Not a cheery subject I’m afraid but seeing as a few of you have been down this road, you may be able to help with advice.
Three years ago my mother-in-law died after a short battle with an rare brain disease. This left a massive hole in a close family, who still miss her daily. My wife has really struggled to come to terms with this loss.
Severn months ago we lost my father-in-law to a drawn out battle with cancer and just before Christmas we lost his wife to lung cancer.
All of this has been harrowing for my wife and eldest daughter.
Finally, I’ve just heard from my wife, who is with family at the hospital, that her nephew has lost his 8 yr battle with leukemia..
Tomorrow morning I’m going to have to break the news to my daughter and I don’t know if I can…She’s 10 and absolutely idolised him!
Apart from a loving family unit etc, I’m thinking she may need some form of help but I’m struggling to process it all myself.

Ouch – thats a fair bit to deal with. counselling may well help – cruse is the usual one for this I believe. ( for you ? your wife? Or your daughter? ) GPs will also have access to counselling. YOu might have to pay

Key things? do not shy away from talking about it all. Often its hard to break the silence but talking about things with your nearest and dearest can really help.

There is no wrong or right answer in how you all react. You react how you do and its often unpredictable and different folk react differently. It all takes time as well and often its in the weeks after a funeral when all the fuss dies down that grief can really take hold. Children are often surprisingly resilient in the face of death. I don’t know why.

Make sure you are their for the rest of the family. Be open and supportive and give them time and room to express their grief

Don’t forget to make a little time and space for you as well – you are going to have to support your wife and daughter but do not neglect yourself.

AS a little example of the unpredictability of people grief reactions a few years ago my other half lost her brother, nephew and mum within a year. I played the supportive partner role and thought I was ok. A song came on the radio at work that was played at the nephews funeral. I broke down and had to go home. ( I work in palliative care – I am used to people dying)

If I can help please PM me. I am not fantastic healer but I do have a little experience with this sort of thing

Maybe worth speaking to school?
My son’s school had contact with a counsellor to help him when my Dad died and he was his idol. It hit him hard, even now 6 years later I can still hear his howl of pain when we told him.

Flip456 – so sorry to hear all you have gone through. Your username doesn’t jump out at me so apologies if I’ve missed it along the way, and apologies if you already know of my situation, as nearly everyone on here does.

I have unfortunately had a lot of experience with grief and kids grief/counselling lately. My wife sadly passed away last June. Between us we have 7 children, 4 of them live with me.

What TJ has said is correct, as tough as it is, talking about it is vital. There is nothing worse than skirting around the subject. You also need time for yourself, easier said than done, something I still struggle with today. And the slightest thing, sometimes the most stupidest of things, will set emotions off sending you off in uncontrollable bouts of crying no matter where you are or what you’re doing. That is ‘normal’ and to be expected, just go with it until it passes.

I won’t lie, telling children is no easy task and you can never be prepared for their reaction. Nor can you be prepared for the sudden constant change of emotions. Upset, crying, screaming one minute then playing, watching telly and laughing the next. From my experience, looking back, you need to deal with whatever is happening at that moment in time. The only thing you can plan for is what to say and how to say it, everything else will flow from there. Just run with it however it goes.

As far as counselling goes, cruse is the top of the list. They don’t always facilitate children though, but your gp can refer your daughter to a bereavement counsellor and is a relatively quick process.

I have written a website and blog about our situation as a form of therapy. The address is https://brighteststarinthesky.com should you want to have a read. I’m quite open about things that have happened regarding myself and the kids. If you want to have a chat, pm me your number or I can pm you mine or my email address.

Thanks guys, I’ll check out your suggestions for councilling etc.
The comments about music are so true, ‘wish you where here’ Pink Floyd brings a tear every time.
gnusmas – fella, you’re an inspiration! I’ve been around a while but don’t often post I’m afraid. Your posts and blog have helped me and the wife through our previous dark times, we took strength from how you managed to keep going, so thank you for sharing.
We hope and know that things should get easier but at the moment it’s hard to see.

I found Irvin Yalom’s book about death, ‘Staring at the sun’, very helpful.