When I read threads like this I’m frankly stunned that so many STWers have wives at all.

You need to talk to OH about your family grief.
She’d want to know and be supportive.
if she doesn’t know how can she understand
why you are not in a sociable place at the
moment.

This. You’ve shared more about a family issue with strangers online than your partner. She’d be able to be a lot more understanding if she knew. But from what little I can work out about the female mindset, she’d expect her partner to share his troubles with her and will be hurt you haven’t.

Be ready when she gets home and open up to her.

For her to tell the people she wanted you to meet that you didn’t want to meet them, you must have told her something similar.

Regardless of what you think the facts or reasons are, in relationship terms you’re in the wrong. You need to man up, accept it and say sorry, and only when she accepts your apology, explain why.

But I understand where you are coming from… I used to feel/act this way often, but in a new relationship in the last year or so, can’t get away with this any more. You have to make an effort and work the room sometimes. It gets easier, and it pays off.

I’ve read through the thread and first impression remains. She’s more worried about pandering to her friends and acquaintances than respecting her husbands wishes and personality traits.

When I used to have to “socialise” with clients all day I was less than enthusiastic about socialising in my free time. Now I don’t work I enjoy the events I used to flee. I start each day with a capital of sociability and Madame has learned that when it’s run out I’m best left alone.

Try some marching powder, they’ll not be able to shut you up.

Proper MiddleClassTrackWorld problem!

In any other level of society the situation would have been;

‘Come and talk to these people’
‘Nah, I’m too tired’
‘Oh, OK’
‘Is that your other half?’
‘Yes, but he’s tired and grumpy’
‘Oh, OK.’

Instead we’re deep into relationship analysis, and I’m sure someone will be along soon to recommend going to Relate or to suggest some kind of private counselling…

I’m an anti-social git too. My wife has accepted it though. If someone at a gathering says ‘he’s quiet isn’t he?’, she’ll just agree with them happily.

I know what it is too. It’s talking. I can type away online all day and be very confident about it, the minute I open my mouth I’m convinced everyone is trying to get away from me. Understanding what the problem is hasn’t helped me fix it though. I’ve got a strong northern accent, I mumble, I sound stupid. Ho hum. I’ll just stay quiet.

Mrs Crikey tried to get me out after a 12 hour shift, so I said no.

Simples…

When I read threads like this I’m frankly stunned that so many STWers have wives at all.

Chuckles and so true

I start each day with a capital of sociability and Madame has learned that when it’s run out I’m best left alone she sends mt to STW

FTFY 😉

Shall we set up a charity ride for misunderstood tired men?

Only if you promise we wont have to talk to each other

Shall we set up a charity ride for misunderstood tired men?

Make sure they get lost. They’ll have to communicate with one another to find their way.

I’ve got a strong northern accent, I mumble, I sound stupid.

Ha ha, I’ve suddenly had to start dealing with folk from outside my local area, so now feel the same way. 😀

Ha ha, I’ve suddenly had to start dealing with folk from outside my local area, so now feel the same way.

Look on the bright side; at least you can count to 12…

When I read threads like this I’m frankly stunned that so many STWers have wives at all.

Naah you just don’t realise how pussy-whipped you are.

You just need to drink more mate 😀

We go to alot of my BH family doo’s and to be honest thers a couple of them I get on well with but the rest are in general either alot younger (and female) and I’d look like a pervy old man trying to talk to them or very old.

So as she shwishes round the room I just sit and drink, and drink some more because at some point when the BH finally returns she will want a dance and I consider the drinking vital preperation for me hitting the dance floor 😀

Oh and smart phones are great in these situtations as well 🙂

Look on the bright side; at least you can count to 12…

Only just! My biggest problem is that I’ve been filmed a lot lately, so I’m always hearing my own voice played back.

Naah you just don’t realise how pussy-whipped you are.

I don’t have a wife. 🙁

I don’t have a wife.

