England Jokes…

When asked if he would be going with a 442, Fabio Capello replied, 'No. We'll be going with a 747. Better seats and more leg room'.

Har-de-har.

Also

Q: What do you call an Englishman in the knockout stages of the World Cup?
A: A Referee.

Q: Why was Fabio Capello speeding?
A: To get three points.

Q: Why aren't the England football team allowed to own a dog?
A: Because they can't hold on to a lead.

Q: What's the difference between the England team and a tea-bag?
A: The tea-bag stays in the cup longer.

Q: Why do the English make better lovers than the Germans?
A: Because English are the only one's who can stay on top for 45 minutes and still come second.

Q: What's the difference between O J Simpson and England?
A: O J Simpson had a more credible defence.

Oxo were going to bring out a Euro 2004 Commemorative cube painted red, white and blue in honour of the England squad. But it was a laughing stock and crumbled in the box.

Fabio Capello was wheeling his shopping trolley across the supermarket car park when he noticed an old lady struggling with her bags of shopping. He stopped and asked, "Can you manage dear?" To which the old lady replied, "No way. You got yourself into this mess, don't ask me to sort it out!"

Apparently that fan had no trouble slipping into the England dressing room – Robert Green was guarding the door.

Osama bin Laden has just released a new TV message to prove he is still alive. He said that the England Team performance against Germany was completely s**t. British intelligence have dismissed the claim, stating that the message could have been recorded anytime in the last 44 years.

The England team went to visit an orphanage in South Africa this morning, "It's so good to put a smile on the faces of people with no hope, constantly struggling, and facing the impossible" said Jamal Omboto, aged 6.

Robert Green – The only man to leave Africa with out catching anything.

😯

Very good. 😆

😆

😀

😆

I love England, and love football…but we deserve all the ridicule we get after today's performance.

I only know 14 England jokes, and it would appear they all played today……

That orphanage joke is fantastic 😆

The England team went to visit an orphanage in South Africa this morning, "It's so good to put a smile on the faces of people with no hope, constantly struggling, and facing the impossible" said Jamal Omboto, aged 6.

😆

RACIST!

I've reported this tread to the mods.

It seems England already have a new coach. It's taking them to the airport as we speak.

Funny. 😆

oh dear, it seems they are still screening those Carlsberg adds,
seem to be in very poor taste now..

Resin42

Well played, there!

🙂

Just to balance things out, here's another joke for you….

http://news.bbc.co.uk/sport1/hi/football/internationals/scotland/2232138.stm

Oh, and 😉 – before you lot choke on your battered mars bar/irn bru/tennants super…..

may have lost the battle but we won the war

Met Office are reporting severe weather warnings for the north of England…flooding will be a problem this evening caused by all of Scotland pi$$ing themselves laughing!

Man goes in to see a dominatrix…how much do you charge for utter humiliation?…£37.50 she says…wow thats cheap, what do I get for that?… Just an England shirt!

neither as good as the orphanage one mind!

Well english jokes are good but nowhere as good as south african ones…
South africa coach to domenech… vuvuzenalez déjà 😀

you crazy French eh?

Good Arthur Smith joke.
"England: good on paper. S**t on grass."

old yes.
Kn0B? don't think so.

If you can't laugh at yourself, well, you can always laugh at England

being a Mighty White fan you get used to your team building your hopes them letting you down ( some thing went wrong last season )

Supporting England is the same sort of thing …

Laugh it off and move on …

😉

MOT

😆

yeah but at the end of the season, LUFC got a good result 🙂

MOT

The England football team are going to change the emblem on their shirts. The Three Lions will now become three tampons to celebrate their worst period in history.

😆

Scottish football…. Now that is funny

I have even heard Scotland fans singing "we're shit and we know it"

I think that is a huge difference. Scotland football fans don't delude themselves they are world beaters.

juan – Member
Well english jokes are good but nowhere as good as south african ones…
South africa coach to domenech… vuvuzenalez déjà

Meh….

Not exactly had the best campaign either tho have you Juan.. 😉

No you missed the point- Scottish football…. its just funny full stop, jeeez

Boy am I glad I'm in Argentina, they're dancing in the streets tonight, it's bloody brilliant.

Only 3 more games to win then it's party time for the rest of the year

WhatWouldJesusRide – Member
Resin42

Well played, there!

Thanks very much, I stole it myself 😀

ha!

if you really cant see the funny side then you should grow up! its not a comparison of scot vs english, its lighthearted..jeez 'bloodynora'

fyi scottish, but fully supported the england team in every wc..

<bit late but..>

SA Police have announced they have a lead on identifying the imposter that made his way into the England dressing room after the game last night. They have narrowed it down to a list of 23 suspects.

A little boy turns up at school today and was asked what his father did at the weekend, the boy stands up and says that his dad is a dancer in a gay bar and makes extra money by carrying out the obvious acts for money.

The teacher is horrified and takes him outside to see what can be done, the little boy says its okay miss my dad is an England defender but i was too ashamed to say that in front of the class.

Osama bin Laden has just released a new TV message to prove he is still alive. He said that the England Team performance against Germany was completely s**t. British intelligence have dismissed the claim, stating that the message could have been recorded anytime in the last 44 years.

Genius.

I wish they had won.

Now we are going to have another year of listening to the glories of 1966… 😥

David Blaine is gutted because his record of doing nothing in a box for 42 days has been broken by Rooney

I have tried to stay on the fence here, love England, like sport (especially playing it), would love them to do better but I am in tears here – final straw was:

anokdale – Member
A little boy turns up at school today and was asked what his father did at the weekend, the boy stands up and says that his dad is a dancer in a gay bar and makes extra money by carrying out the obvious acts for money.

The teacher is horrified and takes him outside to see what can be done, the little boy says its okay miss my dad is an England defender but i was too ashamed to say that in front of the class.