Have you ever had a wild poo?

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  • Have you ever had a wild poo?
  • waking up on a sunday morning in a tour van before anything that might have a toilet is open can sure lead to some creative solutions.

    Premier Icon Stoner
    Subscriber

    poo with a view. Cant be beaten.

    Premier Icon teamslug
    Subscriber

    I got to the Marin trail in wales quite a few years ago and was busting, so i ran into the trees and did what bears do!!. Made sure it wasn’t a) on the trail or b) downwind of the trail.

    jota180
    Member

    Lots,

    I used to often get caught short when out running, only the once IIRC whilst out cycling though

    brakes
    Member

    pull down your pants and fertilize the plants
    in an English country gaaa-aarden
    pick up a spade and bury what you made
    in an English country gaaaaa-aaaarden

    jota180
    Member

    Top tip…

    Rest your back against something to allow enough horizontal distance between your arsehole and your pants. Saves filling your pants, which – after all – was the whole reason for going wild

    Premier Icon Teetosugars
    Subscriber

    Many times..

    alpin
    Member

    often….

    the best/worst was in the australian desert with two girls that i met whilst hitch-hiking. nowhere to hide. no bushes, nothing.

    the same was true whe one of them needed to go, too.

    and have you ever tried digging a poo hole in hard, sun baked red earth?

    crikey
    Member

    Many, many times.

    Most notably in my own back garden after a night shift spent eating a vast quantity of fruit. Upon reaching the main drive to my house, I realised I’d forgotten my key. I called my wife as the pressure increased, but to no avail, so I had to scale the back garden wall, strip down to allow the removal of my bib tights, then poo in the bushes…

    carlphillips
    Member

    another top tip, don’t take my dog…I wild poo all the time as i really like doing it, but my dog has an annoying habit of trying to clean up the mess during and after I’ve released the chocolate hostage!! its not nice!

    you can’t beat a good outdoor poop, one of lifes moments to be cherished.

    gee
    Member

    Laid a log this weekend at Big Dog as the bogs hadn’t arrived before the race started.

    fenred
    Member

    Absolutely!

    Can’t get my head around people that can only poo at home etc…if I get a “20 seconds to comply” moment it’s drop ’em and unload, whether that’s work, plane, pub, supermarket or trail…. πŸ˜€

    alpin
    Member

    carlphillips – Member
    I wild poo all the time as i really like doing it,

    carlphillips, scatologist.

    gazc
    Member

    lots of times, just make sure its properly buried! my girlfriend was desperate for one when we were at about 6000m climbing a trekking peak in the himalayas and had to curl one off up there. it was on a ridge next to a 1000m drop and we could see K2! 😯

    Premier Icon coolhandluke
    Subscriber

    I use to work outside lots, in remote places. Wild pooing was what you had to do.

    Whilst out working once I needed to go and, as it was foggy didnt worry too much about my location.

    Midway through, the fog just lifted 😯

    a farmer in the adjacent field trundles past on his tractor! I gave him a cheers “Morning” with a wave of the toilet roll, still squatting, still extruding.

    crikey
    Member

    …aaaaand at an xc race in Chalfont St Giles. I pooed in a clearing which later became part of the race course, oh how I laughed as everyone finished covered in little specks of faecal fun…

    Yeah when necessary (rarely). Strangely satisfying.

    umop3pisdn
    Member

    Yes, when riding to Paris. Had to use the pahes of directions I no longer needed, was glad I kept them

    teasel
    Member

    Heading down a hill somewhere close to the French/Belgium border when the urge took me and managed to find (somewhat swiftly) a nice old branch just below waist level with a little drop directly below and a river view straight ahead. You couldn’t make a better crapper if you tried…

    Klunk
    Member

    i can advise not going too far off line on the marin 😳

    jota180
    Member

    Made sure it wasn’t a) on the trail or b) downwind of the trail.

    I hope you meant upwind πŸ™‚

    crush83
    Member

    just make sure you pull the cheeks apart for the ”hollywood finish” (no wiping)

    and as mentiond above move the pants/shorts out of the way! best was is the seated position against a wall or tree. always carry a few sheets of loo roll in a waterproof zip-tied bag in your camelback!

    karnali
    Member

    had a few most memorable was at just over 5000m in the himalaya’s what a cracking view there was as that one was passed.

    bikebouy
    Member

    Did you pick it up and put it in a bag, then hang it on a tree??

    Shame on you, shame on You.

    “tuts and looks stern”

    Premier Icon proutster
    Subscriber

    In the woods to the right-hand side of the 13th hole at my golf club. Used the old “feet at the base of a tree, hang on to the trunk and lean back” stance to give room. Then used my undercrackers for the wipeage and buried both.

    Strangely I never go looking for my ball if I hit it there now.

    Too close for comfort with a follow-through at Inners Uplift 2 weeks ago, bl**dy people hanging around after being dropped off by the bus – can’t they see me hopping around with a pained look on my face???

