[Closed] Give me your stories of finding love

When I was 50 I ended up with a 28 year old surfer babe.
Only lasted a year so not relevant. But some days I really like to remind myself. 🙂

Give me your stories of finding love

A picture is worth a thousand words

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Which one is you ernie?

Found Mrs Z 38 years ago. It's much cheaper to keep them than chop and change. Not unlike cars I guess, but at least with cars you get to try out a newer model from time to time.

Wouldn't like to be looking for love at my age. It's be a long fruitless search I guess. Finding one that'd want me would be the problem.

Probably stick to renting now......

Timeshare?

Get online. My boss is 45 and is a lovely guy who is just couldn't find anyone at all. 6 months on Match.com resulted in some good "fun" and a long term girlfriend who is now a fiance and the mother of his child. He said that he did very well by just being a nice, normal human being and not just a moron who wants to get laid.

We met on a Meetup. Com outing to the pictures, both just looking to kick-start our social lives rather than looking for a relationship. Spent the whole afternoon chatting as though no-one else existed, laughing like drains.

As of next month we've been together for two blissful years, still laughing all the time. I'm a far better person for knowing her, and I've seen a big change in her too. I was early thirties but she early forties so it counts, right?

Jupiter Rising will always be "our" film. Unfortunately, since it's too shit to watch a second time

Good luck by the way. Through all this I've learned how many people are in shit relationships because they think that's the only option. It annoys me no end, not least because I feel almost guilty for having a loving one.

Not me but my brother - his marriage broke down after his (mental) wife decided that she needed space from their kids and all the pets (she wanted all the pets).

So she walked out on everything but my brother got in touch with a lifelong friend to sound out his sister (who he'd always liked) and now (at 51) he is like a loved-up teenager (perhaps a little *too* sickly in love) but the new woman is a million times nicer than his ex-wife, they do more than just drink all night and all weekend (which is what his old life was), his kids (late teenagers) like the new woman and she actually engages with them.

I wish he'd got together with her before he met the ex as she always was toxic and did nothing to try to bring up two nice children - thankfully my brother did (and continues to) support them so they have turned out okay.

Does this handkerchief smell of chloroform?

Tinder.

Pissed about on match and soulmates for years, currently I'm 43. Two year relationship and several shorter ones. Then, I met me girlfriend at work... 🙂

You mean there's hope for me yet, at 46??

Just so long as they're not as "challenging" as the last one 🙄

Rachel

Just so long as they're not as "challenging" as the last one

Anneka Rice?

Well, it's funny you should mention Anneka Rice - it was me that booked the hotels she hid from the media in way back when...

Rachel

If you are a bloke, then you still have excellent chances of finding love at those ages - its a matter of getting out and meeting new people. My fathers wife is 30 years younger than him. No he is not rich.

If you are a woman over 40, most men treat you like you are a waste of space romantically.

If you are a male, be kind and decent to middle aged women - its not ok to hurt people or treat them with contempt just because you have no personal sexual use for them.

Get online.

He said that he did very well by just being a nice, normal human being and not just a moron who wants to get laid.

It was January... I was 43 and fell in love. She was Italian, stunning... but Jesus was she noisy ! soon as you got on top of her it was just noise and throbbing.

We had passion, we had lust, we had fun and we had the occasional loss of fluids..

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allthegear - Member
Well, it's funny you should mention Anneka Rice - it was me that booked the hotels she hid from the media in way back when...

Rachel

soon as you got on top of her it was just noise and throbbing.

Hemorrhoids?

Her marriage was falling apart and the media were lapping it up. It probably wasn't as exciting as you might be imagining... 😉

Rachel

weeksy - one day I will lose my Italian sportbike cherry...

Rachel

Mate of mine has had no end of girlfriends - longest relationship was probably a year or so, but they were 'never quite right'. He was a bit like Goldilocks - there was always small details with the girls he was seeing that he didn't like & wasn't willing to compromise on. It was like he was looking for THE perfect woman in every way, shape & form. That coupled with an unswerving demand that his life should not have to change & he should not have to bend just a little bit meant that he always struggled with relationships.

