I started a new job back in September as part of a move from England to Scotland, having left a job I loved. The short version is, I don’t feel happy at it but can’t exactly pinpoint why. I’ve been offered an alternative job by another company that to me looks like a better job but the pay is a £5k cut even after some negotiation (including the loss of my car allowance, but they will let me use a van for work so my mileage will drop).

The long version is, the company I joined was taking over another company who I was to work for. This fell apart just after Christmas, so we’re starting a new company led by my employer but with me as the only person really working for them. Between my employer and the new company there are four of us. My boss rubs me up the wrong way- he’s very reactive and prone to getting angry and pointing fingers without really thinking about it, and as I’m the only one here I get the brunt of it. Also, the work we’re getting in is dull, and as my boss doesn’t know a great deal about what I do I think if we get more complicated jobs in where there’s gaps in my knowledge we’ll get stuck. In addition he’s asked me on some of my reports to overlook some failings by clients in work we verify and I am not comfortable with that.

It came to a head a couple of weeks ago – I think I was beginning to get depressed. I could barely leave home without cracking up and generally couldn’t face being at work.

A ray of light came from a company I interviewed with back in September. At the time they wanted me to work for them but didn’t have an appropriate role. Since then the right position has come up and they are offering me a job. They can’t offer as much money- if I’m honest, I think my current wage is quite a bit above the industry standard. I’ve negotiated the salary (and, more importantly, the holiday amount) up but it still leaves me £5k worse off. It looks like a better place to work, and the boss is extremely knowledgable so I think I’d learn more from it even if it doesn’t work out.

Since I was offered it I’ve felt better, and almost feel like I’m enjoying my current job a little more, although I can’t tell if that’s because I’ve got a light at the end of the tunnel. I still feel generally in turmoil – my brain seems to have decided that change is risky and it might be out of the frying pan and into the fire. I’ve also got an extremely awkward conversation with my current boss about leaving – if I leave, they’ve got no one to do the job their new company was set up to do.

To add even more complication to that, we’ve just taken out a mortgage and our move in date is about a week before the start date. Doing the sums on it, I’d be about £180 a month worse off but I can still live comfortably, save a decent amount and pay the mortgage. I’d just have to sell my nice car instead of the boring car we were going to sell (we’re going from two cars to one) and keep the boring car for 5 or 6 more years, rather than the 3 we planned to keep the nicer car for before replacing it when we have a kid.

Really, I’m in need of some support to bolster my initial thought that going to a better sounding job for less money is a good idea. My brain’s decided to make things complicated and go into turmoil about it. But I’d appreciate opinions either way. My wife and parents all think it’s a reasonable idea but somehow that’s not enough validation for my head. I’m losing sleep over it now and am a bit sick of it.

Thanks all!

My immediate reaction – move on to the new job.

I’d take the new job

Take the job if you can afford it, not much of dilemma

Is £5k/yr worth a stress induced heart attack?

Better job without a doubt. I know too many people plodding along doing jobs they hate, just to keep a the same “standard” of living.
Went through a similar dilemma 15 years ago, but the pay difference was magnitudes not percentages. Never looked back. Much happier now.

Thanks everyone.

Do I need to tell my mortgage provider? The new job starts after we’ve moved in, and as far as I can tell we’d still meet the affordability criteria.

Also, any tips for dealing with the conversation when I hand in my notice and my boss’s new company falls to bits? I can imagine he’ll fly off the handle (he and his wife have invested in graphic design, a new bank account, are arranging a loan for equipment, have some clients but no real expertise in how to do the work!).

Isn’t it horrible how someone who’s all blame and shoutiness can ruin the working relationships of others.

Do I need to tell my mortgage provider?

Nope – just keep paying and they won’t give a monkeys. Would only be an issue at re-mortgage time.

I changed jobs 4 times in the last year.
Its been very stressful, but currently making twice what I was a year ago.
Still not much, but I know that very soon either I shall leave, because its too much for me, or I will get laid off (for the same reason)
So Im urgently looking for a bit less money if need be, but better conditions/future
I see it as – I had to try it- if its not working out I need to change again. You never know until you tried it, but try to let the boss see your point of view, he may come round.

Can you talk to your current boss about it? May not listen from what you’ve said but has to be worth a try. If not then yes make the move…

Imagine it the other way round, if you were in the lower paid job but quite happy and your current job came up for £5k more but a shed load of stress/risk would you jump for that? I think it will be obvious what you should do.

There’s not much more dispiriting and depressing than working for an aggressive, shouty boss who blames everyone else, but has so little intropsection they realise they are often the cause of the problems they blame others for.

Hopefully the new opportunity, whilst being lower paid in the short-term, will be less stressful, enable you to learn and develop more, and probably increase your remuneration in the next few years. On the other hand the ‘new company’ your current boss is setting up sounds like it may not be viable if it is reliant on one person (you) and there are skills / experience gaps in the wider team.

Wouldn’t worry about your boss. Doesn’t sound like the job you agreed to exists any more, so no need to feel guilty about moving on.

It came to a head a couple of weeks ago – I think I was beginning to get depressed. I could barely leave home without cracking up and generally couldn’t face being at work

Sorry to be blunt, but how do you think you (and your family) are going to cope with that continuing? You’ve got an escape route use it

Life’s too short to be unhappy.
You can pay the bills.
Move on.
Ride more (using the work van, natch).

