Malapropisms, mixed metaphors and misspeaking.
Some of my friends seem to have a natural talent for getting it a bit wrong when they open their gobs. Here are a few highlights:
“I’m loaded with the cold. I’ve just been to the herbalist to get some euthanasia”.
“It’s no skin off my teeth.”
“You can kill two birds with one bush!”
When attempting to compare my daughter to Shirley Temple: “Aww, look at those curls! She’s a wee Shirley Bassey.”
And my personal favourite: “I’ve got an exhaust in my hole!”
Asking me about 10 at Kirroughtree: “Are you doing 10 Under the Tree this year?”
In the market for a new pair of running shoes, he attempts to ask me about the shop where I buy mine, Achilles Heel: “You really rate that Athlete’s Foot shop, don’t you?”
He also spent his first month riding on SPDs calling them “DHBs”.
Got anything to beat those?Posted 3 years agonjee20Subscriber
“It’s no skin off my teeth.”
I’ve heard loads of people say that.
I’ve been know to ask if the Pope shits in the woods
Likewise – meaning something that doesn’t happen…
A friend of mine was really ‘good’ at these:
“a mind of information”
“I’m going to wipe the fall with you”
Spring to mind, but he regularly did it. Also uses “around” before saying the exact number: “there were around 3 of us who went out”.Posted 3 years agopondoMember
Also uses “around” before saying the exact number: “there were around 3 of us who went out”.
Puts me in mind of a kid I knew, who when challenged by a doorman whilst trying to sneak into a club underage, told him his age was “eighteen, nineteen”, with a little comme ci, comme ca hand gesture. He didn’t get in. 🙂Posted 3 years agorobinlaidlawMember
“six of one and a dozen of the other.”
I have a friend who does a different variation of that, saying “it’s six and a half”. My wife and I have now adopted that idea, referring to two similar things as “five and three quarters” or “seven and five eights”.
Personal pet hates were an American colleague who used “I could care less” and “irregardless”.Posted 3 years agonjee20Subscriber
My wife and I have now adopted that idea, referring to two similar things as “five and three quarters” or “seven and five eights”.
I like that a lot.
Me and ms njee20 also adopt random mash-ups of idioms.
“Wind your horse in” or indeed “wind your foot in” are favourites. Trouble is I now have to really think what the actual expression is before I look stupid 😳Posted 3 years agoclubberMember
Actually I’ve thought of a few more that come from my Mum being French and either translating directly to English or just getting confused…
My eye (French equivalent of ‘my foot’)
Making a beehive for… (instead of beeline).
Not to mention that I grew up thinking a dressing gown was actually called a “dressing gun”…Posted 3 years ago
Back in primary school, we all had to sing hymns in assembly, learned by the tried and tested method of ‘joining in with everyone else’ rather than getting hymn books.
For years I wondered what a “sadolie” was. You know, from the song, “oh come little sadolie, Chri-ist the lord”…Posted 3 years agoMidlandTrailquestsGrahamMember
A previous boss of mine was always giving me warnings about what might go wrong.Posted 3 years ago
I should always make sure I locked up properly at night because another nearby transport company had one of their lorries stolen, “Even though it was demobilised”.
I should always wear goggles when grinding because another mechanic had a piece of metal go in his eye “right in the Cornelius”surroundedbyhillsSubscriber
My dad was a specialist at spoonerisims and deliberately subverting well know phrases, my favourite was: “Bob’s yer uncle” and then conspiratorily (sp?) adding “except on a Saturday night when he’s yer aunty”
Back to the OP, might just be a Scottish thing but people who say “Modren” when they mean Modern. I mean it’s not difficult in a land where “R’s” roll like a trawler in storm, is it?
Also overheard a woman in the Supermarket having been out for dinner where they were served a plate of “Aspergers in a white sauce”! Quite nice was the verdict. I assume she meant Aparagus unless it was a Canniabal restaurant.Posted 3 years agostumpy01Member
Years ago on Capital radio, they did a phone-in when they played a song, then stopped it and you had to continue singing the correct words to win a prize.
Mr Loverman by Shabba Ranks was the song and a girl called in to provide the answer…..the music played….”Mr Loverman….” and rather than reply “Shabba”, she shouted out “Trevor” which she thought was what he actually sang.
Possibly the funniest thing I have heard on the radio – can’t remember who the DJ was, but everyone in the studio just burst into laughter and couldn’t stop. I think the girl was quite embarrased!
My now Wife has been coming out with these kind of things for years; pretty sure you could write a book of them.
I always used to wonder what a ‘bomzitit’ was, when my Mum used to refer to the state of my bedroom. I was about 16 before I realised she was actually saying “Your room looks like a bomb’s hit it”, rather than “Your room looks like a bomzitit”.Posted 3 years agomildredMember
A lot of folk I know do it on purpose to perform a Waaaah (sometimes known as Gotchas). For example:
“it’s not exactly Rocket surgery is it?”
“Do you mean Rocket Science?”
“Waaaahhhhh..!!!” (Very loudly for all to hear & accompanied with a finger point).
“He’s a bit CDO.”
“Waaaahhhh….!!” (Very loudly for all to hear & accompanied with a finger point).
In fact Waaahhs can take many forms – classic is asking what time it is whilst the clock is chiming, or whilst your stood under a massive clock etc. in fact, it’s anything that tricks someone into stating the obvious. Can be seen to be the ruin of civilised conversation.Posted 3 years ago
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