I’m looking pretty buff now after a fair few visits to the gym however I am bloated still- any tips on how to get my stomach down? (its trapped gas). I have a balanced diet.

Fart

Chew Cardamom seeds.

Balanced diet my arse. Been out with Binners again, haven’t you?

Chew Cardamom seeds – serious?

Sounds like sir needs to poop.

Sit on a train next to a really nice girl. That will ensure a long fart will be eager to come out

Have you tried Actimel? Available from chiller cabinet by the yoghurts. Try drinking one in the morning and one in the evening. Once it starts to get better, cut back to one a day.

Ooh slow digetsive transit. If it’s good enough for Nell it’s good enough for me. 🙂

Hora full of hot air shocker!

I wont say how I know its trapped air/wind build up but rest assured I know 😉

Chew Cardamom seeds – serious?

Yes. A tip my mum gave me, when I was doubled up in pain, once. Within a few minutes, things were much better.

Don’t bother with all that Actimel crap. Spensive stuff, that you can find much cheaper options for. Live yoghurt with spicy food, is a good one. Mint is good, as are a number of other quite nice, not too spensive things. Get your missus to massage your belly, in a clock-wise motion; this will help to allieviate the pressure.

You will end up farting, though.

Sounds like you’ve got wind trapped behind some pretty dense matter. Bit more roughage in the diet might help. Soften things up a bit. Eat more fruit. And then, adjustments to the diet, to reduce gas production. Maybe less beans, or sprouts.

Or, just cut down on the beer and vino…

And Hora; it’s not all ‘trapped gas’, you know. Is it? Be honest, now.

try not re-living every little life-crisis on an internet forum.
you may find a lot of symptoms go away.

Check yourself out for Coeliac disease(get Dr to do a bloodtest)…pretty common 1 in 100 people have it often undiagnosed…can be nasty long term if not spotted

Ah, come on. This place woon’t be the same without Hora’s near-daily fretting about something trivial!

It’s that incredible libido of yours, Hora. Producing too much Imbecilic Acid…

Stop swallowing air.

Stop swallowing air.

that’s hard for a mouthbreather

Hot drink and hot water bottle on stomach = big farts and/or burps = pain gone.

This all sounds a lot more sensible than the time my mates thought that punching my stomach would sort things out.

I find a few sun salutations gets ride of any trapped gas…

I find a few sun salutations gets ride of any trapped gas…

???

your £million challenge should sort things out nicely Hora.

If the guy sat opposite me in the office is anything to go by dried apricots may help get things moving.

TBH I’ll try anything now, Actimel, dried Apricots, Cardomon seeds etc. Im starting to get into shape. Just my gut looks odd.

I’ve heard that gelding can dramatically reduce trapped wind, Hora. I can help you, there.

No, think nothing of it. Just happy to help a person in distress.

(Sharpen, sharpen…)

“my gut looks odd”

you sure you’re not just made that shape?

if you had trapped wind that was making you noticeably puff out you’d be in significant pain.

unless you’re using an endoscope to check inside?

It’s all the £1m pumping he’s been doing