Mid life crisis cars, Tuesday musings…

When I needed a midlife crisis car 19 years ago I had to have a Mk1 Lotus Elise. It was a joy until I could no longer afford to keep it, servicing, insurance etc. Would not tick boxes C and D but you might get a high mileage Mk1 for under 10K (probs knackered tho)

As much as I love them I don’t think the RS4/RS6 options qualify. The OP specified it had to be attractive to whomever you want to be attracted to you and these cars are stealth wagons, so to the untrained eye….i.e. most people, they look like the normal hum drum dull as ditchwater Audi A4 and A6 Avants. And the space in an A4 Avant is crap, not much bigger or more convenient than an normal hatchback so they’re not even that practical, so fail on two of the OP’s criteria. Also the cost of running and fixing an RS4/RS6 Is just simply unaffordable for most people.

It’s a midlife crisis at the end of the day so something a bit niche/rare and/or interesting. I’d compromise on the practicality element as that is what roof racks and bike racks are for. I like the 944 idea as I used to have one and  it was brilliant….but finding decent ones these days is hard and more expensive as they’re appreciating in value and getting some spare parts for them is getting tricky and becoming more expensive…one reason why I got rid of mine. And also not many have A/C and those that do the A/C system will either not be functioning or not functioning well and to fix them is eye wateringly expensive…..and with the large glass tailgate they act as green houses on wheels when the sun is out and looking like a sweaty mess is not conducive to looking cool or attractive.

It’s a tough one…not sure what the answer is. The Alfa is probably along the right lines though I’d say….but only the v6 models.

Playing with myself

I just wanted to extend it

Well, they do kind of go hand in hand.  So to speak.

a) It’s restrained and tasteful rather than being some naff, wide-boy, penis substitute with a huge spoiler and impractical low profile tyres that cost £500 a corner to replace.

b) It’s discrete enough that the object of your secret passion at the school gates will not dismiss you as an attention-seeking knob. (please don’t tell Mrs BWD about this one)

c) It has a boot.

d) Can cruise at speeds up to 80mph without exploding.

e) Doesn’t cost more than £1k.

In the greatest STW “what I’ve got is ace” style you need a Saab 9-3 or 9-5 estate.

Been running a 9-3 estate 2L turbo petrol for the last 4 years, debadged, discreet, loads of power, not too bad on a run (35mpg aveage), takes 3 bikes, loads of cup holders and the legendary night mode on the display for late night driving. Available for peanuts, if it breaks just scrap it and buy another.

Crying by myself on the motorway this morning, I thought I’d share to STW.

So what mid life remedy has you welling up as you exit junction 9,frantically looking for a quiet layby and some glimmer of hope.

1. Phone Louise?
2. Try and make yourself much more attractive to the object of your sexual preference at the next sales meeting?
3.  Start a practical ,rewarding, and satisfying hobby that will not just be a fad?
4.  Find something that frees the mind in the comfort of a your work environment?
5.  Anything that doesn’t cost more than is emotionally necessary?

I’m amazed no-one has said this yet, but the car you need, Kryton, is a heritage Italian estate with matching shades for those summer school morning drop-offs.

I know it, you know it, everyone else here knows it. You had it dude, you had everything. And then you threw it all away 🙁

rx7

He said reliable!

To quote my colleague who owns one : “they are reliable, it’s just that the engine is a service item”

To quote my colleague who owns one : “they are reliable, it’s just that the engine is a service item”

As an owner of 10 years, less than 8k miles, and two engine rebuilds, I’d wholeheartedly agree!

Well, and the fragile engine looms, they’re a service item, and the pillowballs at the rear, and…

330 estate

S4 avant

or as i did RX8 🙂

that RS4 will probably need another 10k spending on it.

Slightly stretching the “sporty” requirement, but aces everything else:

Volvo XC60 R-design – £9,980

https://www.pistonheads.com/classifieds/used-cars/volvo/xc60/volvo-xc60/8426557

Alfa Brera.  Possibly struggles with C), but might manage.

Requires suitably stylish sunglasses.

Slightly stretching the “sporty” requirement, but aces everything else:

Volvo XC60

Doubt it.

Even the  perfect specimen of hunky manlinesss that is Captain Flashheart can’t make a Volvo SUV sexy 😉

I had an XC 60 r design overnight once as an extended test drive..I liked the car well enough but the auto gearbox had a mind of its own and changed down at will ..and I just thought that with a bit of a heavy foot I would be putting fuel in every 10 mins😁

<10k and 0-60 in under 5 seconds? might be a bit thirsty…

The Chicks dig them (XC60’s) though!

If you want a car that appears “sexy” to the opposite sex, then you need to look at that car though their eyes and not your own!

ime, the car that women have found by far the “sexiest” is a VW split screen camper van!  Despite being slow, dangerous, horrible to drive, and more likely to break down than sienna miller, women are totally blinded by the romance of them!

Step out of them, and they see you as this guy i think:

😉

Kryton is probably looking interesting this thread and pissing himself laughing 🤠

Every other couple of weeks a car thread comes up, we get all excited and post options.. he sits back and snorts at the options available.