His trouble was never finding dates & women who were interested. It was just that his relationships never lasted; normally because they never matched up to his exacting standards....

Well, he met a girl <3 years ago now. They are now married, have a house together & are expecting their first child. He's 39 and only got married in Oct 16. I don't know whether he realised that perhaps a bit of compromise was necessary or this girl really is 'the one' but it seems that he has finally found love.....

We all assumed he'd be a bachelor forever, so it just goes to show.....

Mountain biking mate of mine divorced a couple of years ago (age 47 now). Within a year he met a very nice lady on match, and they moved in together a year ago.

He's a pretty standard, intelligent bloke who likes a drink and a chat. He enjoyed the experience.

We had passion, we had lust, we had fun and we had the occasional loss of fluids..

I'm surprised that you didn't have seasons in the sun.

My other arf is for sale, much cheapness if you're desperate

is she a 26er? or a fattie? I've often wondered about a fattie.

I'm surprised that didn't have seasons in the sun

-- too busy polishing it?

[i]We met on a Meetup. Com outing [/i]

People use those for dating? I'm never sure! I'm on a meet-up group, but I always think the agenda is the "event" and it'd be rude to try n pull 😆

I was three months into a divorce and about to go out to Afghanistan when I met someone at a briefing. Wasn't interested in her at the time because of the divorce, but e-mailed her to say thanks for her help in getting me out of Kabul when there seemed to be no transport available.

Anyway, fast forward a few months and we had spoken on e-mail a bit, then met up at the cinema once or twice. I was still going through the divorce at that time, but being with her and 'dating' was a lot like being a teenager again. She likes doing all the same sorts of things that I do (camping, hillwalking, etc) and, now that the divorce is completed and months in the past, we're going out properly.

She's awesome.

42 by the way and

I had a string of failed relationships and increasing despair at ever finding someone. When I reached my late 30s I began to realise that I had a reservoir of love, patience and generosity stored up inside me that was untapped and going to waste and that it was probably time I should be prepared to make some compromises.

One fine day I happened to buy a national newspaper and out of idle curiosity I looked through the personals. There was one that looked good, it said something like "Seeking someone to share snow, sea and mountains". So I ringed it then put the paper down and forgot it. A couple of days later I remembered so went and found the paper and rang the number or sent a letter or whatever you had to do. We ended up meeting at the V&A hotel in Manchester when she next came up on business and the rest is history. I can't say it's been a bed of roses and it has certainly required a lot of that stored patience but we've made a lovely boy (now 17) and managed to stick together; on balance companionship and loyalty being far far preferable to solitude.

I can't imagine what would have happened if I hadn't bought the paper that day or looked through the personals or gone back to it two days later. My lovely child would never have existed!

I shall refrain from giving any advice as my love life is a complete shambles. I would go in to details but you'd all (quite rightly so) claim I'm stark raving and laugh at me

Meh, love.

At 52 I married the girl of my dreams last July

Here's what I've found out in the last year and a half in a nutshell in one handy flowchart format:

Q1) Got patience?

Yes > carry on as you are and someone will bump into you on a train one day
No > go to next question

Q2) Want fun and an ego boost?

Yes > Tinder or Plenty of Fish
No > go to next question

Q3) Want serious relationship?

Yes > Match.com or similar
No > Go to Q2

And just so you know I ended up with someone I met on Tinder. She's perfect.

[i]Meh, love.[/i]

I'm with Houns. (well, figuratively anyway)

[b]Dickyboy[/b] - Member
At 52 I married the girl of my dreams last July

😉

Hmmm, didn't settle down until I supposed you'd call it mid-30s

TBH, I saw the writing on the wall. When I was in my 20s and we were out in pubs and clubs every weekend I met lots of Women, but I was fairly immature - saw sex as the end goal. A few I hoodwinked, but mostly the ones I found that were into one-night-stands weren't into relationships and I didn't see them as GF material anyway.

