Hoping I can get some inspiration from the ever helpful world of STW. I’m looking for help in what to do with my son (in a positive way) … and this is asked with us desperate to support him and help him along. Hope I don’t seem harsh but wanting to be honest about his capabilities at the moment.

Context – our youngest son is 18. In his early years he suffered with impaired hearing and dyspraxia (the inability to process information, instructions, sentences etc). He’s worked hard at each and his hearing now is very good, but maybe the early challenge means he still struggles a bit with processing chunks of info/instructions, isn’t hugely confident, his speech is slightly clumsy (but he’s got a good range of vocab), lacks a common sense/proactivity. So he is 18, but not by savviness or experience. In honesty, he’s mentally more 14. His friendship group is tiny, and if anything, he’s more comfortable with adults or very young kids, than his peer group.

But, he worked so hard and passed his 6 GCSEs; he tries very hard in social settings and joins in (clumsily but nicely) but can find it tiring; he’s utterly reliable, honest, grafter. He finds books/studying very hard and has little enthusiasm to study more, which is very understandable. But he’s confident enough to go away on an ‘adventure week’ last summer, on his own, to Devon (by train), not knowing any of the others, to do fun stuff by the sea. Social mixing was a bit limited we think, but he enjoyed it and was positive about it all. He also has done NCS which was very successful for him.

Since leaving school, he’s spent 6 months as a green-keeping assistant and the last 8 months as a restaurant assistant with the National Trust (Chartwell). He seems well liked by colleagues. Is never sick, always early, never moans, gets on with it. And customers who’ve seen him at work comment on how ‘lovely and helpful’ he is. He is eager to please for sure. But he’s not the sharpest so will probably always be given the more basic tasks, very understandable.

But we think he’s a bit demoralised. His big brother is now getting on with life in an exciting way (starting a job in London Bridge today) and I think little brother feels a bit ‘meh’ with his future. He’s shown interest in Camp America, as much because it would be ‘his thing’ (not brother’s), exciting, away from home. As parents, we’re a bit cautious as his common sense really is pretty low, his maturity is low, and he’s not cool … he’d be a prime bully target.

So, has anyone got any pointers or aware of opportunities where a strong, fit, healthy, task orientated youngster could blossom, have a good experience. Probably
– a smallish environment
– where coolness is not important
– where there’s teamwork, in a very supportive way
– task orientated rather than problem solving (and monotony is fine)
– clear markers of achievement

He’s not very sport interested (although good at squash), not bothered by fitness (although strong and pretty fit), isn’t outdoors-y (although doesn’t feel the cold, and walks our dogs happily for 1.5hrs), not into bikes. He does like food, and has some cooking/baking ability, but no great passion. Tbh, he’s a bit of a blank canvas.

We love him heaps. I’d love to be able to nudge him in a direction where he can look forward to something, have a good time, come away proud of himself. It doesn’t have to be worthy or big. But equally, it could be a job or something full time (we can cover any costs).

Would love some thoughts … and thanks!

Jobwise… gardening? I only mention it as my wife works in a special needs school, and a lot of the brightest there end up doing it. Lots of scope for fairly simple work – digging, repotting, watering etc.

No idea about Camp America though!

Is it worth getting your son to sit down with his current employers the NT and looking at various opportunities? It sounds as though he is valued there, plus plenty of opportunities for various garden roles etc.

I have a nephew who’s dyspraxic, and shows some of the traits you describe.

He got an apprenticeship as a plumber, and now is self employed and doing fantastically well at the age of 25.

He did have sport though – quite a good cricketer and has/had a lot of support from their local cricket club in Thornbury, which definitely helped with the social side

Your lad sounds like a solid bloke, tbf and with your encouragement will find something that will help him blossom, I’m certain.

Good luck!

All I would say is that the worst advice will probably come from a careers adviser; in my experience they lack any imagination at all and are often prejudiced, looking at the person they see not the person inside.

I can’t help thinking that gardeners in posh districts must get lots of sex, dunno where I got that idea from.

National Trust do some really good apprenticeships, including gardening. If he already works for them and gets on well this could be a good, structured, next step.

