- Excessive farting…
PS: My farts don’t stink, fortunately.
What? No, they don’t I tell you…
Erm, when your bowels are pretty full and you fart, it will stink regardless! When they’re empty it’s much more likely it won’t stink.
The “Dutch Oven” was a joke, not ever done it nor would I wish to! Have accidentally let rip in my sleep and woke myself up with the smell indeed, but would never intentionally subject anyone to anything of the sort!Posted 9 years ago
when your bowels are pretty full and you fart, it will stink regardless!
Not with me, it won’t. Trust me.
Have accidentally let rip in my sleep and woke myself up with the smell
I am genuinely quite disturbed by that. Some of you lot should seek medical attention, immediately.
All this talk of abhorrent flatulence, infected rings and dirty bottoms; it really is quite worrying… 😯Posted 9 years ago
Don’t worry, Aleigh; as I know you are a lady, and as such, finds male flatulence neither amusing nor attractive, I shall be mindful to clench, when in your gracious presence.
As all Gentlemen should. Sadly, My Dear, most men are naught but vulgar and disgusting beasts.Posted 9 years agoauldyMember
Address tae a fart
Oh what a sleekit horrible beastie
Lurks in yer belly efter the feastie
As ye sit doon amongst yer kin
There sterts tae stir an enormous win’
The neeps an’ tatties an’ mushy peas
Stert workin’ like a gentle breeze
But soon the puddin’ wi’ the sonsie face
Will have ye blawin’ a’ ower the place.
Nae matter whit the hell ye dae
A’body’s gonnae hae tae pay
Even if ye try tae stifle
It’s like a bullet oot o’ a rifle
Haud yer bum tight tae the chair
Tae try an’ stop the leakin’ air
Shift yersel fae cheek tae cheek
Pray tae God it disnae reek.
But aw yer efforts gan asunder
Oot it comes like a clap o’ thunder
Ricochets aroon’ the room
Michty me! A sonic boom
God Almichty, it fairly reeks!
Hope I huvnae s**t ma breeks!
Tae the bog ah’d better scurry,
Ach, whit the hell, it’s no ma worry.
A’body roon aboot me chokin’
Yin or twa were nearly boakin’
I’ll feel better for a while
Cannae help but raise a smile.
Wis him! I shout with accusin’ glower,
Alas! Too late! He’s just keeled ower
Ye dirty bugger, they shout and stare
A didnae feel welcome ony mair
Where e’r ye be let yer wind gan freePosted 9 years ago
Sounds like just the job for me
Whit a fuss at Rabbie’s party
Ower the sake o’ one wee farty.petesamMember
Ah, Rabbie Burns would be proud of that one. Needs reciting over a good haggis and the subsequent dutch oven on sunday!
In seriousness though, diet is a major factor and so is excercise. Some people have slight dairy or gluten intolerances so even if you have an average diet then cereal and milk for breks or bread and pasta will do the job for some.
I do appreciate a good loud guff, but the constant silent violent badboys are not so funny – i’m unfortunately afflicted. For me less gluten and a daily job seem to make a difference.
And yes where do the people appear from, only to complain about the smell…? Why do they do it again and again? Thought they would have got the idea by now.
Impressed about being woken up by your own smell though – that’s a good effort mboy!Posted 9 years ago
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