Well you’ll never get one with that attitude. Try headlocking one until you get her home or standing out in the street shouting “I want a bloody sandwich”.

Well you’ll never get one with that attitude.

What attitude?

Mr bh and myself have this problem but in reverse. He’s very sociable and friendly, me, I’m a saddo,shy, boring person, who seems to enjoy my own company.
However, I have been riding with many mtbers and loved chatting to them and made many friends, but in certain circumstances, such as a wedding or party I freeze and just want to be with my own small circle of friends.

The OP shouldn’t have to be pushed into something that makes him uncomfortable – life is too short.

I don’t have a wife.

You’ve always got JY

Firing off a few Bernard Manning type jokes would have seen you reet in that situation.

You’ve always got JY

He dumped me for not talking to his friends at a vegan BBQ.

sorry but im too tired (cant be arsed) to post on this thread…

Just stop giving a shit, works a treat.

The OH just tells guests that I dont like people. She’s right. The truth is always best.

93% of people I’ve ever encountered are idiots and not worth the pretense of vacuous discussion.

Here it’s lovely, people eliminate themselves from any imaginative respect-list without me having to talk to, or even see them, I just see what they post and base my ill-informed opinions on that.

Additionally, none of you are real, neither do you care, and most people I like to think are good deep-down anyhow, so it’s all a bit rollocks.

I like Samuri the most 😀

Sounds like your wife needs to modify her social skills to me.

If you couldn’t be arsed speaking to these people there’s no need whatsoever for her to then go and then outline this to them 😕 If she said this to me I’d think she was weird, not you. There wouldn’t have been an issue before that comment was made whereas there will be now.

Surely the MO there is just not to speak to them and if they comment on it later you just say you’re sorry you missed them and hopefully you’ll catch up another time. It’s not rocket science.

I’m pretty sociable and can talk to anyone but equally often just as happy not to bother.

Edit- I mean partner, not wife

OP have you ever read up on introverts and extroverts? It’s not about being socially able or not or being shy or confident. A key difference between introverts and extrovert is that an introvert feels drained by lots of interaction with others whereas an extrovert will be be energized (sound familiar?). People who lean more towards introversion are more likely to choose solitary hobbies and interests that they can get deeply involved in (solo rides, hours fettling bikes and reading forums).

If you and your OH are aware of your natural default tendencies it can help you understand the way you each behave.

If you’re tired and know you might come across as grumpy then tell her and hopefully she’ll be ok with that. If you do agree to go somewhere though you should make the effort.

I like crikey’s summing up of it! Maybe the whole thing’s been overanalysed?

All cool now, in a good way. Managed to tell her about the troubley sister is having. We also talked about last night and she realises that I did try last night but its not something I find easy. The introvert extrovert thing is something I can relate too, never thought of it like that. Now should surround myself with extroverts or lock myself in a cupboard in preparation for Fort William this weekend?

Ha ha Its quite funny when you know the OP as he Is a sound lad and never struck me as being unsociable. I know where your coming from though , my wife was 40 last week and her workmates who I know had a wee get together drink and meal for her. I had originally intended to go but to be honest don’t have a lot in common with most of them so opted out. I can pretty much talk to anyone and usually I’m a bit more open than I should be but find as I get older I’m beginning to lose the will to live with making small talk. I dont even bother going to my own works nights out anymore as after an hour or so I’m bored and ready to come home.
I’d say you haven’t done anything wrong to be honest and wouldn’t worry to much as It will be forgotten fairly soon.

All cool now, in a good way. Managed to tell her about the troubley sister is having. We also talked about last night and she realises that I did try last night but its not something I find easy. The introvert extrovert thing is something I can relate too, never thought of it like that. Now should surround myself with extroverts or lock myself in a cupboard in preparation for Fort William this weekend?

I wouldn’t worry about it. You’ll have a midge net over your face all the time so no need to lock yourself in anything!