I’m partaking of the Tweedlove Enjoyro in a couple of weeks and recent forum rumblings now have me concerned that there is no official Enjoyro certification for my mud-style bicycle – and particularly that I may suffer a catastrophic bottom-out if I become too rowdy on the loams or over shred a table-berm.

Can anyone confirm how much death I might incur on this event and whether reflectors are mandatory? I will be riding an Apollo Slant with drilled out kickstand for lightness. Thanks

Is it a red-graded trail, and will you be just riding along?

You will definitely die horribly if this is the case.

The warnings state the trails are both red and blue coloured and there are also ‘natural’ bits, which is where I most fear excessive rootiness.

To ensure successful completion to your satisfaction you need to be a bit more vague and evasive, possibly even deliberately misleading, dismissive of replies that don’t fit your foregone conclusion and you have to call at least one moderator a dick.

Depends. Was the marketing material that came with your bike emblazoned with riders “Enjoyring” themselves?

Did you discuss doing this, in depth, with the man from halfords before you bought the bike?

Be careful though, Some manufacturers certainly build bikes which bring joy but others just rebadge soul destroying things as the latest trend based on what tyre size they run, i.e. hybrid bikes as gravel. Does your bike bring you joy, If not maybe it’s better suited to an edullro?

the marketing material for the bicycle showed young people performing wheelies and kerb drops outside a corner shop while consuming sports lifestyle beverages so I assume this means it’s ok for whipping off a sweet air ramp?

 I assume this means it’s ok for whipping off a sweet air ramp?

It’s an Apollo, so it’s actually certified for air-free environments. And massive G-forces and re-entry temperatures.

It’s an Apollo, so it’s actually certified for air-free environmuents. And massive G-forces and re-entry temperatures

Just as well it’s not a challenger though, i hear they also do dodgy rockets that can break spontaneously.

I Enjoyroed last year and lived to tell the tale. I can confirm that I was riding a bicycle and that none of all my wheels left any of the grounds at any point.

I even made the results (under the ‘Click to reveal all pages of the results’ category, which is probably super-special)

I helped build part of the enjoyro route and I’m afraid to say that we designed one section specifically to break Apollo chainstays.

The joke’s on you then northwind

It all depends on whether the enjoyro bike manufacturer has an enjoyro team, and where they stand in the enjoyro world series team standings.

Thats a pretty dialled out roosting weapon right there. Does an Enjoyro bike need the springs to be Enjoyro? Do they help with launching?

That said, I’m pretty re-assured by the comments that my machinery is up to the task but the question is, am I? I’ve been down to the local park to practice the attacking stand, wheel pops and I can do a really long skid, will this see me right? If I break in the process can I return myself to my parents for a refund?

 I can do a really long skid, will this see me right? If I break in the process can I return myself to my parents for a refund?

Probably, though I’m not sure you’d want to as they may have to investigate the source of your crack and i think that’s a job for a qualified professional.

“The joke’s on you then northwind”

Ooh, got me right where it URTs

@chipps thanks for the racing report. I’m also hoping to make it onto the results – I don’t see why people pay to enter these events if they aren’t serious about resulting on them.

I wouldn’t risk it, after checking the current EWS team rankings and finding out my bike isn’t in the top 10, I don’t feel confident about riding it along a canal towpath for fear of a catastrophic failure.

Catastrophic bottom-out will occur only if your speedsuit’s a bit too snug, surely?

There are no loam-certified UK steeds, so you’re on your own there.  Sorry.

Can confirm that both my rad-sled and I passed the rigorous test of Enjoyro without any cataclysmic structural dissembly. It was all rather pleasant in fact: a middle aged man called me ‘dude’ and I had some lemon drizzle cake halfway round so I reckon I’m ready to turn pro-enjoyroist already.