellent as you?

Thanks Ash working on that already; Mark thanks for taking the piss!

Going to bed now as I'm knackered, but please don't hesitate to give me meaningful advice throughout the night.

Thanks guys (and gals).

Ask her out for low pressure coffee or something. What's the worst she can do? Say no? At least you tried.

+1

'Faint heart never won fair lady' – My Mum.

Use your daughter as an intermediary, eventually she will blurt out something like "My dad wants to kick your back doors in". According to MN that will work and be received with open…..arms.

WHAT did you think i was going to say.

In a proper answer, get the kids to play together and you can put in some quality spadework then go for the low pressure coffee/lunch then move onto the babysitters/night out route then BOOOMSHA.

Ask her out for low pressure coffee or something. What's the worst she can do? Say no? At least you tried.

+2

Fancy a bit of dinner one night? Seems pretty simple.

Above all just be yourself. If you make it to a relationship then you will have to compromise to make it work but till that happens remember who you are and what you like doing…

You say same year but do the kids play together? Kids have their own friends so that mightn't be easy; on the other hand they can be manipulated slightly (not in a bad way obviously)

Maybe first 'date' should be a short one to a neutral venue rather than straight going to asking them around to your place. Maybe the local park / soft play? Even with other mums / dads who aren't going to compete. Then it's not like overt sharking

Then you can move on to inviting the other child round to play after school or during the holidays. Mum doesn't have to come but of course at drop off / pick up you'd naturally offer a coffee. By which time she should start to show signs of interest or otherwise and you can do what comes naturally after that.

Just ask her, you need to be careful as to not appear like Mr sensitive child custody guy with an abusive ex. Dont discuss it, unless it really comes up. Keep a bit of mystery as there is nothin worse than someone goin on about their ex! lol

Does this rag smell of Rohypnol…Usually works

keep the kids totally out of it. ask her to meet you for a drink. you know, like grown up people do

Your(and her)confidence is likely to be knocked by an abusive relationship, try to extricate yourself from that and casually ask her to meet up and do something on neutral territory. It means no pressure and that a knock-back doesn't lead to permanent embarrassment in the playground. Pay compliments, they can have a wonderous effect on people who have taken some flak. Good luck and pics please.

iDave +1

All this getting kids together stuff will be pretty obvious if they aren't best friends and wanting to play together anyway – and if they were you'd already have your in, so wouldn't be asking. Just be more straightforward about it, rather than all creepy.

Organise a babysitter and go out for a coffee/drink as surely you both want adult conversation?

Good luck!

Ask her out for low pressure coffee or something

Slightly rainy coffee?

I've just realised this is only funny to sad weather geeks, right?

Good advice though

As above, ask her out for a coffee or similar, no pressure and you've got everything to gain, nothing to lose. Do it soon though, you don't want to be beating yourself up over it over the summer if you don't ask her! (and you've got the summer to recover if it doesn't work out)

Very best of luck, hope it goes well,

Andy.

Just make sure it's a Rohypoccino* for her and you'll be in.

* nicked off Ran/ninjasocks from Houns' gym girl thread a few years ago.

Is using your kids to pimp for you acceptable ? Gives me the creeps a bit….

(no kids, don't know, genuine question honest)

hels – using your kids is a perfectly healthy and normal way to break the ice in a common enemy type of way..
There's been some fantastically romantic films made around this concept.. I can't recall any offhand but I'm willing to bet that Hugh Grant is involved in at least two of them..

I'm with iDave and cinnamon_girl on this one. this shouldn't have anything to do with whether your kids want to play… be grown up, and somewhat romantic and keep the kids out of it until you've worked out if it can be serious.

also, as a single parent, you and her both will find you define yourselves via your kids if you are not careful. be yourselves, on yourselves. if you as adult people both get on and want to make a go of it, then add the kids in in a way that feels right for you and for your kids.

and don't forget to romance her. she's a girl.. not just a mum, and she'll love being romanced.

Ask her out for low pressure coffee or something

Coffee geek mode – that'd probably be a bit bitter as you'll overheat the coffee. Try and go for high pressure coffee.

Oh and +1 for most of the sensible advice above 😉

Toy Story 3 coming out soon. Neutral venue for a joint trip out and it's supposed to be a bit weepy for grown ups. Show your emotional side and you're in…

Be warned: my ex-wife has a friend with daughter in same year as ours, the two girls do not get on, never have over 8 years, some in the same class, the rest in the same school.

Meanwhile, over on Mumsnet…..

Toy Story 3 coming out soon. Neutral venue for a joint trip out and it's supposed to be a bit weepy for grown ups.

Great idea. hole in the bottom of the popcorn bucket, you're laughing.

Have you tried talking to her? Ask if she'd like to have a coffee?

Coffee is easier than 'a drink' or 'a meal'. Its softer- less demanding/stressful/forward IMO.

Then take it from there.

I'm not being a typical bloke here, just wanting to shag you, but I'd like to entertain the possibility of a sensible grown-up relationship where both parties are nice to each other

There's your chatup line, right there! 😀

Good luck OP.

Coffee and Boobies!

Sorry it was way too grown up for me. I'll get my coat.

defo keep the kids out of it, by all means use them as an introduction point i.e "hi i (insert name of child here)'s dad she in you sons year"

it gives a point of refrence but do not build your first encounter around the kids, you want her to see you as a grown adult person not as an extension of a child.

stick with daytime coffee or tea if possible that way there is very little pressure and its more likely to get a yes as there is very little investment in a coffee date…..dinner means a whole night, cinema means no conversation and a drink means busy loud bar where is can be a bit un-easy if its a first date

its hard but as many have said, just ask her out for lunch have a day out with the kids at a nice country pub.

good luck

hole in the bottom of the popcorn bucket, you're laughing

Took me a while to work that out but then LOL

wouldn't you already have at least half an inkling if she fancied you?
(or is that just me?)

blimey are you a teenager, talk to her! Women are human too you know, chat, be yourself and ask her out, you have absolutely nothing to lose, get it done and good luck

get the kids to play together

Was my thought – whilst the kids are playing, you have a coffee, see what happens.

If you feel it is going well, ask her if she would like to go out for a meal (and make it clear that it is WITHOUT the kids) as you really like her company.

And do it soon – only a couple of weeks till summer hols!

Good luck – you sound like you both deserve a happy relationship 🙂