Do it

Took a similar cut too. You’ll get used to it.

Once I quit I started to enjoying my job again but that was due to the fact I didn’t give a shit as I knew I was going

Definitely do it.
Dgas about your current boss, i bet if he could replace you with someone who was willing to work for 5k less, he would, so **** him.
No **** way would i put up with the stress if I could afford to leave.
I’ve done it before, I haven’t regretted it one bit.
Happiness can’t be bought imo.

I’m back working for my old boss who I worked with for 9 years. Moved for more money, what I thought were better prospects etc.

I took substantial pay cut to go back but now wouldn’t move for double the money. Work is actually enjoyable, no pressure, little stress and a boss who actually gives a shit about his staff. Can’t put a price on that…

Happier job for (slightly) less money, EVERY SINGLE TIME!

^ this

Just doing pretty much exactly that. Taken a job at a pay band lower. 5k cut and will be top of scale so no immediate prospect of further pay progression. However I enjoyed working at the grade much more than current role so doing it for a (hopefully) better work life balance. New job is closer to home, more variety, no line management below and wont have direct management on a day to day from above.

I hope it’s the right choice. Had the same worries that I could be going from the frying pan into the fire but with less money. However my gut feeling was that the new job would work out and so had to take that chance. As above, if you can pay the bills, is it worth the stress?

My misses just took a 10k pay cut (45k to 35k) and no prospect of earning more.. Your sanity is worth more than money.

Good luck in yer new job Luke… 🤘

Took a 5k a year drop in wages 4.5 years ago, got me off shift work and also into a more interesting line of work (from aviation to pharma)

Best career move I made, jobs a good un, and you would not get me back on shifts for any amount of money.

Take the new job

I’ve still to find the new job but it’s on now thanks to a poisonous troll and his sicofantic laccy.

Trying to stab me. In the back at every opportunity. I learned an important lesson early on in my career and that’s never show all your cards at the start.

So my nose is clean – I’ve pushed back on the backstabbing with extra but irrelevant information. Not s nice place to be.

Fortunately I’ve been given a get out ….. My positions been are redundant (1 of 1) and they then rehired 2 and 3 new hires and gave them all my old job title and job description – I didn’t get selected. What I’ve been offered is a backwards 3 moves into Europe and west africa field roll.

I suspect I’ll be taking the statutory and leaving. Not worth it.

About 10 years ago I was in a job that stressed me out, robbed me of my time and was a factor in my personal life going to shit. In other words a. bad. place.

This was around the time of the fabled credit crunch and work dried up, notice of potential 4 day week or redundancies (which in effect only meant 20% pay reduction). I had an out to a job with less money (and a ‘discretionary’ 20% market forces that disappeared after a year) but flexi time and capped hours (and occasional paid overtime!).

It was a godsend really. I de stressed and put my life back together. When the market forces uplift disappeared I made the necessary adjustments (a lot of my spend was non-essential, it’s surprising how much crap you buy because you can…). Ultimately it allowed me to get on an even keel and be available when my folks health declined (money can’t buy that time back) and got to do what I could which helped when they finally passed.

Is the £5k difference gross or net? If it’s gross knock at least 40% off as it goes on tax and NI.

TL;DR: do it, life’s too short.

Take the new job if you can afford it. I would but can’t afford a drop at the mo.
The 5k could be recouped with cutbacks on luxury essentials like shower gel.
Ha.
Good luck.

New job. No amount of money or material possessions are worth sacrificing your mental health for.

New job, happier head, I’d swap.

new job.  I’ve seen endless people collapse and be signed off for months lately through work related stress.  Most of them never seem to quite get back to their previous selves.  Always move before you crack

Yup we have had 2 stress related TIA’s In a month at ours.

Some good advice there OP and I agree with them.
Good luck.

Pretty unanimous verdict already I think!

Life’s too short, and you spend half of it at work, so why stick with a job you don’t like?

Absolutely, the new job, just make sure you’re happy it really is better. If you can afford the £5k less without struggling, happiness is worth so much more!

After taking redundancy from a previous middle management role, with lots of deadlines and teams to run, I had a good break. I then started a non-management job earning roughly 40% less, and I’m so much happier. Stress is so bad for you. I now feel in charge of myself again, plan my own diary with no interference, don’t spend all my time in endless circles of meetings, and get to work the hours I want when I want to. The only thing I miss is some of the people, as I’m working more on my own now, but I’m loving it overall.

You work in oil and gas iirc Luke? So that 5k pay drop is unlikely to be putting you on the breadline.

Your post suggests you’ve already decided really and you’re just thinking out loud and stressed about how to handle it.

Personally I’d just be honest and list the problems you’ve set out, expressing your discomfort at compromising your professional ethics. This will trump any accusations of selfishness directed at you.

Fwiw my earnings have fluctuated hugely over the last 10 years or so, I’m on £15k less than I was in my last full time role and still comfortable.

About £90k less than in the best year my business had! Luckily I never let myself view the big bucks with any sense of entitlement and kept my outgoings modest.

Doing the best job I’ve ever had now and wouldn’t go back to the stuff I used to do for £10k extra, fwiw.

Better money and a nice car? Who would give up that???

Just jesting – you’re still a lad and plenty of time to get into a role that’s stressing you out. Jump now before you are worn down and it’s too much, before you start a family and a spending habit to match.