PS: My farts don’t stink, fortunately.

What? No, they don’t I tell you…

Erm, when your bowels are pretty full and you fart, it will stink regardless! When they’re empty it’s much more likely it won’t stink.

The “Dutch Oven” was a joke, not ever done it nor would I wish to! Have accidentally let rip in my sleep and woke myself up with the smell indeed, but would never intentionally subject anyone to anything of the sort!

Posted 12 years ago

when your bowels are pretty full and you fart, it will stink regardless!

Not with me, it won’t. Trust me.

Have accidentally let rip in my sleep and woke myself up with the smell

I am genuinely quite disturbed by that. Some of you lot should seek medical attention, immediately.

All this talk of abhorrent flatulence, infected rings and dirty bottoms; it really is quite worrying… 😯

Posted 12 years ago

You want to have the issue of wind when you are in the mountains, wearing salopettes and waterproof jacket then letting rip is not good the only way out is via the neck hole. Its particularly bad if the hood is up too

Posted 12 years ago

Don’t worry, Aleigh; as I know you are a lady, and as such, finds male flatulence neither amusing nor attractive, I shall be mindful to clench, when in your gracious presence.

As all Gentlemen should. Sadly, My Dear, most men are naught but vulgar and disgusting beasts.

Posted 12 years ago

i do find it funny but not the dutch over technique 😉

Posted 12 years ago

As all Gentlemen should. Sadly, My Dear, most men are naught but vulgar and disgusting beasts.

Absolutely, but only when appropriate (which is most of the time to be fair)

Posted 12 years ago

still chuckling at the emptying a carriage tail. good work.

Posted 12 years ago

still chuckling at the emptying a carriage tail. good work.

Thanks, still one of my proudest achievements to date..chemical warfare at it’s best

Posted 12 years ago

Address tae a fart

Oh what a sleekit horrible beastie
Lurks in yer belly efter the feastie
As ye sit doon amongst yer kin
There sterts tae stir an enormous win’

The neeps an’ tatties an’ mushy peas
Stert workin’ like a gentle breeze
But soon the puddin’ wi’ the sonsie face
Will have ye blawin’ a’ ower the place.

Nae matter whit the hell ye dae
A’body’s gonnae hae tae pay
Even if ye try tae stifle
It’s like a bullet oot o’ a rifle

Haud yer bum tight tae the chair
Tae try an’ stop the leakin’ air
Shift yersel fae cheek tae cheek
Pray tae God it disnae reek.

But aw yer efforts gan asunder
Oot it comes like a clap o’ thunder
Ricochets aroon’ the room
Michty me! A sonic boom

God Almichty, it fairly reeks!
Hope I huvnae s**t ma breeks!
Tae the bog ah’d better scurry,
Ach, whit the hell, it’s no ma worry.

A’body roon aboot me chokin’
Yin or twa were nearly boakin’
I’ll feel better for a while
Cannae help but raise a smile.

Wis him! I shout with accusin’ glower,
Alas! Too late! He’s just keeled ower
Ye dirty bugger, they shout and stare
A didnae feel welcome ony mair

Where e’r ye be let yer wind gan free
Sounds like just the job for me
Whit a fuss at Rabbie’s party
Ower the sake o’ one wee farty.

Posted 12 years ago

Ah, Rabbie Burns would be proud of that one. Needs reciting over a good haggis and the subsequent dutch oven on sunday!

In seriousness though, diet is a major factor and so is excercise. Some people have slight dairy or gluten intolerances so even if you have an average diet then cereal and milk for breks or bread and pasta will do the job for some.

I do appreciate a good loud guff, but the constant silent violent badboys are not so funny – i’m unfortunately afflicted. For me less gluten and a daily job seem to make a difference.

And yes where do the people appear from, only to complain about the smell…? Why do they do it again and again? Thought they would have got the idea by now.

Impressed about being woken up by your own smell though – that’s a good effort mboy!

Posted 12 years ago

and by job, i mean jog…worth clearing up!

Posted 12 years ago

back to this one – whole bag of dried apple rings from Julian Graves yesterday = particularly sulphurous smelling ones. Interesting.

And I’d also like to pass on another euphemism for the Dutch Oven. AKA the ‘Hugo Boss’ – your fragrance, your rules.

Posted 12 years ago

This thread is still rumbling on then…

Posted 12 years ago

auldy- I LOLed!

In fact, I LOLed so much, I almost shat! 😯

Posted 12 years ago

how vile 😯

Posted 12 years ago

You say that, Aleigh, but then you came and read this thread!

How was Spain? You all nice and brown?

Posted 12 years ago

It was very good thanks. Drank a bit too much at times but otherwise behaved like a good young lady 😉 I do have a nice tan but was accused of it being fake yesterday! Like I’d do that 🙄

Posted 12 years ago

white bits?

Posted 12 years ago

Drank a bit too much at times but otherwise behaved like a good young lady

PPPPFFFFFFFFTTTTTTTT!

Yeah, right!

Posted 12 years ago

I just ate a lovely egg mayo sarnie and am sharing an office with two others wotht he heating on. I’m not going home ’til I make some eyes water…

Posted 12 years ago

white bits?

Yeah – and NO there won’t be any pics!

I have you know Mr RudeBoy I am a very respectable young lady who would not give herself a bad name 😆

Posted 12 years ago