Into my 30s most of my mates were in relationships, some cohabiting, some gone as far as families and stuff – the nights out became fewer and further between and there was a very definite shift from Lads nights to Couples nights and I met less and less people – I did make the mistake of working my way through the friends of my friends GFs – shouldn’t do that, it’s messy.

Anyway, got signed up to Plenty of Fish, My Single Friend and all that, but when sober I was very shy, and suffered from self-image issues so wouldn’t put a pic on, you might as well not bother.

I was beginning to give up, all trails lead to nowhere, I didn’t know any single Women I fancied that I hadn’t tried it on with as some point in the past, I think I’d spent all my goodwill with my female friends and my male friend’s partners so they weren’t about to introduce me as “this lovely single Bloke” and I’d reached the point in life when it’s pretty hard to make new friends – it all seems a bit weird, oh and after a few disastrous workplace ‘relationships’ in prior places I wouldn’t go down that route again.

In the end I went along to my best Mate’s wedding as Best Man, got battered before the speech because I hate public speaking, drank even more afterwards to cure the shock of it and half-sat / fell into a seat on one of the back tables alone at the evening do – by pure luck I happened to sit in a seat that was being used by someone who was tearing up the dancefloor at the time, she returned with her friend so find this overweight drunk wreck of a man barely sitting in their seats (I’d been injured badly 9 months before and spent the time laying on the sofa eating crap in a painkiller induced bath of self-pity). I was meaningfully older than her, unemployed, almost broke and living with my Mum because I whilst I could just about look after myself, I couldn’t work to pay rent etc.

Somehow, I ‘pulled’ her.

We went on exactly 1 date to the Cinema, we saw a ‘Saw’ film, it was crap.

Neither of us had any money – she was a student and had a little boy, I was still unemployed so I used to go over hers for a takeaway and watch TV once a week, then it was twice a week.

We’re not alike in many ways, we like different things but we never argue, we’ve had maybe 3 or 4 arguments in 8 years now.

We were living together within a year, the 3 of us went on a long weekend break as a trial run and I never left.

We got engaged after 2 years. I didn’t really see the point, she did. I didn’t and don’t really see the point of marriage and expected a looooong engagement – we were married the following Summer.

We had another kid a year later, I'm equally Dad to both of them.

Happier than I’ve ever been, is life perfect? No, but on balance it’s great.

If I had to look again now, I think I’d find it much easier actually – but then hypothetical things always seem easy to me. I’d find it a lot less stressful and I’d be confident to be completely honest, there is a tendency to ‘sell’ yourself, make out your something really special and basically lie – the illusion doesn’t last long.

I think once you’re past your 20s you’re going to struggle to find someone to love in a Pub or Club, I’m not sure you ever could – most couples I know met through friends of friends, random event or through dating schemes of some type or other.

I’d probably sign up to one of those ones they advertise on the telly that does bowling nights and mundane shit like that – really the hardest part is finding other single people, it’s a rare thing in your 30’s and 40’s. Talk to people like people, not conquests, look past the superficial and try to find someone you can have a laugh with first and foremost, it’s a long shift a relationship.

I found it, but it was one of them pretentious wooden twaddly things, so I re-arranged it to say 'VOLE' instead.

First marriage ended after 5 years (12 years together) when I was 34. That was followed by a couple of years of illadvised horizontal shenanigans, mainly because my head was in a bit of a mess.

Eventually I went on eHarmony, and met the now MrsIHN. We've been together 7 years, married for 3.5.

The greatest irony of all is that, as most married people will agree, once you're married and have a bit of maturity and self-confidence you are quite happy to waltz up to just about anybody and start chatting. If the worst happened to Mrs Gti I don't think I'd have any trouble in finding somebody else once I was ready for it. There is however the danger of ending up with some nutter, as a cycling pal of mine discovered when he started dating a woman he met through Fitness Singles.

