- is it wrong of me to be unsociable?
Woah! I have nights I’m on it and nights I’m not. Even at my most sociable I often like to escape for a wee breather, sometimes using the excuse of wanting some fresh air. It’s a bit tough if she’s said “I must introduce you to my partner” and then she can’t though, so she has a wee bit of a point. I guess the moral is that it’s not worth going to social events if you’re not able to participate. The problem is that we often do these things to keep our other halves happy 🙂Posted 4 years ago
Yes. Social skills are something you can work on and develop. Don’t fall into the trap of saying ‘I feel uncomfortable’ – life is all about pushing the boundaries of comfort and in doing so, becoming a better and more rounded person.
What is it that makes you uncomfortable? Drill the scenario right down and you’ll probably identify the precise thing/reason, and then you can fix it.Posted 4 years agoglupton1976Member
What have you not done that you didn’t know you were supposed to do? It can be the only reason.
I’d be expecting a heavy gravity day tomorrow too.
What is it that makes you uncomfortable? Drill the scenario right down and you’ll probably identify the precise thing/reason, and then you can fix it.
Maybe he feels comfortable in his own skin and doest feel the need to talk shite to folk for no reason.Posted 4 years agoNorthwindSubscriber
She should probably find someone else. I don’t think I’ve met her, is she fit? I’m dead sociable. Actually I’m not, I’d just be easier for her to bully.
andyrm – Member
Yes. Social skills are something you can work on and develop.
Serious answer- yes you can. Doesn’t mean you should! I’m very antisocial at times, that’s the person I have grown up to be, I choose not to learn how to be or how to pretend to be someone else.
Just for context- Mr Menmuir is a top bloke and, so far as I can tell, in no particular need of reprogramming.Posted 4 years agocinnamon_girlSubscriber
I’d be hacked off for this:
told them I was tired and didn’t want to speak them. She says I’ve embarrassed her.
The trouble is that in life one has to be be in certain social situations that one doesn’t necessarily want to be in. You really both need to discuss this.Posted 4 years ago
Not trolling – it’s a genuine thought. Social interactions are a vital part of life, and sometimes you have to do it when you’re not on your A game. And maybe think for a second about your wife’s feelings. She obviously is proud of you and aants to introducs you to someone – you’ve offended her by refusing and showing her up.Posted 4 years ago
Cup of tea definitely but no slapping or hair pulling. If she’d brought him over or introduced him then I would been polite, said hello etc but I just wasn’t in the mood for it. My mind was elsewhere, thinking about something that’s causing my sister some grief. I do give a lot of things a miss, even things with people I know well. Although I much better than I probably used to be. I think mostly I’m a bit of a loner, I work on my own a lot but today I was at an event and I felt all chatted out.Posted 4 years agoJunkyardMember
I must introduce you to my partner” and then she can’t though, so she has a wee bit of a point. I guess the moral is that it’s not worth going to social events if you’re not able to participate.
This you were at an event her pals were there and you refused to meet them because you were “tired”
I also would be pissed off at you as you only had to say hello and talk some bollocks for a few minutes to them for your partner
Yes sometimes it is shit and a pain but you have to..unless her friends are **** in which case you were right
either go and do it or dont go at allPosted 4 years agocolournoiseSubscriber
As long as everyone (including your partner) knows you have a tendency to be an unsociable git and can live with that it’s all good.
Works fine for me. My mates know I’m likely to have a fair few times when I’m not in a chatty mood, and my wife would never knowingly put me in that kind of ‘forced’ social situation. Don’t ever feel the need to be vacantly pleasant to people I don’t know.Posted 4 years agostumpy_m4Member
Bit out of order her telling them that ….. Im married but really enjoy my own time and really dont like the social stuff , the mrs loves pubs , meals , nites out etc but id rather stay in or go and ride my bike … usually on my own ….. i often work on my own and much prefer it and even the wife has said im a bit of a loner as well ..Posted 4 years ago
End of the day we arent all the same , some very social and some not social !
Yds social interactions are a vital part of life. I’ve spent all day doing it. Surely I have the right to choose how much i decide to socialize in my own time? And its not like I went along and didn’t talk to anybody. Surely its not a case of all or nothing?Posted 4 years agobrakesMember
don’t know how old you are, but I reached a point probably in my late 20s where I thought I’m not going to get any more social, especially not for the sake of being social with randoms. I’ll be polite and I’ll talk to people I want to talk to but I’m not going to go out of my way to make small talk with people who I probably won’t see again, nor want to. I’d rather not talk to anyone than chat about the weather, or what I do for a living, or where I’m going on holidays.Posted 4 years ago
in social occassions my wife normally buggers off to talk with people knowing I’ll do what I want, so I’ll mostly try and find someone I know and just chat to them all night, or maybe just go for a wander. she knows not to try too hard to introduce me to people.
life’s too short to try to be someone you’re not.
