Viewing 40 posts - 1 through 40 (of 61 total)
  • Excessive farting…
  • Premier Icon jimmy
    Full Member

    I’ve always farted a lot, occasionally it stinks real bad (by admission of mates). But recently its ALL the time, constant and really smelly to the point where its getting embarrassing as it can’t be kept in forever.

    How do you stop yourself smelling like a dead badger? My diet is on the healthy side of normal but nothing in particular seems to set me off, just everything.

    Premier Icon grahamt1980
    Full Member

    No such thing as farting too much, the only rescue is a cork but then you have to worry about shooting people

    Premier Icon wors
    Full Member

    I’m a bit like that today, but 8 pints of john smiths and plenty of garlic last night is probably to blame!

    Premier Icon kaiser
    Free Member

    when i was in nepal i ate a garlic onion and cheese roll. No jokin, 30 mins later for the next 6 hrs I produced either a huge fart or massive belch at least every 30 seconds!God knows what was going on! I believe you can buy a carbon filter for your underwear if you are that desperate/smelly!!!

    Premier Icon ernie_lynch
    Free Member

    What I want to know isn’t the causes of farting, but why do people appear to come from nowhere, every time I fart.

    Supermarket, library, workplace, makes no difference – whenever I feel it’s save to let one slip cause there’s no one around, all of a sudden everyone wants to stand next to me.

    What the **** is all that about ❓

    Premier Icon grahamt1980
    Full Member

    Carbon underwear see the link

    Premier Icon carlphillips
    Free Member

    im like you jimmy, but nowadays unless im working in clinic i just let rip.

    Premier Icon willard
    Full Member

    Hold on, you’re a bloke… That means it is _impossible_ to fart too much.

    If people are getting bored of it, just learn how to fart in a more musical tone, or practice lighting them. That’s got to be good for a few laughs!

    (tip: Always wear boxers or shorts or something when lighting farts. Never try it commando)

    Premier Icon kingkongsfinger
    Free Member

    If you fart bad now, try SIS Rego after a bike ride followed by beans and egg on toast. Hours of entertainment for all the family. πŸ˜†

    Premier Icon mije
    Full Member

    i had this once and, despite all of the above merriment, its not that funny when you are in important meetings, on the tube etc. the cause, i’m pretty sure, was a v stressful job (so it kind of served them right….) cos when you are stressed it messes up your digestion, and when you are nervous you swallow air too. you might be the most relaxed person on earth. just trying to help.

    now not stressed i’m back to the happy medium of power farts for laughs, but not overwhelmed….

    Premier Icon binners
    Full Member

    You need to turn it into something more positive. Everyone finds farting funny. FACT!!!! So you need to do the whole comedy, cocking your leg up, then letting rip like a huge german anti-tank gun

    Premier Icon woodsman
    Free Member

    it has been said that I too fart too much! I don’t agree of course I’m just normal!!

    Healthy food = big bottom noise} FACT

    Premier Icon RudeBoy
    Free Member

    Healthy food = big bottom noise} FACT

    Not fact. Excess Farting = excess gas in guts, caused by diet/stomach problems etc. A few trumps a day is normal; loads of really smelly ones probably isn’t.

    Mind, I’ve known some veggies to stink to high heaven. Loads of beans and lentils- high sulphur content or something.

    If it’s really bad, I’d get down the docs. Make a not of what you’re eating, too, as the key is probably in there.

    Premier Icon hora
    Free Member

    jimmy. I excessive farted due to a reaction to pork sausages/bacon (additive?). Anyway, cut this out and I hardly ever trumpet now. Kinda miss it mind πŸ™

    If you far alot, its not good. You need to change your diet/balance.

    Premier Icon NorthShaun
    Free Member

    Pro-biotic yoghurts seem to do it for me!

    Premier Icon Taff
    Free Member

    Nothing wrong with farting. Keeps the bed warm and putting the duvet over the mrs head and letting rip makes her get her arse out of bed and into the shower so as not to be late for work.. erm.. or so ‘they’ tell me!

    I eat a lot of veg and sprouts are not just for Christmas, I’m farting a lot at the moment but my diets not chaged

    Premier Icon easygirl
    Full Member

    worst thing i ever ate was dried apricots, the soft variety. got a big bag with the intention of making them last all week.
    got bored at work and ate the lot
    christ i fell asleep farting and belching, you could hear my insides bubbling, very funny now, but not at the time

    Premier Icon hora
    Free Member

    Have you seen my thread on my Japanese Tractor? Have you looked at your feet balancing and had a engine-flush recently?

    Premier Icon enfht
    Free Member

    Is it “normal” to “like” the smell of your own farts?

    “Like” as in not wanting to vomit.. and a having mild sense of pride !

    Premier Icon Taff
    Free Member

    Nothjing wrong with smelling your own brand and guessing what food it was that you ate… πŸ˜†

    Premier Icon mrmichaelwright
    Free Member

    Garlic Chilli chicken with a side of sag bhaji and preceded by a sheesh kebab with onion salad, and pops with onion salad

    my claim to fame is that after the above combination i made a couple of japanese tourists actually wretch and then run away outside a hotel in Stratford 8)

    apparently some people just produce more sulphur (the smelly bit of farts) in their guts than others, nowt you can do about it

    Premier Icon wwaswas
    Full Member

    farts are like children – people only like their own.