We’re mugs..

But I do love playing a “what car for Kryton?” game..

👍👊🍩

Its the bi monthly Kryton car thread.

Whats wrong with your current 1 series, or the RS 6/4 you were getting or the myriad of other cars you were getting?

How often do you switch the traction control off in your current car?

we get all excited and post options

To be fair it sounds like he was getting very excited in his car this morning

If you want a car that appears “sexy” to the opposite sex, then you need to look at that car though their eyes and not your own!

He’s right.  Big, modern, powerful, brutish german cars probably aren’t the way to go, especially 2nd or third hand, Sonny.

Something older, prettier and more lively, needing a firm yet delicate touch is the way to go.

^^^^^^^

Sounds like Swiss Tony has arrived.

I actually bought a Zafira Tourer as my mid life crisis car.  That’s because the crisis of my mid life was not being able to fit all the kid seats in the previous car.

🙂

Indeed, and your bikes and stuff to take to the tip.

Its by far the best option for anyone, never mind a Mid Life Crisis Male.

E46 M3 – If you don’t mind high running costs and low MPG… This is STW, so I’ll go with you do mind those..

So for the BMW range, that leaves you with the 335i or a 130i, just north above 10k will get you the 135i.

https://i.ebayimg.com/00/s/NjgzWDEwMjQ=/z/TPIAAOSw4DJYkQoQ/$_86.JPG

The SRT obviously. It’s American Sporty rather than European Sporty though.

A Renault scenic would cover everything except the sporty bit. I’ve given quite a number of women at my work a lift in mine, every one of them (unsolicited) has said they liked it.

So, it seems, if you want to attract the ladies, buy a shit french car.

30th September 2017 by Rob Sutherland[/url], on Flickr

My 42nd birthday pressie.  Considerably less than 10k, surprisingly practical… I think it looks lush… and it goes.

I think it looks lush… and it goes.

Considerably slower than the z4m coupe, which you know deep down  is what you should have got

I’ve just returned to the thread and

Kryton is probably looking interesting this thread and pissing himself laughing

This.   You know I’m not buying a car right?  Just playing 6am Motorway Bingo.

I’m amazed no-one has said this yet, but the car you need, Kryton, is a heritage Italian estate with matching shades for those summer school morning drop-offs.

I know it, you know it, everyone else here knows it. You had it dude, you had everything. And then you threw it all away

It wasn’t my fault the air intake was I the wheel arch!

Under 10k, Boxer flat 4, the ladies will be more interested in your “out going personality” than what badge you drive around in, ideal for the UK’s appalling road network..

Considerably slower than the z4m coupe, which you know deep down  is what you should have got

Can you get a bike in the back?  If so…

Nearly the end of page 2 and no one suggested Skoda Octavia yet?

No, Octavia for after your mid life crisis, when you’ve basically given up 😣

I’m thinking it might be more useful to talk about the mid-life crisis than about the car. It could save a bunch of cash as well.

I bought my sort of mid-life crisis car – a Corrado VR6 – before I had a mid-life crisis. So far it seems to have worked like a sort of inoculation and the crisis has never arrived, so my advice would be to buy a suitable car before you actually get the yearning to do it.

HTH.

My midlife crisis car would probably be a Maserati Levante – struggling with e) <£10k though!

335i Touring (E90) in black with m-sport  pack

Bikebouy was very close, what he meant to post was this:

https://www.motors.co.uk/car-48656301/?i=1&m=sp

or https://www.motors.co.uk/car-48467433/?i=2&m=sp

Fullfills all the criteria, carries a shitload of stuff, looks good, and goes like the clappers, the Zafira VXR!

Absolutely mad concept, take a family MPV and stick a potent turbo 2 litre that’ll take it up to around 160mph!

Or.. something thats increasing in value..

Obvz I don’t know what haircut you have or whether you wear bellbottom Jeans and shiny black patent leather loafers.. nor a handsome chestwig.. but I give you the: 3.2 version Audi TT Mk1

As I’m bored and lonely in a hotel I read a review of that Subaru.  Not really a comfy mile muncher is it…

335i Touring (E90) in black with m-sport  pack

Almost had me considering changing my mind…

Considerably slower than the z4m coupe, which you know deep down  is what you should have got

It is a bit slower… but a LOT cheaper 😉

People in the know also suggest that the slower one is the better road car – something to do with less stiff suspension, lower nose weight, smaller wheels with more tyre squish… and a non-fat steering wheel.

I wouldn’t know mind.  It was a pressie… and it is a lot of fun 😉

(Did I mention it was very, very cheap)

As for a bike – I think you could mount a Saris on the back.  The boot is pretty damn large for such a car, but I haven’t tried fitting a bike in… think it would be a struggle though!

Why do you need Comfy? And what’s the criteria for “comfy”

Any BMW with RunFlats is a pile of vibrating/teeth jarring/spine busting “Ultimate Driving Spleen Shattering Machine”

That XV would be far more comfortable than any UDM..