need a laugh

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  • need a laugh
  • Premier Icon Pook
    Subscriber

    so far the day is going pretty badly. Anythingyou lot can do to help?

    roper
    Member

    I say I say I say

    Q. What Dickens character likes boobies?

    roper
    Member

    A. David Coppafeel.

    HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH
    WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
    HAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAAHA

    I did that 1 meself

    Two Irish guys are nailing some floorboards down when one of them notices that some of the nails are upside down. The more he goes through them the more of them he realises are upside down. His pal realises he’s throwing loads of nails over his shoulder and asks him what the **** he’s doing? “Loads of these feckig nails are upside down,” he says, “so I’m chucking the feckers”. “Jesus don’t,” says his mate, “hang on to them, they’ll do for the ceiling”.

    Mines the dark blue one on that hangar over there….

    Premier Icon Pook
    Subscriber

    these are all working

    MTT
    Member

    Never wear Russian underpants,

    chernobyl fallout!

    Premier Icon jimmy
    Subscriber

    A guy pulled up alongside me in his car this morning. He said “‘Ere mate, got a minute? I’m in a dilemma…”. I took a step back and said “Nice cars, dilemmas”.

    Here all week.

    ml
    Member

    Q: How do you kill an entire circus in one go?
    A: Go straight for the juggler!

    Q: Why are washing machines rude?
    A: They take the p*** out your pants.

    A man goes into confession and says “forgive me father. Last night I made love to twins half my age in positions that I think are illegal, over and over again” The priest thinks for a few minutes and says “buy seven lemons, squeeze the juice into a glass then drink it” “Will this cleanse me sin?” asks the man.”No” says the priest “but it’ll wipe that f***** smile of your face!”

    Olly
    Member

    hooker asks an irish man “why do you have L & R on your wellies?

    “so i know which is the Left and which is the Right” repiles the irish man

    “ahhh”, says the hooker, “that must be why my pants have C&A on them?”

    Premier Icon BoardinBob
    Subscriber

    Q: What’s the difference between a ginger minge and a cricket ball?

    A: If you try really, really, really f*cking hard…you could eat a cricket ball.

    frenchie
    Member

    Had a chicken tarka last night. Its like a chicken tikka, just a little otter.

    TimP
    Member

    Why do mice have such small balls?
    Because so few can dance

    Why dont witches wear knickers?
    So they stick to the broom better

    rs
    Member

    whats ET short for?

    cause he’s just got little legs!

    Soup
    Member

    Q: How many Vietnam vets does it take to change a lightbulb?

    A: You don’t know because you weren’t there man!

    …..sorry

    MikeT-23
    Member

    Two nuns in the bath.
    One says to the other “Where’s the soap?”
    The other replies “Yes, doesn’t it!”

    13 year old dad Alfie Patten has joined Fathers for Justice, as he already has the Spiderman costume.
    .
    .
    .
    Q) What do Roman Abramovich, the Metropolitan police force and a girl with an itchy f*nny have in common?

    A) Neither wishes they’d gone for the Brazilian

    alpin
    Member

    why did god make pee yellow and cum white?

    so the irish could tell if they are coming or going.

    Premier Icon molgrips
    Subscriber

    – I just got a dog, it’s a border collie. It comes home in the school holidays.

    – I got stung by a bee yesterday. Charged me £20 for a jar of honey.

    – My parents said to me, “Son, we had to make a lot of sacrifices to pay for your education.” They were both Druids, you see.

    Premier Icon jimmy
    Subscriber

    Doctor told me I had to stop smoking on medical grounds. So I waited til I left the surgery to spark up.

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