Daft things you say to yourself on the trail…

"Crossing it like a rubicon" when negotiating a tricky stream crossing.

morning mr magpie, followed by 3 small spits……if i see a magpie.
it's a romany thing..

on friday i was saying dont go over that 3ft drop in the dark you cant even do it in the day… so i did it and smashed myself up on the rocks at the bottom should have lisend to my thoughts… 🙄

get off the brakes…i'm sure it wont hurt
or
what would Mr.T say

go faaaaaaster

"Come on Simon, you can do it…"

usually singing along to radiohead atm. loudly. not a pretty sound (me, that is, not thom)

I hear Jojos voice in my head saying " speed is your friend" every time I try to ride rocks

EJECT EJECT EJECT!!

Most of my conversations (when I'm riding on my own) tend to be with the sheep, cows, birds, rabbits – anyone who'll listen really.

They never say much back, but I did have a sheep smile at me once. I think.

"look where you want to go"

Not mountain biking but – Usualy about 20 miles into a marathon i promise myself that i'll never do it again. Or getting lost on a solo night run i say the same.

"Pain is temporary. Quitting is forever"

Usually just before I quit.

"Oh ****"..

When I realise Im going too fast & Ive run out of brakes..

Same as Repack, although normally followed by "Ow…..OW..ow…..OWOWOW…Ow!!

"Bwaaaarp"

Told a horse I was a highly evolved human, essentially a centaur last Saturday, it's rider seemed either amused or bemused. Not sure which.
Then talked to myself about the level of evolution that involves wheels. Was going uphill at the time.
Downhill is usually a combination of whooooaaahh and c'mon!

I do that thing where a tune I've recently heard starts to fit into my breathing pattern up a long grind. On Saturday up past the Dubbs to Garburn it was Cheryl Cole pop song. Arghhhh.

It usually turns into 180bpm as the sound of my heart fills my ears.

"Yeah, I can manage that extra loop."

Singing out load along to mp3 hippy bollocks whilst on road sections. Less so in the rain.

morning mr magpie, followed by 3 small spits……if i see a magpie.

"How's you wife?" To solitary magpies.

"You can't crack me, I'm a rubber duck" over and over again on nastly long draggy climbs

I have imaginary conversations with my friends when I am out alone. Sometimes out loud.

Ton – I do that too.. more along the lines of "morning Mr Magpie, how's yer wife and children?" and tip my hat/salute – Sad that I have longer far more civilized conversations with mr magpie than with my ex when we she drops off our daughter each morning. 😳

Yep the magpie thing for me too.

Also have wee motivational mantras for particularly gruelling climbs – usually involving sh!tty songs i may have heard that day. Once they're in there it's very difficult to get rid of them.

Downhill it's different – at the moment when I go into corners, I keep telling myself to get my weight forward a bit.

Molgrips,I have conversations with my imaginary friends.
Ian

I'm less formal with the magpies. "Hello Maggie!" is fine for both parties – i don't feel the need to salute them, having done my bit for magpie-kind, i like to think i've been accepted as one of them.

Each time when I get to the end of "haute tension" by the red arrow, is
(I kid though not and don't ask me why i think that) I wonder how ton would like riding that…

😯

Come on fat boy, put some effort in

On the commute more than the trails when I perceive I'm going too slowly

When going down hill I sing out aloud or in my head the A team theme song, and shout "don't touch the brakes" over and over.
Going up hill I just wonder off into a dream world and think about weird stuff that I can't talk about on a public forum…..

"Look where you want to go not where you are going" [crash]

Balls out knees in RA RA RAA!!!

On magpies, it's:
"one for sorrow, two for joy, three for a girl, four for a boy, five for silver, six for gold, seven for a story never to be told." for me.

on off camber descents it's: "look where you want to go, not at where you dont want to go" over and over again

On climbs it's: either singing an elbow track or counting crank revolutions. Same with walking upstairs, I cant help but count steps 🙁

On magpies, it's:
"one for sorrow, two for joy, three for a girl, four for a boy, five for silver, six for gold, seven for a story never to be told." for me.

That's the rhyme but not my understanding of what you're suppose to do/say when seeing a single magpie…for me seeing a single magpie is a salute, touch something red and say "Good morrow Mr magpie"

Blimey, it's all rather silly and embarrassing 😳

What I said last night was "Ouch" followed by a long string of expletives. Just as well there wasn't anyone around to hear.

For me its a nod and "Mornin' Major" to the magpies. I tend to find myself singing Kate Bush (or The Andrews Sisters 😳 ) when I am out on my own.

"Sh1t! A tree!

Stop comfort braking!

comfort braking – now thats a punny post!

On fast technical downhills stuff I usually have the Mission Impossible theme tune in my head.

diddle-oooo, diddle-ooo, diddle-ooo, da-da,dada, da-da, dada, da-da, dada, da-da, dada 😀

"GO BIG OR GO HOME!!!!!!!!!!"

dont brake, dont brake, dont brake….

dont look at the tree, dont look at the tree, dont look at the tree….

shit! i looked at the tree….

*smack*

arrrgh.