Met Mrs Marin when I was 40 out biking with group of friends.Heard her say been to see same Spanish punky reggae band week before that I had. Hello in a Terry Thomas style.
Get online and have a laugh I'd say. If you can't make each other laugh you're doomed.

You just need survival instincts, once you've mastered the lair, then capture, it's just the eating left.

globalti - Member

The greatest irony of all is that, as most married people will agree, once you're married and have a bit of maturity and self-confidence you are quite happy to waltz up to just about anybody and start chatting. If the worst happened to Mrs Gti I don't think I'd have any trouble in finding somebody else once I was ready for it. There is however the danger of ending up with some nutter, as a cycling pal of mine discovered when he started dating a woman he met through Fitness Singles.

Whilst I agree, I really couldnt be arsed to go through it all again. I'd happily live as a batchelor surrounded by gadgets and bikes, hoping to lazily establish a friend with benefits.

36 - I've given up

I'm besotted with my wife. She can be a complete dick on occasion but so I can and I can't imagine my life without her. We're very different in some ways in a yaing/yang type where we compliment each other. We share a sense of humour and that's the most important thing.

We met fairly young (I was married at 24). I'd only had one (maybe 2, it depends on the definition) meaningful relationship before that. I went home to my student house after our first kiss and told my housemates I was going to marry her one day.

once you're married and have a bit of maturity and self-confidence you are quite happy to waltz up to just about anybody and start chatting.

I couldn't agree with this more. I've never even really flirted let alone anything worse since meeting my wife. I've thought on several occasions though that women were much harder to talk to when I was single.

Roses are red
Violets are blue
I've got a knife
Get in the van

Met my other half in Kathmandu age 32, love at first sight really.

Only problem was she was married, but them i'm a bit of a bounder, alls fair in love and war.

Is she a sherpani?

You are Mad Carew and I claim my five [s]pounds.[/s] rupees.

I didn't know it at the time, but the best thing I did for my love life was go see Jedi at uk bike skills....

To elaborate, he adds customers on as a friend on FB after the event to share your ride photos and videos etc. I was perusing tinder one day and got a match with a young lady, we went on a few dates, one thing led to a lot of other things and we've been together just short of a year. How this relates to Jedi is that she had also been on a skills day, so we had a mutual friend, (tinder takes a bit of info from your FB account, if you let it) meaning she thought that if Jedi was mates with me, I can't be all bad, so she swiped right.

So err, go on a skills day?

I'd happily live as a batchelor surrounded by gadgets and bikes, hoping to lazily establish a friend with benefits.

You've described my life there. I thought I'd got the FWB sorted but she thought we were more than that and it got a bit messy so it's bikes only for a while until that all blows over.

[i]I'd happily live as a batchelor surrounded by gadgets and bikes, hoping to lazily establish a friend with benefits.[/i]

8)

I'm way out of dating practice but I was sent this the other day by way of warning of the dangers of dating.

https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/5mx0u6/gentlemen_whats_an_absolute_nono_for_a_girl_to_do/

Who thinks Chad is a hero?

I don't think I wanna know what type of gadgets.

To the OP, you just have to go MTBing these days to meet women, there's loads of them at it.

To the OP, you just have to go MTBing these days to meet women, there's loads of them at it.

Whatever you do, don't tell the the Internet you're doing it, you disgusting sexist, chauvinistic mysoginist.

They'll. Go. Mental.

recently did the on line thing, and signed up to Guardian Soulmates and Match...

so, Match.com...spent an evening writing messages and notes and firing them off...no replies, not a jot! 😆 I think my error was to have my search to narrow, so I re-did it this time, looking at women who didn't necessarily breathe air, or have any pulse...so creatures of the un-dead basically, and repeated the process, got some replies this time, One was a picture...was has been seen cannot be unseen...it was tricky to work out where the sofa ended and the "woman" (and I'm using the term loosely) began, and the other was a green ink (literally) email telling me that "All Men Are Bastards"...I think she may have been stood up, made to pay for her own tea? who knows?

