Daft things you say to yourself on the trail…

Turn ya c**t

My mate gave me this one, from skiing lessons – say the word "Elephant" out loud and emphatically throughout each corner. The pleasantly heavy word subconsciously loads you into the ground as you execute the turn and the length of the word makes you hold your technique all the way through the turn. Sounds silly, works a treat.

I also sometimes shout a gutteral "HUHD" at crux moments – stands for Head Up Heels Down and will get you through some otherwise horrendous sticky moments (well, it will if you actually do crank your head back and shove your heels down, not just say it!)

I'm supa-stoked for this small rollin (dude)

OMG – you shouldn't need to recite lines to get through a bloody corner.. you really just need to ride more!

The magpie thing, cheery greetings to any cows/sheep/pigs/birds etc. encountered, but mostly an exasperated "Oh, come on for ****'s sake!!!" at myself when I bottle it yet again.

I didn't say I needed to recite it! I think 30 years riding in the Surrey Hills is quite a bit.

You should try it if you are helping a beginner or intermediate with cornering – it really does work.

I appear to say 'come on you bitch' and 'oh cock' quite alot, along with 'Weeeeeeeeeeeeee!'

grand old duke of York or humpty dumpty seem to somehow in-bed themselves in my mind on long spinney climbs.
Its nearly always nursery rhymes ???

😳

Ah God – the songs in your head, as distinct from the things you literally say out loud. Very useful for holding your rhythm, but boy can they be annoying! I try and get something I like, but invariably the kids have had some blimin' irritating pop tune on in the house and it just can't be shifted.

oh S##t !, this is gonna hurt !

"Talk to me Goose"

"F-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-ouch."

I have found myself chanting "Roots are my friends, roots are my friends" when trying to ride over wet roots.

"Don't look down. Don't look down."

when going over rock obstacles…"C'Mon Davy, you can do it,you can do it, come on you F*****g useless ass***e you can do this….."BANG, CRASH WALLOP"..OK.. so you can't do it but at least you tried. 😕

"I f***in hate bikes" or something along those lines normally said when it's good.

There's a local roadie who possibly has never ever made use of his inner ring and who i heard screaming to himself on a sunday 'dig in you c9nt!'. i've appropriated it for cake eating, rather than hill climb situations.

Climbing/spinning mantra, when alone:
"My name is Yon Yonson, I come from Wisconsin. I work in a lumber mill there. The people I meet when I walk down the street say 'Hey man, what's your name? and I say: My name is Yon Yonson, I come from Wisconsin…" etc etc.

When in company:
If I see a cow in a field, on it's own: "That cow looks clever".

If I see any Friesans: "Those cows look cold" .

If you do this EVERY TIME the opportunity arises, it really, really annoys your riding partner 😀

And of course, the immortal classic: "Come on you fat b*****d!"

always plenty of 'Whoohoos"( a la tigger from winnie the pooh) on the downs but more of a "pech" than anything else on the ups.

"Bwaaaarp"

+1 LOL!

used either when I've negotiated a fun bit, or when the back wheel spins out or to take my mind off things when negotiating a tricky bit. However – this only applies to uphill stuff…

Downhill scary stuff is either 'squeal – plod – plod – plod' as i stop and walk…. or 'aaaaaargh….. ooo …… i lived !'

"C'mon, you can do it…"

Which is daft really coz I'm rubbish & I can't! 🙁