    Used a grouse butt on the North York Moors once. Shameless πŸ™‚

    Premier Icon MrOvershoot
    Subscriber

    Plop here Right where that arrow is

    TBH I hadn’t seen anyone in 3 hours so didn’t worry much πŸ˜‰

    Having said that such was the ferocity of expulsion it missed the hole I had dug and sort of spread in a cone explosion up the slope!!!

    Premier Icon StefMcDef
    Subscriber

    jekkyl – Member
    this was my first ever wild poo & up the side of Skiddaw, one I won’t forget.
    Anyone care to share?

    I bet it wasn’t the last Skiddaw you saw that day either, if you just pulled up your cycling shorts and carried on your merry way.

    jekkyl
    Member

    lol @MrOvershoot providing a map, good effort.

    Premier Icon ir_bandito
    Subscriber

    My top tip – do a wee first to reduce the chance of pishing all over your keks as you squat.

    Often have to go when out running as the impact forces everythign down. Luckily, I prefer trail running in the woods.

    bbb
    Member

    A large proportion of the world’s population do not have access to a toilet so it’s hardly a hardship having to crap outdoors occasionally. The numbers listed after the country’s name are the numbers that do this. It seems really weird to a lot of people in the world that we choose to crap into clean water.

    1. India: 638 million. The world’s second-most populous nation after China, India has the world’s largest number of people going outdoors. Nearly 640 million Indians, or 54 percent of the 1.1 billion population lack access to toilets or other sanitation facilities. In some states, the problem was so bad that village women started a slogan: “No toilet, no bride.”

    2. Indonesia: 58 million. About 58 million Indonesians, 26 percent of its population, don’t use toilets. Southern Asia, home to 64 percent of the world’s population that still uses the bathroom in the open, has seen the practice decrease the most – from 66 percent in 1990 to 44 percent in 2008.

    3. China: 50 million. China has 50 million citizens going in the open. That’s only 4 percent of its 1.3 billion population. More than 267 million Chinese have gained access to improved sanitation since 1990, according to the WHO.

    Six percent of the urban population – compared to 2 percent of the rural population – go in the open, according the WHO’s 2010 update on sanitation.

    4. Ethiopia: 49 million. Seven in 10 people in Ethiopia’s rural areas don’t use indoor toilets. The landlocked nation on the Horn of Africa has seen minimal progress over the past two decades in increasing sanitation access, with only 12 percent of the population gaining improved services.

    5. Pakistan: 48 million. Of Pakistan’s 177 million people, about 48 million go where they please. But Pakistan has seen incredible gains over the past two decades, with 47 million people no longer defecating in the open, according to the WHO’s 2010 update on progress on sanitation and drinking water.

    6. Nigeria: 33 million. Africa’s most populous nation, Nigeria, also has the world’s 6th highest number of citizens going to the bathroom outside. Of 151 million people living in Nigeria, 33 million do it in the open. Still, more than 12 million people there have gained access to sanitation facilities over the past two decades.

    7. Sudan: 17 million. More than 17 million people, or 41 percent of the population, in the northern African nation of Sudan use the outdoors as their bathrooms.

    etc.

    Sonor
    Member

    In the woods to the right-hand side of the 13th hole at my golf club. Used the old “feet at the base of a tree, hang on to the trunk and lean back” stance to give room. Then used my undercrackers for the wipeage and buried both.

    Thats simply unacceptable behavior. Playing Golf. 8)

    As an avid bothier it’s what you do.

    Dig a hole for the aforementioned and burn / carry out the paper

    jekkyl
    Member

    I went up the lakes a few weeks back, set off early alone to ‘do’ Skiddaw, read: mostly push bike up, ride back down. Halfway up I suddenly had the urge to do something that I would normally do sat down at home with a magazine. Looking round, some walkers up ahead of me and a family with 2 kids coming up, sh!t! literally. So waited till they past and nipped over a wall to do what I had to do. Telling my mate about it back at the campsite later turns out he’s ‘done loads’ lol, this was my first ever wild poo & up the side of Skiddaw, one I won’t forget.
    Anyone care to share? πŸ˜†

    beefheart
    Member

    Wild poo. Grrr!
    Probably about once a year.

    Has anyone ever done a Paula Radcliffe when you can’t even be bothered to stop?

    jamesy01
    Member

    always carry a few sheets of loo roll in a waterproof zip-tied bag in your camelback!

    Wish I’d read this a few weeks back….went out the morning after devouring the wife’s homemade chilli wearing 4 socks, arrived home wearing 3 and with one in a freezer bag 😯

    d45yth
    Member

    If you need any tips, look at this thread on Bike and Bivi. πŸ˜€

    I was walking through a graveyard the other day and I saw a chap squatted down by a grave.
    I waved and said “Morning!” and he said “No, no, just having a poo!”

    _tom_
    Member

    Once. What a waste of a sock πŸ™

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