is it wrong of me to be unsociable?

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  • is it wrong of me to be unsociable?
  • Time for a cup of tea?

    And a chat? (Ok, maybe not the chat)

    johndoh
    Member

    No.

    Does your partner not know you?

    Premier Icon scotroutes
    Subscriber

    Woah! I have nights I’m on it and nights I’m not. Even at my most sociable I often like to escape for a wee breather, sometimes using the excuse of wanting some fresh air. It’s a bit tough if she’s said “I must introduce you to my partner” and then she can’t though, so she has a wee bit of a point. I guess the moral is that it’s not worth going to social events if you’re not able to participate. The problem is that we often do these things to keep our other halves happy 🙂

    Sancho
    Member

    she is a bang out of order, did you slap her in front of the people and drag her home in disgust?

    andyrm
    Member

    Yes. Social skills are something you can work on and develop. Don’t fall into the trap of saying ‘I feel uncomfortable’ – life is all about pushing the boundaries of comfort and in doing so, becoming a better and more rounded person.

    What is it that makes you uncomfortable? Drill the scenario right down and you’ll probably identify the precise thing/reason, and then you can fix it.

    What have you not done that you didn’t know you were supposed to do? It can be the only reason.

    I’d be expecting a heavy gravity day tomorrow too.

    What is it that makes you uncomfortable? Drill the scenario right down and you’ll probably identify the precise thing/reason, and then you can fix it.

    Maybe he feels comfortable in his own skin and doest feel the need to talk shite to folk for no reason.

    Premier Icon Northwind
    Subscriber

    She should probably find someone else. I don’t think I’ve met her, is she fit? I’m dead sociable. Actually I’m not, I’d just be easier for her to bully.

    andyrm – Member

    Yes. Social skills are something you can work on and develop.

    Serious answer- yes you can. Doesn’t mean you should! I’m very antisocial at times, that’s the person I have grown up to be, I choose not to learn how to be or how to pretend to be someone else.

    Just for context- Mr Menmuir is a top bloke and, so far as I can tell, in no particular need of reprogramming.

    Premier Icon cinnamon_girl
    Subscriber

    I’d be hacked off for this:

    told them I was tired and didn’t want to speak them. She says I’ve embarrassed her.

    The trouble is that in life one has to be be in certain social situations that one doesn’t necessarily want to be in. You really both need to discuss this.

    Premier Icon scotroutes
    Subscriber

    Andy wrote:

    Yes. Social skills are something you can work on and develop. Don’t fall into the trap of saying ‘I feel uncomfortable’ – life is all about pushing the boundaries of comfort and in doing so, becoming a better and more rounded person.

    Good troll

    nick1962
    Member

    Down a few brandys and a couple of fat lines and show he how sociable you really can be 😉

    Premier Icon scotroutes
    Subscriber

    Let’s arrange another man-camp, bring her along* and she if she digs the banter 🙂

    * she’ll have to provide her own sausages though!

    andyrm
    Member

    Not trolling – it’s a genuine thought. Social interactions are a vital part of life, and sometimes you have to do it when you’re not on your A game. And maybe think for a second about your wife’s feelings. She obviously is proud of you and aants to introducs you to someone – you’ve offended her by refusing and showing her up.

    Premier Icon stevenmenmuir
    Subscriber

    Cup of tea definitely but no slapping or hair pulling. If she’d brought him over or introduced him then I would been polite, said hello etc but I just wasn’t in the mood for it. My mind was elsewhere, thinking about something that’s causing my sister some grief. I do give a lot of things a miss, even things with people I know well. Although I much better than I probably used to be. I think mostly I’m a bit of a loner, I work on my own a lot but today I was at an event and I felt all chatted out.

    Junkyard
    Member

    I must introduce you to my partner” and then she can’t though, so she has a wee bit of a point. I guess the moral is that it’s not worth going to social events if you’re not able to participate.

    This you were at an event her pals were there and you refused to meet them because you were “tired”

    I also would be pissed off at you as you only had to say hello and talk some bollocks for a few minutes to them for your partner

    Yes sometimes it is shit and a pain but you have to..unless her friends are **** in which case you were right

    either go and do it or dont go at all

    Premier Icon colournoise
    Subscriber

    As long as everyone (including your partner) knows you have a tendency to be an unsociable git and can live with that it’s all good.

