A couple of colleagues and I just finished our Friday Lunch at the local “gastro” pub (it’s more than gastro, but you get the drift ..)

Anyway, we’re mildly entertained by a conversation going on on the table but one to our right..

It went something like this:

Manger is chatting to a prospective wedding reception couple, who are explaining the dietary requirements of the guests.. all going well eh.. ah, they have a vegan and a celiac in the party and the Groom pops up with ” these two are right pains in the ass, can’t take them anywhere and they’re so bloody fussy.. to be honest feed them what you like, the vegans my ex wife and she can go to hell for all i care”

And me and my colleagues look in blank amazement…

So the Bride chirps in “well I don’t know why she’s coming anyway, she’s nothing but trouble and you’re kids are they coming too?” and he replies “yeah, why not?” And then.. a small but perfectly formed verbal volcano erupts containing lots of profanities, lots of accusations and recriminations, plenty of “and another thing..” and the scoring tirade goes to the Groom.. it wasn’t his final comment but one that made us, and a small group in the corner gulp loudly..

“look, it wasn’t me that slept with four of your colleagues at Xmas for £200 all in one go was it!”

The small group erupted, and started to take bets on whether the impending wedding will either take place or last longer than one week… my colleagues burst out laughing, I sat in amazement, the Manager sat agog and dumbstruck.. the Bartender spilt a pint he was pouring..

Then the conversation continues whilst we’re all wide eyed.. “the honeymoon is in Greece and we’re taking the Brides 3 kids, I’m not taking my brats because I can’t be bothered getting them a passport.. ” and the Bride chimes in almost on the hour with “who said your kids could come to the wedding? I don’t want your snotty teenagers hitting on my daughters”

The conversation, more of a tirade, continued for 20 very long minutes and the manager hadn’t got past the dietary requirements his establishment would be able to offer.. he sat there with a small pad and his pen hardly touched the paper.

The “couple” left amidst finger wagging and nodding heads, the manager came around with free bottles of decent Red Wine for us and the small gathering in the corner.. and silence and muted giggles ensued…

What a candid conversation to have in public eh..

I sense a forthcoming email. Sorry we’re booked that day…

Ardent Leavers I reckon. 😉

I usually nick stuff of twitter to put on here.

On this occasion however…

Snowflakes. I hope they didn’t put all those errant apostrophes in when they spoke.

<span style=”color: #444444;”><span style=”font-size: 12px; background-color: #eeeeee;”> (it’s more than gastro, but you get the drift ..)</span></span>

Not really. Tell us more about this fancy pub.

Candid camera if you ask me …😁

See you on tv in the not too distant methinks ..

Please, tell us that someone in your party surreptitiously recorded the whole thing on their phone…

Up until the reference to GBP, I thought you might have been in Canada.

Eh..

So did you find out where she works?

“<span style=”background-color: #eeeeee; color: #444444; font-size: 12px;”>Ardent Leavers”</span>

More Beaver or perhaps Mud Wrestler I’d have thought.

More than gastro?

Oooh, how posh.

… unless it was ‘enteritis

£200? Cheapskate.

Chip in £50 each

Sounds like Louise

Yeah, “more than a gastro” means it’s more than a “gastro”. Sort of a posh Eatery that sells Beer..

Anyway thats kinda why we/I didn’t expect the conversation.. Well TBH, I’ve never heard a conversation like that anywhere I’ve been before. And, well I suspect, I’ll never hear such a candid conversation in public again..

If it was filmed, I’m the gonk on the left near the window two tables down from the woodstack.

They make a mighty fine Fish Finger Sandwich and crunchy Chips…

I go in there maybe once a month, it’s a bit of a walk from the office but today my German colleagues came up with the idea so off we trotted… I wonder what they’ll tell their wives tonight when they land.

My wife pissed herself laughing..

Do I know the couple? No, Canary Wharf is full of people (and getting less as the days go by) but chances of bumping into them are very remote (I hope)

“Asch, du würdest mich nicht glauben was heut Abend passiert ist…. Ein Typ, der schon mal Kinder hat, wollt mit einer typischpe, hässliche Engländerin heiraten, aber wie ging voll ab weil sie dachte dass ihre Tochter von seine Kinder angemacht würde. Aber hey, die waren beide so scheiße. Und Bikebouy, er ist so ein Arschloch. Echt ein Speiser. Er läuft Rum mit’m Stock im Arsch. So ein Wischer…..”

Probably what they thought… Just guessing, mind.