Guardian Soulmates - at least they could string a sentence together! and unbelievably, met a Canadian! from Vancouver! lucky lucky

It does happen, but only if you want it to, and take action about it!

She was in one of the pubs I used to go in after work, just happened to sit next to her.

Together for 12 years, married for 2 (no point in rushing into these things).

So, go to your favourite pub, get absolutely trollied and try your luck.

Worked for me.
🙂

My old life ran from 18 to 38, since then I've dabbled like a kid left in a sweet shop trying all the flavours.but then got bored and took things a bit more seriously, met my current GF at age 40 & have never been happier. Infact i didn't know what happy was until i met her, as gushy as that sounds.

Yes, there is hope. Just don't take it too seriously, join night school or groups to find like minded people and let things happen naturally. It'll never happen if you sit at home feeling sorry for yourself

Best of luck

Cheers all, I'm forty in march, so with no kids it feels like life has slipped through my fingers a little bit. Not helped by half my friends on Facebook posting how great it feels to be surrounded by their significant others and not being out and about. All I wanted was to be spending Nye in with the ex and her little boy, not out in the pub to stop me going crazy at home.

First met my wonderful wife as colleagues/friends when 45 stayed in touch as she was in NY and me in Singapore, arranged to meet again in 2012 and started dating. Married in 2015 (52yo) and have never ever been happier (married before and 3 great kids).

EDIT: there are lots of single people of all ages, some never married or with long term partners others who have moved on from earlier relationships. Good mate moved in with a girl for the first time ever at 52, he's getting married this year. She's a little younger but similar story, never lived with anyone before.

40 is fine, you're able to meet someone from 30-45 ?

I met mr pea when I was 41

Fabswingers.com

concur with a lot said here.

Being a normal bloke gets you a very long way. I was on plenty of fish and didn't really initiate any chats and was able to be pretty choosy. But it's same other way, finding a reasonably sane woman who hasn't been totally destroyed by a soulless marriage/**** is a task post-40.

But at 44 I've discovered absolute happiness I never knew existed with the most humble, kind, caring, intelligent, talented, considerate, person I've ever met. It's like we share the same mind, I'm blown away by it.
I also think 'most' people settle. I did, I thought 'is this it?' a life of drudgery in a joyless marriage because that's the life as decreed and designed by the society I was born into. Turns out I was very wrong.
But I know many others in that situation.

I found it, but it was one of them pretentious wooden twaddly things, so I re-arranged it to say 'VOLE' instead.

Ok I've just gone through this. I'm 45.

Met on POF after 1 or 2 dates with other people, previous relation ship was 19 years.

She is 44, 2 kids one 21 and one 3 and the last 2 months has been ****ing brilliant, she is very chilled we love the same music, camping, outdoors stuff, I always wanted to be a dad now I've the cutest 3 year old to spoil rotten, get on well with the 21 year old also, although she has her own life bf etc.. not at home at weekends.

I swear I cannot remember the last time I was so happy.

And we just get on! we both put cards on the table from word go so we both knew what each other wanted and its working very well indeed!
I think at this age no one wants the bullshit so if you both honest and up front things go very well.

One of my wife's school friends is getting married this year. She's 46. He's 28 years older. Met through a mutual interest in music a couple of years ago, moved in together last year. First cohabiting relationship for both of them.

They are a lovely couple, well suited to each other. Though the devil in me would like to ask her what first attracted her to the millionaire philanthropist a la Mrs Merton.

Are there oldies on tinder? I'd always assumed it was for young-uns.

LPSG.com

married early 30's divorced late 30's.
Met my good lady (basically on here) and frankly life is now how it should be.
We now live in the peak district, ride bikes and laugh...

I'm far far better off than i was..!

I'm with Houns. (well, figuratively anyway)

That's 2 rohypoccinos to go? 😉

I've been here too long.

