kid friendly jokes

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  • kid friendly jokes
  • yunki

    My four year old is trying his hand at some comedy material..

    We’ve had so far – Why did the train sound like a cow? Because it was a loco-moo-tive, which got a great response and was a very obvious proud parent moment..
    Since then it has gone downhill though, with quality offerings such as – Why is a sheep on a tree? Because it was in a nocky macker!
    Obviously this is not acceptable, but I can only provide him with an armoury of paedophile jokes and I don’t want him to go through the embarrassment of having to explain all his punch lines at nursery on Monday..

    So, can you give the little fella your best (age appropriate) jokes please whilst I source a good old fashioned joke book for him..


    Premier Icon edd

    What do you get if you cross a sheep with a kangaroo?

    A wooly jumper.

    Premier Icon CheesybeanZ

    These worked for me 45 yrs ago ….
    How do you know when an elephants been in the fridge , foot prints in the butter
    Why do elephants paint their toe nails red , so they can hide in cherry trees .
    Whats yellow and dangerous , shark infested custard .

    Premier Icon letmetalktomark

    What goes ha ha bonk?

    A man laughing his head off.

    Sp: knock knock
    Yunki: who’s there?
    Sp: Europe
    Yunki: Europe who?
    Sp: no you’re a poo yunki!!!!

    Got told that one a week ago- still chuckling about it 😀

    Premier Icon MikeG

    whats brown and sticky?

    a stick.

    Premier Icon dannybgoode

    What’s pink and fluffy?

    Pink fluff

    What’s blue and fluffy?

    Pink fluff holding its breath


    Mini vader is still telling odd amd unfunny jokes but we came up with these

    What did one snow man say to the other snow man?… Can you smell carrots?
    Why are pirates called pirates? Because they argh!
    Why do cows have bells? Because they’re horns are broken
    Whats yellow and dangerous? Shark infested custard

    Premier Icon MikeG

    Patient: doctor doctor, it hurts when I do this (waves arm about)

    Doctor: well don’t do it then

    Premier Icon dannybgoode

    And this is the joke book my mum got me when I was much younger – still a classic

    Premier Icon MikeG

    why do squirrels swim on their backs?

    to keep their nuts dry

    Premier Icon letmetalktomark

    I still have my copy of that ^^^

    Re read it recently 🙂

    Premier Icon scotroutes

    Two elephants fell off a cliff.
    Bomm! Boom!

    Premier Icon kcal

    what’s the scariest plant in the garden? a dandelion

    What’s brown and funny? Clown poo.

    What’s green, got six legs and would kill you if it fell out of a tree? A snooker table.

    Q. Have you got a duckdo?
    A. What’s a duckdo?
    A. Quack! Quack! Quack! Quack! Repeat to fade.

    Premier Icon cRaNkEnStEin

    Q. Where do cows go on a Saturday night?
    A. To the moovies.

    Q. How do you get more pigs in a field?
    A. Build a sty scraper.

    I thank you.


    What do you get if you add 4q and 6q?
    10 q

    Don’t mention it

    Premier Icon dknwhy

    What’s an astronaut’s favourite key on a keyboard?
    The space bar.

    What do you call a 3 legged donkey?
    A wonky.


    Dan Kujawski wrote:

    What do you call a 3 legged donkey?
    A wonky donkey


    What do you call a 3 legged donkey?
    A wonky donkey

    What do you call a 3 legged donkey dressed as a cowboy
    A honky-tonky wonky donkey

    What do you call a 3 legged donkey dressed as a cowboy playing a badly tuned piano?
    A plinky-plonky honky-tonky wonky donkey

    Premier Icon LimboJimbo

    What do you get hanging from trees?

    Sore arms.


    My favourite joke full stop –

    2 monkeys in a bath & 1 goes ‘Ooooh ooh oh Aaah ahhh ahhhh’ & the other one goes ‘Well put some cold in then mun!’


    Here’s a topical one:

    Knock knock… Who’s there?

    Dr… Dr Who?


    What’s brown and sticky?

    A poo Twig!


    what orange and sounds like a a parrot

    A carrot

    First joke my eldest got

    TBH just get used to crap jokes but every now and again they come up with a funny one

    they are just exploring at that age.

    7 year old told a joke on our local radio station this week (radio Clyde ) at morning school run time.

    Why did Mr Humpty push Mrs Humpty off the wall?

    So he could see her crack!!!

    The presenters all went into hysterics .

    Not sure if there was meant to be another meaning to ‘crack’ – ie break temper, but was taken as the other meaning.

    So funny.

    Premier Icon tenfoot

    Why don’t owls fall in love in the rain?
    Because it’s too wet to woo.

    Why did the lion and the witch enter the wardrobe?
    Narnia business

    whats brown and sticky?

    a stick.
    If everyone yells “A Stick!” keep a straight face and say “No. Poo”

    Premier Icon downshep

    Daughter’s usual halloween joke…

    What do you call a one eyed dinosaur?

    And a genuine showstopper told this week be a wee boy being interviewed live on Radio Clyde…

    Why did humpty dumpty push Mrs humpty dumpty off the wall?
    He wanted to see her crack…

    They got complaints.


    What do you call a Norwegian motor car? A Fjord!


    I play triangle in a reggae band. I stand next to the guitarist an’ting.


    Why did the baker have smelly fingers?

    Because he kneaded a poo.


    What’s Dr Who’s favourite snack?

    Dalek bread.

    Two parrots sitting on a perch, one says to the other,
    “Can you smell fish?”

    What do you can a fish with no eyes?

    What do you call a bear with no ear?

    Two cannibals eating a clown, one says to the other,
    “Does this taste funny to you?”

    2 Goldfish in a tank, one says to the other “Can you really drive this thing?”

    Two penguins walk into a bar, which was really stupid because the second one should have noticed.

    What’s invisible and smells of carrots?
    Rabbit farts.

    What’s yellow and smells of bananas?
    Monkey sick.


    Paul wrote:

    Why do elephants paint their toe nails red , so they can hide in cherry trees

    Have you ever seen an elephant hiding in a cherry tree?; No? – proves it works then!


    Knock knock
    Who’s there?
    Interupting cow


    Did you hear about the man that drowned in a bowl of muesli?

    He got dragged under by a strong currant!

    Premier Icon jamj1974

    “What do you call a camel with three humps?”
    “I don’t know.”
    “Hump three.”

    “Doctor! Doctor! I feel like a pair of curtains!”

    “Well pull yourself together again”


    “Why don’t you see elephants hiding in trees?”

    “Because they’re really good at it.”


    FeeFoo, I actually laughed at that one!

    What is green and turns red at the touch of a button?

    A frog/ Kermit in a blender.

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