    Works fine for me. My mates know I’m likely to have a fair few times when I’m not in a chatty mood, and my wife would never knowingly put me in that kind of ‘forced’ social situation. Don’t ever feel the need to be vacantly pleasant to people I don’t know.

    stumpy_m4
    Member

    Bit out of order her telling them that ….. Im married but really enjoy my own time and really dont like the social stuff , the mrs loves pubs , meals , nites out etc but id rather stay in or go and ride my bike … usually on my own ….. i often work on my own and much prefer it and even the wife has said im a bit of a loner as well ..
    End of the day we arent all the same , some very social and some not social !

    Premier Icon stevenmenmuir
    Subscriber

    Yds social interactions are a vital part of life. I’ve spent all day doing it. Surely I have the right to choose how much i decide to socialize in my own time? And its not like I went along and didn’t talk to anybody. Surely its not a case of all or nothing?

    jekkyl
    Member

    Stick to premium lagers.

    chewkw
    Member

    Socialisation as in idle chatting to strangers? Nope.

    I would rather watch Family Guy and American Dad then to force myself to speak to some strangers.

    The only way for me to chat is to ask … “Do you come here often?” …

    Premier Icon scotroutes
    Subscriber

    chewkw wrote:

    Socialisation as in idle chatting to strangers? Nope.
    I would rather watch Family Guy and American Dad then to force myself to speak to some strangers.

    But strangers are just friends you’ve not met yet

    brakes
    Member

    don’t know how old you are, but I reached a point probably in my late 20s where I thought I’m not going to get any more social, especially not for the sake of being social with randoms. I’ll be polite and I’ll talk to people I want to talk to but I’m not going to go out of my way to make small talk with people who I probably won’t see again, nor want to. I’d rather not talk to anyone than chat about the weather, or what I do for a living, or where I’m going on holidays.
    in social occassions my wife normally buggers off to talk with people knowing I’ll do what I want, so I’ll mostly try and find someone I know and just chat to them all night, or maybe just go for a wander. she knows not to try too hard to introduce me to people.
    life’s too short to try to be someone you’re not.

    chewkw
    Member

    scotroutes – Member

    But strangers are just friends you’ve not met yet

    Yes, but they are weird …

    You obviously didn’t have enough to drink. Next time don’t let the missus down and make certain you get well tanked up, so that talking endless bollox to complete strangers becomes effortless 💡

    Premier Icon bearnecessities
    Subscriber

    You think what all most people like us think; people are generally self interested bores and not worth the pretence of fake chat. It’s a failing in many respects, but also a blessing..

    Junkyard
    Member

    so we have a bunch of randoms on a forum discussing with complete strangers how we dont like talking to folk

    Oh the Ironing

    Ps Top Plan ernie

    Premier Icon bearnecessities
    Subscriber

    Jy, but that’s the great bit. We can ignore the bores, or walk away when conversation gets silly, and long as no flouncing is involved, nobody cares or even notices. Wrong, bit explains it partially.

    bencooper
    Member

    so we have a bunch of randoms on a forum discussing with complete strangers how we dont like talking to folk

    Well, I’m much more sociable online than I ever am in real life. With real people I’m borderline autistic, but you lot don’t really exist so it’s okay.

    brakes
    Member

    don’t worry Junkyard, you still make us feel uncomfortable, even over the internet

    Premier Icon stevenmenmuir
    Subscriber

    My partner is one of the most sociable people there is. Put her in any situation and she’ll chat happily to everybody and anybody. I admire her ability to do this but it’s not something I’m comfortable with, its just not me. We are at a fundraiser tonight and she introduced me to one couple and I chatted to him on and off during the evening. There was somebody else she wanted me to meet but its been a long day, I’m tired I wasn’t up for it. She went over to their table and told them I was tired and didn’t want to speak them. She says I’ve embarrassed her. I feel she didn’t need to say anything and has embarrassed herself. Was I really that out of order? Should I be somebody I’m not?

    Premier Icon stevenmenmuir
    Subscriber

    I think you’ll find I don’t say a lot on here either.

    chewkw
    Member

    Junkyard – lazarus

    so we have a bunch of randoms on a forum discussing with complete strangers how we dont like talking to folk

    Yes, I watching American Dad while responding to all strangers on the forum …

    ojom
    Member

    I did more weeding today. And bought some grass seed.

