Viewing 21 posts - 41 through 61 (of 61 total)
  • Excessive farting…
  • Premier Icon mboy
    Free Member

    PS: My farts don’t stink, fortunately.

    What? No, they don’t I tell you…

    Erm, when your bowels are pretty full and you fart, it will stink regardless! When they’re empty it’s much more likely it won’t stink.

    The “Dutch Oven” was a joke, not ever done it nor would I wish to! Have accidentally let rip in my sleep and woke myself up with the smell indeed, but would never intentionally subject anyone to anything of the sort!

    Premier Icon RudeBoy
    Free Member

    when your bowels are pretty full and you fart, it will stink regardless!

    Not with me, it won’t. Trust me.

    Have accidentally let rip in my sleep and woke myself up with the smell

    I am genuinely quite disturbed by that. Some of you lot should seek medical attention, immediately.

    All this talk of abhorrent flatulence, infected rings and dirty bottoms; it really is quite worrying… 😯

    Premier Icon grahamt1980
    Full Member

    You want to have the issue of wind when you are in the mountains, wearing salopettes and waterproof jacket then letting rip is not good the only way out is via the neck hole. Its particularly bad if the hood is up too

    Premier Icon RudeBoy
    Free Member

    Don’t worry, Aleigh; as I know you are a lady, and as such, finds male flatulence neither amusing nor attractive, I shall be mindful to clench, when in your gracious presence.

    As all Gentlemen should. Sadly, My Dear, most men are naught but vulgar and disgusting beasts.

    Premier Icon aleigh
    Free Member

    i do find it funny but not the dutch over technique πŸ˜‰

    Premier Icon grahamt1980
    Full Member

    As all Gentlemen should. Sadly, My Dear, most men are naught but vulgar and disgusting beasts.

    Absolutely, but only when appropriate (which is most of the time to be fair)

    Premier Icon Del
    Full Member

    still chuckling at the emptying a carriage tail. good work.

    Premier Icon enfht
    Free Member

    still chuckling at the emptying a carriage tail. good work.

    Thanks, still one of my proudest achievements to date..chemical warfare at it’s best

    Premier Icon auldy
    Free Member

    Address tae a fart

    Oh what a sleekit horrible beastie
    Lurks in yer belly efter the feastie
    As ye sit doon amongst yer kin
    There sterts tae stir an enormous win’

    The neeps an’ tatties an’ mushy peas
    Stert workin’ like a gentle breeze
    But soon the puddin’ wi’ the sonsie face
    Will have ye blawin’ a’ ower the place.

    Nae matter whit the hell ye dae
    A’body’s gonnae hae tae pay
    Even if ye try tae stifle
    It’s like a bullet oot o’ a rifle

    Haud yer bum tight tae the chair
    Tae try an’ stop the leakin’ air
    Shift yersel fae cheek tae cheek
    Pray tae God it disnae reek.

    But aw yer efforts gan asunder
    Oot it comes like a clap o’ thunder
    Ricochets aroon’ the room
    Michty me! A sonic boom

    God Almichty, it fairly reeks!
    Hope I huvnae s**t ma breeks!
    Tae the bog ah’d better scurry,
    Ach, whit the hell, it’s no ma worry.

    A’body roon aboot me chokin’
    Yin or twa were nearly boakin’
    I’ll feel better for a while
    Cannae help but raise a smile.

    Wis him! I shout with accusin’ glower,
    Alas! Too late! He’s just keeled ower
    Ye dirty bugger, they shout and stare
    A didnae feel welcome ony mair

    Where e’r ye be let yer wind gan free
    Sounds like just the job for me
    Whit a fuss at Rabbie’s party
    Ower the sake o’ one wee farty.

    Premier Icon petesam
    Free Member

    Ah, Rabbie Burns would be proud of that one. Needs reciting over a good haggis and the subsequent dutch oven on sunday!

    In seriousness though, diet is a major factor and so is excercise. Some people have slight dairy or gluten intolerances so even if you have an average diet then cereal and milk for breks or bread and pasta will do the job for some.

    I do appreciate a good loud guff, but the constant silent violent badboys are not so funny – i’m unfortunately afflicted. For me less gluten and a daily job seem to make a difference.

    And yes where do the people appear from, only to complain about the smell…? Why do they do it again and again? Thought they would have got the idea by now.

    Impressed about being woken up by your own smell though – that’s a good effort mboy!

    Premier Icon petesam
    Free Member

    and by job, i mean jog…worth clearing up!

    Premier Icon theotherjonv
    Full Member

    back to this one – whole bag of dried apple rings from Julian Graves yesterday = particularly sulphurous smelling ones. Interesting.

    And I’d also like to pass on another euphemism for the Dutch Oven. AKA the ‘Hugo Boss’ – your fragrance, your rules.

    Premier Icon woodsman
    Free Member

    This thread is still rumbling on then…

    Premier Icon RudeBoy
    Free Member

    auldy- I LOLed!

    In fact, I LOLed so much, I almost shat! 😯

    Premier Icon aleigh
    Free Member

    how vile 😯

    Premier Icon RudeBoy
    Free Member

    You say that, Aleigh, but then you came and read this thread!

    How was Spain? You all nice and brown?

    Premier Icon aleigh
    Free Member

    It was very good thanks. Drank a bit too much at times but otherwise behaved like a good young lady πŸ˜‰ I do have a nice tan but was accused of it being fake yesterday! Like I’d do that πŸ™„

    Premier Icon jimmy
    Full Member

    white bits?

    Premier Icon RudeBoy
    Free Member

    Drank a bit too much at times but otherwise behaved like a good young lady

    PPPPFFFFFFFFTTTTTTTT!

    Yeah, right!

    Premier Icon Taff
    Free Member

    I just ate a lovely egg mayo sarnie and am sharing an office with two others wotht he heating on. I’m not going home ’til I make some eyes water…

    Premier Icon aleigh
    Free Member

    white bits?

    Yeah – and NO there won’t be any pics!

    I have you know Mr RudeBoy I am a very respectable young lady who would not give herself a bad name πŸ˜†

Viewing 21 posts - 41 through 61 (of 61 total)

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