My partner is one of the most sociable people there is. Put her in any situation and she’ll chat happily to everybody and anybody. I admire her ability to do this but it’s not something I’m comfortable with, its just not me. We are at a fundraiser tonight and she introduced me to one couple and I chatted to him on and off during the evening. There was somebody else she wanted me to meet but its been a long day, I’m tired I wasn’t up for it. She went over to their table and told them I was tired and didn’t want to speak them. She says I’ve embarrassed her. I feel she didn’t need to say anything and has embarrassed herself. Was I really that out of order? Should I be somebody I’m not?Posted 4 years agoojomMember
I did more weeding today. And bought some grass seed.
Seriously though, it’s a 2 way thing. She wants you to give. You give. She will give back when you need her to
I have a good ability to be able to start chatting to folk even when I rather wouldn’t. It is a learned skill. Trick is to ask them a question that makes them do all the talking. All you do is stand there nodding and necking your drink. It’s a great way to get turbo-pissed at weddings.Posted 4 years agoJCLMember
This is the difference between men and women. Women often like to show off their man, you know, “isn’t, he wonderful?” and all that crap. Whereas most men couldn’t really give a shit as long as the one to one relationship is good. So you’ve occasionally got to be bored out of your mind talking crap to people you don’t like just so the misses can boast how wonderful you are on Facebook. Welcome to modern relationship dynamics.Posted 4 years agofalkirk-markMember
Ernie has it half right, get tenked up and try it on with her hot sister/friend (she should have loads of these) and tell her you were just being sociable.Posted 4 years ago
On a serious note you probably could have made a better effort for her but WTF did she tell them you couldn’t be arsed talking to them.esselgruntfuttockMember
I know life’s not a popularity contest but I’d rather people would say to each other, ‘he seems ok, bit quiet mebbe but decent enough’ rather than, ‘whats a nice outgoing lass like her doing with a miserable git like him who can’t be arsed to speak at a social function’.Posted 4 years ago
Reminds me of a friends wedding I went to, another colleague took her husband who made it blatantly obvious he didn’t want to be there, he may as well have sat in the car & waited. (turns out he’s a weird bloke at his work too)
Having said all that, you are who you are & your partner could’ve said something other than what she said. If I felt like you about mixing & socialising I’d stay away from that type of situation.argooseMember
I’d be pissed at the OH, why did she not tell her friends you’ve got a downer due to grief with family and not at your best socially. Think she embarrassed herself by not asking if you were ok to meet people on the night.
Fair play Mrs goose would have asked if I felt ok to go out. If we did go out she woud have brought her friends to meet me rather than drag me around like we was at crufts.
If you go to functions expect to meeet new people. Sorry but thats the way the world worksPosted 4 years ago
To be fair to her she doesn’t know about the the stuff that my sister is dealing with. She’s about to go to work, she still thinks I’ve been disrespectful. I went to this thing after working for twelve hours. I didn’t sit and speak to nobody. I chatted to somebody a lot of the evening about what I’d been doing today and a recent trip to torridon that he’d been on. Considering everything I thought I’d done quite well. Yes I could have gone and spoke to this other person but I was tired and grubby, I probably wouldn’t have come over very well.Posted 4 years ago
You need to talk to OH about your family grief.
She’d want to know and be supportive.
if she doesn’t know how can she understand
why you are not in a sociable place at the
This. You’ve shared more about a family issue with strangers online than your partner. She’d be able to be a lot more understanding if she knew. But from what little I can work out about the female mindset, she’d expect her partner to share his troubles with her and will be hurt you haven’t.
Be ready when she gets home and open up to her.Posted 4 years agoStoatsbrotherMember
For her to tell the people she wanted you to meet that you didn’t want to meet them, you must have told her something similar.
Regardless of what you think the facts or reasons are, in relationship terms you’re in the wrong. You need to man up, accept it and say sorry, and only when she accepts your apology, explain why.
But I understand where you are coming from… I used to feel/act this way often, but in a new relationship in the last year or so, can’t get away with this any more. You have to make an effort and work the room sometimes. It gets easier, and it pays off.Posted 4 years agoEdukatorMember
I’ve read through the thread and first impression remains. She’s more worried about pandering to her friends and acquaintances than respecting her husbands wishes and personality traits.
When I used to have to “socialise” with clients all day I was less than enthusiastic about socialising in my free time. Now I don’t work I enjoy the events I used to flee. I start each day with a capital of sociability and Madame has learned that when it’s run out I’m best left alone.Posted 4 years ago
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