In the act of producing a stool sample this morning, and finding not using the loo in the conventional way disconcerting, I wonder how it we managed before?

not using the loo in the conventional way

facing backwards hugging the cistern?

not using the loo in the conventional way

Top deck?

I wonder how it we managed before?

You mean before people felt the need to over share on the internet? I hope you were tweeting as you went.

Not wanting to be too graphic, I was ‘hovering’ while trying to go into a container before decanting the contents of same into a tube with the little plastic spoon provided.

Never go to Germany!

I wonder how it we managed before?

Whenever I get caught short running in the woods, I always find a handy sapling to hold onto in the seated position……works for me!

Was a sapling not to hand?

Grim.

Next time just put down lots more landing strip and get your sample before it sinks beneath the water.

You mean before people felt the need to over share on the internet?

that wasn’t oversharing

Not wanting to be too graphic, I was….

THAT was oversharing

Not in my bathroom! Yes I’ve been ‘au naturel’ before, and not liked it one bit.

We squatted, like a good proportion of the world still does.
Have you not used an asian-style loo, nor pooed in the woods? It’s much better for your bowels, they empty more fully.

I didn’t feel more emptied.

That’s ‘cos you hovered, instead of going into a deep squat. And you were trying to balance as well. If you were on solid ground, it would be better

If you were on solid ground, it would be better

Or on a coffee table according to Ninfan.

I once got explosive stomach indiscipline whilst in a full mini-bus in Guatemala. I had to get the bus to stop, then go among some trees, get starkers (through fear of spattering my clothes) and then proceed to cling onto said sapling and pebbledash the grass. It was a narrow escape. Leaves were employed appropriately and finally got suitably attired to continue journey. Not an experience, unlike some, I would rush to repeat.

My most fearsome experience was in Nepal, fairly high up in the rhododendron forests. Starting to squat, I saw that the damp leaf-litter on the forest floor was starting to move. It was a small army of leeches alerted to the presence of food by my first gassy releases. They were looping towards my arse at speed, so I had to develop a sideways hop while squatting.
Push, dump, hop. Push, dump, hop. And repeat.

I do rather like a wild poo.

Have you not used an asian-style loo, nor pooed in the woods? It’s much better for your bowels, they empty more fully.

Moses – Absolutely right. When I have had to go outdoors, it actually feels a lot more comfortable. I am not sure how we in the West ended up with such an unnatural position.

I managed 5 days without “taking the kids to the pool” as a result of not being able to produce anything whilst squatting (outdoors or on a non-throne type bog)

I’ve come to the conclusion I am not wired up right.