See what BT has to offer in your region.
I know they are starting the apprenticeship recruitment again.
Has he passed his driving test or is he taking lessons?

I have nothing useful other than to say i found your post BRILLIANT Op…. thanks for sharing and good luck !!!

Sounds like a prime candidate to run his own business doing something like gardening rather than a sitting on his arse job.

Just remember our education and vocational programs are largely designed around making people employable.

You don’t have to be employable if you’re the boss of your own business…

Trades of some sort? ( remeber I have no kids)

It seems to me something practical where yo can see and end result and here you get to complete a task on your own may suit so carpentry ?

Or B&Q ave a great reputation for taking on folk who are a bit different

Tree surgery, stonemason, bee keeper, golf groundskeeper, plasterer, tiler etc.
Just some possibilities?

If he likes work like that then he could have a happy life doing that. Get trained up for a few years, then go self employed. If you’re good and reliable you can make a great living in a job like that.

Not sure I can add anything helpful – maybe some sort of agricultural or forestry route maybe?

Have to say, he sounds a great kid, you clearly love and support him and are very proud of what he’s achieved, fantastic parenting on your part 👍

Might being a teaching assistant (TA) in early years (EYFS) be something to consider?

I do supply TAing in EYFS (so it’s possibly the classic STW ‘ignore the OP and talk about what I do’ scenario) and it (I believe) meets all your listed criteria…

* a smallish environment – yep, in most schools I’m in there’ll be a few classes together, so maybe 4 to 6 teachers and TAs with 30 to 60 kids between them depending on ages, etc.

* where coolness is not important – totally. The kids are between 4 and 6. It’s cool to be able to make a reasonable paper airplane.

* where there’s teamwork, in a very supportive way – every school I have been in (for the most part rated inadequate :/ ) has been great. Teachers immensely grateful to have someone who’s enthusiastic and helpful in alongside them and everybody mucks in to make it work.

* task orientated rather than problem solving (and monotony is fine) – yep. teachers plan and organise and TA’s support.

* clear markers of achievement – yes, throughout the day. The days are structured and so it’s a matter of setting up, helping the kids, tidying up and repeat.

I do a day or two a week and it suits me well. Happy to chat more if that would help!

He’s shown interest in Camp America, as much because it would be ‘his thing’ (not brother’s), exciting, away from home. As parents, we’re a bit cautious as his common sense really is pretty low, his maturity is low, and he’s not cool … he’d be a prime bully target.

I did Camp America during my 2nd year at uni

Thers a huge variation in the types of camps you might end up on, I ended up on a camp for kids with behavioural problems, which was a real eye opener, but the staff were all helpful & friendly and its the kind of job where hard work is appreciated.

I definitely wouldnt dismiss it for him

edit: as above its quite structured so may suit him well

National Trust do some really good apprenticeships, including gardeningNational Trust do some really good apprenticeships, including gardening

My thoughts exactly. I imagine the NT is a good employer. He’s made a start already. Chartwell is lovely and you are in an area with plenty of other sites.

Can’t help with specific details but I remember watching a tv show, maybe on PBS which showed some youngsters who in America had been really helped by getting onto some forestry apprenticeship scheme. They all sounded similar personalities.

Can recommend BUNAC work america if you get into the right company. I did a summer at an east coast family run theme park. Great mix of personality types and generally all welcoming. Small town too so not many dangers.

Sounds like a great lad. I would employ him. Reading through that I was thinking along the lines of groundsman in a retirement home complex old people don’t care if your cool or not, they have loads of patience and like to talk to young folk
Trades is a good idea but some od banter and micky taking might be merciless
School caretaker possibility too

Have a look at the Disney cultural exchange program, our daughter spent 3 months working on the indiana Jones ride in florida.
You get paid a wage,housed in secure Disney property and free entry to all the parks. They take people from all over the world and its an excuse to pop over to florida to see them.
Our daughter loved it and made friends for life.

