[Closed] Help Recalibrate My Moral Compass

I find I'm becoming less and less tolerant of drivel I hear from people, particularly on Facebook

I can think of an easy solution to the Facebook bit. Becoming more tolerant is quite a bit harder and I'm not sure from the general tone of your post you're ready to commit to the effort required.

[i]how can I become more tolerant of this sort of crap??? [/i]

Have you considered empathy?

There's people I knew who died a long time ago and sometimes I think about them when something triggers a memory.

I don't chose to shout about it on social media but I understand why someone would feel like that after 21 years and whilst their way of expressing it wouldn't be mine I also wouldn't think 'silly bint' and de-friend them as a result of reading it.

Shibs - 2 mins since you became a miserable old sod, thinking of you, peace out, bro

Have you considered empathy?

🙂

Shibs - 2 mins since you became a miserable old sod, thinking of you, peace out, bro

🙂

I've never been one for empathy, or any of the weaknesses for that matter...

Repost this picture of a candle/rose/cute fluffy kitten if you know a Facebook user who is fighting the urge to become a miserable old sod.

it was 21 years ago... Isn't it about time you pulled yourself together??

That's cold, man.

Perhaps you should have a loved one die, see how that feels 20 years later?

I set fire to the flowers on those little shrines that appear by the side of the road, to mark the death of a car thief in a police chase

People find comfort in coping. Some of us weren't that close to our parents. I know a girl who is incredibly close to her parents. She can sit for days with him just chilling, not saying much happy.

Almost 5 years since I came on here to ask a question about mountain biking.
I miss those days of innocence.
I want it back.

Perhaps you should have a loved one die, see how that feels 20 years later?

Bizarrely, the overwhelming majority of humans - myself included - lose our loved ones. It's down to the fact that our parents, grandparents, and lots of other relatives are all a little bit older than us. So, statistically, they're going to slip those surly bonds before us.

I've lost lots of relatives, and I'll probably lose lots more, but I don't post shite like that on Facebook 20-odd years later! Or ever for that matter!

but I don't post shite like that on Facebook 20-odd years later! Or ever for that matter!

I feel really sorry that you have to block it all in and feel you can't share your pain.....

My mum died 25 years ago in July from cancer. She was 36, I was 16. She suffered more than I thought possible. I miss her, but the pain went a long long time ago. The post listed above on Facebook is obviously just rhetoric put forward to illicit public sympathy and come across as a wounded person who clearly cares about such things more than you or I, and we couldn't possible ever feel such grief and tragedy as they've been through. If someone genuinely hasn't gotten over a death 20 years later, I strongly advise some sort of counselling.

The wife is Greek, when there is a death in their family all the women engage in very public and extended displays of grief, dressing in black for a year blah blah blah. All clearly intended to show they that person grieves far more then the next. It's ridiculous. It's one thing to feel the pain of loss, the need to express it publicly is quite different altogether.

Flag it as spam. Problem solved one way or another.

I still miss/have the memories of an ex from 20yrs ago who I finished with.

Does that make me abit wet? We are human.

I set fire to the flowers on those little shrines that appear by the side of the road, to mark the death of a car thief in a police chases

Not if I see it first! Don't get me started on floral tributes... Why do chavs gaffer tape garage-forecourt flowers to the lamppost after some 15-year-old pot-smoking scrote loses control of his moped because his waist-band is round his knees?? The only flowers he ever liked were dried, crumbled and wrapped in Rizlas!!

when did facebook become a portal for speaking to the dead.

Ha ha I'm gonna post that on someone's FB page always bleatering on about the dead seems to care more about them than her own family.

I still miss/have the memories of an ex from 20yrs ago who I finished with.

you know that Binners still posts on here?

You OK hun ? xxx

you're an emotional cripple IMO..
Now get your arse on Facebook and shine a candle in the wind til you feel the pain..

Have you been putting crystal meth on your cornflakes again Hora?