    Premier Icon PeterPoddy
    Free Member

    Only one thing is certain:

    Trumps make great threads!
    πŸ˜€

    Premier Icon bigsi
    Free Member

    If it just the fact that they smell and are not really audable then i would suggest getting a dog to blame it on. It works wonders unless, like in my case, you get the blame for the mutt farting as well πŸ™„

    Premier Icon enfht
    Free Member

    I smashed my ribs in a carting accident a few years back, nothing broken but couldnt shift the chest pain for ages, so thouight I’d try out the new Chinese herbalist nearby. Long story short, the herbs worked but gave me evil smelling farts, so bad one collegue complained it burnt her nostrils, and I can proudly say I honestly emptied an entire train carriage with just one guff!!! I didnt stop laughing for days

    Premier Icon RudeBoy
    Free Member

    I tell you what, though; I seem to have become suddenly afflicted with a particularly lively bout of wind. Think it might be those frankfurters I had for lunch… 😯

    Premier Icon willard
    Full Member

    Ah yes, dried apricots… I ate a pound of them once and nearly had to head to A&E to beg for them to get rid of my cholic. Luckily a few hours lying in bed (with Richter Scale 8 farts) sorted it.

    Proudest moment of my life so far? Making my ex-wife retch one morning with a perfectly time guff. It didn’t help that I was laughing lots at the time. Did I mention she’s now my ex-wife?

    Premier Icon mrchrispy
    Full Member

    lol @ binners
    >Everyone finds farting funny. FACT!!!!
    >So you need to do the whole comedy, cocking your leg up, then letting rip like a huge german anti-tank gun

    Premier Icon mboy
    Free Member

    As RudeBoy said further up, you’re probably having a bad reaction to something in your diet.

    Yes, we fart, it’s natural, sometimes more, sometimes less. But if it’s all the time and they’re always smelly, despite a healthy diet, it is probably something you eat that you’re having a bad reaction too. For instance, I saw a dietician and it turns out that whilst I love brown bread, I shouldn’t eat too much as it disturbs my gut!

    Premier Icon theotherjonv
    Full Member

    2nd night of honeymoon the wife and I ate out at the ‘Stinking Rose’ garlic restaurant in SanFran.

    We shared roasted garlic bulbs as a starter, I had garlic meatloaf and she had garlic tiger prawns as main, garlic ice cream to finish. garlic beer to wash it down.

    The paint was peeling on the walls of our hotel room the next morning.

    Premier Icon jimmy
    Full Member

    Everyone finds farting funny. FACT!!!!

    Don’t get me wrong, I love farting and it makes me laugh. But the curry and garlic kind of farts which you speak of, while awful, are mid-range for me. They’re wind over shit. I was up a Monro over Christmas in 50mph winds and dropping them so dense and vile the SO was still wincing. Thats how bad it can be, and while she says she doesn’t mind it kind of embarrassing when I wake myself up with the smell most nights (has coincided with her starting snoring!)

    Premier Icon aleigh
    Free Member

    i think excessive farting is a bloke thing………. πŸ˜†

    you all just stink and love to share them with the person laying next to you in bed by wafting the duvet cover over their head and then trapping them!

    another reminder of why it’s good to be single πŸ˜‰

    Premier Icon BillMC
    Full Member

    This had made me laugh continuously for 5 minutes. Thank you kindly for sharing cholic capers.

    Premier Icon mboy
    Free Member

    aleigh – Member

    i think excessive farting is a bloke thing………. [:lol:]

    you all just stink and love to share them with the person laying next to you in bed by wafting the duvet cover over their head and then trapping them!

    another reminder of why it’s good to be single [:wink:]

    Ah the much touted “Dutch Oven” technique, always a winner πŸ˜‰

    Premier Icon aleigh
    Free Member

    how vile 😯

    Premier Icon grahamt1980
    Full Member

    My personal favorite is the pull my finger trick, swiftly followed by a multi tonal fanfare.
    Even better was that someone fell for it twice in succession

    Premier Icon jimmy
    Full Member

    The pull my finger trick, well executed by Michael Caine in Children of Men with the neccessary childish giggle πŸ™‚

    Premier Icon RudeBoy
    Free Member

    *waves at Aleigh who’s come back from her hols!*

    Think you’re right re the blokey thing, although I do/have know/n one or two ‘Ladies who trump’. I’m not impressed. And don’t see why any lady would be! On the rare occasions I am in the close company of a young lady, I try my best not to fart. It’s just not gentlemanly! Mind, I did grow up in a Muslim household, where farting is very much frowned upon, as it is seen as ‘unclean’ (if you do fart, you are expected to wash properly, before praying). Call it weird if you like, just a different culture.

    Having said that, I have happily let rip in the company of some close female friends, but it depends on how they react to it. I wouldn’t do it in earshot of someone who I knew wouldn’t appreciate it. ‘Do to others’ and all that.

    As for a ‘Dutch Oven, well, if you’re prepared to suffer it yourself, and you have an understanding partner, then that’s your call. Not very nice for the victim though, is it?

    Got to admit I too am a little boy at heart. It is **** funny, sometimes… πŸ˜†

    PS: My farts don’t stink, fortunately.

    What? No, they don’t I tell you…

    Premier Icon aleigh
    Free Member

    *waves at rudeboy*

    as i am you’re friend, do not get any ideas about sharing ‘smells’ πŸ˜†

Viewing 40 posts - 1 through 40 (of 61 total)

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