He sounds similar to a distant cousin of mine – he had a medical incident during birth and thereafter became what you’d class as a vulnerable person.  He’s quite introverted and never going to shine academically but for those who know him he is a lovely bloke, as honest as they come and more reliable than a swiss railway timetable.  He found work in the catering industry and did well in that environment, then when his mum became ill he worked in the local Tesco/Sainsbury to be closer to home.

Your son sounds like a great guy as are his parents from your post.

I haven’t really got anything to add I’m afraid other than I, personally, might be a little wary of sending him [a long way] away for an extended period – I would hate for his potential naivety to be taken advantage of.

I would imagine the NT would be a great place for him to grow and develop more.

The Prince’s Trust has a range of programmes which might be useful including “Get Into” which provides an introduction to various types of work, confidence building, and support for young people looking at setting up their own business – https://www.princes-trust.org.uk/help-for-young-people/programmes

First off, I like the sound of your kid. He seems delightful.

I am thinking about farms and working as a farm hand. I don’t know if that is a thing here, but he sounds as if he would have thrived on some of the farms I used to visit in Northern Canada. Lambing season starts here in a couple of months. Would there be any scope in hooking him up with a farmer and him getting some experience?

Your lad sounds like a cracking lad, I’m sure you’re proud and you’re right to be.

Camp America sounds superb. SHMBO did a year study in the USA and she’s not exactly one of the ‘jocks’ and she loved it so my bet is your lad will thrive on it and be treated well by his new buddies. If he hates it he can come back.

Best of luck whatever he decides.

I just wanted to echo this :

Your lad sounds like a solid bloke, tbf and with your encouragement will find something that will help him blossom, I’m certain.

You seem like a sound father!

A trade could be good, but as said above sites can be a dog easy dog world and the lads quite unforgiving.

I’m feckless and don’t have much to add.

How how about gadgets and computers?

Surveyor?

Site work , processing, small teams varied jobs.

I have no suggestions I’m afraid but you have described my own (also dyspraxic, 12 yr old) son down to a tee. It’s a very real concern for us already about how he’s going to get on in the world. My son has an almost obsessive interest in animals and we hope that his future may lie in some sort of zoology role but opportunities may be thin on the ground.

Best of luck.

Some excellent ideas above.
I’ll throw in PGL. Not a career necessarily but could be a great experience.
BT (openreach) was mentioned above. The first round of selection is online tests. You might want to speak to someone first and ask how diverse the company is/ if they are taking people on from outside the mainstream of education etc etc.
I’m not explaining that very well sorry.

Some utility companies have roles that support the craftsmen. These are proper jobs in their own right anyway, but can lead to adult trainee type opportunities. I am more familiar with the electrical utilities, but gas, water etc may do similar.

A heartfelt thanks to you all for positivity and the range of suggestions … some great stuff for us to consider. It’s prompted me to:
– not dismiss Camp America – big open day event this weekend which we’ll go to
– gardening route – I like this and have floated it to my son before. I think the lack of sociability is a possible downside, much as he doesn’t want lots of ‘chat’, he enjoys others as well as his own company
– PGL – he’s been on a couple of these, we’ll look into it as a team member
– B&Q/BT type organisations who are ‘diverse friendly’ – we’ve gently looked at these before, it’s a real balance of how much we/he recognises his challenges and ‘plays’ to this
– BUNAC/Disney type opps I’ll look into
– NT – we’re trying to make headway, but he’s keen to avoid ‘studying’ which shuts down some options (and having seen him study, and the effort it requires, I’m sympathetic!)
– TA, that’s a really interesting idea. He volunteered for a while (doing wheelchair football) at a school for severely handicapped kids and I think enjoyed it – he didn’t really see them as any different and liked it that he was ‘proficient’ at the sport (hope that doesn’t sound awful)
– trades route – this would be ace but I wonder if it’s one for a couple of years, when he’s a bit more mature? He’d need a very patient boss/teacher at the moment

But again, really grateful … it’s a great boost for us.

I’m a gardener and also volunteer for the NT as a gardener & Ranger and was an employed gardener for them too…. it’s very sociable! But if want some time alone you can go off and cut some grass for hours on end. As mentioned above they do some great apprenticeships, register for the .gov apprentice website and search on there every week