[img] [/img]

Seriously - you need to get over me and move on

I don't chose to shout about it on social media but I understand why someone would feel like that after 21 years and whilst their way of expressing it wouldn't be mine.

I think what I'm trying to say is, I don't know.

[i]you need to get over me and move on[/i]

or if getting over is too much of a struggle try and walk round him?

Have you ever tried hitting your testicles with the heel of your shoe?

Bizarrely, the overwhelming majority of humans - myself included - lose our loved ones

[i]Have you ever tried hitting your testicles with the heel of your shoe?[/i]

tried it?

He did a Vine.

Have you tried smashing your testicles with the heel of your shoe?

Often... But it's not something I post about on Facebook...

The fact that you see empathy as a weakness is a bit odd, don't you think? an ability to understand how someone else feels is a weakness, acording to you when most think its the thing that makes us human

The fact that you see empathy as a weakness is a bit odd, don't you think?

On the plus side, he'd make an excellent Tory Cabinet minister.

The fact that you see empathy as a weakness is a bit odd, don't you think?

Not as odd as an inability to detect sarcasm 😉

don't use facebook, problem solved, I manage to live a full life without it.

Fact you're getting angry at facebook, point to a need to have a look at yourself.

Have you tried smashing your testicles with the heel of your shoe?

Often... But it's not something I post about on Facebook...

And thats why facebook will never take off.

ti_pin_man's investment strategy in new and upcoming internet business wasnt always succesful.

illicit public sympathy

Blimey - you may not approve of facebook posting but I think legislation is a bit too far.

but I don't post shite like that on Facebook 20-odd years later!

So we all have to act like you - that right?

I find I'm becoming less and less tolerant of drivel I hear from people

Quite.

Help Recalibrate My Moral Compass

Wait, what?

Public displays of grief don't really do it for me either but I don't get riled by them, chill out and move on (OP not the bereaved)

Dunno how the thread shifted onto it but I don't like roadside floral tributes either, if it's an aforementioned car thief who died in a police chase then I'm not sure they're appropriate. If I ever get mowed down by a clueless driver I certainly don't want flowers at the bloody roadside commemorating it. I don't want a dangerous junction being a reminder of my life. I do think there should be a macabre skull and cross bones or similar roadsign put up for all to see at the location of every road death, might remind a few road users to concentrate a bit more.

Don't think empathy is a weakness tho, wish I had a bit more empathy TBH. Surely "empathy=weakness" marks you out as a bit of a sociopath?

So we all have to act like you - that right?

You have to admit, the world would be a much better place...

[i] I do think there should be a macabre skull and cross bones or similar roadsign put up for all to see at the location of every road death, might remind a few road users to concentrate a bit more.[/i]

Ghost bike would be my choice.

I've nothing against people indulging in their love of grief, it's this mawkish one-upmanship that grinds my gears. People seem to want to express the fact that they're in more pain than anyone else that's ever lost someone.

I blame Princess Diana.

The "If you are my true friend you will repost this gushing load of twaddle on your Facebook page" - posts rile me a whole lot more than remembrance posts.

Ghost bike would be my choice.

I blame Princess Diana

I presume you mean the diana death media tossfest rather than the person. Quite what sparked it all off I've no idea, maybe a cabal of florists infiltrated the media and instigated the public grief competition.

If they're repeat offenders you can go onto their profile and choose for any content they put up to not display on your timeline.

I had to do it to all my fiends who post their travelling pictures

Have you ever tried hitting your testicles with the heel of your shoe?

Fantastic! I have just screamed with laughter at this comment...

The other mourners were a little put out.

I blame Princess Diana

It wasn't Diane's fault. She just got in a car with a pissed bloke! It was Tony Sodding Blair and that stuttering hammy speech. It seemed to give the hard-of-thinking catre blanche to start acting like Americans

Personally I think that anyone displaying Oscars-awards-speech style emotional incontenence, should be slapped around the face with a wet fish until they pull themselves together and remember they're not from bloody San Diego 👿

Well said Binners... This isn't helping recalibrate my moral compass though...

