My girlfriend was telling me last night that aeroplane seats are fart absorbing. Personally I think she is having a laugh. Anyone know better?

Your GF farts on planes?

Suppose a bit of charcoal in the base might do it.

Everyone farts on planes 🙂

Farts don’t seem to smell on a plane!

Farts don’t seem to smell on a plane!

Farts don’t seem to smell on a plane!

I was on a flight to Marsielle the other and someone let a few rippers go.

your sense of taste (and therefore smell) is reduced in an airplane. Thats why you dont smell farts at 30,000ft and they have to dump tons of salt in the airline food to give it any flavour.

So if I covered my seat in salt and then dropped a few rippers, it’d do the job?

*contemplates best way of smuggling salt onto a plane*

While we’re discussing farts, is it possible to fart while pedelling?

I find the pedaling helps the release of the gas.

Charcoal absorbs odours. I’d suggest you’d be better off sticking a pencil up your @rse.

it is humanly impossible to fart whilst pedalling. You have to hoist yourself up mid stroke and pump it out. Its a fact.

My girlfriend was telling me last night that aeroplane seats are fart absorbing. Personally I think she is having a laugh. Anyone know better?

As the methane content of a fart is lighter than air, the captured gas contributes to keeping the plane airborne, and thus saves fuel. Possibly.

it is humanly impossible to fart whilst pedalling. You have to hoist yourself up mid stroke and pump it out. Its a fact.

If memory serves, Samuri posted something ages ago about the mechanics of farting while riding fixed.

it is humanly impossible to fart whilst pedalling. You have to hoist yourself up mid stroke and pump it out. Its a fact.

That’s what I thought.

but what if you follow through?
both on the plane or while pedalling

it is humanly impossible to fart whilst pedalling. You have to hoist yourself up mid stroke and pump it out. Its a fact.

I’m off night riding tonight so I’ll have a go at craking one off.

I’m off night riding tonight so I’ll have a go at craking one off.

😯

I suppose at least it’ll be dark…

Take a lighter.

iain1775 – Member

but what if you follow through?
both on the plane or while pedalling
What tyres for riding through follow through?

Your sense of smell is suppressed in the reduced cabin air-pressure (is why plane food tastes vile), and the cabin air-conditioning clears it very fast. Good job too;: sitting next to a pretty girl on a plane is a double-edged sword. After all, she may fart like a cowboy and how embarrassing would that be!?

your sense of taste (and therefore smell) is reduced in an airplane. Thats why you dont smell farts at 30,000ft and they have to dump tons of salt in the airline food to give it any flavour.

and how they can show you some really awful films.

Having flown KLM long haul far too often the stench of a really bad fart could only improve the experience.

Note to KLM. If you have to wake me up to offer me an ice lolly there is a chance that I don’t want one.

Additional note to KLM. If I want a badly made up lady to be exceptionally rude to me I’ll find one in an alley behind the hotel.

As for farting in a plane on a bike on a conveyor belt….

Research has shown that over the lifespan of a 747 if will gain about 5Kg in mass from fecal matter embedded in seats due to the 10% solids in a fart.

IanMunro – my Heinz winter veg soup shifted uneasily in my tum when I read your factoid. Eugh.

PIA 747s will gain considerably more – believe me.

10% solids in a fart

😯

I was told that if a fart smells of eggs that is the gas you’re smelling but ones that smell of poo are full of particulate matter so you are basically breathing in someone elses dump.

I wish I hadn’t been told that.

As a seasoned traveller and sometime pumper I can report my findings as thus:
i) Once the cabin becomes pressurised, the increased differential against the gasses in your guts will help to force these babies out.
.
ii) The food may taste bland, the champagne may lose it’s boquet, but the large Arab gentleman sat next to me on a recent flight to bahrain was still ripping them out at 8.6 on the shechter scale with a pungence that would bring a tear to a glass eye.

only the truly commendable farts reach the nostrils. My theory is that due to the pressurised cabins and the difference between weight of fart air and breathing air, that fart hangs about as a low hanging cloud. When the plane lands and the air normalises & when you bend down to put your shoes back on, you end up going through the low hanging fart cloud.

It’s also worth noting that even though your farts are not smelly, that by wearing your ipod, doesn’t mean that no one else can hear them.

Research has shown that over the lifespan of a 747 if will gain about 5Kg in mass from fecal matter embedded in seats due to the 10% solids in a fart.

If 10% of farts were faecal solids then a 747 would gain way way more than 5kg I am sure.

IanMunro – Member
Research has shown that over the lifespan of a 747 if will gain about 5Kg in mass from fecal matter embedded in seats due to the 10% solids in a fart.

Made up statistic of the week 😀

it is humanly impossible to fart whilst pedalling. You have to hoist yourself up mid stroke and pump it out. Its a fact.

Not impossible – merely truly, appallingly difficult. I can occasionally do them whilst commuting on the fixie, but it takes an awful lot of concentration – not something I’d want to attempt in traffic. Far more comfortable to let them brew, then drop my guts just as the lights go from red to amber thus leaving the other bikers coughing their lungs up and most of the cars stalled, whilst I make a quick escape.

Standing up to rearrange your tackle or just let the blood flow back into your knob is extremely difficult on a fixie too.

As for farting whilst riding – that’s what the hole in saddles is for.

As the methane content of a fart is lighter than air, the captured gas contributes to keeping the plane airborne, and thus saves fuel. Possibly

hmm so if enough people load up on brocolli and beans, the combined gaseous effect might turn a 747 into a hot air glider, unable to descend unless someone opens the windows?

Brilliant!

Standing up to rearrange your tackle or just let the blood flow back into your knob is extremely difficult on a fixie too.

This is the reason most fixie riders are eunuchs.

Paradoxically all fixie riders are themselves, c0cks 🙂

lets get back to the matter in hand. How much fart would it take to safely land a 747 with failed engines?

lets get back to the matter in hand. How much fart would it take to safely land a 747 with failed engines?

given that once the engines fail, everyone on board shits themselves and as we now know that

As the methane content of a fart is lighter than air, the captured gas contributes to keeping the plane airborne

It follows that it ought to be physically impossible for a 747 with failed engines ever to crash

best keep that statistic to ourselves, if word gets out people won’t be scared of crashing anymore and that has the inverse effect that the planes with failed engines could crash again

My head hurts now, maybe its methane poisoning

Lee Evans – Farting on planes

NSFW – contains some strong language