I bought Mrs Ulysse on a trip to Bangkok

44 here and given up

Mister P - Member

You've described my life there. I thought I'd got the FWB sorted but she thought we were more than that and it got a bit messy so it's bikes only for a while until that all blows over.

At least you found your way to the correct decision. 😉

A friend of mine has met some lovely blokes on grindr.

My mother's story.

She was born in Jamaica during the ‘good times’ prior to WW2. She had an incredibly privileged upbringing and met my father in her late teens/ very early twenties whilst she was moving in the very privileged circle; she talked of the Kennedys and others whom I only knew by Christian names but now, years later I understand that they really were movers and shakers. Politicians, filmstars, sportsmen (my ‘god brother’ is on telly even as we speak, he broke a special record in Oxford at the Iffley Rd track in 1953). One day, possibly whilst swimming in Kingston Harbour she met a nice young man. She an Establishment landowner's daughter, he a doctor's son. Time passed and eventually, lo and behold I was born in Jamaica. Three years later in the UK, my brother arrived too. Everything seemed well and good.
My father had returned to the UK with his job and eventually the rest of the family followed. But then he met somebody else. Understandably my mother was devastated. She went around to visit 'the other woman' but she was not home. However her husband was, so they talked.
As months went by my mother and he realised that they were more than fond of each other and they eventually married. They were totally and wholly besotted with each other. She was a divorcee, one who on paper at least was the wrong doer (having been persuaded that it would be best to admit some non-existent fault), whilst he was a very talented industrial chemist.
And what a guy he was. Immensely intelligent, massively knowledgeable and just so understanding. So obviously I rebelled against him and resented him because he wasn't my real dad, even though my father did very little for me at all. I was horrid towards him.
He and my mother had a daughter, my sister. And then our fantastically, wonderful life fell to pieces when he developed a brain tumour. He lost his job (does anyone here remember the horrors at 'Summerland' on the Isle of Man? After the disaster he became MD at the plastics company that was involved). My mother nursed him to the end. It wasn't at all nice and to this day I love, respect and admire the way she managed to deal with a dying husband, three horrible children and run a village shop and Post Office, all at the same time. She did all of them pretty blummin well too.
Sometime after his death, once I had grown up a bit and started to realise just what he had done for me (loved, raised and educated me for a start) my mother decided to commission a commemorative prize in his name, to be given to the best younger science pupil in the school that I work in.
When she died her three children scattered her ashes with his in Little Marlow churchyard. And then we had a drink to them.
Sonia and Martin Dawson loved each other so much. Nowadays I recognise just how deep this love was. I'm a lucky bloke.

really the hardest part is finding other single people, it’s a rare thing in your 30’s and 40’s.

I was 40 when I met my Missus
She's was 30 at the time and is Norwegian and we met in a bar in Zurich (where I was living at the time and she was visiting for a weekend break)
She checked my teeth, kicked my legs and made sure everything seemed to be working and that was that. 12 months later I had moved to Norway. That was 10 yr ago and am still here

Even rarer after you hit 60. I'm past caring now, I've been on my own for far too long really.

The same thing happened to my dad...

He and my mum got divorced when I was 18 (so about 24 years ago) and, apart from a couple of GFs early on, he spent most of the time on his own working. I think he just enjoyed being on his own towards the end and, in some ways, didn't really want to put another woman through having to share his life when his back got fused and he developed cancer.

I'm not sure how much he wanted to be on his own, but he seemed comfortable with his choice.

Are there oldies on tinder? I'd always assumed it was for young-uns.

My mate aged 53 split up with his misses last year & met his current beau on there.
Age 55 I might get 'tinder curious myself' 😆

muppetWrangler -
Are there oldies on tinder? I'd always assumed it was for young-uns.

There are a fair few using it as a 'normal' dating app.

Can't see me living with anybody else again. Seems to be the best way to get to despise someone, or just get bored with them. Financially it makes sense, of course, but for sanity's sake I'll probably live alone until I'm a gonner.