I'm like this as well Shib, my reaction usually goes along the lines of "Better you than me". And then I go about my buisness as usual.

Some people have different ways of coping to others, I just accepted that and put up with people posting guff on facebook as most of my facebook friends are nice people.

Don't blame Diana, it's all Prince Philip's fault:

I presume you mean the diana death media tossfest rather than the person. Quite what sparked it all off I've no idea, maybe a cabal of florists infiltrated the media and instigated the public grief competition.

I had to do it to all my fiends who post their travelling pictures

Nothing wrong with your moral compass. My Dad died 18 years ago and my Mum 11 years ago. I still miss them, and get a bit emotional when something (usually a song) triggers a poignant memory - but I wouldn't dream of telling a load of random people on the internet about it.

Oh bugger.

Mourning is a shared grief, I always take poeple posting things like that is a way of them sharing their grief with their extended family. If you're not part of that extended family just hide the post and move on, who cares?!

I blame Princess Diana.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rudolph_Valentino#Death_and_funeral

I'm far too self involved to care about other peoples troubles.

Move on from it Shibbo, just scroll past.

I think a bbit a grief is healthy. I've only really known one of my close family to die, my aunt ( dads sis) who I was v close to. I was 14 when she died and the funeral was full of tears and laughter. I can't listen to Wednesday Week by the Undertones without instantly remembering watching my uncles shoulders heaving as he sobbed in the church as it played

We all ( as a family) post memories and wotnot on FB of her all the time

Probably a bit weak, Right?

We all ( as a family) post memories and wotnot on FB of her all the time

Stop making me feel like a twunt Emsz! You see, this is why I need recalibrating...

In my defense, as long as you don't put drivel like in my original post, you should be fine...

Not weak at all.

I can't see anything wrong with talking about grief.
Not healthy keeping it in.

Whatever gets you through the night is good.

Can I raise a pertinent point at this juncture?

Who needs a hug?

Who needs a hug?

Me! If only so I can post a cloying, gooey facebook post thanking the lovely gawjus peeps on Singletrack for their group hug.

I blame Princess Diana.

I've managed to avoid all this mawkish stuff by delegating facebook activity to my wife = she filters the rubbish and keeps me updated on the relevant stuff (usually along the lines of have you seen your niece's latest selfie 🙄 )

Ooops am I exhibiting an empathy fail?

Who needs a hug?

Careful now binners, you'll only make Hora more upset.....

Is there a period where it's ok to post grief related stuff or should it all be kept away from social media?

My friends dad died recently and his family have been posting a lot of pictures. I don't think this is too bad, but if it goes on for years then maybe.

Is there a period where it's ok to post grief related stuff or should it all be kept away from social media?

I think the first few minutes is fine, as long as it's accompanied by "His/her family have been informed", like they do on the news.

Other than that, facebook should be used purely for smutty innuendo, videos of accidents, and photos that hint at a lifestyle more opulent than anyone else's.

Shibboleth - Member

Is there a period where it's ok to post grief related stuff or should it all be kept away from social media?

Ripe for a selfie that 😆

I set fire to the flowers on those little shrines that appear by the side of the road...

bikebouy - Member

Shibboleth - Member

Is there a period where it's ok to post grief related stuff or should it all be kept away from social media?

Ripe for a selfie that

[i]Other than that, facebook should be used purely for smutty innuendo, videos of accidents, and photos that hint at a lifestyle more opulent than anyone else's.[/i]

Obvs 8)

The Amount of self editing I have to do on a Sunday morning is getting out of control

It was a few posts ago - but I think Pondo just summed up the internet in a single phrase "what I am trying to say is, I don't know".

Turn off all the computers and get drunk, the job is done.