    Seriously though, it’s a 2 way thing. She wants you to give. You give. She will give back when you need her to

    I have a good ability to be able to start chatting to folk even when I rather wouldn’t. It is a learned skill. Trick is to ask them a question that makes them do all the talking. All you do is stand there nodding and necking your drink. It’s a great way to get turbo-pissed at weddings.

    JCL
    Member

    This is the difference between men and women. Women often like to show off their man, you know, “isn’t, he wonderful?” and all that crap. Whereas most men couldn’t really give a shit as long as the one to one relationship is good. So you’ve occasionally got to be bored out of your mind talking crap to people you don’t like just so the misses can boast how wonderful you are on Facebook. Welcome to modern relationship dynamics.

    Premier Icon Wally
    Subscriber

    JackDaniel’s and Coke is your friend. I’m up at 5am, greeted by blue skies, to get away from family for a ride with mates, who are also escaping their families…..is that sociable?

    Premier Icon coolhandluke
    Subscriber

    Sounds like your wife is trying to bring you out of your shell a bit and is trying to push your social skills a bit more then you can handle.

    Sometimes you have to grin and bear it for the sake of your loved one.

    Man up and do the right thing next time.

    Ernie has it half right, get tenked up and try it on with her hot sister/friend (she should have loads of these) and tell her you were just being sociable.
    On a serious note you probably could have made a better effort for her but WTF did she tell them you couldn’t be arsed talking to them.

    I know life’s not a popularity contest but I’d rather people would say to each other, ‘he seems ok, bit quiet mebbe but decent enough’ rather than, ‘whats a nice outgoing lass like her doing with a miserable git like him who can’t be arsed to speak at a social function’.
    Reminds me of a friends wedding I went to, another colleague took her husband who made it blatantly obvious he didn’t want to be there, he may as well have sat in the car & waited. (turns out he’s a weird bloke at his work too)
    Having said all that, you are who you are & your partner could’ve said something other than what she said. If I felt like you about mixing & socialising I’d stay away from that type of situation.

    argoose
    Member

    I’d be pissed at the OH, why did she not tell her friends you’ve got a downer due to grief with family and not at your best socially. Think she embarrassed herself by not asking if you were ok to meet people on the night.
    Fair play Mrs goose would have asked if I felt ok to go out. If we did go out she woud have brought her friends to meet me rather than drag me around like we was at crufts.

    If you go to functions expect to meeet new people. Sorry but thats the way the world works

    Premier Icon stevenmenmuir
    Subscriber

    To be fair to her she doesn’t know about the the stuff that my sister is dealing with. She’s about to go to work, she still thinks I’ve been disrespectful. I went to this thing after working for twelve hours. I didn’t sit and speak to nobody. I chatted to somebody a lot of the evening about what I’d been doing today and a recent trip to torridon that he’d been on. Considering everything I thought I’d done quite well. Yes I could have gone and spoke to this other person but I was tired and grubby, I probably wouldn’t have come over very well.

    argoose
    Member

    You need to talk to OH about your family grief. She’d want to know and be supportive.
    if she doesn’t know how can she understand why you are not in a sociable place at the moment.

    When I read threads like this I’m frankly stunned that so many STWers have wives at all.

    andyrm
    Member

    You need to talk to OH about your family grief.
    She’d want to know and be supportive.
    if she doesn’t know how can she understand
    why you are not in a sociable place at the
    moment.

    This. You’ve shared more about a family issue with strangers online than your partner. She’d be able to be a lot more understanding if she knew. But from what little I can work out about the female mindset, she’d expect her partner to share his troubles with her and will be hurt you haven’t.

    Be ready when she gets home and open up to her.

    For her to tell the people she wanted you to meet that you didn’t want to meet them, you must have told her something similar.

    Regardless of what you think the facts or reasons are, in relationship terms you’re in the wrong. You need to man up, accept it and say sorry, and only when she accepts your apology, explain why.

    But I understand where you are coming from… I used to feel/act this way often, but in a new relationship in the last year or so, can’t get away with this any more. You have to make an effort and work the room sometimes. It gets easier, and it pays off.

    Edukator
    Member

    I’ve read through the thread and first impression remains. She’s more worried about pandering to her friends and acquaintances than respecting her husbands wishes and personality traits.

    When I used to have to “socialise” with clients all day I was less than enthusiastic about socialising in my free time. Now I don’t work I enjoy the events I used to flee. I start each day with a capital of sociability and Madame has learned that when it’s run out I’m best left alone.

    patriotpro
    Member

    Try some marching powder, they’ll not be able to shut you up.

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