My own solution to a similar problem was to remove my self from face book. The catalyst was the umpteenth reference to "my baby" whilst talking about their grown (and very alive) children, after posting "he's not your ________ing baby, he's 18 ________ing years old" I had a brief think about the fact that I had six friends on Facebook with whom I wouldn't be able (because of distance) to go for a drink to discuss pointless drivel but would like to, a lot of "facebook friends" whom I wouldn't visit the pub with, except by sheer coincidence, and a number with whom I did go to the pub and thus didn't really use face book for anything other than sharing my (obviously hilarious) thoughts on topical news stories. And voila I'm Facebook free.

Nothing wrong with your moral compass mind, your anger is clearly your way of dealing with your overwhelming empathy with the poster some people cry, some get angry, let it out, share it and you'll feel less angry...

Shibboleth - Member
Bizarrely, the overwhelming majority of humans - myself included - lose our loved ones

Statistically, I guess people are going to start dropping like flies around me sooner or later, but I'm pretty certain I won't be posting anything on Faceache about it...

Alternatively point out the factual inaccuracy of their "gained a star" nonsense. This isn't bible belt America, were allowed to contradict I-read-it-in-a-book-when-i-was-little-so-it-must-be-true-nonsense-facts with hard science.

Be nicer to cats.

Tell you what, there's a tree outside Longbridge that has had flowers - many, many flowers - stuck around it for as long as I've been in the area, knocking on eight years.

I see what you did there HUGHSTEW. It made me laugh, i do apologise.

Different people act differently. I would never do it myself (lost both parents) but my older brother sometimes posts about it on Facebook.

A very good friend is currently playing out her advanced brain tumour situation via Facebook (she's now in a hospice, aged 42) and it is quite disturbing sometimes to read of her situation but she finds it cathartic so who am I to question it? I guess the same goes for those people who have lost others - they just find it helps to share their emotions...

I can't think of anyone who was more than a passing acquaintance in my life, dying. Every family member I've ever known since I was a child is still alive. I'm 35 now. Never been to a funeral.

A very good friend is currently playing out her advanced brain tumour situation via Facebook (she's now in a hospice, aged 42) and it is quite disturbing sometimes to read of her situation but she finds it cathartic so who am I to question it? I guess the same goes for those people who have lost others - they just find it helps to share their emotions...

* By which I mean years after the fact.

Does anybody actually know what's going to happen in 10 or 20 years to all the emotionally incontinent drivel and personal information they are posting in public via farcebook and the like?

An enormous proportion of my facebook feed consists of posts I don't agree with, am not terribly interested in or which make me cringe that someone thought it was appropriate to post them.

I assume that the person making them is speaking to a sub-set of their facebook audience which does not include me, and move on.

🙂

We had a friend die terribly young (39) of breast cancer. On her birthday every year lots of her friends change their profile picture for the day to a picture of a sunflower they have grown that year- it was the flower that was handed to everyone at her memorial service at her instruction.

Nothing is said. It's a relatively subtle way of using social media for stuff like this - I kind of like it. I hope it doesn't seem too morbid by other people who didn't know her.

Nothing is said. It's a relatively subtle way of using social media for stuff like this - I kind of like it. I hope it doesn't seem too morbid by other people who didn't know her.

Thats a subtle gesture of remembrance. I think the OP is more about the open gushing of sycophantic fawning comments.

Facebook would have a series of buttons. Like, Dislike, Pish, WTF etc

Maybe when a few of your closest friends or relatives die you might want to rethink your lack of empathy for others in the same situation.

How does he lack empathy? Just said he hasn't lost a relative.

A girl I lived with at Uni died soon after we graduated. I didn't really get on with her, perfectly indifferent individual, just not my kind of person. The outpourings of grief on her Facebook page from people who felt similarly ambivalent seemed a bit crass for me. Actually had a bit of an argument with a mutual friend as I didn't think it appropriate to go to the funeral of someone I didn't particularly like in life, why, because they've died should I start liking them? Tragic as it was.

People still write on her profile fairly regularly, I find it a bit weird.